There were times when I thought the cool breeze would one day sweep me up in it's strong winds and carry me as it swayed across the land, over the walls, and out into the open. I would look down carefully, not wanting to regain gravity, as I smiled at what life had to offer. Sometimes people were there, other times it was animals that I've never seen but somehow knew existed. Black and white Zebras, brown gazelles, and a ferocious lion that tried to imitate the sun's color. They didn't hurt each other and in my version of this story, the lion doesn't eat the other animals because he had a horrific experience and went total vegan. Poor thing. I tried to imagine the ocean and what that might look like, but the wind always got tired before I could even see a hint of it's hot sand, hence dropping me back in the glade.
I loved it here.
The guys were my brothers and I loved them all. Some of them were kind and sweet to me, but for guys like Gally, I had to have tough skin. He never approved of me being a builder. Whenever I would ask him why he hated me so much, he would tell me that I was too slow and that I should've been stuck doing agriculture or tending to dirty laundry. This led to me getting angry and punching the hell out of Gally. He never took that sort of response well. There would be times when he'd steal a few hits. Once we broke out into a fight, Chuck would immediately run over to Alby or Newt. About 7 times out of 10, Alby would pull Gally back and pull him aside to talk to him. The occasions that Newt would come, he would always side with me and that would piss Gally off to new levels.
Gally: Why do you always pick her side? She's the one who hit me first!
Newt: Lay off, Gally. You probably said something to provoke her
Y/N: He said I might as well be useful and spread my legs for the older gladers
Gally: Shut up!
Newt: *widens his eyes* You said what?
Gally: It was a joke. She needs to stop being so sensitive all the damn time
Y/N: Fuck you *spits on him*
Gally: *lunges at you*
Newt: *Pushes him back* Hey, stay back! Gally, one more comment like that and I'll throw you down in the hole myself. Now get back to work. Y/N, you come with me, I'm putting you somewhere else for today
Y/N: What did I do?!
Newt: You hit him first. Rules are rules and everyone has to follow them
Gally mocked me by imitating an ugly cry. I stuck a tongue out and kicked his box of supplies. I could hear the whistles of smoke shooting out of his ears as I turned around to leave with Newt. He didn't speak much and I appreciated that. The silence allowed me to think and give me time to admire his nice qualities. Qualities like his shaggy blond hair, his chocolate brown eyes, and the small smile that painted his lips when he found something funny. I'm almost positive I've never heard him laugh. There were days when I would try to imagine it in my mind. Was it a high pitched short burst of air, a low chuckle, or a loud sound that cracked through the air like thunder? Something bout Newt just made me curious. He was such a soft, gentle soul. It made me think why he would be in a place like this. Maybe it was to prove that angels still existed and that there could someday be hope of a better and new world apart from this one.
"Did you hear me?"
The thoughts in my head all scrambled away and my focus was diverted to present time. He stood still watching me before we walked any further. His brown eyes seemed to smile at me.
"I need you to stop doing that"
"What?"
"Drifting away, stay with me, Y/N"
I knew he meant it with the most innocent of means, but my brain didn't take it that way. He asked me to stay with him. I nodded to let him know that I was listening to him.
"And stop provoking Gally"
Newt held up a hand the second I opened my mouth to protest.
"Chuck told me what happened. I know he can a shank sometimes, but he's got the head of a bull"
"Have you seen them?"
Newt let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head. He waved his hands in my face.
Newt: Are you listening to me?
Y/N: Have you ever seen a bull before?
Newt: *shakes his head*
Y/N: Then how do you know what they look like?
Newt shrugged and looked off into the distance. It was quiet again. The sun was warm just the way I liked it. My newly sun-kissed skin grew tough enough for me to talk to him.
"Sometimes I Iike to pretend that I'm somewhere high in the sky, riding with the wind. In my head, I had a knowledge of what animals were, but I can't remember seeing one. You know?"
Newt stared at the same spot for a little while before speaking up.
"Is that where you go all the time?"
"Yeah"
Newt gave me a small smile before he looked away.
"You'll have to take me someday"
Just as a smile came about on my lips, the sound of groaning metal caught our attention. Newt let out another sigh and walked in that direction.
The brunet that sprinted down the glade, his feet moving record speed, falling to the ground, was the end of our lives. It was the end of what I'd hoped would be a long life in the maze. And it was. With that came the destruction of my dreams of a lush life.
A life of thick, green grass.
A field of butterflies.
Roaming gazelles and tamed lions.
The only roars that I could hear were the ones coming from people with black veins on their face, large mouths with rotting teeth, and these eyes that only craved for murder.
The same brunet was the reason why we were running in the mall.
"CHUCK!"
I fell to my knees and caught the large boy before he could fall. His blood smeared on my pants, his flesh was already losing its warmth. Thomas rushed next to him, tears rushing down his face. Everything was muffled including my own voice. The only thing I could hear was the sound of helicopters and boots hitting the ground. My name was thrown into the mix along with everyone else's. Hands ripped me away from the only real friend I had.
WCKD claimed to be our savior and light bringer; the cure of what was a horrific disease called The Flare. Turns out there was something beyond those walls. Many different kids filled the facility and were brought from the maze. They went through challenges just as we did. There we met a kid named Aris.
He was a little shy but I didn't care. My mind was too far to invest in friendships or get along with the program.
While they ate or conversed together, I kept my distance. Something told me that the death of Chuck, Gally, and the others that didn't make it out alive, wasn't going to be the end of it.
As I made my way towards my room, I felt fingers wrap around my wrist. I looked back to find Newt's brown eyes. They had this fire that I couldn't understand. I had already given up hope, why didn't he?
"Y/N! What the hell are you doing?"
I furrowed my brows and looked at his fingers wrapped around my skin.
"We're getting out of here, come on"
As he tugged at me, I pulled back. His eyes widened in surprise.
"Y/N?"
I shook my head and took a few steps away from him, but his hand stayed in the same place.
"Go without me"
Newt grabbed my other wrist, pulling me close to him. I've always wondered how it would be to stand this close to him. My heart began to pump again and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.
Y/N: I can't
Newt: Why?
Y/N: I'll just get in the way
Newt: Y/N, we need you, do you understand?
Y/N: No, you don't. You guys will better off. I couldn't keep Chuck safe---
Newt: Stop!
He grabbed my shoulders and gave me a good shake. A tear fell down from my eye and I've never felt so weak and so dependent before. I hated this feeling and everything that came with it. He wiped it away with one thumb and I felt like I was betraying Chuck.
Instead of thinking about his death, I was focused on the way his thumb grazed my skin. His breath on my face and his attention directed towards me. I was so selfish at this moment.
"Chuck was not your fault. Okay? Don't do that to yourself. Now come on, cause we're not leaving you behind with WCKD. We stay together, understand? You stay with me"
There it was again. Maybe it was the hormones or the filtered air because I actually believed him. Without a doubt in my mind, I ran with the rest of the Gladers, escaping the facility that wanted us for experimental purposes.
So when I witnessed Newt get trampled by a random Crank that broke out of glass window; I did the only thing that seemed right in my head.
I screamed for them to come and get me. That grabbed its attention good enough----as well as all the other Cranks following from behind. Thomas kicked it off of Newt. While I ran in the opposite direction, Newt screamed my name. I had to keep him safe. I had to protect all of them.
My lungs felt like they were on fire and my legs grew tired. My initial thought was to go back in the basement and run out of an exit. I could feel myself giving up, my strength being carried away. These things could run forever and not get tired.
"Y/N!"
Minho ran beside me and grabbed my arm toward the exit. On our way out of the mall, Winston got snagged by one of them. Minho and I fought it off of him and dragged him out of there. The second sunlight hit my skin, I bent over, trying to control my breathing. Newt, on the other hand, didn't want to let me relax. He pushed me back, grabbing me by the shirt.
"What the hell were you thinking? You could've gotten yourself killed!"
Never once, has Newt yelled at you. He's scolded you multiple times, but he never raised his voice to make a point.
"Say something, damn it!"
I gave a dry swallow, my eyes frantically darting from one eye to the other.
"I was--I was trying to--"
"What? Kill yourself? Are you fucking stupid?!"
Minho pushed Newt off to the side, but it was too late. Those words stabbed me deep in the heart. I felt my fists clench and before I knew it, words came sputtering out.
"Fuck you, okay? You were the one who asked me to come. So don't throw a bitch fit just because I saved your ungrateful ass"
Newt pushed Minho off of him and started walking away. The anger in his eyes was unmistakable, his face flushed red, and his jaw looked like it was going to break the longer it stayed clenched. Thomas helped Frypan pick up Winston. In an attempt to diffuse the situation, Teresa reminded everyone that they had to keep moving.
And so we did.
Winston died along with another Glader. All of us were tired and we were beginning to think that the Right Arm didn't exist. However, for me, that didn't matter much. I was sulking because every since our fight, Newt hardly said a word to anyone. He only nodded, shook his head, and shrugged. It was obvious that he was avoiding me and I didn't think he'd ever let up.
The only time he spoke was to tell me that Thomas and Brenda got split up from the group. So needless to say, I kind of got jealous when he only talked to Thomas.
I was a human being too, right? I was capable of emotions and thoughts, yet, the longer he iced me out, the longer I began to negate that idea. The boys were convinced that we were on the right side of things. That being with The Right Arm, was our safest option. But just like the facility at WCKD, I isolated myself away from the group.
It was no surprise that I was tinkering around with a gun from the camp's arsenal. The sun was still a little high, but a nice breeze swept over me as I worked. On this side of the rocks, I wasn't seen by anyone unless they knew exactly where to look.
I had to get away from all the noise in my head and away from my team. The only thing that helped me during times like these, is working with my hands. Alby first assigned me to garden when I arrived in the Glade. After many failed attempts, he thought I'd be good in the kitchen. Frypan often yelled at me because I would just bend the utensils to make a model of a skyscraper.
One day, I was bored and went out into the deadhead to look for spare parts. Newt found me and I thought I was over with. Instead, he gave me a soft smile and told me to follow him. Thankfully, Gally was preoccupied with something else that day. He handed me a screwdriver, nails, a piece of wood, and a hacksaw.
"Make me a box"
I furrowed my brows, confusion spread across my face.
"I'll be back in thirty minutes"
With that, he walked off and left me alone to my imagination. That's when I--we discovered that I wasn't made for agriculture, running, or cooking; I was made for building. Yet, now in my own little space, I could barely muster the strength to tweak the gun. He invaded my thoughts and it just went back to when he yelled at me. It hurt more coming from him because I admired him in ways that I couldn't understand and that made me angry.
The fact that a single person could make me feel this way. After a few minutes passed, I could hear footsteps from the side of the rocks. I didn't want to look because I didn't have the energy to. Judging from the silence, I assumed it was the blond that plagued my mind.
He sat down next to me and leaned his head against the rock. The silence that was usually comforting now became unbearable. I had this awful pain in my gut, just waiting to hear what he had to say. I think it was bad for him too because, from the corner of my eye, I could see him fidget with his fingers. Newt rarely did something like that. He always knew what to say and when to say it.
"It’s windy"
It's windy? What seemed like hours of silence and that's all he could say?
"Take me with you"
Newt looked over at my confused face and nodded towards the sun.
"You said you ride the wind sometimes, so, let's go. Take me with you"
I looked down and away from him, staring at the wide range before us. With a sigh, I closed my eyes and let the wind sweep over my body.
Y/N: The sky colder than usual, but that's okay
Newt: Where are we going?
Y/N: Someplace warm
Newt: Like where?
Y/N: Close to the sun. Somewhere like a tropical island
Newt: With pretty blue water
Y/N: Almost like a lagoon, and the trees are a really green color
Newt: And small birds that sing in the morning
Y/N: Hmm, we don't have to eat the fish because there are always fruits from the trees and vegetables lying about the island
Newt: Like coconuts and strawberries?
Y/N: More. I think this place used to be a place where people came for vacation
Newt: Well, it's ours now
I opened my eyes and sighed.
"Why are you talking to me? I thought you were mad at me"
Newt opened his eyes as well, transfixing them forward. I knew it would be a while before he spoke, but the suspense was killing me.
"I still am"
I shook my head. Why would he be mad? I didn't do anything wrong.
"I saved your life. Why would you be mad at that?!"
He gave a dry swallow and held his knees to his chest. I felt the heat from my anger, flow into my veins. Without waiting for him to answer, I got up and moved to walk away.
He said something but his voice was too soft for me to hear it.
"What?"
I heard him sniffle and when he looked up at me, I thought my heart had truly shattered into micro pieces. His eyes were red, tears slid down his creamy skin, and his nose glowed a soft pink.
I slid down in front of him, my eyes softened with sympathy.
"I didn't care if I died back there in that mall. When you ran off, I thought I lost you forever. I tried to run after you, but, there were too many and Thomas pulled me away"
I remembered hearing him scream after me. I remember hearing how his voice cracked when he did. At the time, I was focused on keeping them alive.
"I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. I just..."
His voice trailed off as he wiped the tears away from his face. I let him gain his strength back and waited until he was ready to talk. When he was, he looked over at me, staring me dead in the eyes.
"They don't just need you, I need you, Y/N. I can't do this if you aren't with me"
Just like that, I was stuck. There was no way, I could ever look back now. The boy that believed in me and always protected me, just admitted that I am the one who keeps him going. That he needs me. Possessed by some will, I leaned in to place a quick kiss on his slightly cracked lips.
Newt looked into my eyes then back at my lips. He moved forward this time, cupping a hand against my jaw. His kisses were soft and gentle. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think this would happen. Moving from my lips, he trailed down to the crook of my neck, making me mewl underneath him. His hands moved to underneath my shirt to grip my bare skin.
"Newt"
He groaned at how soft his name came out of my mouth. I never did anything like this, but being here with him, I felt like I knew enough. He slipped off his jacket to lay on the ground, pushing me slightly to rest on it. Once I did, he climbed on top and resumed kissing me.
This time around was more passionate. He wasn't concerned with being fragile anymore. The way he pressed into my skin and attacked my tongue, let me know that he wanted to be closer to me. I slid my hands up his shirt, letting him get the hint. He sat up to take off his shirt, then waited for me to do the same also.
"You're so damn beautiful, Y/N"
His voice was slightly husky, his chest was rising rapidly. Before I knew it, the rest of our clothes came off, our naked bodies shivering in the breeze if the outside air. We weren't concerned if anyone saw us because we had both wanted this badly.
"I'll go slow, okay?"
I nodded, feeling his tip against my entrance. I couldn't help but let out a small moan as he rubbed it up and down. I lifted my knees higher to give him more access.
"If it hurts too much, tell me, okay?"
"Okay," I nodded.
With that, Newt slowly slid into me, waiting a few seconds before pulling out then going deeper. As an instinct, I contorted my face and dug my nails into his arms when he broke through my hymen. Newt immediately stopped to make sure I was okay. After about a minute, I told him to keep going.
Past the pain, the pleasure was nothing like I felt before. I couldn't stop the sounds that came out of my mouth and Newt didn't try to silence me. He constantly peppered me with kisses and focused on what made me feel good. As he suddenly sped up, I realized that he was reaching his breaking point. He began to grunt more, sweat dripped down his forehead and his eyes never left mine.
I felt this strange pressure from the bottom of my stomach, forming a tight knot. Obviously, never to have done this before, I wrapped my legs around his waist and kept my hands on his back.
"I feel something," I gasped. Newt spoke between thrusts, his voice at an all low.
"It's okay baby, relax and let it go"
His fingers came down to rub me in the most sensitive spot of my body.
He let out a deep moan when my nails scratched down his back, and my walls clamped down on him. I could barely breathe. Stars swam around my vision as I released what was inside of me.
Newt quickly pulled out and I felt hot, thick liquid hit my stomach. Both of us were breathing heavily and decided to lay there for a little before going back to camp.
On our way down, I never knew that having sex would make you sore. Newt did his best to help me keep steady. Just before we were in sight, he leaned down to give me another kiss. This one was lingering with a promise.
"Don't leave, okay? Stay with me"
"I'm not going anywhere, Newt"
Just as those words left my lips, an explosion from nearby went off. WCKD followed us, but it was okay. They would regret trying to break us apart.
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