THE KISS OF DEATH
•••
"So you didn't tell her?" Baby asked as she look at her twin who was staring off in space.
"I felt so guilty. I just...I couldn't." Eric said referring back to the night before when he killed Donna's cat.
"Is it because you're kinda glad it's dead?" Laurie asked.
The twins paused and furrowed their brows at their older sister.
"No. Hey, maybe I don't have to tell her. Maybe she'll just think Mr. Bonkers ran away." Eric said as he looked down at his plate.
"That works. That's what we told you when..." their father began but was quickly cut off by Kitty who shushed him.
"What?" The twins asked in unison.
"Honey, eat your pizza rolls." Kitty instructed, changing the subject.
Beth looked at her brother with a worried expression, hoping her father wasn't referring to Flipper, her beloved turtle that ran away when she was seven.
"Look how hard can it be? You go over there and you say, hey, I'm a cat killer. I murdered..." Red started laughing just as he was about to finish his sentence.
As he stifled a laugh he said, "I murdered your cat. but you try to say it with a straight face."
The twins and their mother looked at Red in shock.
"Daddy..." Beth said as she clutched her glass of water in her hand.
"What? Am I the only one that sees the humour in this?" He asked.
"I think you might be, Red." Kitty said while Beth nodded her head in agreement.
"Oh, come on. That thing was always messin' in my yard, goin' through our garbage." Red tried to reason.
"Now we have Hyde for that." Laurie said smugly.
"Oh, yeah, Laurie, and what exactly do you do? Oh, that's right! The Packers!" Hyde chuckled as he ate his spaghetti.
"Excuse me? Dilemma here!" Eric spoke up trying to get the attention back on him.
"Eric, this is not a dilemma." Beth shook her head, "Just keep your mouth shut and she won't find out."
"No, don't listen to your sister. You have to tell Donna. Just be gentle, and maybe take her a nice little gift." Mrs. Forman said softly.
"Yeah, like a kitty-sized headstone." Laurie chuckled.
"You know what? I should've known you guys were lying. Flipper was fast, but turtles just don't run away." Beth said as she came to an earth shattering realization.
✽ ✾ ✽
"Hyde? Whose your favourite Charlie's Angel?" Fez asked as he watched TV in the basement.
"The blonde with the huge rack," Hyde said as he shot a wink at Bethany who sat next to Fez on the couch.
"Yes. And she distracts the criminals with her huge rack." Fez grinned as he watched the girls on the television screen.
"Plus, she's got that huge rack." They both chuckled.
Beth rolled her eyes folding her arms over her chest, "Pigs," she mumbled.
"What was that? I couldn't hear you over your huge rack." Hyde laughed.
"Man...you guys...I've gotta break up with Laurie." Kelso said as he paced around.
"Kelso, remember how you said you were gonna juggle 'em both till it blew up in your face?" Hyde asked.
"Yeah?"
"Well...kablooey!" Hyde said with a smile.
"I know I tried before right but this time, Laurie'll see how much I love Jackie and my motives are good and pure. And then she'll just let me go." Kelso said taking a seat on the arm rest.
"Kelso, who do you think my sister is? Little Miss Sunshine? I love her but she's next in line for the thrown of hell." Bethany reminded.
"Look! The Angels are running in slow motion." Fez spoke up dreamily as he stared at the TV.
The boys leaned in and stared at the television in a daze.
"Damn!" They exclaimed as their heads nodded with the women's breasts.
"That's just good TV." Hyde said with a cheeky grin.
"That's just my life." Bethany shrugged.
✽ ✾ ✽
"Bethany, Eric, I just saw Michael kissing your sister!" Jackie said as she ran into the basement, "Okay, he's a rat! He's been cheating on me."
"What?! Well...surely there must be some kind of mistake?" Eric spoke up clearing his throat.
"Oh my god, Jackie..." Beth said getting up and going over to her friend.
"That's it! Michael and I are over." Jackie said hugging Bethany.
Bethany let go of Jackie and put a comforting arm over her shoulder.
"Really?" Fez asked taking a step closer to Jackie, "And by over you mean..."
"I mean over and done! Alright, forever." Jackie told them, "And after everything I put up with? I mean taking Pam Macy to the prom, setting my house on fire, lying about Laurie. God!" Jackie groaned in frustration.
"To be fair, that's only the stuff you know about," Hyde shrugged.
Bethany narrowed her eyes at the curly headed boy and Jackie promptly walked out of the basement, slamming the door behind her.
"God, Steven you can be such an arrogant jerk," Bethany said following Jackie out of the basement.
✽ ✾ ✽
"You guys, we're supposed to be friends. Would it have killed you to tell me that he was a jerk?" Jackie said as the girls sat in Donna's room eating out of a tubs of ice cream.
"Jackie, I think our exact words were we know you love him, but Michael is a jerk." Baby said licking the chocolate ice cream off her spoon.
"So, have you seen Kelso since.." Donna asked.
"No, he's a liar and a cheater." Jackie sighed.
"Maybe that's how all guys are," Bethany rolled her eyes recalling back on Danny.
"I know how you guys feel. It's bad enough what Eric did to Mr. Bonkers, but then he lied to me." Donna said as she scooped some ice cream with her spoon.
"Yeah, Eric put off telling you something because he didn't want to hurt you. Phew, that is so much worse than cheating on you with some skank." Jackie said sarcastically.
"Hey, that's my sister." Bethany tried to defend.
"Sorry, Baby shes kind of skanky." Donna said apologetically.
Baby sighed, "Yeah, you're right."
"Look, Donna. Eric was just trying to be nice...he knew how much you loved that cat and he didn't want to see you upset." Baby explained.
"Maybe I'm overreacting," Donna said eating her ice cream.
"Let me tell you something, Donna. Until goody-goody Eric cheats on you with your dead cat, I suggest you shut up." Jackie crossed her arms.
Bethany and Donna widened their eyes at one another and quietly ate their ice cream.
✽ ✾ ✽
Donna and Eric snuggled on the couch and Baby sat on the lawn chair while Jackie stood in front of the freezer going on about Michael.
"So really, breaking up with Michael could be the start of something great. I'm like a whole new Jackie." The brunette said optimistically.
"Really? Cause you're babbling like the old Jackie." Hyde said as he grabbed two popsicles from the freezer.
Kelso came through the basement door with red puffy eyes.
"Jackie, I've been looking for you." He said while keeping his head down.
Beth looked back at him over her shoulder and her heart swelled. She felt kind of bad for Kelso even though he was a two-timing asshole, she knew he really loved Jackie. Beth couldn't help but hope the younger girl would take him back, but she also knew she would be annoyed if Jackie folded like a house of cards.
"Here I am," Jackie said trying to appear tough.
"Okay, so you two probably wanna be alone right now..." Eric said as he and Donna tried to get up from the couch. Hyde grabbed Eric's shoulder and held him back.
"No, Forman. How could this not be good? Come on." Hyde said as he swung around and sat on the arm rest between the twins.
Baby reached over and grabbed the second popsicle from Hyde's grasp.
"Alright." Michael spoke softly as he walked over to Jackie on the other side of the room, "Jackie, I've done some terrible and stupid things. Too many to even list."
"Oh, hey give it a shot, man. I'll fill in the blanks." Hyde encouraged, waving his popsicle around.
Baby lowered his arm and shushed him, "Hyde."
"I'm done making excuses, and all I can say is...is-is that I'm sorry and I love you. And I will do whatever I can, everyday from now on, so you know that's true." Michael spoke clearing the lump in his throat, "So will you please, please, please take me back?"
Bethany sat quietly as she listen in on her friends heartbreaking conversation. Maybe Michael was truly sorry, but Bethany knew Laurie wasn't going to stop trying to ruin a good thing.
Beth sucked on her popsicle and looked over at Donna who was looking back at her, mouthing I hope she doesn't give in.
The blonde nodded back and she turned her attention back to Jackie.
"Oh, Michael," Jackie's small voice cracked, "No. No, no you know what? We're through. Forever." Jackie said in a stern voice as tears spilled down her cheeks.
"Woah, didn't see that comin," Hyde chuckled as he got up from the couch. Beth scoffed at Hyde's lack of sensitivity.
Michael mumbled under his breath, unable to find the right words and stormed out of the basement.
"So, um...that-that was the smartest thing I've ever done." The brunette said as sniffled and wiped away her tears, "And the best..." her voice cracked and she began to sob.
The girls and Eric got up to console the trembling girl,
"Hyde," Jackie whined out as she ran towards him, throwing herself onto him.
"Why does she always come to me?" Hyde asked with a disgusted face as Jackie sobbed into his shoulder.
Bethany began to stamper as she grabbed her jacket from the coat hanger,
"Uh, I've got a shift at The Hub. Jackie, come by later and I'll get you a free plate of fries if you need it." The blonde said as she pulled the door closed behind her.
Baby stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she began to walk down the driveway.
She had an easy feeling in her gut when Jackie ran to Hyde, she knew this wasn't going to end well.
✽ ✾ ✽
It had been over a week since the break up fiasco with Kelso and Jackie. The group was awkwardly divided by the break up, and it mad it even more uncomfortable by the fact that Laurie had been the cause of the downfall.
At breakfast, Mrs. Forman informed her family that they were going to be visiting their aunt Pearl — somebody nobody was fond of, nor realized was still alive.
The kids were crowded around in the smoke filled basement that was also starting to smell pretty funky and it wasn't the weed causing it.
"God, I miss Jackie." Kelso spoke in a raspy voice, "I can't sleep, I can't think. I can still eat but..."
"Oh, Jesus are you what smells?" Baby said covering her nose with her shirt, "That's nasty,"
"My life has no meaning. I'm dead inside," Kelso complained.
"Well, Kelso you smell dead on the outside too. Why don't you go hose yourself off in the driveway, alright?" Baby gagged.
"Man, I am so glad Donna's not Jackie." Eric said after he pulled a popsicle out of his mouth, "But I'll tell you what, I'm even more glad I'm not you." Eric chuckled sticking his purple tongue out of his mouth as he did so.
"I've gotta win Jackie back," Kelso said.
"Why don't you write her a song?" Hyde suggested with a smirk.
"I think the best way to get Jackie back is to let her date other people. Foreign exchange people." Fez said with a slight smile.
"Come on, man writing a song is a great idea! How about this one, you don't love me anymore / caught me cheatin' with a whore See cause Laurie is a whore, you get it?" Hyde grinned.
"She is one giving lady," Bethany nodded, still covering her nose.
"Yeah. My sister is such a whore." Eric laughed with his eyes glazed over.
"Too bad your other sister isn't one either, am I right?" Fez said holding his hand up for a high five.
Everyone momentarily looked at him before Michael started crying again.
"I'm going to write her a song. I've gotta win her back because I can't stop the tears, man!" Kelso sobbed into his hands.
They all stared on in discomfort and shame, shaking their heads.
"Kelso, we've been over this. There's no crying in the circle." Eric reminded.
✽ ✾ ✽
Baby walked over and placed a basket of fries down for Eric as he sat a booth in The Hub with Fez and Kelso.
Kelso was busy strumming away on his guitar trying to write a song for Jackie.
"You may think this song is stupid / so I made a call to Cupid / and he told me to put my heart on my sleeve / so we can retrieve our love from the trash, trash, trash" Michael sang, "What do you think?"
"I think she's going to find that song really stupid." Baby said folding her arms over her chest.
"Well...I think that you should draw her a picture." Eric said trying to be polite.
"Hey, pal you think you're funny? Cause someday Donna is gonna crush your stupid little heart too." Kelso said defensively.
"Kelso, can you please stop writing your crappy songs here? You're scaring away customers and my boss is getting annoyed." Baby said as she popped her bubble of gum.
"Look, Baby have you had your heart broken?" Kelso asked.
"Need I remind you that I was also cheated on not too long ago?" She said.
"Oh so you're just being mean because I cheated on your friend with your sister!" Kelso accused.
"Wow, Michael you're catching on quick." The blonde rolled her eyes.
"Kelso, I don't think that's going to happen with Donna and I because I take precautions to make sure that won't happen. Like, I don't sleep with other women." Eric said.
"That's just because you're chicken!" Kelso said.
Donna came in through the door with a smile, "Hey!"
"Hey, baby. Why don't you grab papa a root beer, okay?" Eric instructed Donna.
"Oh, Eric," Bethany sighed walking over to the booth.
"Oh my god I cannot look," Fez said nervously turning away.
"Listen, you worm I am not your slave or a waitress or your damn maid! And don't get all Archie Bunker-y on me or I will kick your ass to the moon!" Donna exclaimed before exiting.
Baby let out a laugh as she wiped down the counter,
"You're such a dingus," She said to her twin.
✽ ✾ ✽
Back in the Forman's basement, Eric paced around behind the couch while Kelso angrily strummed his guitar.
"I didn't mean to cheat but she forced me / she downright coerced me hey that's kinda good." Michael said picking up his pencil.
Bethany laid across Fez's lap, rubbing her temples,
"Gee, Kelso that's fantastic," she said sarcastically, "Maybe they'll play that on the radio."
"You think so, Baby?" He asked cheerfully.
"Yeah, maybe the day the music dies." She said.
"Man, I just asked her for a root beer." Eric said dumbfounded.
"You tried to control her, Eric and the woman always controls the man." Fez explained.
"That's true," Michael and Baby agreed.
"Donna does not control me!" Eric raised his voice.
"Look, brother," Baby said standing up and placing her hands on her hips, "Donna controls you just like the way mom controls dad, that's just how life works. The woman controls the man and the man thinks he controls the woman." She said patting her twin on the shoulder.
"Man, I wish Jackie was still controlling me. I love being on a short leash." Kelso said.
"Put the short leash back on me!" Kelso shouted.
Baby looked at her brother with worried eyes, "We've gotta get some new friends."
"Kelso, lemme see that for a second?" Eric asked grabbing the guitar from Kelso and smashing it off of the coffee table.
"You know, what's kinda funny. That was your guitar." Kelso chuckled.
"Eric doesn't have a guitar..." Bethany began before realizing, "Eric you just smashed my guitar!" She shrieked punching her brother in the arm.
✽ ✾ ✽
Beth skipped down the stairs to the basement to retrieve her clothes from the dryer.
When she walked downstairs she saw Jackie giving Hyde a quick kiss.
Bethany gasped along with Fez and Kelso who were already in the basement also witnessing the kiss first hand.
Jackie made a comment before she left and waved goodbye to Bethany, closing the door behind her.
"Sweet, ain't she?" Hyde smirked placing his feet on the coffee table, "Like my new boots?"
Baby bit her lip, quietly stuffing her dried clothes into a laundry basket, planning to fold them once she got back to her room. She wanted to get out of the basement as soon as she possibly could.
"Baby? Earth to Baby!" Hyde said poking the young girl's butt.
She jumped quickly and placed the laundry basket on her hip as she turned around,
"What, Steven?"
"What do you think of my new boots?" He asked, pointing his foot so she could view his boots.
"They're alright," she shrugged walking up the stairs.
"What's your problem, man?" He asked dumbly.
"Nothing," she faked a smile and walked up the stairs. As she walked away she could hear Fez say,
"Oh, Hyde you really are clueless."