School's back in session. I've been dreading the last few days of the holidays, not excited or happy at all that I'd have to go back. It's almost half way through the year and the thought of having to go back for another full year makes my head throb. The consideration of dropping out has become a daily occurrence in my head, and I'm ready to do it.
Ethan has finally returned home from fucking Liverpool. I wasn't all that surprised when he told me he was out with mates doing 'business' in Liverpool during the break. He's managed to gather up a large sum of money doing whatever he was doing. This morning he slid me a wad of cash and a coffee for 'taking care of the house whilst I was gone,' whatever that means.
I know that he's trying to hide any evidence of whatever he was doing in Liverpool by discarding as much cash as possible. I'm not complaining though. I didn't ask any more questions. I shoved the stack into my bag, sipped my coffee and continued on my day.
Harry's gone back to his home now, after a few days of moping around and being whiny. He hasn't come crawling back, at least not yet. He's managed to sort shit out with his mum and whatever the hell is going on in his home. Again, I don't ask him any questions about it. In my small time with Harry I've come to realise less is more; especially with questions.
Being on his good side is far better than being on the bad side.
I spot Nessa when I pull up into the school car-park. I get out of my car quick and ignore the wrath of the cold. I run over to her, placing my hands on the back of her unexpecting shoulders.
Her body jumps and turns around fast, her eyes wide open looking at me in shock. "Oh my days Carey, you scared the living daylights out of me!" She exclaims, placing a hand over her chest and letting out a loud sigh. A laugh falls from my mouth at her reaction before she pulls me in for a hug. "I missed you asshole." She says through a smile on her face.
"I saw you two days ago." I tell her and she shrugs her shoulders when she pulls away. "Two days too long." She says and looks past my shoulder.
"Where's your little pet?" She asks referring to the absence of Harry.
"I dunno, but I don't wanna wait out in the freezing cold to find out." I say, grabbing on her arm as we walk into the dreaded school doors. We're not as late as we usually are which is a shocking surprise. Not only to us but also to the confused faces of our classmates as we pass them.
I grab my books from my locker for the first class of the day, which I'm, thankful that I have Nessa with me. I'd be lying if I said I had done homework during the holiday. But to be honest, I haven't even opened my bag since the moment I had put it down.
We make it to class on time, taking our preferred seating towards the back of the cold room. If this school wasn't so poor, we could afford to put working heating systems in the classrooms. But that's only a dream.
Of course being the unorganised mess that I am, I've completely forgotten to charge my laptop let alone bring it to class. First days always run super great for me. I do however, manage to bum the answers off of Nessa who has copied them from someone else. This is how I've managed to 'pass' through all my school years - through the successful train of copying.
There's nothing wrong with changing the answer a little bit. Personal opinion; I like to mix my answers up so my persona remains the same on paper as it is in person. Our teacher arrives not too long after I've finished finalising my answers.
He's impressed to say the least when I submit the paper to him. One oblivious teacher down, a few more to go. When it gets to our first break, I try to be as discreet as possible when trying to eye out Harry on the field. The absence of the dark clothed man makes my mind twirl in a bit of confusion.
I send him a quick text asking on his whereabouts and don't expect an immediate response. I do excuse myself from the group to use the bathroom. I tell Nessa to meet me in the park next period in case I don't make it back in time. She accepts the offer.
The corridor is dead silent as I make my way towards the bathroom. Except for excess noise coming from the computer lab a few doors down from my path.
My body switches into flight or fight mode when an unsuspecting hand wraps around the lower half of my face. Holding my mouth shut tight, I panic. A scream tries to escape my throat and my body races with shock as I try to turn around to face who it is.
The figure pulls me into the females bathroom and drops their hold on my face. When I spin on my feet to see who it is I roll my eyes in annoyance and let out a groan. Of course, I should have known by the smell of cigarette smoke. "Hey baby." Harry says, a cocky smirk plastered on his face.
"Fuck you Harry, you scared the shit out of me!" I yell, huffing out a breath of frustration yet also one of relief. He chuckles when I push my gentle hands at his chest out of annoyance. My heart rate finally slows back down to its normal pace as I rest against the bathroom sinks.
Harry positions himself closer in front of me. He checks his surroundings before he presses a kiss to my lips. "Haven't seen you in a while, thought you were ignoring me." He tells me when he pulls away and I scoff.
"Me ignoring you? I thought you were the one who wanted some time to sort shit out with-" I begin to rant but I'm stopped when Harry presses a finger to my lips immediately shutting down my pointless words. The smell of bud fumes up to my nostrils as he tells me to, "relax Care I'm only fucking around."
"Are you high?" I ask when her removes his finger from my lips.
"Maybe." Harry shrugs, now avoiding eye contact with me. It's painfully obvious that he's high.
"Without inviting me? Wow, you really are the world's worst boyfriend." I joke and he laughs, now hovering over me. "Take that back." He says, resting his arms against the outside of mine. I'm completely trapped underneath him.
"Nope." I say, smiling playfully up at him. "Also I thought you were dry?"
Harry shakes his head, "I bumped into Zayn last night and got a gram off him." He tells me. Before either of us can continue the conversation the door to the bathroom opens. An unfamiliar female face stops in her tracks. Harry smiles at her and she awkwardly looks at the both of us before looking down at her feet. She walks fast towards a vacant stall.
"He was saying something about opening a private business; wasn't really listening though." He continues with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Oh, he's moving his drug business into the back of the shop." I say with a casual tone before my mouth shuts when I realise that I was not meant to tell that to Harry.
He looks at me with an expression of surprised and confusion, "what? serious?" he exclaims.
There's no point in me trying to make up a lie or take back what I've said. Plus it's Harry, he would've found out soon enough. "Yeah, I don't know how I feel about it though." I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
In retrospect it sounded like a great idea. But now I'm having second thoughts even though it's not got anything to do with me. It's definitely a dangerous idea, the risk of becoming caught puts a lot of anxiety on my shoulders. "I had no idea he was doing that." Harry says shocked.
"That's cause you're not meant to."
"Oh."
"So zip your lip if anyone asks." I say and he brings his hand to his lips, gesturing a zipping motion over his mouth. "I've already forgotten." He says with a smirk.
Our conversation comes to a pause as a stall door opens up. The nervous female from before walks out towards the sink. She doesn't even bother using soap. She washes her quick hands with the cold water before she almost runs out of the bathroom. We stay silent as she warns her friends about using this bathroom as some 'random tattooed guy is in there.'
Harry chuckles, shaking his head as I snicker.
"Do you benefit from it?" He asks once we stop giggling about the nervous girl. I almost forget what he's talking about, inhaling a deep breath before I remember. "I think I get to test his batches for free." I say, more so hope.
"No shit, better sign me up for that as well." He raises his eyebrow at me, playing with the silver rings on his fingers. "I'll see what I can do." I say with a smile and he returns it.
"You reckon you could you deal for him?" Harry asks, tossing a hand back through his curls.
"I probably could." I say back, looking at the wall. That's actually a smart idea. I need the extra cash. I've dealt shit like this before, it's easy and quick money. Why not do it again?
"I reckon you should - you get the money as well as being a test subject for some top quality shit. Where's the cons?" Harry tempts and an intrigued frown crosses over my face. He's not wrong.
"You're right. I'll speak to him about it." I say. Almost immediately after I stop speaking the school bell begins to blare. I mentally curse. I still have a full day ahead of me and it's only the second class. "What do you have now?" I ask standing up from my resting position against the cold metal sink.
"Art, you?"
"English." I reply with a distaste flavour in my mouth. "Nessa and I are about to skip and go have a smoke if you wanted to join?" I ask knowing Harry most definitely would not refuse the offer.
"Yeah o'course I do." A cheeky smile crosses his face, "I gotta piss first though, I'll meet you at the park in about two minutes?" He says, standing right in front of me, eyes looking down.
I nod and instinctively close my eyes when he leans down to press a kiss to my lips. His hands rest on my waist as he kisses me more before sliding a hand down the back of my jeans. He lifts his hand off my body before it comes smacking straight back down.
An unwilling gasp leaves my mouth and Harry laughs flirtatiously back. He brings his hands to my head, holding me still as he kisses my forehead. He plants a quicker one at the top of my hair. "I'll see you very shortly." He whispers, letting go of me and opening the female door wide. He steps out of the bathroom without a care in the world.
My eyes get caught in the mirror, not realising that I had been smiling that entire time. A light pink flush is obvious on the apples of my cheeks and I bring my cold hands up to my face to try and remove it.
I wait until the crowd of loud people head off to their classes. Knowing that if I left now, a bunch of teachers heading off to wherever they were going would force me to go to class. Once the hallway becomes silent, other than the sounds of a few locker doors closing; I exit the bathroom.
I walk over to my locker and open the squeaky door. Rummaging in my bag for a deck of cigarettes and a lighter, shoving the items into my pockets. I plug my headphones into my phone before placing the buds into my ear and lifting the hood of my jumper over my head.
I sneak out of the grey building, making my way through the back of the school yard. It's fucking freezing. I regret wearing my torn jeans instead of something more thicker but there's nothing I can do now. Blaring music and a cool breeze accompanies me to my walk to the park.
Before I allow my mind to do some sort of peaceful thinking, I get a message tone that shuts my music off for a few seconds. Groaning, I pull the device out of my pocket and sigh when I look at who it's from.
me. r u at school yet
h. no im still asleep
me. stfu i sent that text like 5 minutes ago
h. never too late to reply
me. get off ur phone. unsanitary and dangerous to piss whilst holding it
h. dangerous to hold what?
me. don't even start. its too early for this
h. hahahaha
me. im surprised u haven't dropped the phone yet
h. i am a man of many talents when im not sober. you'd be surprised
me. ur a man of many talents sober
h. stop flirting with me
me. stop texting me
I chuckle a little, putting my phone back in pocket. I take a seat on the wooden picnic table, hidden under the pavilion shelter. I don't waste any time grabbing my deck of smokes and pulling a cigarette out; holding the stick in my lips. My lighter however, takes a few turns before it finally ignites and I make a note to get a new one.
There's no one at the park which is nice; it gives me time alone to think. Thinking can be dangerous though. You can lose yourself in your mind if you aren't careful with the way you do it. I don't get to have enough thinking time as I see three figures enter the park, laughing with each other.
I remove my earbuds when I see Harry walking his way over to me, with Liam and Nessa by his side. "You didn't tell me you'd be acquiring company?" I call out when my friends get closer to me. Harry's completely adorned in black clothing. Much like Liam except he has a soft pink beanie sitting on top of his chocolate curls.
"I didn't think it would matter." Harry replies, shooting me a look of 'be nice' as he sits next to Liam.
"Hello to you too Carey." Liam sighs, taking a seat opposite of me. Nessa sits down next to me, her hand tapping on my thigh as if to say a hello.
"It's fine." I shrug. I don't care that he's here. Sometimes more company is better than none. "I didn't know you did art." I comment, exhaling a cloud of smoke as everyone begins to grab their own cigarettes and lighters.
"I was failing economics so I switched." Liam tells me as he shoves his bag onto the small space next to him, his hand dumpster diving in the bag. "How's that working out for you?" I ask, taking a drag of my cigarette.
"Shocking but not appalling." Liam shrugs, finally finding his deck and lighter amongst the mess and clutter in his bag. "You sure about that?" Harry laughs, rolling a cigarette carelessly between his fingers. I admire the way his quick fingers work with the white paper. The way he works with the tobacco and how his attention isn't even focused on what his hands are doing. It's like watching someone make art.
"Not everyone is a tattoo artist like you Harry." Nessa comments, pulling a drag from her tailored cigarette.
"I'm going to take that as a compliment, thank you." Harry says with a wink and Nessa playfully rolls her eyes with a shake of her head.
The smoke entering and leaving my lungs is quite relaxing and filling. I hadn't realised I had been craving the feeling for so long. The last one I had was this morning. I swear I tell myself I'm not addicted but the way this makes me feel is almost like that of feeding a famished dog.
Everyone around me becomes their own little bubble in the grey town. Each smoking on a cigarette each as they thought about different things. In this moment, if I were to chose a supernatural power it be mind reading. It's interesting how everyone's brain works, how differently everyone thinks.
My eyes wonder over to Liam. Sitting in front of me with his head basically in the clouds as he chuffs down on his cigarette. "So, how was Liverpool?" I ask him. He shoots me a confused look straight back at me, eyebrows crossing in bafflement.
"How the fuck d'ya know about that?" He asks, but it comes out more like an accusation.
"Because my brother was with you, you mong." I reply with a cough, bringing my hand to my mouth. I should lay off the smokes.
"Oh right." He says quietly. It's also a small town as well, the news will spread eventually on the whereabouts. "It was eventful to say the least." He says, looking down at the dark wooden table.
"Is that all?" I scoff. Summarising two weeks in Liverpool as 'eventful' isn't enough to cut it. I catch Nessa and Harry's reactions from the side of my vision. Both of their faces reading the same confusion as mine. "I can't say too much in case someone hears." Liam defends and Harry laughs loudly.
"There's literally no one here." He comments. Turning his body around and waving his arms in an outward manner to prove that we're the only people in the park. Liam sighs in defeat, shrugging as he quietly says, "it's also cause Zayn told me not to tell anyone. You can ask him privately."
You'd be an idiot if you didn't pick up on what he's trying to talk about. Zayn, confidentiality and privacy is a recipe for something to do with drugs. By the looks on the three of our faces, I can tell Liam knows what we're talking about in telepathy.
"Are you selling drugs?" Nessa asks bluntly. Someone had to ask. Liam isn't the kind to throw himself like that out there. "We're transporting the valuables." He says as I drop my cigarette to the cement floor, putting it out with the bottom of my boot.
"Uh huh. That's why it took you two weeks." I say with sarcasm ringing in my voice, grabbing another cigarette from my half-empty deck. Nessa snickers and Harry expresses a gentle smirk.
"Okay maybe we were having little cooking and baking sessions ourselves." Liam says in a tone a few decibels higher than his voice, raising his hands up in defence. "You lot are mad." Nessa states, followed by a disapproving Harry, "I can't believe I didn't cop an invite."
"Mate we asked you and you said you'd get back to us but you never did." Liam defends, turning to face him. "Fucking when?" Harry argues, his facial features screwed up.
"At some party like two weeks ago." Liam recounts, but by the look on the curly brunette's face, it's obvious he has no fucking clue. "I don't remember shit." Harry laughs but it's not humorous.
"Well make sure you come on the next one." He says and Harry nods. It falls silent again, except for the sounds of exhaling and the wind. It's colder now, the wind begin to pick up and carry the ice-like temperature. I wish I had put something else on underneath.
"Is the new stuff good?" I interrupt curiously.
"Yeah it's pretty strong. Zayn's been experimenting with different mixtures as well." Liam responds. Before the conversation continues on, our phones, except Liam's, buzz with a notification. "Is this like a group chat I'm not apart of?" He asks when we check our phones.
"Nah a Facebook event." Harry answers as my eyes read the screen. Beth, that girl from that party a few weeks ago, is throwing another one. "What for?" He asks.
"Party on Friday. I'll add you to the list?" Harry offers.
"Yeah lemme see who's coming though." He accepts and Harry shuffles closer to Liam to show him his phone.
There's roughly 50 people invited. I only have a few mutual's and friends going, a few of which are sitting right here at this table. I don't recognise anyone else's names, which is nice. Parties that involve people from our school I usually find to be quite boring and repetitive. When it's the same people over and over again, it gets boring.
Without thinking, I click the 'going' button. There's no reason on why I wouldn't go. I don't have any boundaries.
We skip this period and the next one, too busy chatting about the great wonders of life. I hadn't realised Liam was an avid believer in life outside of Earth. Sometimes knowing less about people is better because now when I see him, all I can picture is Aliens.
Nessa and Liam get a head start on the way back to the school. They were discussing some topic about Lebanese food if I overheard correctly. Harry and I are still sat at the park bench, too tired to get up and move. I dread going back to my classes right now. Let alone school at all but I don't want to end up in principal Addington's office this week.
I get up from the bench, standing to my feet as Harry follows. "You working tonight?" He asks, slipping his backpack over his shoulders. I have to think for a moment. Zayn has completely fucked the schedules up.
He changes them almost every five days and my tiny pea brain can't take it. "No I don't think so." I respond unsure. I hope I don't have to work. I don't want to be out of my house for this much longer.
"Great." Harry chirps, "I have a free, you should come over." He tells me and I oblige. Sounds more fun than being alone.
"Yeah alright. I'm gonna go home first to freshen up." I say as we begin walking towards the old metal gates. "Are you heading back for classes?" Harry asks, shoving his large hands into the pockets of his jeans. It amazes me how his hands can even fit into such a confined space, but then again, male jeans actually have pockets.
I laugh. "Fuck no."
"Neither." He smiles and lifts his arm up, slinging it across my shoulders.
.
The rain is light on my drive home and I hope that it doesn't begin to pick up. This car can't handle driving in the rain all that well and I don't want to walk to Harry's.
When I arrive at my house, I have to park on the street. Ethan's car is parked in the middle of the driveway, preventing me from even driving my car half-way. As I grab my bag and hop out of my car, I can hear music playing from a stereo and clicks and clanks coming from his car.
Curious, I walk towards the car which has it's bonnet wide open preventing me from seeing who's behind it. Once I see half my brother's figure, I call out. "From making drugs in Liverpool to repairing engines."
Ethan laughs and turns down the volume of the music. "I'm not repairing engines, I'm keeping up the maintenance of my car." He defends as I stop next to him, looking at the engine of the car.
"Same shit innit?" I shrug.
"Sure." He chuckles, removing this gloves which are now covered in some sort of black dirt. "Aren't you meant to be at school?" He eyes out the time on his phone.
"Aren't you?" I ask back.
"Teacher cancelled my last two classes." He answers as he closes the bonnet, "you?"
"I cancelled my own." I excuse with a smirk.
Ethan laughs, rolling his eyes. I am not in the mood to spend my afternoon in a shitty classroom with shitty people. Why do something that makes you unhappy? Especially if you know you can do something to avoid it. Not one of my wisest ideas, but I'm already going nowhere in life.
"I've gotta check up on your car soon." Ethan tells me and I focus my attention to my baby sitting in the street. "She's doing alright." I reply. She's definitely not an expensive car but she drives pretty well. She does the job.
"Yeah but a check up doesn't hurt." Ethan responds and I know he's trying to ask if he can fix up my car now. I don't have time for that though. "Well it'll have to be another day," I begin, "I'm going out now, I'll be back later."
"Where you off too?" He pesters and I think quick for a vague answer. He cannot know that I'm going over to Harry's. "Going out with a few people." I reply and he nods. Before I begin to head towards the front door, Ethan continues our conversation.
"How were things here when I was gone?" He asks genuinely. Even though I barely see him nowadays, he always asks how I am, how everything is. Which is nice. It feels like someone cares.
"Look, it wasn't bad at all. Ate like shit though." I respond. If I'm being completely honest, I can't recall that last time I've seen a proper fruit. Unless strawberry milkshakes count.
"Don't we always?" He retorts and I huff out a small laugh. "You and Harry got pretty close." He adds. I don't want to seem suspicious when I answer, so I keep my body language and facial expressions to a low.
"Sorta had to." I reply vaguely. I don't want to make it seem to him that anything remotely fun or good has happened between us. I swear he has a third eye for that shit. Or perhaps it's older brother instincts?
"Yeah I know. He wasn't a pest was he?" He asks.
"Nah he was alright. Better him then mum." I reply and Ethan sighs, rolling his eyes as if to say 'tell me about it.'
He grabs the old blue bucket full of soapy water sitting next to the car and a sponge. "Speaking of which, she popped in before." He tells me, dunking the soap in the water. My heart falls into my stomach.
"Serious? When?" I demand. I don't mean to be aggressive, but why the fuck was she here?
"Like 20 minutes ago. Didn't say much. Came in and grabbed a few things." Ethan explains and he doesn't notice the uncertainty sliding over his face. I can tell, he's equally as confused as I am. "She asked where you were." He says after a moment of silence.
My skin crawls at the mention of her wanting to know about my whereabouts. What concern did she have? "What did you say?" I ask hesitantly. I hope he didn't lead her anywhere to try and find me.
"Shrugged." He tells me and it's like a weight lifts from my chest.
"As if she cares." I scoff. Ethan doesn't respond to that but I know he's agreeing. "Did you see what she got?" I ask curiously.
Our mother has a reputation of stealing our belongings, and stuff that doesn't belong to her. She's stolen money from me. She's stolen my drugs, alcohol, clothes, food. I've never been brave enough to confront her about. I'd rather my head stayed on. "Looked like a heap of clothes." Ethan replies. I can tell he wasn't interested in whatever she was collecting, and fair enough.
"I saw the guy she moved in with." He says and my eyes almost roll out of my head. I don't respond. Ethan looks over at me and I give him a look to continue. "Didn't recognise him at all. I don't even think mum lives in Alverton anymore." Ethan sighs, lifting the wet sponge out of the bucket.
"I'm surprised the NSPCC hasn't been on our asses yet." I say and my brother laughs.
"Don't think the neighbours even care to report anything if we're being honest." He says and he has a point. I don't think I've ever seen my neighbours express an ounce of concern at all. I don't even think I've even seen my neighbours.
"Hey, you got a smoke I can pinch? Promise I'll pay you back." Ethan asks and I grab the deck out of my pocket, handing him a cigarette. He thanks me and grabs a lighter from his back pocket.
"You sure you wanna wash your car now?" I ask as he begins to light the cigarette. He gives me a confused look as a response. "It's gonna rain." I explain and he shrugs, exhaling a large cloud of smoke.
"It'll be fine." He says.