I never liked to compare myself to other children. It wasn't because I thought of myself as better than them or worse; It was because I knew, even from the young age of a Warrior Candidate, that no two people had been raised in the exact same way.
Some were children who'd grown up in loving homes, others were people who had to take care of themselves from the start.
I wouldn't say that the home I grew up in was a loving one, but I definitely wouldn't go to say that I was neglected, either. I guess in terms of growing up I was lucky to still have a father around who had time to care for me. To... train me.
I guess in the long run, it made me stronger. No matter how much I suffered, I knew he only wanted to make me stronger.
But if how much someone suffers relates to how strong someone is, she would definitely be one of the strongest people I know.
"Time. Pencils down."
I lifted my head off of the desk and picked up the small stack of papers in front of me. I wasn't really someone who cared much for tests. Oftentimes I found myself endlessly bored with the assignments the higher ups made us do. There was no point to it. At least, not when you were being raised to be a weapon.
The brown haired boy who sat in front of me smiled as he took the papers from my hands and passed it forwards. In the small room I was currently in, two rows of four desks each were the only things of note; and two of those eight desks were empty.
One of the empty desks belonged to the slightly out of place Zeke Jaeger.
Zeke had been chosen to be a Warrior about half a decade before any of the others. It was rare to see the analytical blonde attend class evaluations; much less to see him in class at all. The absence of his presence never really bothered me, though. If anything, I often only found myself noticing the blonde's presence when he wanted to make himself known.
The second of the two desks belonged to a certain (h/c) haired girl.
(Y/n) (L/n) was probably the exact opposite of Zeke Jaeger in terms of attendance. She was rarely ever late and always made sure to attend class lectures; much less the evaluations. I guess that's why it was so strange when I walked into the classroom and wasn't immediately met with the girl's smile. Not that I paid attention.
As soon as all of the papers had been collected at the front of the room, the remaining six cadets were allowed to leave.
Despite the fact that I knew I had other things to do, I found myself headed outside to where (Y/n) was training. To the reason why she hadn't attended class. I don't know what I was expecting to see when the doors opened, but it definitely wasn't what I saw.
BANG!
An officer held a gun in his hand; a gun which he had just fired from across the field. The person on the other side of the barrel? (Y/n) (L/n).
She dropped down to the floor as violent coughs erupted from her chest and steam flew up from her wounds. An urge to check up on the girl welled up inside me but my feet refused to move. It would've been impolite to interrupt someone in the middle of training.
"Ms. (L/n), it is crucial that you learn this skill as quickly as possible before your mission." The commander called.
(Y/n)'s eyes flickered up towards the man. Even from where I stood I could see the tear stains that ran down her cheeks. It had only been a few weeks since our contracts began. Only a few weeks since we had eaten our predecessors and... changed.
It must have been especially difficult for the (h/c) haired girl.
It wasn't just the fact that she had lost her father, it was the fact that she was now alone. No father, mother or sibling left. She was left all alone to fend for herself. Of course, she had company in the form of the others in the program, but it wasn't quite the same as knowing that there's someone waiting for you at home.
Everyone had been going through training that was specifically for Warriors. Well, everyone except for Porco Galliard. Even so, none of that training compared to what (Y/n) was being put through.
While certain aspects of being a Warrior, like regeneration and transformation, were fairly straightforward, there were certain aspects to being a Warrior that required... special training. The training that (Y/n) currently attended was one that no one else participated in. Not because they didn't want to, but because they couldn't.
"Yes, sir." (Y/n) called in return, standing up and pulling her arms in front of her.
Bullet holes were scattered along the sleeves of the girl. It was clear that this hellish training had been going on for a while.
The commander raised the gun.
(Y/n) readied herself for the shot.
Bang!
Blood poured from the newly created wound.
Bang!
Tears fell from the (h/c)ette's eyes; eyes which were usually (e/c) that flashed bright blue for a moment.
Bang!
Sparks danced off the girl's forearms.
The look of a blue crystal as it crept up the (h/c)ette's arm, despite the fact that it was the first time I had seen it happen, felt familiar. Like I had seen it happen a thousand times before and would see it a thousand times after.
A name I didn't recognize danced on the tip of my tongue. I had to stop myself from calling it to keep from looking like a fool.
It definitely wasn't someone I knew, but it felt like it was someone I should have known. Perhaps a girl with strangely silver hair, or a boy who always seemed to be chasing after a girl who never turned to look his way.
"Annie!" A girl's voice rang, "you waited for me!"
I blinked when I realised I hadn't moved from where I initially exited the building. But I guess the smile on (Y/n)'s face made the wait worth it.
I shrugged, "the others are still inside if you want to walk home with them."
"If I wanted to walk home with them, I would've left to find them!" (Y/n) stated as though it was a matter of fact. The skeptical look I gave her must have prompted the girl to ask "Do you think I'm lying?"
Her question took me by surprise. It took me a moment longer than I would've liked to gather up a response.
"I... why would anyone want to hang out with me?"
"Well, there's really no reason for me to not want to hang out with you!"
My eyes trailed up towards (Y/n) who stood in front of me. I never really enjoyed being in the company of others before I met you. I wonder why that is?
---
Opening my eyes to an unfamiliar room only served to be a reminder that I wasn't home anymore. Not that I had been home for a while. Even so, it still felt strange to know that I was an ocean away from home. Away from my father.
A single glance around the room told me that (Y/n) was already awake and was walking around downstairs. I decided not to prolong my stay in the bedroom and just got up.
"Good morning, Annie," a rather chipper voice called as I entered the kitchen, "did you sleep well?"
I shrugged as I sat down at the table.
"The tea should be ready in a moment. Is Mina awake yet?"
I shook my head but turned as someone entered the room.
"Morning," yawned Mina.
(Y/n) laughed as the ravenette took a seat beside me.
"What's so funny?" Mina asked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"Your bedhead." teased (Y/n), "very attractive, might I add."
"Ok, shut up. Mom and Dad said they'll be down in a few minutes."
(Y/n) rummaged around the kitchen, mindlessly humming as she pulled various utensils from seemingly random cupboards and drawers. I was almost impressed by how well she worked but I guess it was to be expected from someone who lived there for nearly two years.
Then again, (Y/n) had always been able to handle herself. Since her father was a Warrior and her mother and sister were...
She was home alone a lot of the time.
I still remember the first time I had visited her in her home. Even though she was only seven or eight, the girl kept the house fairly clean and could cook herself a decent meal. But living without anyone to take care of you meant that you had to be able to do those things yourself.
"By the way, you two are going out with Mr. Carolina to help set up the decorations for the festival tonight." (Y/n) voiced, "I hope that's okay."
Mina quirked a brow. "Mr. Carolina? Why so formal?"
"What do you mean?" asked (Y/n) as she glanced at Mina, "did I... say something strange?"
Mina laughed, "Well, yeah! You just called Dad 'Mr. Carolina.' I may have an epic bed head in the mornings, but you're scatterbrained."
A strange look crossed (Y/n)'s features, but I wrote it off as something miniscule.
"Anyways, setting up decorations is fine with me." Mina smiled, "how about you, Annie? Are you okay with helping us out?"
I nodded, "it doesn't make much of a difference to me."
I was never really one for festivals, but it would've been rude of me to decline the offer to attend; especially since I was a guest at the Carolina household. I guess despite the fact that the people who lived inside of the walls were devils, they were still very much... nevermind.
I shouldn't be thinking that way. The only thing I needed to care about was returning home to my father. Just as I promised.
At least, that's what I told myself I needed to care about. Even so, I always ended up thinking about her, too. It nearly frustrated me how often I found myself thinking about her rather than the mission. Especially since she didn't know who I was.
"That looks great, Annie!" A voice chimed. It was Mina.
I glanced down at the paper lanterns I was folding. It was probably the only thing I learned and retained that was utterly useless.
I mean... I highly doubted that knowing how to fold paper lanterns would ever be useful in a meaningful way, but I suppose the fact that it was something that she had taught me was why I had yet to forget how it was done.
"They're a bit different from what the instructions say to do, but they look nice!" Mina smiled, "actually, those look exactly like the ones that (Y/n) usually folds!"
"What about me?"
Both Mina and I turned towards the (h/c)ette. She was carrying a tray of something (I couldn't quite tell what it was) to the table where Mrs. Carolina was setting up but had changed course the moment Mina beckoned her over.
"(Y/n)! Look at Annie's lanterns! They look just like the ones you usually fold."
(Y/n) quirked a brow playfully, "and what's wrong with that?"
"Nothing! I just think it's a strange coincidence." Mina admitted, eyeing the tray of goodies (Y/n) held in her hands, "but you agree, don't you?"
(Y/n) studied the lanterns. It wasn't like she was taking note of every fold and crease in the paper crafts, but she was definitely looking at them longer than any other person would. Then again, (Y/n) wasn't just 'any other person.'
(Y/n)'s eyes widened for a moment, but it wasn't long enough that I could be sure it had happened. I could even go as far as to say that I had imagined the action myself.
"I guess they do look pretty similar to how I fold lanterns," (Y/n) admitted, "but- hey!"
(Y/n) stops as Mina steals a goodie from the top of her tray. A smile tugged on the corner of my lips as the two girls messed with one another.
"Girls!" the older woman called with a stern yet calm expression, "people will be gathering in the square in a little while. Why don't you two focus on setting things up rather than bugging each other?"
Mina looked towards her mother, shouting a short "okay!" before running to the older woman's side. (Y/n), on the other hand, remained at my side.
She placed the tray of baked goods on the table.
"You look really good in red, Annie," (Y/n) smiled, "but you don't have to stay in the dress if you don't want to."
I blushed and looked away from the (h/c)ette. I wasn't really someone who cared about what they wore, but that didn't mean I wanted to wear the dress Mina's mother had so adamantly insisted I wear. I guess it wasn't too bad since the red was rather pale, but red was never really my colour.
I personally thought (Y/n) looked quite pretty in the dress Mrs. Carolina had given her to wear, but I also thought she looked quite pretty in her regular clothing. In hindsight I probably just thought she was pretty in general.
(Y/n) grinned as she sat down beside me. It wasn't her regular naive grin, but a knowing one instead.
"Do you want a doughnut?"
A small bit of excitement bubbled in my stomach but I didn't let it show on my face. Though I hadn't gone to many of the festivals back in Marley, doughnuts were always one of my favourites.
"No," I replied, "I can't take it. Not if I don't pay for it."
(Y/n) laughed, "pay for it? Why would you ever think that? Just take it!"
There was little I could do to protest the female's actions, so I just let her do as she wished; but I think a part of her knew I'd let her do what she wanted. I always did.
The pastry (Y/n) handed to me was like holding a piece of childhood in my hands. It was so familiar yet so different. I mean, if not for (Y/n) I don't think I ever would have left my home (aside from the mandatory Warrior Training we participated in every day) and realised my liking for the small treat. And here she was again, getting me to rediscover that same thing.
I didn't realise I had been smiling until (Y/n) picked up the tray, laughing.
"We were going to make cookies for the festival, but I managed to convince Mrs. Carolina to swap to doughnuts at the last moment. We had to run out and grab a few extra ingredients, but I knew it would be worth it. They're one of your favourites, right?"
I nodded as I took another bite of the pastry. Perhaps if I was paying a little more attention I would've realised that under regular circumstances there was no way (Y/n) would have known that doughnuts were one of my favorite pastries.
---
I never really considered myself a social person. I've always prefered to keep to myself rather than making a fuss. That wasn't to say that I disliked people in general, but that was the exact opposite impression I left on people.
Keeping to myself didn't mean that I disliked someone, but it also didn't mean I liked them either. At the end of the day, there was nothing I could do to control someone else's opinion of me, so why worry about it? If they didn't matter to me, neither should their opinion.
Despite the fact that I told myself I didn't have to care, I was walking around with the small group of people that I told myself I didn't care about. Well, that I mostly didn't care about.
(Y/n) walked several paces ahead of me with the freckled male, Marco.
I wasn't sure how long (Y/n) and Marco had known each other but the two of them seemed close. Though, considering we'd spent nearly every day for the past two years or so with each other, it was hard to think that certain people wouldn't grow closer to others. Especially for someone like (Y/n) who naturally drew others in towards her.
The two of them laughed at something. The way they looked at each other almost felt intimate.
Watching displays of affection... it always made me feel out of place. Like I wasn't meant to be here and that I should've been far, far away across the sea...
But I guess that didn't really matter. Not right now, anyways.
Walking just in front of me (between where (Y/n) and Marco walked and where I walked) was Jean and Mina.
The two of them didn't particularly get along all that well, but there wasn't really a lot of people who easily got along with Jean. I noted that both of them would look around at the festival once in a while, but both of them would end up turning towards (Y/n) and Marco.
"You can stop gawking at (Y/n), now." Mina stated.
Well, I had to hand it to the raven haired girl. She was definitely more observant than I initially thought her to be, but that wasn't really saying much.
Jean chuckled stiffly, his eyes darting to Mina in an almost offended manner.
"I don't... I'm not! That's not what I was doing!"
"It wasn't?" Mina provoked, "I may not be as brilliant as (Y/n) but I understand basic social cues pretty well."
Jean turned away from Mina, "it doesn't matter. It's not like (Y/n) would notice."
I never thought I'd find myself agreeing with something the egotistical Jean said, but I guess there was a first time for everything. (Y/n) was always a little dense when it came to others' feelings. Well, other people's romantic feelings towards herself.
It was almost astonishing how blind she was to it all.
A part of me wondered if she knew. Did she know about the trail of broken hearts she made or was she oblivious to all of it? Her predecessors certainly knew what it was like to be heartbroken and knowing the type of person she was, I didn't think she was breaking hearts intentionally. But... I couldn't shake the feeling that she knew.
I told myself that the feeling was nothing more than a voice in the back of my head.
(Y/n) didn't remember those things anymore. Or if she did, she did a good job of hiding it all. I didn't want to think that (Y/n) would keep a secret, like the fact that she remembered us, hidden... so I didn't.
I guess that would make me naive in my own right.
"Do you think that (Y/n) could ever love someone like me?" Jean suddenly piped up.
I was initially taken aback by what the egotistical brunette had asked. I never took Jean for someone who would think up such a methodical question, but I guess today had been a day full of surprises.
"Do you think that (Y/n) could ever love someone like me?"
I knew he hadn't asked me the question, yet I kept repeating it to myself. Even as sleep tugged at my eyelids and the soft breathing of others filled the room, the words Jean had spoken kept ringing in my ears.
"Do you think that (Y/n) could ever love someone like me?"
Love someone like Jean? I didn't see why not. (Y/n) was a very caring person, but care didn't always equate to romantic feelings.
"Do you think that (Y/n) could ever love someone like me?"
I... could (Y/n) ever love someone like...
I pushed the question away before I could think of an answer. I didn't want to think about something as forgin as love. I reminded myself that the only thing I needed to care about was the promise I had made to my father; that I would return home and see him again.
Before the familiar feeling of falling asleep could settle, stirring in the room put me on edge.
(Y/n) stood up from her bed as quietly as she could. When her gaze flicked over to me, I closed my eyes. There was a moment in time where I could feel the (h/c)ette's gaze on me, but it quickly disappeared with the creaking of the door.
I could've pretended that nothing was wrong and gone back to sleep (or back to my attempts to fall asleep), but something told me to get up and follow her.
My feet were leading me out of the room before my brain had a chance to protest. Before I knew it, I was making my way down the stairs and hiding just out of sight; listening in to any conversations that might occur.
"I knew that you would want to know eventually..." a male's voice came from below, "so... what is it that you want to know specifically?"
The man's voice shook ever so slightly; like he was afraid to recall the information required from whoever spoke to him; the likeliest candidate being (Y/n). And from the short time I'd known Mina's father, he wasn't one who talked in such a way.
I guess it was something like pride that came from being the head of the family.
It reminded me of my father. And strangely enough, it also reminded me of a certain red haired male. Not someone I knew personally, but someone my predecessor knew quite well.
"Everything."
(Y/n)'s voice was calm and steady. A far cry from that of which the older man had used. It was actually quite reminiscent of how she used to speak to the commanders. Or, I guess saying it was reminiscent of how the red haired male used to speak to the commanders was more accurate.
I couldn't help but have my interest peaked by the story the older male recalled.
A near death experience with the monsters we know as Titans.
A strange light that flashed through the sky.
A little girl trapped inside of a translucent, almost blue looking object.
A single touch to the blue object and it evaporated to steam, leaving behind an unconscious and defenceless little girl.
Well, not that she was entirely defenceless... but he wouldn't have known.
After the older man had told the story, it felt like the entire house went silent. No floorboards creaked and no wind howled. It was just... silent.
If I had been any other person, I would've thought that the story the older man had told was just that; a story. There was no way a mere human could conjure anything as strange as a crystal! But (Y/n) wasn't a mere human.
I'd seen it happen a thousand times before, and I was sure I'd see it a thousand times after.
"Thank you, Mr. Carolina..." (Y/n) whispered, "for taking someone like me into your home."
The older man chuckled for a moment. "There you go again, calling me Mr. Carolina! You're family (Y/n). There's no need to thank me for anything."
The scraping of a chair echoed through the house as what I could only assume to be the older man stood up. I held my breath as he walked towards the stairs; towards where I was standing. Before he fully entered my vision, I ducked behind a large piece of furniture and hid.
"Don't stay awake for too long, yeah?" the older man suggested.
"Of course," (Y/n) replied.
A little while after the man had gone upstairs, I moved from my hiding spot. While I initially intended to return to the room, (Y/n)'s soft humming caused me to hesitate.
I never did learn the melody myself, and it was something I enjoyed listening to, but there was always someone else who sang the melody with the (h/c) haired girl. Someone who wasn't me, or Mina, or even Marie.
"Annie?" (Y/n) called out. It wasn't loud like someone who was startled or angry, but calm. Like she already knew I was standing just out of view.
I didn't respond; though perhaps the more correct way to describe what happened was that I couldn't respond. Sentences refused to make themselves attainable as the girl waited for an answer. Instead, I let silence be the audience to the girl's call.
"I know you're there, but you don't have to come over here if you don't want to." (Y/n) hummed almost playfully, "but I have a feeling that we're in the same boat right about now."
"What do you mean?" I managed to choke out.
Even without seeing her face, I knew she had a smile on her face. That same, stupidly big smile that always made my heart race. But perhaps this time, my heart was racing for a different reason.
"You can't sleep, can you?" the girl continued, "especially not after that story you just heard, right?"
I was standing in the doorway to the kitchen before I even realised I had moved. Why was it that whenever (Y/n) was around, I never did manage to act the way I wanted to. The way I told myself to.
(Y/n) took a seat at the table and urged me to do the same. I didn't, but a part of me desperately wanted to.
"Can you keep a secret?" (Y/n) asked.
I raised a brow but answered with a short nod.
"Recently I've been having dreams." (Y/n) chuckled for a moment, "I guess it sounds silly when I say it like that, but... I have the feeling that they're not just dreams. They feel like... memories! Glimpses from another life... a life outside of the walls."
I inhaled sharply.
"And that's a bad thing?" I asked, fiddling with the cool metal which rested on my finger, "Armin and Eren dream of seeing the outside world. I highly doubt that it's a bad thing in their case."
(Y/n) smiles, "you're probably right, but... aren't you scared?"
"Scared of what? The things that might be out there?"
"Scared of the people that sleep beside you at night."
There was a strange look in (Y/n)'s eyes as the kettle of boiling water began to scream. A cross between a knowing look and a curious one would be the best way to describe it. It wasn't entirely forgin to see that type of expression but it wasn't a look I'd ever seen on her before.
A name I didn't recognize danced on the tip of my tongue. I had to stop myself from calling it to keep from looking like a fool.
It definitely wasn't someone I knew, but it felt like it was someone I should have known. Perhaps a girl with strangely silver hair, or a boy who always seemed to be chasing after a girl who never turned to look his way.
(Y/n) stood up and took the kettle off of the stove. I watched her intently, but not to the point of being unnecessary.
As (Y/n) pulled the kettle off the stove, I found myself waiting to ask her a question. So I did.
"You're not afraid of people like Sasha and Connie, are you?"
I never liked comparing myself to other children. It wasn't because I thought of myself as better than them or worse; It was because I knew, even from the young age of a Warrior Candidate, that no two people had been raised in the exact same way.
Life is just unfair like that.
Some people live happy lives and others live lives that aren't the best. But if how much someone suffers relates to how strong someone is, she would definitely be one of the strongest people I know.
Even now, in a loving home that accepts her with open arms, the pain in her eyes is undoubtedly clear.
(Y/n) smiled at me from over her shoulder, but I noted that her smile fell just before her eyes.
"Of course not! They're... my friends." (Y/n) hesitated, not quite as confident as I expected but there was still an underlying tone as she spoke; talking as though it was a matter of fact, "why? Do you think I'm lying?"
---
Edited: (11/06/2021)