Summary: Jade knows she doesn't care much for the revolution so far, it's dragging on and not much good has come from it.
Jade knew she was screwed when Harry came in love struck on her eighth day in the cafe.
He was floating to put it simply, dazed smile in place as he swayed to the low hum of the guitar in the background, and as soon as Zayn noticed he was quick to tease him. Harry had never been one to notice girls so it was quick for everyone to catch on that something was different, and as soon as he began to speak about the girl he'd seen earlier that a day Perez was there to shut him up.
"Harry are you forgetting the situation?" he had spoken, raspy voice low and stern, eyebrows raised in frustration at Harry's apparent puppy dog love. "We could be dead tomorrow. We could die this second for all we know. This isn't the time to be wasted on girls and day dreams."
"You weren't there today Per, you can't tell me to ignore this feeling of, this feeling of lightness, of butterflies and love and all things-"
"I can tell you that if you keep thinking that way the lightness will turn to dark. The butterflies in your stomach will turn to blood," he continued, pacing back and forth, catching the attention of everybody in the joint.
Jade's always admired Perez's ability to capture a scene without much effort. She thinks, scratch that, she knows that's what had pulled her in in the first place.
"The love won't be there either because you can't love when you're dead Harry. We have a country to fight for. A people to fight for, and here you are focused on what? Puppy love? Just some girl you saw? Rethink your priorities before you consider staying with us. The price to pay is too much for someone who can't comprehend how serious things are."
(Harry later gushes about the love at first sight and Jade thinks it's ironic that she felt that with the one person who would never allow for such a thing.)
-
Jade remembers the first time she met Perez, or well, more like she saw him.
It was a rainy day, not much going on but Jade
found herself at a bar as per usual. She wasn't moping, but she was drunk, and she was about to go for another drink when a voice caught her attention.
It was from a gathering, held in the other side of the bar and from what it looked like it was for something to do with this damned revolution. Jade would swear on any relatives grave that it was all anybody would talk about lately, and before this moment all she'd been doing was hoping they'd shut the fuck up already.
But now? Now she was trying to get a closer look.
The voice was strong and sure and for some reason she couldn't tune it out. For some reason instead of pushing it away all she had wanted was to follow it as closely as she could for the rest of her life.
She dropped all other concerns and moved blindly as close as she could until she locked eyes with the man speaking.
Blue eyes met brown and Jade knew she was a goner.
It might not have been love per say, but she was in love with his passion already, that much was sure, and she knew that this was going to be her end. She knew he was going to be her end.
She ended up blindly following him for the rest of the day as him and his few buddies preached about the revolution, and even if she didn't care for half of what he was saying, she cared for the way he was saying it, and within a week she'd finally managed to talk to him.
"Hello, I don't mean to be rude but I couldn't help but notice you coming to our meetings lately?" okay, he talked to her, same difference.
"Oh yeah I have been actually," she replies after a moment, trying to stay playing it cool.
"Do you have any interest in like, I don't know joining us officially? We have meetings every now and again but we meet veery night at the ABC Cafe? I usually don't extend invitations myself but I couldn't help but notice how into the speeches you seemed and, well I think you might be a good fit."
His smile is the most charming thing Jade has ever seen, and she nods before thinking, letting him give her the details and swooning hopelessly for the first time in her life.
-
"You could've just told me you know?" Perez asks, voice stern and scary and, well Jade had learned not to be afraid over the past weeks.
She'd been joining them as he had suggested,but unfortunately she was not as good a candidate to help them as he had thought. It only took about two days for him to realize she had absolutely no interest in the revolution itself.
They'd had a rather serious meeting on the second day, but Jade had found it more appealing to get drunk with Zayn, one of the more innocent, funny boys and swoon over Perez's passion than to participate.
He wasn't a fan of that choice, but she couldn't help it.
Honestly she'd do anything to please him at this point, but she's spent her whole life thinking all this revolution does is kill people and it's hard to change your mind just because you've met one person who seems capable of doing so.
"The fact that you're against the revolution would've been helpful information before I asked you to join our revolution group, don't you think?" Perez asks again and Jadems torn between smacking him and punching him and kissing him.
She's wanted to kiss him a lot lately. (Or a lot more, she'd wanted to kiss him since she saw him.)
It stemmed when he first touched her, it was just a hand on her shoulder while he passed but it was warm and it felt right, it felt like something had sparked and she somehow got this idea that more interaction could help fix the numbness inside of her when it came to basically all things.
She was in love with his passion yeah, but she also needed some of it for herself. She thought if she got close enough maybe she could learn how to be like that.
Apparently she takes too long to answer, because he's ranting, rambling about how lazy she is, how useless the addition was and how much better she could be if she just put the alcohol down.
That's all he's been doing lately, and she knows he's stressed and she hates to see it and she's eyeing it right now and she doesn't know when she became this impulsive (maybe when she realized there isn't a whole lot for a girl like her to lose), but she leans forward, grasps his face between her two hands and pulls his lips to hers, connecting them in what feels like a kiss that's been waiting years to happen.
Its fiery and passionate and Jade knows that's because it's Perez since she lacks passion, but it's the most magical thing she's ever felt and for the moment it lasts, she feels invincible.
She's never felt invincible before.
One moment she's captivated by this all consuming kiss and the next there's space and coldness and Perez is pulling away and fleeing.
When he gets to the door he spares her one last glance but it's only for a moment, and then the moment is gone.
-
It happens like this.
Jade had spent the day in a bar. Not drinking, for maybe the first time in her life, but she should be.
Today she was more confused than she'd ever been. Perez had let her kiss him, he'd let her and he'd seemed to like it for maybe like a split scone before he pushed away.
And she isn't cocky, Jade is sure he isn't head over heels for her but he does seem to feel the connection that she does, and it doesn't matter how often he yells at her, she knows when something is real.
Jade's never felt hope for anything, so she knows this is something, and she just can't figure out what that is.
It takes a while but she eventually convinces herself that liquid courage won't help, if anything it'll make Perez mad since he always insults her need to drink, and she makes her way to where she'd heard from one of the boys that Perez was living.
She's shocked when she gets there. It's a small beat up living quarter in a rough part, well actually all parts of everywhere were rough right now, but she'd expected Perez to be high up in some way.
That bring sheer back to her respect for people in the revolution. Soldiers are getting paid for their duties, or at least some of them, the higher up ones, but revolutionists are just doing it because they need to. She may not support their cause but she can support their effort, which is clear based on her reactions to Perez.
She knocks on the door after much debate and defies to go all in pushing it open.
"Perez?"
"Jade?" a voice immediately replies from a room over, it's a tiny place so Jade can track it and follows and enter a room just as the door closes to the next. "What in god's name are you doing here?"
"We need to talk," she says, as if that reasons breaking and entering but it does in her mind.
"No we don't."
"Perez-"
"No, you need to leave right now Jade," he barks back and theres something, some sort of desperation in his voice that almost makes her listen, but instead it make her push further, now pulling at the door slightly to urge him out.
"Perez you can't just act like nothing-"
"Jade you need to leave," she hears his voice through the screen door but she doesn't listen. She doesn't have shit so she'll risk that to get through to him.
It takes one off push of the door at what's apparently bad time for him pushing back for it to all connect.
"Perez?" Jade asks, jaw dropped and eyes wide at the long hair cascading in waves down his back. "Perez turn around," she commands and she doesn't know why he listens but her does.
And Jade's breath catches because she swears she's never in her life seen anything so beautiful in her life.
And just like that it clicks, that final piece clicks and it fits perfectly and when he nods his head, it doesn't take long for Jade to understand what's going on and it only takes a second longer than that for her to pounce on him and kiss him again.
He, or she, Jade isn't quite sure but doesn't really care seems confused but hesitantly kisses back for a moment before easing away.
"Jade I-"
"Shh, you can tell me anything, don't look so worried I won't tell anyone," she says and the shy smile she's rewarded with is so out of character she feels giddy.
She learns that Perez's real name is Perrie, and that she only dresses as a male because that's the only way to be taken seriously in this time.
She learns that she's been eager to fight for France since she was a child and that despite the change in gender the passion is still there. If anything, the struggles Perrie goes through to fight for her people shows even more passion.
They don't kiss again, but Jade does feel a connection grow based on all she's earning about the woman who she's been following blindly.
It's simple really. Jade never had any beliefs so she didn't have anything in her telling her it was wrong to love another girl the way she did. So she didn't question it, and it was simple, probably the only simple thing in her life but it was.
-
They weren't close, not really.
It was hard to be close to Perrie, she was too invested in the revolution and any and all plans concerning it.
Jade thought she might be the closest though. Other than maybe Liam, who was always by Perrie's side when she was Perez. He was another version of Perrie, committed and serious and a little more friendly than her but similar.
Jade was close to Perrie in a different way though.
Where Liam understood her when it came to the need to fight, Jade understood her when it came to anything else.
It was weird since Jade had nothing in common with her, but something about her helped Perrie too focus, and it didn't matter how often the blue eyed girl would scold her for being drunk or not committed or too invested in other things.
Jade wanted to be there for anything Perrie needed, and it hadn't been a lot but sometimes Perrie just needed someone to sit with when there was nothing else to do.
That's what she'd do. She'd go where Perrie asked her to meet and she'd sit with her. She never attempted to kiss Perrie again, not wanting to fly too close to the sun, but she did try to show her she cared and it seemed to work.
Perrie was beginning to understand her too. She was more accepting of the fact that Jade was trying to change, trying to change for her, it was just taking some time. She seemed to get that too. She understood more that you can't just hangs your morals, your thoughts on the world in the drop of a hat.
So she thought they were close in a weird, indirect way that meant maybe they weren't close at all, but all she really knew was that she was becoming more and more enthralled with Perrie each second she spent with her.
She also feels something strange happening. It's almost as if Perrie's hope is literally rubbing off on Jade because every day she wakes up a little brighter, a little more confident that maybe, just maybe Perrie might be her's someday.
-
Sometimes, and it wasn't often, but sometimes Jade forgot that they were living in France in the 1820s. She forgot they were in the revolution and she forgot that Jade was probably the biggest supporter of it in all of France.
"Jade?" Perrie asks, poking her softly in the arm from where she's lied next to her.
Perrie had cracked and brought Jade to one of her hidden, special places about a week ago and Jade had been fascinated by the view of the stars from the park.
So they laid in the grass together, and it was kind of a thing they did most nights, more like mornings, lately, ignoring the ruckus around them in the early hours of the morning.
"Yeah Pez?" Jade replies, not moving her eyes from the view but paying close attention to Perrie in her peripheral vision.
"Tell me a story?"
And god, the way Perrie asks her that, as if they aren't days away from what's bound to be their death, as if she's a child going to bed, the innocence makes Jade feel every feeling at once and so she complies.
"When I was younger, my dad used to take me to get a pastry every Sunday morning," she starts, leaning her head onto Perrie's shoulder and fighting the purge to squeal when she's not pushed off. "It was after mass, and he'd take me and let me pick out anything I wanted as long as I'd been good in church," and continues, smiling back at the thought of her late father.
"Oh you were definitely not good ever, you're like the devil himself in human form," Perrie jokes, nudging Jade with her shoulder in a playful manner that would lead you to believe maybe they're normal.
"No, no I was good all the time," Jade argues, giggling and curling as close to Perrie as she can, eyes now solely focused on her instead of the stars because who needs that view when there's a goddess lying next to you? "But shh, I'm getting to that part of the story.
"So one time, one time I'd had a fit in church because I got bored because come on, I was six and it was church," she explains and smiles brightly when Perrie laughs in response. "But so he made me come with him, so that he could pick a pastry for himself, the nerve, right? But anyways, I got so upset that I tried to steal one and I ended up almost banned from the shop because I dropped a whole display of those little cream filled- hey shut up it's not that funny it's just-"
"I'm sorry Jade," Perrie laughs, "it's just, picturing baby you stealing a thing with that pout you always wear and, god," she gets out through her laughter. "You must've been adorable."
"Yeah I was," Jade replies, smiling smugly as Perrie elbows her side. They're quiet for a little while then, enjoying the peace, as artificial as it was, compared to what was normally going on.
"You miss your dad a lot?" Perrie asks after a moment, not in a prying way but more an understanding one.
They're a group of teenagers and young adults going head first into battle, it's kind of implied that most of them are lacking in the family department, but it's fine, they make up for it with each other.
"Yeah, I guess I do," Jadd responds.
"Yeah?" Perrie asks, finally doing what both of them were eager to and reaching down to interlock their fingers. "Me too."
-
Perrie confuses Jade a lot too.
Not that she minds, she could never really be mad at Perrie, she admires her every single trait far too much.
It's just that sometimes Perrie will be the girl she can lie with and talk to about anything, but other times Perrie will be the focused, cutthroat acting general that yells at her for not having her shit together.
It's less now that she's beginning to understand the reasoning behind it, but she still does it occasionally.
She usually apologizes later that night with an extra long hug or a lingering kiss on the cheek though, so Jade thinks it's alright.
-
It all comes to a bittersweet ending about a week after she really starts to get her hopes up, almost two months into her time following Perrie hopelessly like a puppy.
"General Lamarque is dead," was shouted, Jade doesn't know by who into the space of the cafe.
She'd been seated with Perrie, for once not drunk and it was solely because she was too focused on Perrie to pick up a drink.
She saw the change in Perrie's eyes, the look of excitement, thrill when the words rang out and then with just one small, fleeting glance, Perrie was up and standing on the bench, addressing the group instead of Jade.
Apparently it was the sign they were waiting for.
Jade wishes she would've known that, maybe so she could've prepared for the end better, maybe so she could've stayed away from the hope that it wouldn't come.
It's rowdy, and it's tiring because everybody is so excited. Jade gets drunk enough to join in, but she occasionally catches Perrie's eye as the girl watches from the sidelines and the sinking feeling in her stomach snaps her back to reality.
She's in love with Perrie and Perrie is in love with the fight. It's simple, it's something she's known ever since her first night in the cafe and the cheap liquor isn't enough to numb it anymore.
It's not until late that everything tones down and before she knows it there's less and less people. Perrie's still there, and they both know they're waiting out the rest of them.
"So this is where this... thing ends then?" Jade asks, not wasting anytime once the two of them are alone. She's moved in close as she can, wanting to hold onto any intimacy she can because she knows this might be the last.
Perrie had been watching her, unsure of everything and everyone and how she got into this situation.
"Jade you know it has to," she replies after a moment, not wanting to break the girl she knows is already broken but not knowing how to avoid it.
"I care about you, I do, but this fight..." she trails off, unable to meet the eyes she's certain are shattered.
They knew it would come to this point. Neither of them thought it could go anywhere and as far as Perrir was concerned it wasn't the end of the world. But it was to Jade and because of that Perrie was beginning to reconsider.
She could do without love, without romance because she knew there was more to life beyond this war. She promised to give everything she had to this cause, and she couldn't let that go or she'd never forgive herself.
She doesn't know what potential this thing with Jade could have, but she does know that she'd resent her if she steered her focus anywhere other than the war.
Jade knew that too.
"Jade..." Perrie finally breaks the moment, a breath away, and Jade can't decide whether or not it's a good thing that she's so close.
"I know," Jade speaks back, and she knows it's up to her to pull away so she does. She's hesitant, but she does so, and she straightens herself up before averting her eyes from the older girl, face red and for once they're both at a loss for words.
It's probably a solid two minutes before Perrie finally breaks the tension.
"I should get going," she speaks, reaching for her hat that she'd dropped when she was nervously running a hand through her hair and tying her hair up into it. "You should too, we've got a big day tomorrow Jadey."
A month ago Jade prided herself in the fact that this wonderful person took the time to give her a nickname, but right now it just feels kind of like Perrie's slowly ripping her heart into pieces.
Jade nods, still not making eye contact. We're going to die tomorrow. It's unspoken, mainly because Jade's too in love with Perrie to kill her spirit, but they're going to die, she knows that much.
"Jade," Perrie sighs again and finally she snaps her eyes up and Perrie is close to her again.
"Can I just kiss you?" Jade finally asks, voice breaking in a way that would normally paralyze her with embarrassment. "Please just once?" and maybe it's the way she looks so small, so weak and small and helpless that makes Perrie do it, but she doesn't care because after another long pause she feels Perrie's mouth against hers and it's worth anything in the world.
It doesn't last long, maybe six seconds before Perrie pulls away and places a chaste kiss to her cheek.
It makes Jade fly though, makes her broken heart heal up, makes her feel like anything is possible and hell, maybe they won't die tomorrow and maybe they'll win the fight and maybe Perrie will be hers.
She's already Perrie's. Wholeheartedly belongs to the blue eyed girl, but Perrie's passion rubbing off on her makes her believe in the wild aspect that the older girl could ever feel the same.
Perrie leaves first and Jade walks home moments later, she focuses on Perrie, nothing else and really it's because nothing else matters to her, it never has and it probably never will.
-
She doesn't expect see Perrie the next day at the barricade. She goes early with Zayn and they get a little bit drunk together, but she doesn't expect Perrie to go anywhere near where they are since the girl is always on the front lines.
"You're drunk?" a voice barks out from behind Jade, breaking Zayn mid jokes and, well it's kind of a buzzkill but it's scarier when she recognizes it as Perrie's. "Really of all times and places and, Zayn go find Harry, he was looking for you earlier."
And now they're alone.
Jade was used to Perrie, not Perez from the past few days, so whens she turns and sees the scarier version of the girl she loves, she gulps and does her best to think of an excuse.
"Do you not understand how important today is?" And well, Jade's excuse, that she doesn't care that much about the revolution and Perrie knows that, does't go over as well as her drunk self though it would and Jade spends a large portion of her morning being yelled at by Perrie.
Then she doesn't see her again.
The shooting begins at some point around noon and everything is chaotic. For Jade who's still little bit tipsy it's even more chaotic and it doesn't come as a surprise wen she's out cold.
It was the damned revolution, it's ability to turn everything to shit, turn all peace to terror and all good to bad. Jade doesn't know how long she was out but when she opens her eyes she's on the ground and there's nobody in sight.
Well, that's not true, there are some people, they're all dead, lying on the floor with her.
She doesn't see Perrie, nowhere on the ground when she rolls herself over either, so she does her best to get up.
she can't let her last impression on the other girl be as negative as it was. It was what they do sure, they argue and they fight and Jade loves Perrie but Perrie loves her country. She needs to find her.
When she manages to lift herself up, she's shocked to see how deserted the area is. She'd elected to be surrounded by French guards as soon as she showed movement, but apparently she's been out long enough to hold them off.
That's when she hears the thud above her.
There are two options now, and there is a clear winner of the two, but the opening to run out of that door and never look back is one that would be tempting. She's too small, too weak to really make it out of this, and Perrie told her that much two night before, but that being said it only would've been tempting if there wasn't a chance Perrie was upstairs.
And there is a chance. It's a slim chance, but it still is one, so Jade presses a hand to her stomach, where she's sure there's a shot wound or something because of the ache, and she pulls herself towards the stairs.
They're barely there, and as she pulls herself up the scraps left the sides that hadn't been blown off, she tries not to think about the fact that she's about to die. Instead she remembers the first time she saw Perrie. She knew her as Perez then, but she really didn't know her at all.
They'd locked eyes though. And where Perrie just saw another face to convert, another gaze to preach to for her cause, Jade's sure she saw the love of her life.
She thinks maybe in a another life they're happier, not in a war, actually dating, you know, all that stuff.
It was her passion, her raw love for the people and the fight and France and it made Jade swoon.
Perrie saw the world in a way Jade never knew how to. Where Jade saw all the reasons to quit, Perrie saw all the reasons to keep going.
When she finally reaches the top of the stairs, she's not shocked to see a group of French soldiers aiming at a figure against the far wall, and with a closer look she's even less shocked that the figure is Perrie.
Her heart shatters then, if she'd taken (or well if she'd had time to take) a moment then she probably would've felt it.
The soldiers haven't noticed her yet but Perrie has. Perrie has and she's looking at her with those eyes and Jade knows there's nothing she wouldn't do for them.
So she pushes her way through.
The soldiers stop their fire, out of respect maybe, maybe just so it's easier to kill them both, but they let Jade get to her, and they let her have a second once she gets there.
Perrie doesn't look as surprised as Jad would've thought. Perrie, the same one who ridicules Jade for her lack of faith, who's spent weeks trying to convince her that this fight is important, that this fight is worth it.
She's not surprised to see Jade sacrifice her self for it, and Jade thinks it's because she thinks they're soul mates too, maybe Perrie knew Jade wouldn't let her go alone.
The same Perrie that held her hand and kissed her back and looked so torn doing so. The same Perrie that probably wouldn't let her go alone either.
She tries not to think too much into it, there's not really time for it right now.
"Finish both of us," Jade finally speaks, breaking the eye contact for a moment to address the soldiers watching them. "Just one blow," she finishes, voice stronger than she feels (and she thinks maybe it's because Perrie is next to her), before turing her attention back to Perrie, who is watching her with silent fascination despite the guns pointed at them.
"Do you permit it?" Jade asks, reaching a hand for Perrie's. The blonde haired girl meets her halfway and grasps her hand through the flag she's holding onto for her life (literally). Jade finds herself smiling despite the situation when Perrie's hand grazes her's over the flag.
Perrie's eyes lock on hers for just a moment. It's a moment, small at that, but Perrie smiles at her.
Jade's dying for the only thing she's ever believed in, and it's not the revolution, but the girl who made her believe in anything. The girl who made her think maybe not every single thing is a waste of space.
The smile doesn't see the next moment as the shots are fired.
(previously a camren oneshot by listenup_folks on ao3)