- Thomas
You wipe away the very last tear you plan to drop for the night. It was no use of you to cry if the person you're crying about doesn't even need you, you thought. 'I don't need a girlfriend' he said. Fair enough. It's better for you to just have him saying it all out straight away instead of keeping it to himself and just let your relationship die eventually, right?
But as much as you try to believe in that idea, it still kills you to think that your relationship with Thomas has died. You never plan to break up with him, ever. But seeing how bad the argument you're stuck into now, you're not sure if you can still save whatever's left in your relationship.
Another sob escaped your lips as you have another breakdown for the nth time. Tears don't even run down your eyes anymore. Probably cause you're running out of it already. The only thing you could do now is to shake violently and let out breathy sobs. Just how horrible you can get now, huh?
"Love?" Someone called. You immediately know who's voice it was so you didn't bother turning your face. Seeing him would make you breakdown even worse. You can't face him now, you just can't.
He let out an audible sigh before sitting down on the grass next to you. He did nothing nor say anything but you can still feel his presence. You don't need to lift up your face and turn to see him, but you know he was staring at you intently. What for? You don't know. Not in the mood to know either. It was enough for you to know what he feels for a night. You don't need to hear any other words about how bad of a girlfriend you've been all this long.
You stood up. You wasted your energy on crying so much you couldn't even stood up properly without stumbling over branches. Good thing Thomas was there and caught you right on time. Wait, was that a good thing?
"You alright?" He questioned. His dark brown eyes were locked on yours. You could feel your face heated up. He always does that, locking gaze with you whenever he feel the needs to intimidate or simply shows his control over you. But this time, the warmth on your face wasn't spreading from blush like it usually is, it was from anger.
You yanked my hands off of him, making him to look surprised. You bet he didn't even think that you would break your gaze, yet here you are, pushing him away, "What do you want, Thomas? Tell me more about how unworthy I am for your time?"
"Babe, no I-"
"You know what, I understand. Don't worry, yeah? You want space, time, whatever you need, then you get it all now. Congratulation. You're a free man now"
"No, I don't want all-"
"I quite felt it already that you're tired of our relationship. I should've known earlier. Sorry for torturing you" You laughed bitterly "But let's just let the past go, yeah? Let's just forget everything. Forget that you and I ever exist. Forget that-"
"No, I don't want to forget!" Thomas yelled, gripping on your arms tightly that you winced in pain. He locked his eyes on yours again and you honestly fear the mix of emotions he shows. Anger, frustration, fear, guilt, everything negative were evident there. Thomas let out a big sigh before losing his grip on your arms, "Listen to me, alright [Y/N]? I was stupid, okay? I-I don't know what's gotten into me. I know sorry won't fix anything but if you would just forgive me, whatever it'll take, I'll do it. Even if.. Even if you want to break up, for real, if you'd forgive me then it's okay. I'll step away"
You were taken aback. Your breathing stops as he offers the whole relationship decision on your shoulders. Do you want to break up with him? A minute ago when you were still crying hard, you would've said yes straight away. But you know you weren't thinking straight either, not any better than Thomas earlier. You two were both just a bit stressed out out of nothing. So now when you finally settles down, do you really want our relationship to end?
"I don't want us to end, [Y/N]" Thomas said "But if you really can't take me back, I understand"
You remain quiet. Hope was evident on Thomas's eyes as he never break the gaze from yours. The grip on your arms were now gone as he try to intertwine his fingers with yours. You were really weak at this point from all the sudden choice to make that you didn't even respond to his motions and just let him lock his hands with yours. You were confused, lost, and shocked at the same time that you don't even know what to say now.
"Love?" Thomas asked. His voice was getting shaky as the thought of you to really want to break up comes into his head "I know I've messed up but please forgive me, [Y/N]. I'd do anything, I promise. If possible, I would also ask for you to not stop our relationship and end it all here. I-I know I don't deserve it but-"
"Bloody, shut your holes, Thomas! You're giving me headache" You groaned as his panicked words rings inside your head. You didn't mean to sound as harsh as you did, but it still made Thomas stepped back from you. You've never been so bold toward him before, and tonight turns to be one of those different nights. First you yanked your hands off of his, now you were practically yelling at him. He knows he deserves all of your anger, but he's still scared of the idea you leaving him.
"I'm sorry" He mumbled once more before looking down.
The two of you then fall into a quite tensed silence as Thomas waited for your answer. You were staring at him, barely blinking as you see how guilty Thomas must've felt at the moment. It's quite a cute thing too see, him looking like a 8 years old boy being scolded about, but you would honestly prefer to see the all smiley person he always was. And you would do anything to bring back that smile on his life.
"You're a slint-head, Thomas" You said shakily. Without another word, you pulled him close for a hug and buried your face on his chest. Tears were now coming out of your eyes again, making his shirt to be wet with them. Thomas let out a nervous chuckle but eventually pull you tighter in his embrace. He kissed your temples and hug you like he would never ever let you go. The exact feel you've longed forever "I love you"
- Newt
You've been doing your best to avoid Newt. Days passed and the anger you're feeling's fading away and replaced with missing of his presence around you. You miss his voice that always makes you flutter with his special accent. You miss his small actions that always make you blush. You miss him, in short. But you're not ready yet to see or talk to him face to face.
Or so you thought.
"Got time?" Newt popped out of nowhere, making you to jumped in shock. You were busy helping Frypan to prepare dinner and didn't expect anyone to come in the kitchen, Newt in particular.
"I'm working" You spat "We need to follow the rules and orders here now, don't we?"
Newt sighed, but instead of finding himself the exit door, he pulled a chair by the kitchen set and sat down. He had his hands on his chest as he eyes you from the distance. He was waiting for you. The exact same body language you showed when you waited for him days ago when the argument happened.
Planning to give Newt his own medicine, you place your focus back to your work. It was simple works really, but there are lots of Gladers to feed these days with the amount of new Greenies. Not to mention, how hungry they are at night after all the works they've done during the day. So even when Frypan helps you by cooking half of the dishes, you're still a bit out of breath.
Hours later, you were done with cooking the whole meals. Everyone were sitting at the dining hut, leaving you alone in the kitchen with Newt.
You sighed as you stared at Newt. He was now placing his head at the table as he fall asleep there. The bags under his eyes showed how tired he was and you didn't have the heart to get all sassy with him anymore. He looks like a mess. A small hope in your heart was hoping that he was messed up for you, just like you are for him. But knowing Newt, you're quite sure he's just a bit stressed out with the Glade.
"Newt, wake up" You slowly nudge him. Newt stirs a bit but didn't open his eyes. You let out a sigh. He's never been such a heavy sleeper unless he's really in need of some rest. Figuring out that he deserves some, you sat down to the chair next to him and examine his face. His eyebrows were still scrunched down, even as he sleeps. His dark circlers were so visible it covers almost half of his cheeks. His lips were dry and chapped.
His lips.
The lips you've been missing so much to feel. The lips you've been longing so much to meet with yours again. The lips you've been dying to kiss again. Newt's lips.
You quickly snapped back to reality from your thoughts. Seriously? Newt's lips? Do you even hear how silly your thoughts are at the moment?! You're not even sure why Newt's here in the first place. Maybe he just want to end your relationship in a proper way. He always start and end things in 'orders', so maybe he's only waiting for you to just end things between the two of you.
But are you ready for it?
You bite your lower lip from the thought. You're mad and pissed at him, but do you really want to end everything with him? Months of getting to know each other and times you've spent with him seem to be so precious you don't want to end it all here. It was just a stupid argument. You two were just too caught up in the moment that you've both crossed the line. None of you were less guilty than the other. Newt was wrong to be all snappy at you, while you were wrong to not give him some space to do all the jobs he needed to do.
Torn with your own arguments, you reach out to Newt's cheek and stroke it gently. A small smile curled up on your lips. As much as you hate him for the harsh words he said, you love him still.
"[Y/N]!" Newt shouted, suddenly jerked up from his sleep. You were shocked yourself that you immediately pull your fingers away, not wanting to get busted for staring and touching his cheek while he was asleep. Newt looks to his side and let out a big relieve sigh as he found you sitting next to him. Without a word, Newt pulled you close and placed his chin on top of your head "Bloody, you're scarin' the klunk outta me, [Y/N]! I thought you left already"
"Let me go, Newt" You said, pushing him away. You shuffled awkwardly and played with your shirt. The blush that's starting to creep up to your cheek was making you curse yourself. Newt's actions were too unexpected that eventhough you've been through a lot more than just a hug, somehow you're still blushing from the close contact just now.
"Look, [Y/N]" Newt said with a big sigh "I was wrong, I was stupid, really. I don't- I don't even know what's gotten into me. I would never ever want to hurt ya, y'know that right?"
You remain quiet.
"Love, answer me" He pleads. The sparkle on his eyes gradually dims out as the thought of you to gotten really tired of you comes in "I was bein' a slint-head, I know. I don't deserve any second chances and I'm wrong to say it was the stress from the Glade. I should've placed you as my priority. I've always have, but it was just- I don't even know how to explain this"
You let out a small chuckle. Newt was always such a gold-tongue man, he would never had his tongue twisted over words. But then here he is, sitting in next to you with stutters and sweats. It was quite a view to see Newt stuttering like this since almost in all argument he had with you, he would always have somethings to say and you would always end up being defeated. Maybe today was the day he needs to take his title off.
"It's alright" You said with a small smile "I've forgiven you since forever already. I just needed some time to cool down"
Newt stared at you, the light on his eyes suddenly brightens the room again, "So, we're good now?"
You lean closer, giving a small peck on his cheek. You can finally touch his face as much as you pleased now without in fear of him to caught you, just like before. You smiled to him before snuggling closer to Newt and buried your face on his neck, "We're good"
- Gally
It had been days since the day you and Gally had that big argument. And it had been for that long too that the two of you haven't exchanged any words to each other. You've tried to avoid Gally as best as you can and to your surprise, Gally was doing the same thing when you honestly hoped for him to at least come and apologize to you like he usually would. But perhaps, not this time.
You were in the Homestead, alone, after another meet up with the keepers. There was another Greenie that arrived this morning. It was a girl and being the senior girl Glader of the Glade, Alby asked you to come and give some suggestions for her. You wanted to reject the offer at first cause you know Gally, being the Keeper of the Builders, would be there and you're not ready to face him. But then you also know that you shouldn't let your personal problem with him cause more pain for Alby to place the Greenie, so you just go with it.
Throughout the whole gathering, you tried as much as you can to not stare at Gally. He didn't glance at you at all, not even once, and it hurts you to know that. Does he really hate you?
When the gathering was done, Gally was the first person to leave. You obviously know why and it made you want to burst in tears from how much he'd change. Newt and Thomas were worried about you and Gally but you only smiled at them and said that you needed some space alone, which is why you're still in the Homestead now.
You let out an audible sigh from the thought. You can't even let a single tear drop anymore as you've wasted them all days ago. The only thing you can do now is to sob over nothing. As much as you hate being so vulnerable like this, you just can't stop.
Suddenly, a big sound of the door being slammed open made you turn your head. You widen your head as you see who it was. The person barging in was no less surprised to see you too, but he managed to speak up, not like you who's just staring there in shock and in lost of words, "I forgot something"
You nodded to yourself. He quietly walk in to the seat he was at and picked up his papers. Done with it, he hurriedly walk back to the door but you speak up and stopped him on his pace "I'm tired, Gally. I'm tried of everything"
Gally remains quiet. He stares at you with blank eyes when it used to be so full of love and warmth. Another thing to make your heart aches even more.
"If you want to break up and stop all these relationship thing between us, then I want you to say it right on my face" You said. You step closer to him, challenging him to say those painful words as you stare at his eyes. As much as you fear him to actually say it, you're tired of being hanged with him like this. You need assurance. If he really wants you off of his life, then you want him to say it right in front of your face with you to see it through his eyes "I want you to say it to me, right here, right now, that you don't need me and you want me off of your life"
You noticed Gally's eyes soften as you finished your words. His body language which was really relaxed when he came in, now turned tensed and flexed. You can also see him clearly gulping down his own saliva as he stares at you with confused and surprised look. He sure didn't see that coming.
"I-I, um.. I.." He stutters, not daring to look at your eyes "I don't know what to say"
You let out a dark chuckle, obviously done with his bullshit now, "You heard what I said, Gally. You just need to repeat what I said, no need to think of other words to say. I just need you to say that-"
"I don't want you" Gally cuts. He looked up and lock gaze with yours. He looks really bold and you were caught off guard as the words you ordered him to say finally escaped his lips. Was this really what you wanted?
"W-What?" You asked, tears starting to form at your eyes now.
"I don't want you in my life, [Y/N]" Gally said with a real stern tone. Gally was barely blinking as his eyes burns through your soul and you accidentally let a tear dropped off of your left eye. Your eyes were burning, your ears were ringing and your chest were being pressed by something so tight you can barely breath. Everything was painful. Everything was hurtful.
You look away, slowly nodding to yourself "Alright"
All of sudden, your body was pulled close and you were wrapped so tight you can feel the pieces of your heart break to be tied together again. Gally was embracing you in his arms and his body warmth lingers around you, giving you the most calming down feeling "I don't want you in my life, [Y/N], I need you"
You remain still, not even hugging him back when he's already pulling you as close as possible.
"I've been the biggest slint-head when I said those words but I was just scared, alright? I was scared that sooner or later, you'll turn like the others. You won't be around me anymore, you'll leave me, cause I can't control my anger. I'm working on it, I swear, but it's just- It's really hard for me to go back to the person I was before I was stung. My whole life change like how I underwent the Changing and I'm scared. I'm scared, okay? I-I.. I don't even know who I am, anymore" Gally said, this time tears were coming down his eyes.
"If you really need me, then why didn't you come to me like you always did, Gally?"
"Because I know I don't deserve you back, [Y/N]" he reasoned. Gally was starting to sob from his tears and it actually hurt you more than the words he said. Seeing Gally cry like this makes you feel like the worst person ever cause you know how much Gally'd been through yet you still demand so much from him "Babe, you're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and you know that. The day you arrived here, I know we had something and we will always have something between us. We might not start off our relationship in the best way possible, and we've had our ups and downs, but I know we're together to last. When we had that argument weeks ago, I know I've hurt you to the worst way possible and it made me realize how bad of a person I've become. I shouldn't have say anything bad about you, ever, but I did. And when you started to keep distance between us, I know that I should really back off and give you the space you deserve. You deserve a much more better person than I am, [Y/N]. But after all these times when you left, I know I can't spend a day without you. The thought of you moved on kills me everynight I can barely do my job right during the day"
"Oh my- Bloody, Gally!" You said as you stared down to his hands. He had a lot of band aids on them. Bruises and cuts were visible on his muscular arms. You honestly didn't notice them but now he mentions it, you feel like his bruises were yours that you cry from the pain.
Gally chuckled, "Yeah, that's just how much you affect me"
"My- Gally, I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be. I deserve them" Gally said. He takes you by the chin and made you stare back at his eyes "Look, I know I've hurt you bad and I don't deserve any second chances but I just want you to know that.. I'm trying hard, okay? I'm trying my best to change for you. I can careless about what those klunks say about me, but you.. You're the one that makes me want to change back and if you're walking away.. I don't see any point of changing back or stay like this. I don't see the point of living anymore, in fact. So please, [Y/N]. As much as I don't deserve it, please give me another chance, alright?"
You smiled a little, making Gally to brighten up his facial expression. You gave him a small peck on his lips before pulling him close for a hug and buried your face on his shoulders, "Alright"
---
Hey Gladers!
Sorry to keep you waiting for the update. I had mid-term going on and things weren't exactly at its best these days, so yeah..
This won't be the last update for this weekend, I promise!
So anyway, how was it?
Gally's mine, kay?
xoxo