I look at the clock and sigh, but right after the teacher enters the classroom. I turn my head to look at Soobin, and he looks back at me, nodding. I nod in response and wait for the class to end, so we can approach him and talk on private.
He explains to us the proper care for the ducklings, and apparently none of our classmates have their ducks yet. The time flies, and soon the room is empty.
I stand up, playing with my fingers as Soobin joins me, walking towards the teacher who's standing behind his desk and placing his things inside his briefcase. Soobin smiles at me warmly, trying to make me feel a little more at ease, so I smile back at him. He clears his throat, and the teacher looks up in our direction.
"Yes? How can I help you?" He asks, fixing his glasses.
"We need to talk about our duckling." Soobin says, the teacher smiles.
"Yes, what is it? is there a problem?"
Soobin shakes his head.
"Actually, I believe it's the complete opposite." He responds, the teacher looks at us expectantly.
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and sigh when I feel Soobin's gaze all over me.
"Our duckling hatched three days ago. Not even three weeks after it was assigned to us." I say, Soobin nods.
A pair of big sweet eyes appear in front of me as soon as I walk through the door. I smile warmly in response, his rosy cheeks make him look adorable.
I bite my lip, feeling my chest tightening and my hear breaking in million pieces. I shut my eyes closed hardly, taking a deep breath. There's a war inside of me knowing I shouldn't be listening to this conversation, all of his words from yesterday are resonating in my brain... But, I just need to know a little more.
"It hatched? How's that possible?" The teacher asks, knitting his brows together. A knot forms in my stomach, worried about the whole situation. He doesn't seem to be aware of the reason why the egg took way less to hatch than the others.
However, Soobin keeps calm.
"It's a Mallard, and it takes at least from 25 to 29 days to hatch. Even though the egg hatched in less than three weeks, the duckling seems to be completely developed and healthy." He explains, crossing his arms over his chest as I look at him. "That could only mean that we were tricked. My assumptions are that you knew about this and it was a test to see how we took the sudden hatching."
The silence fills the room for a strong couple of minutes, but then, the teacher smirks.
"Very well, Mr. Choi. You are correct, and you both approved."
When he says these words, a big smile forms on my face and I try my best to hold back my squeals of excitement. Soobin looks at me, smiling widely with his cute dimples popping up. He lifts his hand, offering me a high five that I instantly respond.
"I knew it!" He exclaims happily. We can't stop smiling.
"You still have to bring the duckling when the time of the revision comes, so take good care of it." The teacher adds, and we nod. He smiles and starts to make his way to the door, so we bow at him.
When he exits the classroom, I turn my body in his direction, so we are face to face. Soobin's eyes are sparkling and his eyesmile melts my heart in mere seconds. I bite my lip, feeling the flush on my cheeks.
"Good job. It's been nice to work with you." He says, his thick voice sends chills down my spine. He lifts his hand and places it at the top of my head.
I smile at him, as my heart races and my legs wobble.
"Same with you." I respond, too shy to say something else. He nods and takes his hand off my head. I feel the emptiness at the lose of his warm touch.
"I'll see you around, maybe when I visit Eggbert this week." He says, winking at me. I nod, he gives me another smile and leaves.
I clutch my hand to my chest, letting out a big breath I was holding as I try to soothe my heart. He always makes me feel this way and I believe someday I'm going to have a heart attack. I sigh, placing my bag over my shoulder and walking out of the classroom.
Soobin keeps silent, but I see his shoulders dropping and his head hanging down. I feel tears forming in my eyes, and I as I cover my mouth with my hand I start walking away, entering the bathroom with their words behind me. What I hear at the end, makes it even worse.
"Hey, y/n." He says, patting my head. I can feel his trembling touch, he's probably really shy about his own actions.
"Hello Jihoonie, how are you doing?" I respond, pinching his cheek softly. He widens his eyes at my sudden action, and the flush covers his face even more.
"I-I Um, I'm fine, I..." He stutters, scratching the back of his neck nervously. I giggle, but a sudden voice interrupts and cuts him off.
"Hey, here you are!" Suri says, making us both turn our heads to look at her, who's smiling widely. Yeonjun is standing next to her, with his hands in his pockets and a relaxed smile plastered on his face.
"Hey, yeah I just got out of Biology's class. Soobin and I approved!" I say cheerfully, lifting my arms in the air excited. The three of them look at me surprised, a hint of pride appears on their faces.
"Yay! I'm proud of you baby!" Suri squeals, wrapping me in a hug and rocking me side to side.
"Good job, little one." Yeonjun adds, patting my head. I smile, still in Suri's embrance.
Jihoon doesn't say anything, but smiles at me when I look at him, and nods his head to let me know he's happy for me.
"Thank you so much, guys." I respond, wrapping my arms around Suri's waist. She's caressing my head like a proud mother.
When we finally pull back, she looks at Jihoon and greets him, chatting a little.
"I'll be right back, I'll go put this stuff in my locker." I say, walking away after they nod in response and keep talking with each other.
I walk across the corridor and unlock my locker, pushing all my books inside and closing it. I decide to walk towards the bathroom quickly, but Soobin's voice in a corner makes me stop.
"How can you do this to me?!" He asks, his voice is loud and filled with pain.
I peek my head from behind the wall, and see him with his back facing me. His hands are curled up into fists, Gyuri stands in front of him with that guy named Bogum next to her. I feel nauseous at the thought of what is going on between them, Soobin is probably realizing that his beloved girl is now with another boy, and I'm sure that's destroying him completely.
She rolls her eyes and sighs, his new boyfriend doesn't say a thing.
"I didn't do anything to you, stop being so dramatic" She spits, with her hands on her hips. "I broke up with you a week ago, so whatever I do with my life or with who, is none of your business."
"At least explain to me, who is he?" Soobin questions, his voice lowers and his breath is becoming heavy.
I run my hands over my face, trying to stabilize my breath. When I look in the mirror again, I shut my eyes and sigh. I know what he said to me, but I need to check if he's okay. Soobin seems to run away and hide his pain whenever he has to face a situation like this. He suffers alone, and there's no way that after all I heard he will be doing fine.
I know I'm being nosy, but how can I just leave knowing that his world is crashing down all over him.
"He's Bogum. We met in a party a month ago or so, he likes me and I like him, end of the story." She responds nonchalantly, as her new boyfriend just leans against the wall watching the whole spectacle.
My heart stops, and I feel a lump on my throat. His back is facing the door, his hands are running through his hair as he keeps panting. He moves all around the empty classroom, and I spot a lot of stuff dispersed all over the place. He then grabs a wooden chair, and throws it against the wall. I flinch and cover my mouth, knowing if he doesn't stop he's going to be either or expelled or he will hurt himself.
"So you just left me to be with him?"
"I got bored, Soobin. Grow up and face it, it's over and you need to move on."
I push the door open and lock myself inside, breathing heavily as I feel my chest heavy. How can she do this to him? It doesn't matter if she doesn't love him, why is she so despicable? Why be so cruel to someone who loves you that much?
A lot of questions start running all over my head. Images of Soobin's warm smile and sparkly eyes whenever he was with her, or when his heart wasn't broken are haunting me. I start drowning in the fear of not seeing him smile like that again. I run the handwash and wash my face, the sound of his laugh in my memory mixed with his broken look and tears streaming down his face are making it even harder for me to breathe. I grab a clean paper and dry my face, looking at the mirror. I'm panting, and I feel a hole inside my stomach. I try to focus on my face, but all I can see is him all alone and falling apart.
I grab my bag again, placing it over my shoulder and storming out of the bathroom.
My breath is erratic, I feel the air running through my nostrils and my heart beating so loud is deafening me. When I'm finally outside, he's nowhere to be seen. I start walking all over the place, checking on every empty classroom looking for him. I look from side to side, but I can't find him. I run upstairs to the second floor as fast as I can, opening and closing doors. The second floor is empty because it's lunch time, but when I hear loud sounds of heavy stuff falling, I start to worry even more.
I walk through the corridors until I reach the final classroom at the end of it. Loud slams make me flinch until I see him through the door's window.
He throws all the books that are placed in the bookshelf, and I can't stay still anymore. He's about to smash another chair against the wall, so I slam the door open and walk inside. I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his back. His muscles tense at my touch, so I tighten even more my grip on him.
"Please stop, Soobin. Stop!" I plead, feeling the way his chest goes up and down as he breathes. He lowers his arms, his hands curling into fists as he keeps tensing.
"What are you doing here? What did I tell you?" He asks, his voice thicker and deeper than usual, but low at the same time. His tone is harsh and his guard is up. I know I'm fucking everything up, but I just can't leave him like that.
"I know what you said, but please, stop. This is not you, you're making this place a whole mess." I whisper, pressing my cheek even more against his back.
He lets out a sarcastic laugh, moving slightly to release from the embrace, just as if he knew he should pull away, but he didn't want to inside him.
"It's not me? What are you saying? You don't know me." He spits. I bite my lip, tears streaming down my face as I hold both of my wrists in front of his chest.
"I know you enough, I've been around you for years and this is not you. You're warm, you're kind and respectful Soobin." I whisper "I know you're in so much pain, but please."
"Whatever I was doesn't matter. Please go away and leave me alone, I don't deserve you to be worried about me. I'm a worthless piece of crap, I'm a nobody. I don't deserve a single shit." He says, making my heart ache. His hands wrap around my wrists, trying to release again.
"Shut up!" I yell, his hands stop immediately over mine. "Shut the fuck up!" I repeat, my voice cracking. "That is not true, you deserve a lot, a lot of beautiful things and don't you dare to say otherwise."
"Then why did she leave me like you throw the trash?" He asks, his voice breaks and he starts to sniff. He's crying and I can't hold back the pain of seeing him like this anymore.
"She's the one who doesn't deserve you, please listen to me." I plead, digging my fingers on his sweater as I cry with him. "You don't have to suffer alone. Please let me be with you, let me be your friend."
His muscles instantly relax under me. He drops his arms on his sides and lowers his head, crying. I pull back, releasing him from the hug as his back is still facing me.
I wipe my cheeks with the sleeve of my sweater.
"You don't have to do this alone. I may not be what you need, but I know no one deserves this, no one likes to be alone. You can ask me to leave, you can hate me or yell at me, but I'm not leaving you alone like this."
He doesn't say anything, but then he falls on his knees and cries.
I step forward and when I finally stand in front of him, I'm crying again. Seeing him so vulnerable and broken, seeing someone as sweet as him suffer so much breaks my soul. His head is down, his hands are placed over his thighs, with a tight grip on the fabric of his pants. I let myself fall on my knees too, wrapping my arms around his neck.
Don't cry, my pretty boy. Please don't cry. I can't stand the pain inside your eyes.
He starts to sob even louder, his face now in the crook of my neck. I caress his hair, biting my lip to hold back my own sobs and trying to stay strong for him. He finally wraps his arms around my frame, and let's himself cry, cry, and cry as much as he needs.
And so he does, he cries like a little kid between my arms.
After a long while, we're sitting on the floor, next to each other. His head is resting on my shoulder, and none of us is saying anything. The atmosphere is still filled with pain, but it's somehow a little bit more comfortable. He's looking at an empty spot, probably letting his mind run. My heart is pumping loudly against my chest, his presence and the way he just surrendered to me has made my heart blow up. I never thought I would be with him so close, I never thought he would accept me when he felt the worst. The boy I've liked for so long and the one I care about so much.
I look down to his hands, and I see dried blood on his knuckles. I take another deep breath, and then he finally speaks.
"Thank you... For not listening to me. Even though I didn't want this, I'm glad you came and... Eased the pain of feeling this loneliness." He whispers, and my heart begins to race.
I don't even know how did we end up here, or how did I gain all the courage to just come and hold him like I did. All I know is that something inside of me screamed that I had to.
And I'm glad I did.
Because you mean so much, so much to me.