“Now….do it!” you coaxed yourself. Your assistant entered before you could change your mind.
You worried. What if it was not delivered to Jin. The thought of that made you sick to your stomach.
Remembering the business card Jin had given you, you called his personal manager. A few minutes later you had explicit instructions and an assurance the package would be in Jin's hands before he left.
“SeoJeon. I have something very important for you to do for me," you told him. The young man nodded eagerly.
You had written down the name and address and instructions the manager had provided you. Handing the information to him you continued, “ I need you to please make sure this package is securely delivered to this address."
You watched as his young face beamed at being trusted with a task.
Then you watched the blood drain from his face as he read the address.
“Here????? I go Here???” he practically shouted, his color coming back in a dark blush. “Oh my…oh wait….”
He had begun to pace and mutter to himself.
He stopped and looked down at himself. As always he was impeccably dressed but you could tell he was thinking of changing, or going shopping for a whole new outfit.
“SeoJeon! I need you to focus! You look very handsome today. Perfect for this task. Ok?” he nodded, still a bit dazed.
Checking your watch you added “I need you to hurry. I am on the clock here."
He straightened to his full height, ready to walk into fire for you at that moment, or at least into the offices of one of the most prestigious companies in the country.
You gave the package to the young man, telling him a car should be waiting downstairs and giving him a handful of folded bills.
“Go carefully. Please call when you are done. Take this and get lunch on the way back. Any questions?” you asked.
He was so excited he was entering the elevator before you finished. As the doors closed you sighed. It was done now.
The rest of the day dragged on slowly.
SeoJeon returned to the office floating on air. He told you several times about his trip. A lower level manager was waiting for him when he arrived. He was allowed to wait in the lobby for the team departure.
He saw Jin as soon as the elevators opened. He told you Jin came to him immediately and took the package.
Each time he told it Jin's reaction was more gracious, more thankful, more surprised.
In the end you had allowed him to leave early with another fold of bills for supper with his friends. You admonished him to keep the details and contact information confidential.
He assured you he would, saying “ I have enough details without revealing specifics!! Besides, it is much better to be mysterious”. He looked like he had his next several nights out well planned.
Now all you could do was wait, and worry. Somehow you finished the day, made it to bedtime and collapsed into dreamless sleep.
Sometime in the early morning hours you received a text from Jin.
A quick check of social media found pictures of Jin just as he had said. Damn it!! It just made you miss him more!
Jin had checked and double checked the bag with his personal items.
At the last minute he tucked his journal inside. It seemed silly but he could not leave it there alone on his nightstand.
Everyone was ready at last and finally in the elevator, Jin struggling to focus on the task before him.
As he stepped out, his manager directed him toward a nervous young man in the lobby. He was holding a package and Jin frowned. Fan gifts were not allowed, especially in the main lobby. This was definitely something that had been cleared by management.
Jin approached the young man and took the package from his outstretched hands. The man began to bow and rapidly deliver a speech he had obviously rehearsed.
All Jin heard was “such an honor" and your name.
At that he stopped short and looked at the delicate bow and his name scrawled across the envelope. His heart began to thump.
He repeated your name as a question to the young man and he beamed and started to gush about how great it was to work for you, how great it was to meet him.
Jin lost focus on everything but the package in his hands.
His heart sunk as he felt the weight and shape of it. Had you returned the journal to him?
Had you decided his carelessness was too great and his lifestyle too difficult to give him another chance.
He was forced to snap back to attention as their security team got them into position. He tucked the gift into his bag, waiting until he was safely underway to see what it held.
His heart warred between heartache and hope. The chaos at departure and through the airport was a perfect reflection of his mood.
Jin settled into a seat away from the others in the rear of the private plane. They sensed his mood and gave him his privacy.
He pulled the gift from his bag and sat holding it for several minutes, afraid of what was inside.
Finally he drew a deep breath and tore open the wrapping. His breath hitched as he saw the hand bound book.
The cover was covered in grey flannel with buttons and fasteners holding the binding.
He opened the front cover and found a clear envelope on the inside front cover. Inside he could see a lavender rose, dried and pressed, the fragile petals protected in it's transparent shelter. It was one of the roses he sent you, the color faded, but the meaning and memory still clear.
He gently touched the flower. He read the inscription underneath , for us...the first chapter, and felt the vise in his chest loosen. He looked at the facing page but it was blank. Had you sent another journal?
His eyes caught the bow and card discarded on the seat beside him.
Picking up the card, he paused for a moment to look at his name written on the front.
He would not have guessed you had such terrible handwriting. He smiled. It was good knowing such a tiny, intimate fact about you.
Pulling the card loose he read:
“I hope you enjoy. It shows we can be together, even when we are far apart. Hurry Home safely!”
Jin sat there several minutes reading and reading the words.
“…..we can be together, even when we are far apart.” And then “….hurry home….”
Those words gave such hope to his sore heart. He cursed that he was speeding away from you as he read them. He tucked the card back in the envelope and turned his attention back to the book.
He turned the first page and was stunned to see his bold handwriting “Dear Heart".
He skimmed the rest. It was his first letter to you. No, it was a copy, you had kept the original. For some reason that seemed important to him.
He read the letter again, wincing at how awkward the words were. It was a wonder you had not turned him away outright.
He reached the end of the letter, turning the page, expecting to see his next one. He was astonished to find the page filled with your messy scrawl, responding to his questioning, asking some of your own.
Jin sat and stared at the treasure in his hands. As the rest of the team fell asleep one by one, Jin quietly read. He laughed or wept at the words sometimes both together.
The story the two of you had written - were writing- was complex and beautiful and flawed and amazing and so much more for which he had no words.
He read the book once, then once more.
As he came to the blank pages in between the entries Jin envisioned the two of you reading the book together, you in his lap or him reclined back in your arms.
You would be laughing or fighting over what to write in the blank pages. He would fall asleep in your embrace as you read your letters to him.
He wanted that so much. He said a silent prayer that he would get that chance. That somehow he deserved the great gift of you welcoming him home, truly home, a place of peace and rest. To this point in his life that had only been a fantasy.
Jin's could no longer keep his eyes open. He needed to rest. Before he fell asleep he sent you a series of texts hoping you would get them when you woke up.
Then with a smile he turned off the overhead light and reclined his seat. Holding his book close to his chest, he drifted off to dreams of being held in your arms.