"How can I ever forget you?" he asked after they had just broken the kiss.
He was holding her head up to him and looking right into her wet, beautiful eyes. It was a while before she mastered her frantic breathing to speak.
"You know just as WELL as I do that it’s the only thing left to do, so don’t argue, ‘cause I’ll just do it anyway," she warned, frowning helplessly – she didn’t have it in her to fight back anymore.
He didn’t look away, and she held his gaze defiantly. He couldn’t contradict her words, because he agreed with them too. The Dark Lord would have sooner or later found out about Draco’s betrayal, which would have put not only him, but also Maria in great danger. Why is it that the right choice is always the hardest one? ‘Why did I have to commit to the right path…’ he thought sarcastically. A small smirk suddenly lightened his face, to Maria’s surprise – who still bore her exasperated and obstinate expression.
"I have no doubt that you would," Draco taunted.
She actually let out a small laugh: the sound of it relieved him beyond measure.
"But," he added in an amusing tone, "I’d rather you waited ‘til tomorrow to tamper with my mind – not that you haven’t already been doing it all year – because we still have one whole day of blissful peace ahead."
He was desperately trying to make her smile – concealing as best as he could the sour, pained edge to his voice – and it had worked. He took her hand and they had just started walking towards the castle when Maria caught a glimpse of the red and gold feathered bird perched high in a distant tree. She suddenly let go of Draco’s hand and, under his curious stare, made her way to the small bush by the lake’s shore. She searched it roughly and picked a single blood-red wild flower out of the many leaves and shrubbery before grabbing Draco’s hand again and leading him to Dumbledore’s tomb, which was now resting beneath a mound of white flowers. Draco caught on to her idea at once and followed her between the rows of now vacant seats. He stood right by her side when she dropped the wild flower on top of all the other white ones and when she backed up to admire the effect. It stood out magnificently; a bright splash of vibrant color among its dull surroundings, an unmistakable symbol of hope – of life. Upon taking in the sight, Maria swore to herself that she would be STRONG no matter what happened and never give up on hope. If there was but one thing that Dumbledore had successfully taught his pupils, it was that.
***
They walked to the Black Lake’s modest dock where they jumped into a boat. Maria had only done this once or twice in all her years at Hogwarts. Draco paddled away from the shore in silence, while Maria stared overboard into the lake’s black abyss. He watched her attentively as he rowed; she seemed so sad, so heartbroken that his insides churned horribly at her sight. He lived for one thing; to know she was happy. Happy with or without him. And he wanted to make sure of that before she erased his memory. He had to. The boat came to a halt in the mirror-like water. Maria didn’t look up.
"Can I ask you something?" His voice was soft, measured and controlled. He hoped it would stay that way.
She lifted her head; her eyes were liquid, but still strangely dry. Her eyebrows were furrowed, yet her forehead was smooth. She seemed stone-like, still submerged in her thoughts and emotions.
Draco crawled to his knees in front of her and took her hands in his. They were cold.
"If anything goes wrong," he started, straining to keep his voice even, "if anything happens to me... please, move on."
She twitched as his words jabbed her in the HEART and looked away, biting her lower lip to stifle the pain.
"No," she mouthed barely audibly.
Draco tightened his hands around hers in frustration.
"You have to!" he pushed, his anger rising as he fought with his helplessness. "You have to forget about me too, you have to move on! I want you to!"
She was careful to keep her gaze away from him, closing her eyes tightly shut.
"What good have I ever been to you? I want you to forget me!" he yelled.
Maria felt the air being squeezed out of her lungs. His cruel words had ripped out the last remains of her tortured heart. The DEPRESSINGfeeling was gone; now she was angry. Before he knew it, she had sprung to her feet, alive again, and was shouting at the top of her lungs. The boat was rocking unsteadily.
"What good?" she shrieked, her broken, hoarse voice mirroring her insides. "WHAT GOOD? You’re the best damn thing that ever happened to me!"
Draco promptly rose to his feet.
"Listen to-"
The already swaying boat tipped to the side and sent both of them splashing into the water. The cold soaked her clothes and penetrated her SKIN, numbing her senses... numbing her pain. For a second, she wanted to stay there and let her body freeze over, but a pair of strong arms wrapped around her and yanked her out of the soothing, cold water. They pulled her into the boat and into a pleasantly warm chest. She cringed in advance, bracing herself for the flow of desperation that would submerge her once again.
It didn’t.
That’s when she realized that his warm presence was infinitely better than the numbing feeling. That she didn’t care if being with him now would hurt her beyond repair later. That she loved him, no matter what, and that she always would.
She slid her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him. He kissed her hair and she sighed unevenly, tormented. He winced at the sound of her pain: this was wrong. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt. He didn’t want to hurt her.
He groaned, releasing Maria before attempting to row the boat back into motion towards the shore.
"No!"
Her hands flew to the paddles, holding them still. Draco’s eyes locked with hers; he wasn’t angry - more desperate, out of arguments. He too was only yearning to stay, although it was probably the worst things to do. He let her crawl back into his arms, his heart beating madly in canon with hers. He couldn’t resist: every now and then, he kissed her hair, her cheek, her neck, her hands... burning her skin with his lips. They were themselves again; whole.
"You will find me," Draco whispered to her, optimistic yet serious.
Maria pulled slightly away to look at his face; the corners of his mouth were etching upwards.
"I have a feeling Voldemort’ll be coming back here in the end."
The more he thought about it, the more he was sure of it. But Maria’s thoughts wandered elsewhere. She frowned, torn.
"I won’t be here next year," she said slowly. "I want to do my part, too."
Draco was also frowning, severely.
"Don’t be reckless, Maria," he scolded in a rough voice. "You can’t throw away your life. Your education, your safety-"
"It’s none of your business," she retaliated harshly, her eyes narrow.
"It is entirely my business," he said, much more softly this time, "because I only want what’s best for you."
She looked away in stubbornness, not wanting to meet his fervent gaze: it would break down her defences.
"Don’t," he pressed, leaning towards her, locking her in his strong hold.
She looked back into his eyes, and she was unable to turn away. Their silver intensity swallowed her whole.
"Please," he breathed, his faces inches away. "For me."
Maria’s heartbeats grew faster as he lowered his head to her neck.
"Promise me," he spoke, his lips against her skin.
Her breathing grew rough and uneven. Her mind didn’t grasp his words; it was far too preoccupied by his lips.
"Promise..." he murmured once more, now against her jaw.
"I..." she mumbled, her staggered thoughts a mess, "- I promise."
What did she just consent to? She couldn’t remember. All she knew was that Draco’s mouth was trailing along her jaw and neck and that his touch was feverishly hot, scorching. But all too soon, it stopped.
"You don’t have a clue about what I just said, do you?"
His tone was light, teasing. Her thoughts and heartbeats were still in a jumble.
"Mmmm?" was all she could say that was coherent.
He chuckled heartedly, cradling her face in his hands.
"You promised you would come back here next year," he clarified, searching her with a penetrating yet soft gaze, as though wanting to validate his statement.
Her thoughts were suddenly much clearer. She looked at him warily.
"You promised," he reminded her gravely, however suddenly doubtful as his brow creased and his hands stiffened.
She breathed carefully, weighing her options. As long as it made him happy... not that he would remember it for long.
"I promised," she consented with a heartfelt smile.
He smiled back at her. It was as if the air around them had lightened dramatically. Coming back to Hogwarts was, after all, the most sensible thing for her to do. She could still stay in contact with the magical world here and, with a bit of luck, stir things up with the DA.
"That wasn’t fair, though," she accused grimly, stubborn.
He chuckled lightly.
"Really? Persuade me; I won’t complain."
He bore a crooked smirk, yet his eyes were gentle, honest. She tried shoving his chest back, but he was holding her too tightly. He gave another chuckle at her hopeless effort.
"It’s not funny," Maria voiced obstinately, helplessly resisting his arms’ safe haven.
"I think it’s very funny," he whispered in her ear, his lips tantalizingly close.
She rolled her eyes, fighting back with all that was left of her will the warm and fuzzy feeling that was threatening to take over. Draco, realizing she was unusually stiff in his arms, sighed exasperatedly. He took her face in his hands and raised it to his.
"I’m sorry," he said, his voice clear and his gaze deep.
Maria was still sulking, looking to the side.
"Would it help if I pleaded again?"
A smile stretched her lips, at last. Her eyes found his as she finally gave in, a pleasant warmth creeping under her skin. Her surrender was obvious; yet Draco’s mouth was still on hers.
He pulled away to a serene and smiling Maria. He lifted a hand to the side of her face, frowning sadly, knowing this painful end was the only way to work it out; erasing his memory would protect their secret, and therefore protect her too. That was all that mattered anymore to him. He sighed at the unfairness of it all.
"I still wish there were another way," Draco pressed.
She simply smiled at him, having already accepted this outcome.
"We both know it’s the safest alternative," she said in a soft yet sullen voice.
He sighed; her smooth skin under his hand made his fingers prickle ravenously.
"I knew you’d agree," she continued calmly, her eyes glistening into his. "This might sound strange, but you understand me so well; better than anyone. You always seem to know exactly what I mean and how I feel. Like I never need to say a word."
"That’s because you’re easy to read; you’re the one who gives it away."
"Yet you’re the only one who’s so attentive."
"And let’s hope it stays that way; I’m a selfish person."
She laughed gently; the sound was a sweet melody to Draco’s ears.
"I wouldn’t worry if I were you," she continued in good-humor, "I feel like such a mystery to the other students; like an outsider."
"That’s because you’re different," he answered, his gaze scorching, "BEAUTIFULLY different."
She thought for a moment, and Draco could see glints of the happy and carefree Maria escaping through the broken one.
"I like different." She looked at him with a heart-warming smile.
He smiled his crooked smile back as he took her hand in his, but was suddenly torn by its softness and delicious warmth. Consciously or not, he was going to miss it...
"It’s unfair," he mused, still transfixed by her hand.
Her happy expression only faltered a little; she was in a good mood now, full of hope, her spirits high... for she was with him.
"So many things I wish I had told you; that I want to tell you... and now it’s too late."
His gaze had never left her hand.
"It’s never too late."
His eyes lifted to meet hers and it was as if his heart had only just come back to life. Her positive manner was rubbing off him. Although, in the back of his mind, he also knew it was most likely his last chance to talk to her, and he wanted to get some things straight.
"You have no idea of how much I need you, of how much you do for me and I wish I’d had the courage to admit it to you before."
He was talking fast and stumbling through his words. To his surprise, Maria bore a suddenly tormented look.
"Draco..." she sighed, exasperated, "what... how... what am I supposed to think? I mean, you won’t even remember me by tomorrow!"
"That’s always been your problem; you think things over too much," he teased, a smirk playing on his lips. "Besides, you’re lucky to have something to remember."
"No, you’re the lucky one. You won’t remember anything, so it can’t hurt."
"Maybe," he pondered, "but I’d be worth it if it meant I could remember you."
Maria’s heart swelled. He was right; she should cherish those memories, no matter how much it pained her.
"You know, you’re really a hopeless romantic... sometimes."
He gave her a breath-taking smile and her heart spluttered frantically.
"You know you look incredibly sexy when you’re wet," he said, mimicking her tone, his smile turning into a smirk.
She laughed out loud for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. She felt Draco’s arms slither around her waist as she caught on to his idea at once... only it was too late. He had already hoisted her overboard and into the lake.
"You arrogant ferret!" she yelled, swimming back to the boat, combing her longs locks out of her face.
It would have probably been more convincing if she hadn’t been laughing at the same time. She grabbed Draco’s hand, who was also laughing, and pulled him into the water with her. She was pushing him down as she used him to heave herself back into the boat. She then extended her hand and pulled him in, all the while giggling.
"Arrogant ferret?" he recalled, his hair dripping into his eyes.
"Yes - well, I like ferrets."
He laughed, a real, heart-felt laugh. He couldn’t remember the last time he had done that.
"You’re shivering, let’s get out of here."
***
They sat against the parapet on top of the Astronomy Tower, watching the setting sun cast purple and orange glows in thoughtful silence.
"Tell me," Draco suddenly interrupted, "is it a complicated spell?"
"No, in fact, it’s frighteningly simple."
"How does it work?"
"I just say the incantation while focusing on what I want you to forget."
There was a short pause.
"What’s the worst that could happen?" he asked, apprehensive.
"We both die in the war and Voldemort wins," she answered blatantly.
"Ah...lovely," he exclaimed, slightly uncomfortable, "and the best?"
"It depends on the perspective."
"Alright, so according to yours?"
"I’ll let you guess."
"At least that’s something to look forward too," he stated.
"At least..."
She sighed and closed her eyes, her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeats. He wanted her to forget him, he wanted her to do as if their paths had never crossed. What a stupid thing to expect, she thought. On the contrary, she wanted to remember every little detail, all the good – and the bad – times they had spent together. He would always be a part of her.
"Talk," she ordered, perfectly still.
"What?" His voice was soft, thoughtful.
"Talk to me," she repeated, "I want to hear your voice so I can have it in my head with me."
He understood, smiling sadly.
"Talk about what?"
"Anything."
"I’ll sound like a boring idiot."
"Idiot, maybe; boring, definitely not."
"Fine, then I won’t talk," he teased.
A single chortle shook Maria’s body. He sighed contentedly.
"Where shall I start?"
And so he began, saying everything and anything that crossed his mind. First he tried describing the stars, then his room, then what he liked and disliked about Hogwarts, so on. He never stopped, to Maria’s delight, and she eventually succumbed to a premature stage of slumber. And so she lay in his arms, her subconscious mind listening and registering every word he spoke. She eventually gave into a dreamless sleep, and he soon followed. They spent the entire night there, under the glistening stars; but too soon, the sun was peeking over the horizon and suddenly, a train’s siren echoed in the distance.
When she opened her eyes, he was already looking at her, conflict raging within his own. She twisted out of his hold, unable to stand it as sharp pain jabbed at her insides, and got to her feet, grasping her wand. He stood up too and they stared at each other: no words were needed.
As silver clashed with turquoise, reality became a huge blur. It was almost easy for Maria to convince herself that it had all been a dream; it was time to wake up. Time to embrace her decision. Time to come down from Heaven.
She took a deep breath,
raised her wand steadily,
and staring into his deep bluish gaze,
she spoke their destiny.
As the spell worked its magic,
three final words left Draco Malfoy’s lips.
"I love you."