Episode 10 :Uncertain Feelings
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Today is my last day at China. The initial plan was to complete my schedule until next week but it was cut off in half because President Zhong, who I called Chenle now, was kind enough to dismiss our attendance for the project and that he promised to handle this alone with our assist back in Korea.
To much of my assistant, Park Jisung's dismay , we were now at the airport greeting Chenle.
"Thank You everything for our stay in China! You were very kind. Please contact us anytime if you come visit to Korea for any matters"
Jaemin flashed a smile to the younger CEO, who was a smart and openminded kind of younger brother to him.
"No worries, Jaemin hyung! Please drop the honorific terms already. I will come visit Korea for sure so I can be more fluent in the language than this! I hope ...um... Jisung would teach me"
Jisung, whose head hung low the whole time from not wanting to leave the country , shot his head up from the mention of his name. He coughed nervously and then nodded quickly, making Chenle blushed from the cuteness.
"Alright! It's time for the departure. Until next time, Chenle". Jaemin initiated the last bit of greetings. Jisung followed up with heavy steps behind him while his head turned over to the young CEO who was still waving at him with a soft girn.
Jaemin and Jisung sat side to side on the business class row.
"So, now that President Zhong is handling for the western trade connection, we will have to make sure about the stocks in the eastern." Jisung remarked as he opened his files to report the current graphics.
"Right. We will need to contact the NA Enterprise in China again, if we need to". Jaemin let out a sigh, creating a possible future plan in his head.
Jisung closed his files and turned his body to the older, whose head tiredly leaned on the provided soft pillow attached on the seat.
"J-jaemin hyung"
Jaemin's eyes wide opened after hearing the younger's change in his tone and discarded the honorific language. Jaemin eased the young boy with a warm smile. " you finally drop them, those CEO Na terms" .
Jaemin chuckled softly. He used to force his assistant to call him just by his name but that didn't go well as he imagined. He was happy to be called this way than the terms they would use in a composed business system.
"I want to ask you something because I'm concern about you and Jeno ssi"
Jaemin's smiles faded out unintentionally after hearing Jeno's name. He already assumed what the question would be, according to the tone Jisung was using.
"You didn't meet up with your parents because of Jeno ,right?"
Jaemin stared at him and nodded gently. He hung his head low to hide his forming tears.
Jisung could do nothing better but to wrap the older's shoulders with his arms. He lightly patted over the shoulder and shoved his other hand under Jaemin's arms to comfort him.
Of couse, Jisung knew how much love and affections Jaemin admired. Jaemin loved his parents more than anyone could imagined. When his parents moved from Korea, just because of his marriage, Jaemin cried his eyeballs out only to be rudely confronted by young aggressive Jeno, who found out about his deal with his aunt.
Jaemin chose Jeno over his own parents when his father gave him an option : "Na Jaemin, if you are going to marry this Lee Jeno kid, I am going to move away from where you are with your mother. You can choose, us or that kid."
Jaemin did not hesitate to accept any consequences if he would be able to take care of Jeno, whom he deeply fell in love with. He knelt down and begged his father to take his options back and if he did not, he would still choose to be with Jeno, no matter what.
Some called it stupid. Some called it love but Jaemin simply admitted that he wanted to be someone whom Jeno found as warm and safe.
"Hyung, you don't have to keep those words in your mind. Jeno will love you back, you know? You have the purest heart I've ever seen. There's no way that Jeno won't fall for you"
Jaemin smiled to the younger's comforting words. He knew it was not true but he didn't want the boy to be worried.
" don't worry Jisung-ah! I can stand this. I might have to consider about.....our ..you know.... divorce"
"What? Hyung!! No! You are not okay at all-! What happened? Did Jeno ask for this?"
Jaemin shook his head. "He didn't but... the only reason why I want him to be with me is because I want to give him warmth, safety and love. He never asked for one, from me or from anyone. I can't bare to see him struggling but i can't see him hurt and felt uncomfortable even more"
Jisung sighed. He knew that Jaemin had a big heart and that he was always kind to anyone. He felt unfair that this world was treating the absolute living angel this way. Jaemin deserved better than this.
"Anyway... what's up with you and Chenle?"
Obviously the attention was turned to Jisung , whose eyes widened to the sudden question.
"Oh! He- he is a smart guy!"
"Come on! You know that's not what I mean at all"
Jaemin teased his young assistant all the way home with a heavy heart. He might have to confront his parents again, even if he did not want to, but for business.
And Jeno. How's he doing? What did he eat for breakfast?lunch?dinner? Did he wake up in time for school? Any injuries he add on himself from the fights? Is he tired from the school? Did he need anything? Is he going along with his friends? Did he come back home after school? Will he get himself in trouble at the bar? With women? Is he sick? He used to get sick in this type of weather so how's he doing? These questions always occupied Jaemin's head , but he did a great job in keeping them to himself. He did not even check up with Bongshik like he would do usually. He was distancing himself from the boy he loved the most on the planet.
Jeno-ah! I can't explain how I miss you and want to discard all of my pain and loneliness , getting embrace in your arms. I am tired and exhausted right now but I still want to live along with my last bit of hopes I have for you.
The CEO boy drifted to sleep, inviting his heavy heart into a calm wavering with constant breathing. Let him breathe in and out peacefully for a while as for he had to be prepared for upcoming Jeno's cold ignorances and heart-aching words ,willing for his heart to be completely torn apart.
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"Wow! He actually is Na Jaemin", Mark yelled out loud (as usual) and Haechan had to stop himself from smacking his boyfriend from the back of his skull just to make him shut up.
"Mark Lee, honey, cutie pie, bottom babby~ shut the fuck up! I can handle you being loud last night on bed but this is so not okay". If these sarcastic words did not exit out of Haechan's throat, Jeno had no knowledge of another person existing on the same planet as petty as his friend.
"You don't have to say that in public", Mark glared at the tanned boy. "So, Jeno! It's really your... Na Jaemin right?" . The Canadian darted his attention centered to Jeno.
"Apparently, looks like him, talks like him and acts like him. So yea". Jeno rolled his eyes and lay his back on the wooden log, that was creatively curved into a long bench.
"The youngest CEOs of South Korea and Republic of China were to collaborate for the various foreign disadvantaged community servicing programs. Undergraduates and graduates to sign up ". Haechan read out the article that was popping out of his boyfriend's brightened screen.
"So he's still in China?". Mark asked. Jeno unconsciously exhaled a grasp of air, resulting in a loud sigh. "He is. And I don't know when he will come back"
"Wait...don't tell me you are waiting for him". Haechan surprisingly commented, sensing a combination of "expectations" and "disappointment" in Jeno's tone.
Jeno quickly looked at Haechan, who gulped due to his friend's deep fierce stares. He moved over closer to Mark's shoulder and naturally grabbed the older's school fabric.
"....yes, I am waiting for him" . Jeno looked away and hopelessly glanced over the green grasses below him without reasons.
"What?" "What?!"
The two exclaimations harmonized.
"Dude.. you okay? You are trying to say that.. you miss Jaemin hyung?". Haechan excitedly questioned, thrilled over the fact that his friend just confessed part of his feeling about his own husband.
"I ..miss him. Alot, actually. I don't know if that's because I don't get to see him for long after getting used to seeing him everyday. I.. i just"
"You just what?". Mark helped out.
"I..just..want to kiss him again". He bit down his lips and lowered his head deeper, reminicing a beautiful pair of lips he claimed as his.
"Mark!! Am i dreaming? Did Lee Jeno just confess that he likes Jaemin?"
"Jeno, if you feel this way, I think it's better to talk it out to him. I mean, he loves you alot regarding to the treatments you gave him". Jeno nodded, awared of his own doings.
"We're not blaming you, don't get this wrong. I think Mark is right about confessing your feelings to him."
"I.. i am not sure". Jeno hesitantly started.
"About what?"
"That if he still love me or not"
"Why?"
"Even before he left for this trip, he has been avoiding me. This whole trip, I have no idea what he is doing or where he is. Bongshik stopped informing me about his stuff. When I dared myself to ask him, he answered that he, himself was not informed anything aside from.... "
"Aside from what?"
"From reminding Bongshik to take good care of my health", Haechan smiled and snapped his fingers.
"Omgg.. Stupid Jeno! He still loves you, there you said it. He was still worried about you even while he was on trip. He was probably trying to distant away from you intentionally because ...you know... you always say something hurtful whenever he takes care of you"
Jeno raised his head up, hoping what his friends were telling him was true. He truely didn't know what to believe or what to decide.
"The best way is to confront him directly Jeno"
Mark suggested.
I think I have to make you take care of my pumping organ from my left side of my chest, Na Jaemin. Be prepared.
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