Some trigger warnings at the end.
This one's a big one, took me all day.
Thanks for all your kind reviews, I appreciate it!
Hope you enjoy. Happy Reading ?
...
Harry woke to soft if not high pitched voices.
"Tippy is so grateful to Dobby and Winky! Tippy and all the other elves were starting to disappear that we would never be able to help Young Master Harry Potter. Not with Whiskers forbidding it so, and ordering such horrid things. Whisker's is a bad, bad man."
"You should not be insulting your master, Tippy!" Winky squeaked.
"Whiskers doesn't care what we call him, as long as we is obeying and keeping up his image of kindly grandfather!"
Winky made a huffing noise, and Tippy continued, "Whiskers it telling us back in first-year after Madam Poppy be telling us what to feed young master. She is saying, small bland meals, only little bits, ass he's been sick for so long, slowly build him up. But then Whiskers finds out and says, no! Just small bland meals, he is to be hungry and weak, and not healthy. No sweets, nothing not strictly lean and healthy, nothing fatty or with sugar, no desert not even fruit salad for dessert, no juice, no drinks other than water. He needs Harry Potter weak and pliable!" Tippy let out a sob, "and we is realising Hogywarts is not what it once was! It is not so much the safe Haven for House-elves that Mistress Helga made it to be!"
"Don't worry, I hated it too, it was like being back at the Dursleys except at least here I got fed a bit. I don't blame you though. I'd free you all, and take you on myself if I could," Harry croaked sitting up, "lots of dangerous things are going on here, in the supposedly safest place in Brittain. He's meant to be the greatest wizard alive, but he'd done some questionable things, and by the sounds of it my suspicion of him not having my best interests at heart seem to be true. I'm mad, or I will be when I'm not so tired, but not at you"
Tippy squeaked and made to pop out but Harry said, "wait, please wait!"
Tippy looked at him, her eyes narrowed despite there wetness.
"I wanted to thank you, all of you, for doing your best, an to remind you it's not your fault, none of you." He said fervently.
Tippy's eyes grew as wide as saucers and she popped away.
"Did I offend her?" He asked
"No sir," Dobby said, climbing up onto the end of Harry's bed, "we is getting overwhelmed by wizard kindness some times sir, we is not used to it, sir. She is pleased but overwhelmed, so she is going back to work, sir."
"What time is it anyway?" He asked as Hermione stretched in the bed next to him and rolled over, pulling her pillow over her head.
"Nearly curfew sir, but you is having time." Winky said, "and don't you worry, young Master Harry Potter sir, we is looking after you now. You is not being hungry or starved again sir."
He slumped in relief, "thank you... just... Thank you. And you know you can just call me Harry right?" He said
"No so, we can't sir." She said shaking her head and looking horrified.
"Why?" He asked incredulously, "it's my name. If we are bonded we're kinda like family right? Or at least friends. I'd like to consider you friends, even if I don't know you that well yet Winky."
"Winky wants family too sir, but it's not right sir. You is kind, you is family, but you is still Young Master Harry sir." Winky said sternly.
"Erm if that's what you want, okay," he said not quite understanding but willing to accept it.
Winky nodded.
"Right, Now what?" He asked.
"Now you be clothing Winky sir, with a uniform sir." She said.
"Can you dress like the Hogwarts elves? So no-one knows your not working for Hogwarts, I don't want anyone knowing you work for me instead, not because I'm ashamed but I don't want to upset anyone until I know the lay of the land, so to say."
Winky nodded thoughtfully. "Winky is just not telling Whiskers we is finding other work. I is asking Tippy for Hogwarts Tea Towel." She popped away and reappeared a moment later in a neatly pressed Hogwarts tea bowl. She looked much happier and healthier already.
"Anything else we need to do to bond or is that it?"
"Nothing, sir, that's it. Though your magic feels funny, not moving right Winky be thinking on it."
"What?!" He exclaimed!
"Winky be thinking on it young master, Winky thinks on it and get back to you sir," she popped away.
"Dobby? What about you?" He asked after a long moment.
"Dobby is getting a Galleon a week sir, and a day off per month," he said with a grin.
"I can match that if you want Dobby," Harry said, "at least I think I can, I hope Gringotts replies soon... oh... I forgot," he trailed off.
Pop! "Winky can be taking it, sir!" She squeaked clicking her fingers to get the letter out of the pocket of his robes before popping away again.
"Thank Winky," he murmured in belated surprise.
"Well Dobby, would you like to work for me?" He asked.
"Yes, Mr Harry Potter sir! Yes!" He squeaked, shaking harries hand so hard, his whole arm moved.
"A Galleon a week then, and a day off per month. It's going to be a pleasure working for you. But like I said before, no punishment." He said sternly.
Dobby nodded as Hermione say up.
"Who ran me over?" She mumbled darkly.
"Winky fixed whatever made us keep forgetting. Do you remember?" Harry asked concerned.
Hermione was quiet for a bit, then "yes. I do. I remember our conversations. I remember dismissing your concerns about food being weird in the hall. I remember that despite the fact it was weird and that I wouldn't have dismissed it, I remember doing so, that was odd. I remember the fact that every time I noticed it, it would somehow slip my mind." She stopped for a moment.
"I don't think it was an Obliviate though," Harry said.
"No, maybe a Confundus and/or some kind of compulsion spell or potion. We'll have to look into it and make sure it doesn't happen again."
"I think we should look into mind magic, maybe that can help us defend ourselves," Harry suggested.
"Where did you hear about that?" She asked incredulously, "it's not very common."
"I've wondered before if Snape could read minds or Dumbledore. Snape seems to just know things, and Dumbledore's eyes seem to go right through you, especially when they twinkle. So I looked it up in the library. Legilimancy is mind reading, (well not technically, but it's basically mind reading) and Occlumency is defending and protecting the mind. There are some books here. I think we should give it a go. I don't want anyone in my head." He said with a shudder.
"Your right harry. I wonder if we can borrow books from the room..." She pondered.
"Yes Harry Potter's Grangy, you can, but you is needing to take them back after, they is being borrowed from elsewhere in the castle," Dobby said.
"Gods I still feel a bit muddled, and there's so much still to figure out," Harry said suddenly getting up and pacing.
"I know," Hermione said moving to the armchairs in front of the fire.
"Tea Sir and Miss," Winky said popping back in, with two steaming mugs, "Ginkgo Biloba Tea, for mental clarity, to wash away the last of the fuzzy-head magics."
"Oh it smells brilliant, thanks Winky," Harry said taking a deep breath and feeling the last of the fogginess fade away as he sipped it.
"We need to finish out conversation from this morning, on the food in the hall, we need to figure out who and why, and how to counteract it without drawing more double," started Hermione.
"We need to plan on getting me healthy, I want to talk about why it wasn't safe in the kitchens and figure out where is safe and where isn't, the walls seem to have ears, I think it's the portraits reporting back, and I want to set out a plan for the tournament and work on figuring out who did it and how to counteract whatever they have planned for me," Harry continued,
"And we need to research the tournament, the contract requirements and the tasks so you can prepare for them. We should also look into any loopholes we can exploit." Added Hermione.
"Agreed"
"Well continuing from this morning," she started pulling out a quill and parchment, "that explains why we always let it go. We were magicked in some way to constantly dismiss it. something made us leave it alone, and push it to the back of our minds."
"Why would he bother though," Harry asked, "we know from the House-elves it was Dumbledore, but why? Was it really all for control of me?"
"What does he want though, he wants me to be a certain way, act in a certain way study certain things, probably wants me ignorant and isolated too, judging by my lack of preparation from the Wizarding world and continual imprisonment with my relatives. What does he want?" He started pacing again.
"There must be something he knows that we don't. Something about you.
"Maybe it's also got to do with Voldemort. He never did tell me why Voldemort came after my parents, though... now I think about it. Mum was protecting me. He was after me wasn't he. Not them. And that reason is probably why Dumbledore's wants to control me. I don't know what it is, but it's important to him for his goals. Whatever they are. I wonder what he wants though" he persisted.
"I don't know Harry. Why use food and your health? Why does he want you in such poor health it doesn't make sense." Hermione said, "why not just use potions and spells to control you. Why resort to these other psychological tactics.."
"Potions and spells that's a good point. I wonder if he has used them. We'll need to research it and figure out how to tell, and then undo them if they are there. I wonder if that's why I forgot about reading I read all my textbooks before I came to Hogwarts. I read them all, cover to cover. I may have only understood half of it but I read it went over and tried my best to remember it and I should've known the answer to Snape questions. It was odd that suddenly I'd forgotten it." He pointed out.
"We'll have to look into magical forms of manipulation," Hermione said, adding it to her list.
"He's been controlling me for too long. He sent me to the Dursleys, never checked once, always send me back, despite me getting down on my knees and begging for anywhere else. He chose my classes. I'd asked McGonagall for all of them when she said no, I asked for runes and creatures, but McGonagall said Dumbledore had insisted on divination, and run runes from my schedule."
"So food was just another way to do that, another aspect of your life to control, and use over you," Hermione said, "keeping you hungry will stunt your development, magical and physical. It will keep you weak, impair your thinking and learning. It's almost as if he's setting you up to fail. Whatever it is he wants you to fail at..."
"and it was so nice it was to be able to eat anything at all, compared to the Dursleys that I didn't even pay too much attention to being hungry all the time even here. At least here I didn't have to wonder if I get a meal every day. I knew I would, just not much. I guess it made me see him and the Wizarding world as this wonderful place, and as my saviour. It would make me trust him. It did, I would have followed him everywhere."
"What changed?"
"I..." Harry stopped, "I showed him proof that it wasn't safe at the Dursleys, he said I must be exaggerating and sent me back."
"Oh Harry," she said but restrained herself from hugging him, "I don't know why he suddenly started controlling your food though, it was fine till Halloween in our first-year..." She wondered.
"I... I think he didn't want a fat saviour. He didn't want a fat lazy kid," he spat, his disgust at the headmaster evident in his voice, "He spies on us, with the portraits I think. I joked once to Ron in front of the portrait hole, about how much I loved being able to eat chocolate here. How I could eat whatever I wanted and not have to focus on if I'd get food tomorrow. I could eat lots of vegetables and fruit here as well as chocolate, all things I'd never had before, never been allowed before. The Dursleys wouldn't let me have anything 'too good for the freak.' I'd joked... I'd joke that I'd end up as big as a house with so many good foods and no-one yelling at me." He finished self deprecatingly.
"So maybe... So maybe he controlled my diet, subtly. Never in person, probably didn't want to do the dirty work and didn't want to risk dirtying his image. Not when he had hundreds on practically invisible helpers bound to his every whim. So he starved me, not obviously, but just enough to leave me hungry more often than not without realising it. Not like the Dursleys, it wouldn't do to leave me preferring it there over here. No. Just enough to make me weak and pliable. So that I couldn't think straight more often than not, making me more impulsive. He did always offer me lemon drips and sweets in his office, so I'd associate him with good things, along with Hagrid having fed and rescued me from the Dursleys on his behalf. He wanted me to depend on him, trusting and idolising him."
Harry plopped down on his armchair at the end of his rant, like a puppet with its strings cut.
"Harry?" Hermione asked gently.
"I'm so tired of being hungry all the time and tired all the time. I want... I want to be able to feel full at the end of a meal for a change. Gods even just once. So I know what it's like to have enough to ear. So I know what it's like to go to sleep on a full stomach not a painfully empty one or one so unused to food I was queasy. I want to want to be able to have a butterbeer and chocolate frogs whenever I want. I want to try treacle tart and have seconds of lasagna and that lamb stew you love. It smells divine, I've never been aloud spicy food. I want to be able to have pancakes for breakfast every once in a while like normal kids. Ron had pancakes, bacon and waffles every Sunday morning. I've never been allowed that. Only toast and I'm sick of toast. and Cornflakes I hate Cornflakes. I want to be able to have a glass of milk for breakfast. Dudley did all the time. Even the first years here get it, never me though."
"We'll sort it out," Hermione consoled, "with Winky and Dobby on your side, they can make sure you're fed. Probably in such a way that no-one will even know anything changed. They are brilliant."
Hermione carefully took his hand. Even though he knew she was there he still flinched at the contact but allowed it anyway. He didn't always like it much but she meant well, and it made her feel better.
"I'm Scared," he admitted quietly, "scared I'm not going to live to grow up. To be free. Gods I'm never going to be free! I'm so scared all the time. What's the point? What's the point of trying hard in school and fighting for a future when I don't have one. Everyone is trying to kill, use and abuse me. I don't have a future. So what's the point in trying? I'm scared... scared of never having freedom, scared of having no control over my life. But I'm also scared that if I do ever manage to be free of these chains that I don't know what to do with it. I'm so tired. So tired! I'm tired of constantly being punished for existing. I didn't ask for it. I didn't ask to be born. Gods, Hermione, it's not my fault. Please! It's not my fault I exist," he moaned, "I half want to run away and never come back. Half want to burn all my bridges because I only really have myself. There's never been anyone else. I've never been safe or loved or been able to trust, I'm too broken, and what's the point? What's the point, Hermione? What's the point of trying any more? It's never enough and Gods I've had enough."
"Oh Harry," she cried, sobbing now, "I'm going to hug you now," she warned him, and you're going to hug me back okay?" He nodded but still jumped when she touched him, but he allowed it and pressed his face into her shoulder as Hermione sobbed into his.
"it will be alright Harry, it will be already," she repeated, over and over like a mantra as she clung on to him securely. Her voice muffled in his shoulder, and he wondered if she was saying it to reassure herself, or him.
"It will be okay Harry and if it's not okay, it's not the end yet. That's not good really, but it's something."
He pulled away after a moment and accepted a handkerchief from Winky who had reappeared with a tray.
He passed it to Hermione who tipped her eyes and blew her nose. Harry took another sip of his still hot cup of tea, holding it in both ends under his chin. Inhaling its subtle scent. Enjoying its comforting warmth.
"You is eating now, Young Master Harry sir," Winky said sternly to him, putting the tray on his lap. "You is not having enough at dinner sir."
Harry snorted in derision and took the bowl from her. It was steaming and smelling mildly of spices he didn't recognise. He grinned, he'd never been allowed to have it before, "thanks Winky."
"You is taking potions too sir!" She said, holding out a spoon filled with that same green and brown potion Madam Pomfrey had given him back in his first-year.
He swallowed it, and Hermione giggled wetly when he made a face at its foul taste.
He took a mouthful of stew and moaned.
"this is brilliant!" he exclaimed, hand over his mouth.
"Harry!" Hermione teased, "eat then talk."
"Nah, it's too good," he stopped to swallow then said, "I've never had anything like this before. You're a god among elves Winky"
The elf went scarlet but beamed before popping away.
"We should plan. It will help." He said while he ate.
"yeah..." Hermione echoed, but they sat in silence for a time, listening to the crackle of the fire.
"We need to find out what the contract says I think," Harry said.
"I don't know how we can research the tournament contract, or the rules and loopholes I looked in the library already it's only past tournaments and not the legal bits," she said sounding a bit lost.
"s'okay, I asked Bill he might know. If not maybe we can write to the ministry or something. I'm sure you can think of some sort of brilliant way to word it so they do what you want. Though it may draw attention."
"I can't believe they would let you compete in a binding magical contract, and be bound, without your consent. That's nuts. And then to deny you the contract you were bound too, that would be wrong on even more levels, so I'm sure we can get a copy somewhere." Hermione said
"You have way more faith in the Wizarding world than I do, Hermione."
"I know," she sighed, fiddling with the edge of her parchment.
They sat in silence for a moment while Harry slowly worked his way through his stew.
"I know it feels like a lot now Harry, but let's just go over what we have to do and make an action plan, even if it's just where to start. We'll feel a bit better with a plan," Hermione said.
Harry nodded around his spoon. Swallowing he said, "Your right. Winky, Dobby, do you want to join us? Your input would be appreciated."
There was a pop, and Dobby and Winky joined them again. A second elf sized armchair had appeared at some point, and they sat.
"So we have food and nutrition sorted," Harry started.
"Winky and Dobby be sorting you out sir, we is looking after you!" Winky squeaked with confidence.
"Thanks, that's good. I've started running. That should help too, both my stamina and spell casting but also in getting fit and healthy. I need to put some strength into my muscles or lack thereof.
Oh really? You started running?" Hermione cut in.
"Yeah, round the lake. It's refreshing and relaxing as it is hard and exhausting. It gives me time to think, but also not too much time, as I need to concentrate on not keeling over," Harry snorted.
"Can I come?"
"Sure, portrait hole at six, we can shower and change in the quidditch locker rooms
"thats early but it sounds good. Are we even allowed out that early?" She asked.
"Dunno got the cloak though."
"True," she agreed, "Winky, you mentioned Harry's magic was all funny. What did you mean?"
"Winky isn't knowing, it felt different from Master Barty and young Master Barty. But Winky be asking one of the elder Elves. They is saying that illness and bindings can be affecting flow of magic. You is needing a healer. But not Madam Poppy, she is covered in the same magic that made yous forget. So she can't be trusted either, not safe" Winky explained.
"Goblins at Gringotts may help, old master had to go there once, after a bad box got him," Dobby said, a sly smile on his face at the memory.
"The soonest we can sneak out is a Hogsmeade Weekend, and we just had one, if the next ones not before Christmas then we'll have to go over the Christmas holidays," Hermione said, "can we wait that long?"
"Winky thinks so,"
"Until we find out where is safe," Harry started starting to feel a bit more in control now they were working on a plan. "Let's meet here to study. Maybe sometimes we could have meals here if Winky and Dobby don't mind, and it doesn't make extra work for them? We know it's safe here, from being overheard and we can discuss, plan and practice safely."
"I agree, I'll add concealment Charmes and privacy wards to our list of things to do."
"It be no troubles at all Sir and Miss," Winky said clapping her hands in excitement.
"Now after all this, I think we should definitely look into manipulating of the mind and methods of manipulating and controlling people. Magical means. I'm sure there's a book here. I'll take with me and read up on it. You take one of the mind magic ones and read it. Then we can share tomorrow. We'll get more done that way," Hermione said scribbling down notes on the parchment.
"We know Dumbledore's has been controlling you," she continued, "so we need to make sure we don't let on and if he is a mind reader, we probably need to subtly avoid him (and snape) or just not look them in the eye. It's always been said that the eyes are the window to the soul."
"Can you two not tell him your employment has changed?" Harry asked, "it's not that we regret it, or that we are ashamed and want to hide it, but if people knew then it would draw attention I don't know if we can afford." Harry said.
The elves thought about it a moment and nodded, "Tippy be knowing though. She be Head-elf, sir." Dobby said.
"Would she be telling anyone?" Harry asked.
"Dobby doesn't think so, sir, but I could ask her not to. Maybe that be enough? She likes you. She feels bad still." Dobby said.
"Right then! We'll work on morning runs, studying here when we can, and I'll look up controlling magics and their counters. Harry will look up mind magic, and we'll both work on tournament history to try and predict the tasks and how to prepare. We also need to work on a study schedule I should think so we can get you caught up with all the Muggleborn introduction texts. I'll draw one up for you later If you like." Hermione offered.
"Please, I'd appreciate it, there's just so much to do. Let me just spell the list, so no-one can read it." Harry said showing her the spell Bill had shown him for letters.
"Neat! No problem. We should probably head back now, it's almost curfew."
They slipped under the clock with their books. Winky and Dobby popping away to the kitchens while Harry and Hermione went back to Gryffindor tower.
"And Harry?" Hermione paused later, on the bottom step to the girl's staircase, "it wouldn't matter."
He raised an eyebrow in question.
"It would matter if you were fat, or skinny. As long as you're happy and healthy, I would care. And you should either. It does not matter what the rest of the world thinks. All that matters is your opinion and if you're happy. Screw what he says, screw everyone. As long as your happy Harry, that's what matters. So don't worry about it. Just be happy and healthy. That's the goal I think. So you could get tattoos all over your face, or grow your hair and dye it pink or anything really. It does matter because you're my best friend. And you're a good person. Furthermore, I don't care what package you come in. It's your heart that I value. It should not matter what we look like, or if we are pretty or attractive or not, not when it should be our character that is seen." She said looking at him earnestly.
"Thanks, Hermione," he said taking her hand and giving it a squeeze, "I... I agree. Thank you. I'll see you in the morning. 6 o'clock okay?"
She nodded and went up to the stairs to the left, and he went up to the right.
NOTES:
Trigger Warnings:
Emotional meltdown.
Harry gets very upset and spirals a bit. Though I guess it could be interpreted as him being suicidal (he's okay though and its short)
Adults being manipulative assholes (again, still)
Body image (and unspoken insecurity)
Okay so, you could interpret some little bits as fat shaming. BUT thats not the intention. (Harry is sarcastically mocking the Wizarding world and Dumbledore for the opinions he thinks they would have, and how they would judge him if he got fat. He's angry and venting and pissed off at people, (again. Though rightly so)
I know weight is a sensitive topic, not trying to shame or disrespect (that goes for this whole work, Harry's been so physically less then healthy for so long, its going to come up again) I like discussing the things we as a society don't talk about enough, but I try and always be considerate and respectful (of at least give you the heads up when I'm not.
(*smiles sheepishly, gets off soap box*)
Thanks for you patience and understanding, I appreciate it.
Happy reading!