[Trigger Warning]
*This chapter is extremely emotional and if you are not in a healthy mindset I do not recommend reading right now. You've been warned.*
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"Jack!" I choke out, clenching my lower stomach in agony. Tears poured down my face as though I had no control over them. I didn't have control over anything. My entire body tensed up as I fell to the floor from the bed. I held on tighter, gripping onto the soft carpeting.
"Jack please!" I scream, sharp pains shooting through my body. A warm liquid was slowly draining from me as my tears poured harder than ever before. My heart dropped to my feet as Jack burst into my room, knocking down the door in the process. The pure terror in his eyes was enough to send me over the edge towards a breakdown.
"Alex! Get the fucking car!" Jack yelled at the top of my lungs, rushing over to me. He hesitantly picks me up in his arms, trying his best to not cause me anymore pain that necessary. We climb into the backseat of Alex's car and I pull my knees to my chest as the pain grew stronger.
"S-somethings n-n-not right. Call Aw-"
"No. We gotta get you to a hospital first. I'll handle everything afterwards but we gotta get this fixed." Alex's voice boomed over the sound of harsh crying and panic.
Everything around me became dizzy. I blinked hard trying to focus on one thing but couldn't get my eyes to adjust as the car itself spun. My vision blurred and everything around me ached.
"Don't you fucking dare die on me Tori. Don't fucking do this!" Jack yelled, wrapping his arms around me tighter, holding onto my seemingly lifeless body. He cried hard, wheezing to try to catch his breath.
My breathing slowed and the flashed of light became hazy. I looked around in the confusion to see that we were at the hospital. Jack was carrying me in, nearly tripping over his own feet in the panic.
"Help! Somebody help!" Jack yelled, frantically searching for a doctor or nurse. My body tensed at the sudden cold beneath me as I was placed onto a hospital bed where I was rushed into another room. The last thing I was was Jack standing there covered in my own blood screaming words I couldn't process. Alex hugged him tightly as he sobbed into his shirt. The doors closed and I leaned my head back, looking around. No one was talking to me. I felt like a ghost.
"Awsten?" I asked as a green blur went past me. I attempted to sit up to look but my body twisted in agony, forcing me to lean back. The green was nothing but a sign for a restroom.
"What's your name honey?" A nurse asked, trying to maintain eye contact with me to keep me focused.
"To..ri.." I manage to spit out as I looked at the nurse. Her brown eyes looking deep into mine. She seemed almost calm in this situation as though she had seen it many times before.
"A...m.. I gon..gonna die?" I force the words out between the convulsing pain that shot through my spinal cord. This wasn't right at all.
"Not today." She says, smiling some reassuringly. A cold fluid enters my veins and I feel it travel through my body. I drift off into the void, losing sight of all the crimson surrounding me.
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"Victoria you have visitors." The male nurse in the corner of the room says, holding up a chart. I roll my eyes, not answering him.
"She's not said a word since she came back from surgery. Maybe you can get something out of her." He says, placing his chart down before walking out of the room. Jack and Alex walk in, tears in their eyes.
Jack stares at me, speechless. He covers his mouth with his hands in attempts to keep back any whimpers as he cries.
"How are you feeling..?" Alex asks, breaking the silence. His voice was shaken. He didn't seem confident in his wording at all.
I shake my head, looking over my left shoulder to stare out the window. The same view I have stared at for hours on end, thinking. Daises. A field full of fucking daises. The same flowers I once loved I now hated with a boiling passion.
"Tori..." Alex says, placing his hand on top of mine. I look down at it and turn my hand over, holding his loosely. My eyes meet his and his expression softens.
"When you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen. Okay?"
I nod, looking down at the wristband on me. It was white with a violet dot on one side and a yellow on the opposite. Violet, a far too familiar wristband tag for me. Overnight patient. The yellow was new, however. The color of motherhood. A black slash ran through it. Loss.
"He... He didn't make it, Tori. He wasn't strong enough. You did everything You were supposed to do. It just wasn't meant to be right now." Alex explains, sighing. A tear fell down his cheek and a single drop echoes through the room.
Miscarriage.
"The doctors all said he wouldn't have made it more than a week had he waited until the right time. Tori, I'm so sorry." Alex wiped away his tears, breathing in heavily.
"We called Awsten. He doesn't know about what happened but he knows you were in surgery. We thought it would be best for you to tell him when you're ready." Alex says and I nod some, looking out the window again. I couldn't find the words to express anything. I felt emotionless.
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"Tori? Awsten is here to see you.." Jack says, knocking on my door. I don't even move to answer it. I just sit on the opposite side of my bed on the floor, staring out the window. I had not spoken in 8 days. I had not ate in 3. I had not slept since I was in the hospital.
"Baby?" Awsten asks from the other side of the door, knocking.
"Please let me in.." Awsten's voice cracks as he leans his head against the door, waiting. I unlock the door before going back to sit where I've stayed for days, grieving. The door slowly creeks open and I pull my hood over my head.
"Tori?" Awsten asks, walking over towards me. I look away, hiding my face.
"Please just say something. Anything. I need you Tori I can't do this on my own." He cries, collapsing to his knees beside me. I turn to look at him, wiping some of my tears away.
"Do you still love me?" I mumble. My voice doesn't even sound like mine. It sounds broken. Shattered into a million pieces like my pride. I lost myself. I left when Lucas did.
"Of course I still love you. That would never change. Baby or not." He chokes out, frantically running his fingers through his hair.
"Alex told." My voice was a dull whisper at this point. I felt betrayed. He wasn't supposed to tell.
"I made him tell me. I couldn't take it anymore. I made him. It's not his fault. None of this is your fault. It just wasn't the right time." Awsten says, looking down at me.
"Do you still love me?" He asks. I stare at the wall, nodding.
"Do you remember when you told me that I made you feel powerless?" I ask, glancing over at him for a moment.
"Yeah, why?"
"I understand now."
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This was so hard to write wow. I love you guys don't kill me. New chapter coming soon I promise