June 21st, Graduation Day (Olivia's Perspective)
"Smile for me Bella." She smiled happily as I took a picture of Amanda fixing her cute dress. It was purple, one of her favorite colors and it just looked so elegant on my baby girl.
"I see your little friends are starting to come in."
"Aunty!" I smiled as I looked at my daughter, she was putting on some lip gloss and smiled afterwards.
"Aunty, you know you could never leave the house without a glossy lip?"
"I prefer red lipstick, but you really can't leave without something to make you look a little extra beautiful, huh?"
"Pretty much."
"Bella, we have to go soon. Are you ready baby?" She nodded and we went outside to take pictures.
"Okay, I'm getting tired of this."
"One more, just one more."
"I feel bad for her. Just too many pictures."
"Okay let's go! Kylie is waiting on us!"
*************
Westbury Auditorium (Bella's Perspective)
"Bella Benson." I got up and walked up the stage proudly. I was very happy, but also very sad. My Aunt was one of the teachers shaking hands. I wasn't going to be able to see her next year.
"Congratulations Bella. You'll do amazing."
"Congrats." I got to my Aunt and I just cried.
"I'm so unbelievably proud of the young lady you're becoming. Don't ever stop." She whispered.
"Congrats Bella boo." I walked off stage with my diploma and my tear stained the paper.
"It's okay Bella. You still got us." Kylie said.
"I love you."
"Love you too."
"Kayla Müller." I clapped for my friend as she walked across the stage. In pink hair. Again. It's only temporary and that's why her Dad isn't mad about it. Though Kayla and I had some fights this year she's still one of my first friends at Westbury, and she'll always have a place in my heart. We'll always be friends. It was really hard to hold back the tears today. I tried my hardest to be strong.
"Now we'll be having Bella and Kylie with their speech." And so I held my best friends hand as we went up. We introduced ourselves and I went first.
"Elementary school is easy, it's the stepping stone, the foundation of our learning."
"To help us move on to greater things." Kylie added strongly.
"To help us become the amazing people we want to be."
"The memories made here will never be forgotten."
"And the moments," We both paused and cried a little.
"We will forever cherish."
"Westbury's class of 2020 was an interesting one. Even though we've gone through some hard times-"
"We will always be...."
"THE BEST OF FRIENDS!" All of us kids shouted. My Mom and Uncle were smiling, Noah clapped, Jesse was jumping up, and Billie didn't understand everything, but she was happy too. I walked off the stage with my best friend and they ended the ceremony. I struggled to find Mom, but when I finally did she was really emotional.
"Hey Bella bear." She cried as she gave me a hug and a kiss.
"Your speech with Kylie was amazing. I'm so proud of you."
"Thank you."
"Bella, you're getting too big." I laughed and gave Fin a hug.
"Bellz?" I turned around and my aunt was there. I smiled and gave her a hug.
"I want you to meet someone." Next to her was someone who looked a lot like her.
"Bella, this is my mother, your grandmother."
"Good Afternoon." Huh? I don't know her. I looked at Mom and she nodded.
"Good Afternoon Bella, I'm happy to finally meet you."
"You too." I said with a smile. She handed me a gift and I cuddled it.
"Thank you."
"Don't mention it. Anything for my grand baby."
"Thanks again..Grandma." I smiled as she went to go talk to someone and my Aunt looked at me.
"Are you okay Bella? You look upset."
"I-I'm-" She gave me a hug as I cried and I felt terrible for doing so. I just felt so many emotions...And when I feel so many different emotions, I just cry. I can't help it.
"Aunty?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I call you later and talk to you?"
"Of course baby. Are you okay?" She asks again.
"I am, but I'm just a bit overwhelmed."
"And that's okay."
"Are you coming to dinner with us?" I asked.
"Well, I was going to with the teachers..Maybe we can all go. Let me talk to Liv."
*************
Sarabeth's (Olivia's Perspective)
I could see how overwhelmed my daughter was as she quietly looked around the table and then to her grandmother. Poor baby.
"Livy! We have burger?"
"If that's what you want." Leia smiled and then looked at Toni.
"Hi Ms.Aunty. Hi!" She waved and Toni smiled back.
"So Bella, how do you feel?" Bella looked very shy, but I raised her to answer people when spoken to.
"I feel okay."
"Just okay?"
"I mean, my closest friends are going to Trinity with me. So I don't have a reason to be sad."
"And you know that, I'll always be here for you whenever you need it. Okay?"
"Yes Aunty." She continued to talk to her relatives and teachers, getting quieter and quieter as she spoke.
"Bella? Wanna talk to me for a second?"
"Okay." I took Leia off my lap and took Bella to the bathroom.
"Bella Danielle, you're uncomfortable aren't you?"
"Yes, can we go home? I want to go to therapy tomorrow, can you please schedule it?"
"I will, I'll call. I'm sorry about this, I knew you weren't ready."
"It's not you Mommy, stop blaming yourself. I just have a hard time getting used to new things, I'm sorry."
"It isn't your fault either my love. It's okay, come let's just finish up dinner."
"Okay Mama." We went back to the table and Bella pushed through.
"Livy, I wanna go home. Tired!" Leia whined.
"I'm tired too Lei lemme tell you."
"You funny Mr.Gamory."
"Mr.Gamory, when you get back from your vacation we're gonna have that party right?"
"Of course, I ain't forget." Bella chuckled and dipped some water.
************
First Day Of Summer (Bella's Perspective)
"Get up!"
"Huh?"
"You gotta eat Bella!" Leia said with a smile.
"Why?"
"Because it's 12." I looked at my iPad and she was right.
"Oh sugar honey iced tea." I brushed my teeth and took a shower.
"Mom! Mom!"
"What's wrong?!" She said frantically.
"When's my appointment?"
"Very soon. Are you ready?"
"Yes."
"Leia, it's time for your appointment too."
"I don't want to go!" She yelled.
"Leia, no yelling. You don't have to yell at Livy when you're upset, and if you yell again we're not going to the park after."
"What's wrong Lei?" She looked at the floor and started to cry.
"What's the matter princess?"
"I'm scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Of talking about Greg!" She cried and Mommy picked her up.
"Oh you poor thing. I'm so sorry."
"I scared if he hurt me."
************
My Session
"Long time, no see."
"Graduation stuff."
"Congrats."
"Thank you."
"Your Mom scheduled an emergency session today. Why is that?"
"I've been feeling overwhelmed."
"Why is that?"
"The other day, I learned that I have a little sister."
"That's really big."
"She's staying with us, Mom took her to the courthouse and the judge agreed that us siblings should stay together."
"That must be a big change, going from the baby to the big sister."
"It is. But I love her a lot, and I met my new grandma. And I feel just so weird and stuff. I feel like I might go back to the dark place."
"Bella, have you been using the strategies?"
"Talking doesn't always help Mrs.Caron."
"I understand."
"It just feels so useless sometimes. Like what's the point?"
"So what can we do?"
"I'm not sure. I haven't written in a while."
"How come?"
"I got busy with competition and things like that."
"Would you like to write down all of your feelings?"
"Sure." I wrote about how I'm worried about being left out, my new grandma, Mom and Noah, and all sorts of personal things.
"Do you feel any better?"
"A little. It did help. I feel like I'm being so pressured like I'm going to explode."
"What do you think will relieve that pressure?"
"If maybe people just back off a bit. Like, my Aunt Toni, I'd feel better. I'm not really ready to be with that side of my family right now. It's really hard for me." I picked up a tissue and cried a little.
"Wanna talk about why?"
"Because he abandoned me! I was supposed to be his little girl, but instead he let me get hurt by dozens of grown men and I still don't even understand what happened to me. I just know that it really hurt." I cried harder as she came over and gave me a hug.
"I wish I was never born!"
***********
Upper East Side, Manhattan (Olivia's Perspective)
Lucy: Bella is really upset right now. I've run out of ideas to calm her down. Can you buy Bella some cookie dough ice cream?
"Poor baby. Today must've been so hard for her."
Me: Of course. Can you get Leia to bed so that I can talk privately with Bell?
Lucy: No problem!
Me: Thank you so much!
I parked my car in front of the supermarket and went inside. Lucy usually does the groceries since I'm not home to do so, so I didn't really need much past the ice cream. But I decided to buy some more sweets, so it could feel like a little girl's night to Bella. I paid the bill and continued going home. I parked my car in front of our home and walked to the ground floor entrance.
"Good night." I whispered as I walked inside the house.
"Night Mom." I gave Noah a hug and Lucy one as well.
"Thanks Lucy."
"Mom how was work?"
"Fine."
"Bella hasn't left her room in hours. Did you bring her chipotle?" He said with such care.
"I bought some ice cream and sweets."
"Mom, when will I ever know what happened to Bella?"
"When she's ready to tell you sweetheart." I have him a kiss and he wiped his face.
"Mom!"
"I'm going upstairs to talk to your sister. Don't do anything...crazy."
"Cool." I went upstairs to the kids' floor and knocked on Bella's door.
"What are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd spend some time with my favorite bear."
"I don't want any company." She said as she laid down on her bed.
"Not even for some Oreos and ice cream?" She turned around and I handed her a spoon.
"Cookie dough?"
"Of course." We ate some quietly and she looked at me.
"Why are you being so nice to me?"
"When am I not?" She kept eating and I sat up.
"Baby, sometimes in life, we go through struggles, and it's normal. But what isn't normal is refusing to eat all day. It isn't healthy. And it means that you need help. And I'm very happy that you allowed me to help you, but I can't always be there sweetheart, and I want you to start learning how to help yourself. Is that okay?" She nodded and rested her head on me.
"Mom, I don't feel good."
"I know."
"You don't know what I mean though." She said while eating an Oreo.
"What do you mean?"
Pt.2 coming in a bit~