7 Days until the war
Stress, that was all I watched Harry go through. For the past week he's been staying up late and waking up early to plan and plan for his war. I hear him at nearly 3am punching a punching bag outside, and see him sitting at the table around midnight with Louis and Niall with a bunch of papered plans. He was so overwhelmed, I could tell. Briar is the only thing keeping him calm, he still spends as much time with her as he can.
I haven't had a memory come to me since the one at the meeting, and it was only something that lasted 3 seconds. I was happy to have gotten a vision of my past, but was disappointed when I saw it was basically nothing. If anything, getting that vision made me loose more hope for my memory's return. Because if that's all I've gotten in all these weeks of being here, I was never going to get theme all back to it's full potential. All I saw was four inhales worth of an argument we had about him not being god, it was barely a memory.
So I didn't tell Harry about it, I couldn't. I didn't want to get his hopes up because in the pit of my stomach I knew I wasn't going to get all these memories back.
But anyway...
I've gotten a lot better with Briar, learning slowly but surely how to be a mother. I'm starting to know what she likes and what she doesn't. I'm beginning to understand her and feel more of a connection. I felt so bad for her though, she has no idea what is coming. I wanted her to spend as much time with her father as she could.
It was about 9am when I woke up and headed downstairs after cleaning myself up. As usual I could hear Harry shuffling around in the kitchen which immediately drew me to him. He's probably been up for hours.
I walked in to see him on the phone and holding Briar in his arm, no shirt on his toned body. His back was to me as he walked around the kitchen arguing with someone on the phone but kept the level low. His grey track pants hugging his hips with the accepting of his boxers poking through.
I haven't seen his bare upper body since that night when I walked in on him in a towel. I didn't forget what he looked like, but I also didn't remember how breath taking it was. His sharp muscles were reigned down his anatomy, blanketed with a layer of inked and tanned skin. I let my eyes narrow down to the waistband of his very low track pants, his stone cut v lines teasingly leading to what was under the thick fabric.
"No, if we don't have the fucking guys on that specific tower then they will get it before us." Harry demanded into the cellphone, making my sinful and unethical thoughts come to a halt.
"Fuck!" Briar repeated out of habit, sitting occupied on Harry's hip.
"Shh baby." He said to her away from the phone.
"Hey.." I said quietly to make myself present, his eyes turning to mine.
"Hey sweetheart." He whispered to me. "No! Ethan will be the last one to find out about that." He then says more sternly into the phone, walking over to the table with all of his papers scattered on it.
"I'm reading right here, the corner of Clayton and Finley street." He says while looking down at an Ashbourne map, transitioning his hand holding the phone to placing it in the crook of his cheek and shoulder so he had the free hand to point at the spot he was talking about.
Briar started to reach out and play with his ear, pulling at it and giggling as he kept talking on the phone and didn't seem to even realize she was doing it.
"Yeah, yeah I need them up there an hour before commencement." He says while I walked over to the fridge and took out orange juice from the pitcher, pouring myself a small glass before putting it back.
"Okay well get it in order then!" He shouted more into the device against his ear, Briar not even phased.
I watched his back as he looked down at the papers on the wooden table, head cocked to the side to hold the phone on his shoulder. His inked arm was latched around Briar, his back empty of any tattoos. I walked up behind him with my juice and took it upon myself to press a soft kiss to the centre of his back between his shoulder blades.
Stop teasing yourself.
He turned around and grabbed the phone from his shoulder and held it to his ear again, but leaning forward to kiss my forehead.
"Yeah, that's what I said." He spoke into the phone with attitude. "Just call me back when you have that shit in order, we are running out of time here." He shook his head, ending the phone call.
"Hi, sorry." He put the phone down and looks at me with a more softer tone.
"Rough morning?" I asked.
"Just tying up the loose ends." He murmurs while rubbing his eyes with his one free hand.
"Ah." I nodded. "Who was that guy you mentioned?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" He furrowed his brows down at me, searching my eyes for an answer. "Oh! Ethan?" He asked.
"Yeah, who is that?"
"The guy that's making our lives an living hell." He said to my surprise.
"I'm guessing he's apart of Salvation?"
"Well he's the leader of Salvation now apparently. I've never seen his bloody face but he's the guy that's been out to get us since Briar was like six months old. He used to rule a gang called Deception after my father did but Louis ended up poisoning 80% of that gang, so then who was left went over to Salvation." He spilled all out but I was stuck on so many things.
"Okay wait wait," I shut my eyes and stop him. "First off, you've never even have seen this guy? And what do you mean your dad?" I had to get some things clear.
"Yeah the little bitch has never shown his face for his own protection apparently. I don't know his age, hair colour, nothing. So that's the one thing good about this fight, I'll get to be the one to put a bullet through his skull hopefully." He explains half of my question.
"Okay so he hides in the shadows, what about your dad?" I repressed.
"Oh, well he lead a gang and whatnot to try and destroy me in punishment of getting him set to jail when I was a kid but I eventually killed him so it's no big deal." He rambles all out so casually, like what he just said was a grocery list.
"You killed your father?" I couldn't help but gasp.
"With a rock if you want details." He shrugged but I was still confused by all of this.
"But how— Why wo—"
"Let's go sit down." He says while taking my hand with Briar in the other arm and walking to the living room. He leads and directs me to sit down on the couch, placing Briar on her feet but holding onto the coffee table so she was standing. She looked at the television to see the cartoons playing, hypnotized by it. He sat down himself facing me, turning his head to meet eyes again.
"He abused me physically and mentally all my life, probably starting when I was younger then Briar. It got so bad that I eventually developed a split identity because of it, something I take medication for so I don't become that other person." He spills as my lungs forgot how to inhale. "Oh, and he tried to kill me first so it was only fair I killed him when I got the chance."
"What kind of father would do that to their kid?" I asked in quietness, so shocked about this all. The thought of Harry being a young boy and beaten was truly heartbreaking.
"People like him. He didn't care about me." He shook his head, but spoke so normally about this all. I didn't see any tears in his eyes or struggling exhales when answering such horrible things. This is something that doesn't effect him, at least anymore.
"I'm so sorry Harry." I felt the emotion for the both of us, my own sinuses feeling thick like I was gonna cry.
"Well, me too." He spoke a fraction quieter but still with a strong manor. "But I'm okay." He says in hope, smiling at me. He looks like he's worked hard to put all that stuff behind him, that's why he's so strong with explaining it.
"And what is this split personality?" I say as this was all news to me. My voice was really delicate right now, a cause of nervousness. When I think of split personality, I think of someone suddenly changing into an new identity everyday and back to the other one with no cause.
His eyes stay on mine as he looked hesitant to explain in detail, but I stayed silent until I heard the explanation.
"When I get really angry, I blackout and commit very aggressive actions on anyone in my way. And when I come back, I don't remember a thing I did. I take medication now so I don't reach that point. The doctor said the second personality is a result of my childhood trauma and when I become it, it's me taking the identity of my father." He explains quietly, hand placing on my knee.
Oh lord.
"Have you ever hurt Briar?" Was my first thought.
"No." He shakes his head which made my chest loosen. "But I've hurt you." He adds to my surprise, I didn't even think about myself for some reason.
I froze my inhale as he looked at me with guilt ridden in his big green eyes.
"You h-have?" I stammered, surprised he'd ever lay a hand on me considering how much he strives to keep me safe and is so fragile when I'm around.
He nodded, his features quiet.
"I have never hit you, never a slap or punch or backhand. But...when I...blackout, I'd—" he paused before answering, now looking like there was wetness in his eyes. Explaining his dead father was nothing to him, but explaining him once hurting me was a big struggle it seems.
"You what?" I whispered as his eyes pulled away from mine and looked down at our laps facing each other on the couch.
"Strangle you." He was barely audible, voice laced with nothing but hurt and remorse.
I stayed frozen, looking at him as his eyes slowly narrowed back up to mine to see how I'd react. I stayed still, my mind dull to the situation. I didn't know how to react, nor what to say, but all I could think was how he strangled me.
I tried to picture this soft but strong protective man cutting off my air supply. Was it one hand? Two? How would he do it? Was it against a wall? Or holding me up in the air? What would I have said or done to get him to do that? Why did I stay after that? What did he look like when doing it to me?
"Did Briar see this happen?" I whispered in hesitation.
He shook his head.
"No, she's never witness me ever hurting you. The last time this happened was before Briar was ever a thought in our heads. It was a long time ago and before I had these blackouts under control with meds." He shook his head.
"When was the last time you hurt me?" I asked.
"Before we knew you were pregnant and we left underground. We got into a bad fight and you ended up giving me the silent treatment until I snapped and pinned you to a wall with my hands around your throat. But as that happened I barely got a sentence out before I stopped, realizing what I just did." He explained, giving me some hope knowing he stopped immediately but was still thrown off by this all.
"That was the last time you laid a hand on me in hurt?" I asked because I needed to know.
"Yes, about a two years ago." He nodded.
"And when did you decide to start taking meds?" I asked.
"Well when you were pregnant, we argued about me going out and risking my life for Malignant. You didn't like that because we had a baby coming. We fought about it and I blacked out. You knew I was blacking out so you ran into a bedroom and locked the door to stop me from getting to you. I managed to turn the door to shreds and almost hurt you but came back in time before committing it." He tells me in sorrow, my mind spiralling and finding to so hard to understand that we went through that.
"Oh my god.." I could help but say.
"I know. In that moment I knew I had to change, for you and Briar or you wouldn't be safe with me anymore. So that's when we went to a neurologist and I found out it was a split identity taking over my body, one of my father that comes to surface when I feel so indescribably angry and threatened." He tells me in caution, hand still on my knee and I noticed it was sweaty.
"What was your fathers name?" I whispered.
"Axel." He murmurs.
Axel was an intimidating name for an intimidating man.
This just opened a whole new chapter in our past, something I wasn't aware of. If he didn't have medication, this would be a different story. The abuse he put on me was inexcusable and it put me in a different mindset then how I've been in the past few weeks.
But, it seems like that happened a long time ago. I do believe that people change, and even without memories I can see that in him. He hasn't laid an abusive hand on me in nearly two years and now he takes medication to never blackout. He's a different man then what he used to be. If he told me the last time he hurt me was right before I went into the coma, I'd feel a lot different about this all and none the less a bit scared.
"My biggest regrets was ever hurting you Amelia, and I hope that you don't think differently of me now because of all of this. It's something I never have forgiven myself for, and I don't deserve to. Putting my hands on you was never the right choice even if I couldn't control it sometimes. I wish I could make you believe me when I say I'd never ever do that to you again but I know that's not how it works." He apologizes in something he's probably apologized to me before, I'm just wondering what I said back then in response.
Looking into his eyes, I saw trust and I don't know how. He could be lying to me completely, maybe he did hurt me more right before the coma and he's just hiding it. I do have no recollection after all. Maybe I was in a trapped abusive relationship but he's deciding to take advantage of my amnesia to make me believe it never happened and we were just 'two kids in love'. He is a leader of a gang who's committed many murders, it's not hard to believe he maybe was so cruel to me.
But in my heart, I didn't feel that. He could just be an incredible liar and pulled the wool over my eyes completely. But deep down I believed him and how sorry he was. My soul was telling me that he really did love me with all he had and I was crazy in love with him too. We had a connection and I couldn't decipher where it was coming from but to just be familiar with it.
"Thank you for telling me this." I place my hand on his which was still on my knee.
"I should've told you sooner, I just was afraid of what you'd say." He murmurs with his raspy voice.
"I understand, but it doesn't make me hate you. It was a long time ago." I say quietly.
"I had some deep routed issues, I still do. But with that or not I still made the choices to cause you pain and it's no ones fault but my own. I'm so truly and utterly sorr—"
"Harry." I cut him off, stopping him before he does circles of apologies. "It's okay, please. The old Amelia deserves that apology, not me. And I'm sure she knows how sorry you are." I say with a head shake, sounding a bit twisted but it made sense in my head.
I have no recollection of him ever hurting me, so I don't need an apology for that right now. It's literally in my forgotten life, it's just better not to talk about it. Besides, I'm sure we've gone through all of this before already.
"I just don't want you to think I'm some monster." He justifies.
"I don't, so let it go." I whisper while rubbing his hand. I didn't think he was an evil guy, not after everything I've seen. Maybe I'm crazy for not interrogating this more, but my heart couldn't do it.
He stares at me for a second, hair pushed back but a few loose stray pieces dangling over his forehead.
"You're allowed to be upset with me.." He whispers with caution.
"I know that, but I'm not." I say back, leaning forward and hugging him. I had no clue he had such a depressing childhood that permanently scarred him with trauma.
My arms wrapped around him as he froze. I held him tightly and shut my eyes, doing what he probably didn't expect. After a couple second of taking in his scent he wrapped his arms around me back, holding me strongly within his bare arms. I could feel his heartbeat against my body, and it was racing.
He held me back like I was gonna be ripped away and second, my eyes staying pinched shut as I took in the feeling. My heart aches knowing I had such little time left until the war to hold him like this. His skin was so warm, making me want to stay in this position forever.
When I opened my eyes, I made eye contact with Briar, who was standing next to the coffee table about two meters away and not holding onto anything.
She was standing on your own.
"Oh my god." I said in shock, pulling back from Harry.
"What?" He said while looking behind him to where I was staring in awe.
She was standing there on her own, staring at us with a smile. Harry's eyes lit up and he immediately hopped to the floor.
"Holy shit." He exclaimed while sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. I sat on the edge of the couch behind him, his body between my legs as we both stared at Briar.
"Babe c'mere!" Harry said in encouragement with his arms open, hoping she'll walk to us.
She stood still, staring at us like we were aliens. We were both so desperate to see her first steps.
"Briar!" I waved her to come over, she just laughed and stared at us like we were trying to be funny.
"Muppet." Harry patted the floor in front of him and puckered his lips.
She stared at him for a second before puckering hers back in imitation, her eyes alive of happiness. I was praying that she lifts her leg and takes at least one step.
Harry kept his lips puckered, hopping that's what would encourage her to walk so she could get a kiss. She stood in her diaper, staring right into his eyes with amusement.
I thought my mind was playing tricks on me when I saw her shakily lift her tiny foot and stepped it forward. We kept calling her name and yelling encouragements for her to keep going, my heart racing. Harry hit the floor between his legs a bunch to cheer her on. She laughed and took the step forward, slowly lifting her other leg and taking another step very softly.
"Yes Briar!" I cheered.
"Keep going baby!" Harry smiled while I place my hands on his shoulder from above him. He placed his hands over mine while we both watched her take her shaky first steps.
When she took her third step, I thought I was dreaming. She put a hand in her mouth and kept her eyes on Harry's like it was her focus point. Words couldn't describe how proud I was feeling right now.
"Yes!" I screamed.
When she went to take another step, her legs suddenly just gave out and she fell to her bum, hiccuping once. Even though she fell she still had the biggest smile on her face because she knew what she just did.
"Good job baby!" Harry shot forward and picked her up, bringing her to his chest in so much proud. She laughed as I went over to them on the floor and kissed her cheek as he held her up. I was so happy for her, feeling honoured I got to see her first steps. Harry kisses her forehead as she couldn't wipe the glowing smile off her face, seeing how excited we are.
Harry and I exchanged eye contact, both of us holding nothing but pure proud emotion in our hearts. He had a huge smile while I'm sure I did as well. He held her in his arms while leaning forward to peck my lips softly and quickly, a spark flying through me. We were both so happy in this moment, so consumed in the enjoyment of this little persons life that we created together. She was becoming more then a baby, someone who can walk. I couldn't wrap my head around it so I couldn't imagine how Harry was taking all of this.
We both stayed sat on the living room floor, holding our daughter and radiating nothing but pure enjoyment of each other.
"You're growing up so fast muppet." He kept her wrapped in his inked arms, shutting his eyes.
//
briar 4 prez