~Y/N's POV~
Even after recounting the story for what must have been hours, I still couldn't believe it myself.
"So you slapped him" Gordie repeats, in awe
Teddy points a finger towards me, "A-And tore his skin."
Vern whispers, "Then swore at him..?"
Chris and I are dying of laughter
"If only you saw their faces, they were so scared of Y/N -- it was unbelievable."
I sat back, still surprised at myself. "I'm screwed if I see them again though."
My statement dampened the excited mood that was flowing through the air. The static energy in the room was almost unbearable.
"They'll tear you apart." Teddy throws in
I run a hand through my own hair, really thinking about what I did. I made him bleed, he'll have those scars for a while. I'm as good as dead at this point, but regardless-- what's done is done.
"I'm still alive now, so that's a start." I state, blandly.
Chris kicks his feet back and leans against the wall in his chair, "She's got a good voice though."
My face flushes bright red, "Fuck I forgot about that..." I say, my voice slowly getting quieter.
Gordie and Teddy lean in, "You sing?" Teddy laughs, "YOU? THE Y/N?"
I sigh, they're never gonna let me forget this-- are they?
Just then; I had remembered something else to say before this escalated any further, "Hey Chris sang too!"
Chris's body stiffens as I say this-- Teddy and Vern burst out in laughter again, tears now streaming down Duchamp's face. Gordie looks to Chris and raises an eyebrow at him, but no words were exchanged between the two.
We were all sitting there laughing when I looked over to Chris. His anger from this morning came back when he looked over to Gordie to see him writing more into the journal that we all had been reading that morning. Silently, Chris grabs Lachance, whispers into his ear, and goes out of the tree house to talk to him.
I look over to Teddy and Vern who are just as clueless as myself. At that moment, I see the journal and pick it up, turning it over in my hands a few times before thumbing through the pages lightly. I come to a stop when my hands fall upon the page we had all been reading just hours ago.
The page reads just the same as before, "It feels like I've know her forever, god I wish I could tell her." Damn did I think it had a name there just judging by the way Chris had reacted. I read on, lines and lines of the book are filled describing this mystery girl. I come across a smudge of graphite on one of the lines. The sentence is only mostly legible, "Even just her name is perfect, every time it falls from my lips I can't help but smile at it-- ███." The page goes on, the name constantly being redacted from the reading. I don't remember Chris smudging the pages.
I had nearly given up hope on finding her name, when Teddy walks over and sits next to me.
"He usually keeps the deep shit at the back of the book. That's where I find the good secrets anyway." His familiar smirk creeps across his face.
I fumble through the pages, seeing nothing but white paper, until the second to last page. There it was in its full glory, all his secrets. It felt wrong, but yet I was intrigued.
I can hear Teddy's breath seize behind me, he quickly pulls the journal from my loose grip.
"What was that for?" I ask
Teddy shakes, "He put my crush's name in here too, you don't need to know that."
I cock my head to the right, "I read the headlines, your crush wasn't in there-- just Gordie's."
He looks back down to the book, scanning the entire page over a few times.
"Huh, I guess you're right, I just --uhm-- thought I saw her name, that's all."
I ruffle his hair with my hand, laughing. "Dork"
I pick up the book and flip back open to the page, where I can see it.
Under the headline "Crush", on top of some fresh eraser marks, I see it.
"Y/N". My own name. That couldn't have been right, could it have been?
Teddy looks at me, "Well? Do you like him back?"
I hesitate, "I-I don't think so.."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I don't know. I don't think I like him like that."
Teddy whistles, picking up the book, sliding it back where it was, and sighing.
"I won't mention it to him." He winks before sitting back down in his chair.
I couldn't believe it, I really didn't know what to think. Do I really like any of the guys like that? I man all of them are great, but really do I know what I want? Plus, why are all of them so pushy? Chris yelled at me before about Teddy, and now Gordie..? What am I supposed to think, I barely know them. Sure, it's been a little while since I met them, but still.
"No" I say.
"What?" Teddy asks.
I look up, "I don't like him." I pause, "Not like that, anyway"
Teddy just nods, smiling his signature smile. The room goes back to absolute silence, Vern not making a single noise the entire time.
After what seemed like hours of dead silence, the floorboards creak. Shuffling of feet and muffled whispers follow. The silver latch of the door catches light as it flings back and open. Chris and Gordie enter, expecting the normal noise; only to be met with stale air. Chris's eye catches the journal in the corner, out of place. His hands fidget, and he seems uneasy.
While Chris sits, his hands rarely stop in their movement. My eyes fall on his right hand, lightly covered in graphite across some of his fingers. He notices my gaze and drags the tips of his fingers across his jeans, leaving behind grey smudges, now more visible than ever. It was definite, Chris had been the one to censor the journal.
I look him in the eyes, his face is drenched in pain and regret. Regardless; I stare at him with the same blank stare that I had looked at him with before.
"I know." I say, breaking the silence only for a brief moment-- focusing everyone's attention on me; yet I was still blankly staring to Chris, only more seriously now.
Wordless, he rises to his feet, crossing over to my side of the room. I took a moment to really look at his face, only to see that he was moments from tears. His face had dropped, eyes beginning to tear up, and his movements were stiff. He grabs me by my wrist and drags me to my feet. Everyone had their eyes on Chris, almost agonizingly afraid of him.
After being forcefully pulled from the tree house, I turn to Chris. "What the fuck!"
All he does is let out an annoyed sigh, grabbing my wrist yet again. After minutes upon minutes of walking, we end up at the pond we had just been at recently.
It was like I had been in this place before.
"You love him don't you..?" His face relaxes as his anger turns to pain.
My heart drops, so that was what this was about
"No.. I don't."
"Oh.."
Slowly, it all comes to mind, and I realize everything that happened.
"Why did you smudge his journal?" I scream, gaining heat.
He pauses, the realization reaching him. "Look, I-I just didn't want you to see it.. and I got mad at Gordie, it's nothing"
I take a deep breath, "It has to be something if you hid it from me." I turn away from him, "I thought we were closer than this."
I motion to him and then back to myself, refusing to look him in the eyes.
"C-Can you not trust me? Is that what it is?" I hiss at him.
All I can hear is a shaky breath from beside me, "Y/N.. that's not.. you really think I don't trust you?"
I'm so done with Chris right now.. all he's done was cause more problems. This could've all washed over quickly, and yet he chose to make it worse.
"Then tell me."
He flicks his eyes up, "Tell you what?"
"Why. Tell me why you did it. Why you didn't tell me about Gordie before."
He pauses, "I didn't know until today.." He trails off, "I just.. I know some of the others like you too, and I didn't want him to tell you he liked you. The other's wouldn't have had time to tell you and you might've mage some decisions.."
Almost hurt at that last line, I wince. "You think I can't make my own decisions?"
"N-No Y/N you know that's not what this is about!"
I stand up, gravel crunching beneath my feet. "It is now."
I turn, and begin to walk away, hearing Chris in the distance.
"Y/N wait.. come on."
I choke back tears, I don't know why I got so worked up over it all. I can't believe he doesn't trust me enough to make my own choices. He's just like my dad, I swear.
I can still hear Chris walking behind me, trying to catch up. But suddenly, it's just silence. He stopped walking.
I turn away from the tree house, I can't do it today, as much as I hate being home, it's better than being with them. So against my better judgement, I'm going home.
I step up to the door, which is already left open for me to enter the house. I barricade myself into my room. My eyes dart to the desk on the other side of my room, paper still left out on the desk. It already has writing on it. In my best handwriting, all it reads is "Chris,"
God I don't know why I like this kid, he's done nothing good for me.
I pick up the paper, as it falls over my hand, catching the light before I tear it in two and put it in the trash. I can't just spill my feelings over a note, I just can't.
~Chris's POV~
I take a breath and and slow my pace, before coming to a full stop.
She keeps walking in front of me, I can feel the pain radiating from her. I-I didn't think it would upset her that much.
I pull the black stone from my pocket, attached to a small silver chain. I turn the rock over, to see the first letter of her name. I don't know why I've got it so bad for this girl, there's no way in hell a girl like Y/N could love a lowlife Chambers kid. All these feelings will ever do to her is just break her down.