edited April 15th, 2024
MACY
I'm running on the sidewalk, wishing I could just spawn inside the house already. I continue running as I fight the urge to catch my breath. My heartbeat is beating just as fast as I keep running.
I'm beyond desperate to find Ethan. I know I'm wrong by leaving Chris but I can't continue lying to myself. I can't hurt Chris like that either because while he hugs or kisses me, he isn't the one I think about being with. I know who I want. I didn't face so many obstacles with Ethan just to give up on us. I too, deserve my happy ending with someone whom I love, care about, and want to continue getting to know.
Continuing this lie that Chris is the one for me feels wrong. It has always felt wrong. I am exhausted trying to please everyone to support my choices in life. Why am I the one bending my back for others? While I try to confirm to everyone's standards I'm drowning in fucking misery because I'm not with him.
So, I don't look back at Chris's car driving into the distance and I continue to run for him, Ethan.
After what feels like an eternity, I reach the house where it all began. The house where I was forced to accommodate in. The place that introduced me to him and everything there was to him. I'm hit with nostalgia and painful flashbacks of spin the bottle while our parents fucked. A game where I revealed what was underneath my clothes and what was under his.
I knock on the door, with my heart in my hand, still dying from running.
Ethan opens the door, looking at me both confused and half-asleep, "What are you doing here?" He looks behind me, immediately I know who's he looking for. Everyone knows I'm leaving today with Chris, especially Ethan.
"I choose you, Ethan. I want to be with you," I repeated to him. He wipes his eyes in an attempt to fully wake himself up. The longer he remains quiet with no reaction to his face is scaring me. Am I doing the right thing? My heart is in his hands and I don't even know if he's going to break or take me back in.
We don't have to be a secret anymore, this is what we wanted all along. Does he still want that or has he realized this could be much more easier with someone else?
"You know we can't be together," he rejects me, causing my heart to ache. My heart shatters into a million pieces in his hand. I feel like I have been slapped in the face to wake myself up from the delusions I created for myself. No matter how much rejection I have taken from him it continues to sting.
I look at his eyes hoping he changes his mind. "Ethan," I choke out.
I keep my gaze on him and say, "We're adults. We deserve to be happy too along with everyone else. When are you finally going to put yourself first? No one is going to do it for us if we don't,"
My heart continues beating rapidly not knowing where this can go. Suddenly, I want to hide in a corner because I have no control over this. He has all the power to accept this or continue moving forward without me. There is so much wrong with what I'm confessing right now. But there is something about Ethan that drives me to him all the time. We both know it's so wrong but still continue to do it.
"Macy, what are you doing here?" my mom asked me, catching me by surprise just as Ethan did. I can read the confusion all over her face and yet again she also looks behind me. I know she's looking for Chris but he's long gone now all by his lonesome and a broken heart because I realized it too late. He must've known it before me. I don't blame him for holding onto me until his time was done.
"I decided not to move," I lied, continuing my eyes glued to Ethan. It's killing me not being able to read him. He isn't giving me anything to work with either.
"Macy, where is Chris?" she shrieks looking at me insane but she knows the answers. She's probably wishing that her eyes deceive her but they aren't.
I sighed. "He's moving without me," I replied. I can see the expression on her face change, and it isn't a good one either. The color of her face fades away and that vein on the top of her forehead begins to pop out.
"Macy, are you stupid or what? You're willing to throw the life away you could have with Chris for him?" She points at Ethan and once again my smile fades. No matter how much I wanted to be with Ethan, someone was always going to disapprove of our relationship. Someone always will so who am I to care?
I shake my head looking back at her fighting back the tears. "I'm not a kid anymore." I try fighting her back but fail instead. By crying I am only proving to her that I'm still not strong enough to stand up against her.
I look over at Ethan who's just standing there lost and surprised at the same time. Why is it so hard to be with him? It felt too easy and comfortable to be with Chris but he isn't who I want.
"If you pick him, I'm never talking to you again. You're being selfish right now. Did you forget I'm married to his father?" She reminds me by raising her voice at me. How could I forget they're married? I will never forget it.
My mom storms away from me leaving me standing there all on my own with Ethan. That's her giving up on me, for real this time.
"Ethan say something?" I begged but my pleading went unanswered
He looks up at me and down at the floor. He bites his lower lip before saying anything. He does this when he doesn't know what to say but tries to anyway. "What do you want me to say? That we will ruin our parents' marriage just so we can be together?" he asked hysterically
My heart breaks once more.
Please, don't do this.
"It won't ruin anything, they'll still be together. We aren't related by blood, Ethan. I want to be with you and only you. Yes, you get under my skin, you confuse me, but I love you," I go on rambling in an attempt to change his mind
But he still seems very unsure about it. "Did you forget you gave up on us to go to Chris?" he brings up and he starts frowning looking down at me.
Even the time I spent with Chris never felt real. I was constantly thinking about Ethan and it hurt. I think Chris knew it too, he knew that I wasn't really into him but he hoped that with time I would forget about Ethan. No matter how hard I tried to fight my feelings back for Ethan I wasn't able to.
"I only did it because of our parents but I never stopped thinking about you. It was always you and he knew that. He always knew it," I answered him "You had to known too," I continued
I take a step closer to Ethan and look at him in his eyes hoping he still has that sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me. I take our hands together and look up at him once again.
"Please," I plead "Please, Ethan we still have time for us. If it doesn't work out then I'll give up for real this time." I tell him
He still doesn't give me an answer but manages to keep eye contact with me. He lets go of my hand.
ETHAN
She continues talking while I'm just standing here listening to everything she has to say. I know I want to do this with her but I don't want her to leave again. How do I know that she won't leave anymore? I grew immensely tired fighting for someone who accepted defeat a little too easily. I was determined to fight for the both of us but I could only carry all the weight all on my for so long before I gave up too.
I handed my heart to her only for her to give in to what her mother had to say. We more than anyone knew the reality we would have to face to be together. We were a team. We believed in fighting for our relationship but when it came down to it, she left me all alone. She abandoned me when I desperately needed it. She left me to drown and face everything all by myself like she wasn't the one to want this too. She made me feel like this was one-sided.
Macy broke me by leaving me. I knew she was afraid of upsetting her mother and I don't blame her for it either. But she didn't think about me while I always was. She was too scared and left. Not for a second did she stop to think that maybe I also felt the same way. We could've united together as one and faced everyone else head on but she left.
I looked down at our hands that were intertwined with each other's and I let go. She looks at what I have done. The tears are building up in her eyes and I can see she's about to cry. It pains me to look at them slowly pool because of me. If only she knew how many times the same thing happened to my eyes but she won't.
I look at her and cup her cheeks with my hands bringing her closer to me than she was before. Her breath hitches once I'm touching her. She bites her lower lip and that's when I finally lean in. We start moving our lips together with one another and our breathing gets heavy quickly.
But she pulls away from me. "What does this mean?" She asked
Fuck. "Macy, I do want to be with you but what about your mom? She said she would cut you off completely-," She cuts me off before I can finish my sentence
"She has to talk to me at some point. I'm her daughter," She says with the biggest smile on her face.
What would my father even say about this? "Ethan, think about yourself. We stopped trying to be with one another because of them. We won't be living with them anymore, it won't make things awkward or complicate them," she answers my thoughts and it feels like now she's finally with me. I'm not alone anymore
"Where would we go?" I asked, feeling extremely nervous and scared for the next steps.
"As for now, you can stay here and I'll be living with my dads. We can both get jobs and look for apartments. It's soon to move in together but it's our only option right now," She says. It seems that she has already given this some thought.
She looks at me smiling, taking me back to the day when we first tried to be together but it went to shit. I'm risking a lot here but I'm hoping it does work out because I can't manage to put myself back together after another heartbreak.
"Ok, I need to go but please give this a try." She said holding onto my hand with hers and I just nodded with her. She doesn't need to continue convincing me because I'm already all in for her. I want all of this and whatever else is more to come.
She finally leaves, I walk back inside getting ready to face my dad and Macy's mom. I'm walking back inside with the biggest yet dumbest smile on my face. I need to get prepared for all the lectures I am about to receive.
"That's what you're going for?" My dad scares me and I look at him ashamed.
I nod. "I'm sorry," I said and he just shrugs
"Don't apologize to me, apologize to her. She doesn't like it and you know that. I for one won't say anything because no matter what I try to stop you it will just make you want to be with her even more. I just hope you know what you're putting on the line," he reminds me but I've always known what I was risking for her.
I've always been ready to risk it all for her, finally, she is too.
—-
Thank you for 2 million views. I wrote this when I was 13, now I'm 21 as a sophomore in college. It felt weird to write this because I'm no longer a Dolan Twin stan and they're no longer active too. It felt nice to write again, hopefully I can put something out again here. Thank you to everyone who continues to read this book