In Which a Fight About Oreos is Started.
Y/N POV
Thank God class is over, I was getting tired of sleeping. Also, TetsuX4 finally shows up. It's like Kirishima but again. The door is opened and there's a practical wall of nameless extras. Oof, I sound like Bakugoat. Mineta freaks out like always and Bakugo insults the writhing mass.
"I came to see what you kids are made of, true, but I didn't think you'd be this arrogant," oh, it's Shinso. "Are all the kids in the department of heroics this way? I'm a bit disillusioned. So that's it, huh? There are a lot of kids who wind up in the general education department or other departments because they failed the heroics one. Did you know that?" as a matter of a fact, I did. I should probably let him finish his spiel, though. "And based on the results of the Sports Festival people can even come under review to be transferred to heroics. And the reverse is also a possible outcome...scoping out the competition? If nothing else, a gen-ed kid like me is thinking 'hey, why don't I try pulling out the rug from under those heroics kids while they're on their high horses? Consider it a declaration of war." he finishes. I start clapping, moved by the sheer poetry coming out of his vocal cords.
"Good job, dude, I feel like it would have taken me like a month to memorize all that. Anyway, I gotta talk to you later, but for now, move out of the way." everyone gives me a weird look as Shinso nods and takes his leave. Just then, RedundantName McGee bursts forward.
"HEY!! YOU!! I'M FROM CLASS B!! I-" he yells as I cut him off by screaming just as loud.
"HEY!! YOU!! I'M FROM HERE I'M M/N NICE TO MEET YOU!!" I stick my arm out straight and wave using just my wrist like someone without an elbow. This takes him aback.
"Nice to meet you too..?" he replies.
"Indeed! Isn't friendship great? Just a quick question, are those your eyelashes?" This has bothered me since he was introduced. He nods slowly and I continue, "and can I touch them?"
I reach forward slowly, giving an inquisitive expression. He doesn't move, so I poke them gently. "Aw, cool, they're like metal. I love you. Goodbye." I slip through the crowd like a sentient pool noodle, leaving everyone to stare after me with BOUNDLESS LOVE in their eyes. I wonder if I can catch up with Shinso?
OWP POV
The chaotic force having left, the remaining students are left staring, disoriented in its wake.
"Is...is he... always like that?" Tetsutetsu questions. Bakugo only growls and shoves his way through the crowd.
Meanwhile, M/N is unable to locate Shinso, to his great disappointment.
"Ah, whatever, I'll just text him later. I want to help him a bit with actual physical training, maybe he'll put up more of a fight against Midoriya. I also want to stop talking out loud like the idiot I am." but alas, the point of view was not to be changed quite yet so his request went unanswered. The teen left the school, distracted by the fact the smell of spaghetti noodles was following him around when his phone vibrated.
Mystery Fucker
I demand to speak to your manager
Kentucky Fried Children
Oh shit Karen no please the kids
Karen
They're mine now John
Kentucky Fried Children
But seriously who tf are you
Karen
a R E A L M A N
Kentucky Fried Children
A man of culture as well
Karen
That's a dead meme, you fucking loser
Kentucky Fried Children
You're a dead meme
A few minutes and no reply. M/N clicks his tongue and shakes his head slightly, shrugging.
"Guess he couldn't handle my comeback game."
He continues walking to the store, humming tunelessly before being assaulted by an atomic flying elbow.
M/N was slammed into the concrete exactly like a space squid from Rigel X-9 at 9:38 p.m. Unlike the squid, he was not knocked out cold and flipped the attacker onto their back.
"Ah! Yet another interesting character! With all of them popping up so suddenly I feel almost like it's being done purposely!" M/N states, staring in the nearly opposite direction of where the camera is. He is not as talented as the cheese god, apparently. "What's with the atomic flying elbow?" The character is discreetly shocked M/N was not defeated. He smirks with dead eyes.
"Absolutely no reason."
"Yeah I call bullshit to that. Were you the person I was texting with?" M/N asks.
The person says nothing but looks away with the face of one who thinks they're good at lying but in reality aren't.
"Oh, so you were. So what's your name?" M/N turns to about 2 feet to the right of the camera and says out loud, "Like I didn't know already." Man, another wrong-direction joke in the same chapter, it must be a phase.
The human is confused, as there is nothing in the direction of the other's gaze. How did he know who he was? I mean, it's not like purple stapled-on skin would tip anybody off. That would be ridiculous.
"It's Dabi..." M/N nods, not surprised at all, and gets off of him.
"Great, I'm assuming you know my ability, so I'm gonna need you to keep ssh about that for now at least. Pleased to meet your acquaintance." he rolls too far back on his heels, losing his balance before catching himself and offering Dabi his hand like nothing happened. Dabi then ignores it, attempting to get up himself, only for M/N to shove the hand flatly into his face, pushing him back down with the skin of his fingers touching Dabi's exposed eyeballs.
"FUCK THAT'S SO UNCOMFORTABLE" he yells, gesturing wildly in M/N's general direction. He backs up, and Dabi is left rubbing his slightly red eyes.
"See, that's why I never open my eyes all the way. It's not me being dangerously sleep-deprived and dehydrated, it's me taking safety precautions, it's how I get away with not wearing goggles in labs," M/N lectures, not fooling Dabi for a second. "wHELL, I've got to head out, but I'll see you later."
"I don't want to see you ever again," Dabi deadpans.
"Too fucking bad, you saying that only encourages me to bother you more often. You need some friends anyway to give you some outfit advice, I mean what the hell, all of your clothing is like 3 inches too short, and since it's not 17th century England no one is turned on by your crusty ass ankles. I'm saying this out of love, babe." With that M/N flails off into the sunset, leaving Dabi in a noxious cloud of no-longer-teen angst.
'Are my ankles actually crusty..?'
M/N POV
I should probably get ahold of Shinso, I mean, it's only a couple of weeks until the festival. I walk over to his house and stand in his front yard like a total creep.
Kentucky Fried Children
Hey do you want to train because I could for sure snap your arms like twigs
Insomnia
No
Kentucky Fried Children
I'm pretty sure you meant to say yes also I'm outside your house so get ready to go to a field or some shit
Insomnia
How do you know where I live
I don't bother to dignify an answer. I mean, we're on a time crunch here, nobody got time for that shit. I stand there for a while, contemplating the fact that, as a regenerating degenerate, I could in theory cut off my hands and literally throw them. Maybe I'll try that at the festival, ruin a few people's mental states. Hey, if there are any children watching (which there most certainly will be) they'll get a kick in the shins from life a little bit early and get a headstart on the rest of us.
Hitoshi finally comes out, giving a lowkey concerned stare.
I extend my arm straight and violently flail my hand in a terrible wave that made some lady yell at me and my friend for being 'insensitive to special ed kids'. What an idiot, I don't have the mental capacity to attempt so-subtle-they're-not-real jokes like that.
"HELLO." He leans back slightly. "Come on, we're gonna go to this really specific field that I totally did not block off from a park and put up No Trespassing signs and a rea-FAKE fake electric fence."
"Hello and why are you doing this to me (again)?" he asks while probably mentally face-palming at my most definitely illegal actions.
"Well, I mean, you want to beat some people's asses at the Festival, right? How far do you think you could get before someone finds out the weakness to your quirk? You'd get beat to a pulp." you know, just being honest. I can see by his expression he never thought of that. Good thing he has me to help. By now, we were at the park and there is indeed an electric fence powered by multiple car batteries. "Give me a second to disconnect this."
"Wait, you actually did make an electric fence? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you even know what you're do-"
"*unintelligible screeching sounds as I get electrocuted*" I honestly don't know how I got electrocuted by car batteries, that is not scientifically possible which I found out by asking Google. Hitoshi freaks out.
"Shit! Are you even alive right now!? I should probably call an ambulance or-" I cut him off, coughing slightly.
"N-no, I'm fine, just tingly for a few seconds. Ahhhhh. I'm good, let's start."
"Hold up, how are you fine? If you're shocked badly enough to scream continuously for 30 seconds, you should not be fine right now," he states, grabbing me by the arms. He hasn't found out yet? I thought the immediately healing cat bites or the immediately healing alleyway dog bites or the immediately healing small child that I tried to take the store's last fudge pop from bites would have tipped him off.
"I haven't told you? Uh...I can heal from anything besides complete vaporization in theory and it's not a quirk, so I'm not bound by the laws of this universe. It's kind of an open secret until probably the Festival, so keep it discreet. Y'know, on the down-low." he looks vaguely confused, but he nods.
OWP POV
The training continued up until a few days before the Sports Festival. Hitoshi could now moderately defend himself, as long as the opponent was not specifically skilled in hand-to-hand combat. Which, now that I'm thinking about it, is a shockingly low number of people. Aren't these kids trying to be heroes, why haven't they taken some karate classes or punched some trees or something? The only notable thing happened during a normal school day when M/N somehow spotted a student with bat wings. Unfortunately.
M/N POV
HOLY SHIT! I grab the nearest person near me, that being Sero, and shake him, screaming "WE CAN'T STOP HERE...THIS IS BAT COUNTRY." You know, a classic cult movie reference because we don't have enough of those already in this train wreck of a chapter. Sero looks confused. "Wait...you don't recognize the most famous quote from probably one of the best drug movies of all time?" I inquire, still grabbing him by the shoulders, shaking back and forth to fully express the horror.
"Uh..n-no?" Well this is just terrible.
"Come on, we're going to my house after school, I don't care what prior commitments you have, they're absolutely useless." I turn my head toward the rest of the Bakusquad. "You guys can come too if you want, which you most certainly do."
OWP POV
There were no complaints, as M/N had stopped listening and was making a list of snacks to buy.
"Oreos: thin or extra stuffed." This, of course, nearly started a riot when Bakugo had the absolute balls to even suggest thin. Beaten to like a few feet of his life, he was dragged to the store and then to M/n's house by the rest.
"Man, this has changed my whole view of America."-Kaminari
"Yeah, when I watched this for the first time years ago the only complete thought in my head was 'god I wish that were me', it was pretty great and then I read the book and everything."-M/N
"It wasn't complete shit."-Guess who
"See, Bakugoat, most of my ideas don't suck completely."-M/N again
Happy 4th of July fellow humans!
How about Joey Fucking Chestnut this year, huh?
(and of course George Shea the best announcer ever)
What a great event, I mean 71 hotdogs with buns in 10 minutes.
God I wish that was me.