"So it's been a month and you are sober" my therapist says before she gives me a smile. I roll my eyes in response
"How are you on the inside" she ask
"What do you mean on the inside" I say acting dumb.
"Chloe you are a smart girl. You know exactly what I meant when I said the "inside". How is your thinking" she says?
"I'm fine" I say sticking to my normal answer to a question like that.
"No you are not" she says looking at my wrist. I rolled my sleeves down to cover my cuts.
"That is none of your business so fuck off" I say becoming angry.
"Breath Chloe do what I taught you learn to control that anger, and that is what your mom pays me for to know things like that" she says. I took a breathe in closing my eyes and exhaled out opening them again.
"I miss Kaylee, I am tired, I am nothing, I am dead inside living is an option that I don't want but if I kill myself Kaylee won't forgive me. people might think I'm fucked up because I'm stuck on Kaylee but they don't understand that she made me happy she was my light in my dark room. I may sound poetic but it is true" I say my voice sounding shaky.
"Chloe do something you love besides smoking weed and sleeping. Go out and enjoy nature and write. I'm sure you would love that. I've seen your grades at your high school. You could be at the top of your class but you choose not to. I can tell your favorite subject is English and art. Go out and try something different everyday. I'm gonna give you something to do and you have to bring it back to me on our next session" my therapist says writing down in her notes.
"Ok what" I say. I was kind of done with this session.
"I want you to go out and paint a picture of nature." She says.
"A picture of nature" I paused for a second to look at her weird. "You want me to paint a picture of NATURE"
"Yes I do and don't give me that look just do it. I will let your mother know as well so you can't not forget" my therapist says.
"Well looks like our session is over. I can't wait to see what you paint" my therapist says before giving me a smile.
"Yeah yeah, see you next time" I say nonchalantly before leaving the room.
Home
I heard faint talking as I was walking in the house. The voices sound very familiar. As I was trying to figure out who it was alex And lilly Came running towards me.
"Chloe!" lilly And alex Said in unison excitement. I kneeled down to give the a hug and kiss on their foreheads. They reminded me so much of Kaylee. Their smile and laughter I could even smell her sent on them which was very strong.
"You guys smell good" I said giving them a smile.
"Kaylee is here" alex Said
I waited a second to respond to see if I heard what he said correctly. "Who is here?" I asked
"Our sister" lilly Said her eyes glowed in excitement.
I stood up and walked through the Fourier towards the kitchen. I looked over to the tv and it was playing SpongeBob. I'm assuming for the little ones. The talking I heard before had stopped soon as I walked in. I look towards the kitchen to find Kaylee and Addison and mom looking at me like they just got caught stealing. Kaylee and Addison were sitting next to each other by the island in the kitchen while mom was standing on the other side.
"Well it was nice talking to you guys wish I could see Adam." Kaylee said to them before grabbing her bag.
"Come here munchkins" Kaylee said opening her arms
" I'm leaving, I love you guys be good ok" she says.
"No don't leave we miss you Chloe misses you" lilly Says
Kaylee clears her throat. " I will be back to see you two again I promise" she say. Kaylee gave lilly And alex a kiss before standing up and leave.
I tried to grab ahold of her arm to stop her but she viciously shrugged me off. " Don't!" She spat looking me in the eyes. She left.
The kids ran upstairs because they started playing hide and seek. Just in time for me to do what I had to do or what I needed to do.
"What a family this is" I say sarcastically
"I have a so called sister that doesn't speak to me but speaks to my girlfriend and does it behind my back and a so called mother who does it behind my back and not tell too" I said pausing for a second to gather my thoughts.
"You guys are unbelievably... I am really trying to keep my anger to a minimum but the shit is just replaying in my head" my hand started to shake.
"She doesn't want to see you Chloe what else do you want us to do?" Addison say.
"Fuck you Addison you're a shitty ass sister and a terrible friend. Oh, Tiffany will be right by you and she'll get tired of you just like everyone else. My eyes were stuck on Addison until she got up and started crying and ran to her room. All you heard was the door slam.
"Chloe what the hell" mom said
I ran upstairs to my room and grabbed my Guitar and ran back down and spoke before leaving. "I'm leaving I'll be back dont call" I slammed the door and walked to the park and layer in the grass to think. You don't want it. You don't need it. Do this for her. Do this for her.SHE WON'T LOVE YOU. KILL YOURSELF. DO IT CHLOE. SHE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU ANYWAYS JUST DO IT. Get better for her live for her. WHAT YOU GOT TO LIVE FOR TO BE A FAILURE. She wants you healthy. CALL THAT DEALER HE'S GOT WHAT YOU NEED. HE HAS THE REAL MEDICINE.
I sat up and immediately started playing my guitar to stop the voices. I started to sing
Mmhmm
I don't want another night alone
another night crying on my own
I don't wanna find another
I don't wanna spend my nights depressed
Because I failed you
I don't wanna spend my nights staying up
Thinking about what it could have been
I don't want somebody like you, I only want you
I only want you , yeah
I don't want somebody brand new I only want you
I only want you, yeah
I guess you had to leave, you had to leave
You had to leave, yeah
Just to breath, just to breathe, yeahhh
I know I'm the ones who ruined everything
that makes you think that everything
Was all your fault
And I know the story is only just a word
But when it hurts it isn't that simple
but I know when you
Look me in the eyes you can't deny
we something different
And I know I'm drawn looking for your kiss
Someone's lips to know that I miss ya
Mmhmm mhm hmm hmm
Tears started to rush down my face my mind was clouded I couldn't think of the rest of the lyrics I made for the rest of the song. I threw my guitar onto the playground before collapsing on the grass from my breakdown. I felt like everything was falling apart again. There was no way I was going to calm myself down from this. My emotion were on high. I felt a pair of hands grab me and pull me into their lap and held me as I cried.
"I'm here for you Chloe I'm not leaving this time" the familiar voice says. Looking up I saw it was Veronica. I cried in her arms until I fell asleep. One thing I haven't been getting is sleep because I was scared of dreaming. My dreams were unpredictable. I could be having a good dream where I and Chloe got back together and started a family or I'd have a dream where I and lash out on her and I don't want that.
I hoping to end this book really soon because I'm working on some other things. I'm trying not to loose inspiration for this book so that's why I take so much time away. I hope this chapter kind of satisfies you all.
Love you guys Thanks❤️