According to research, about 33% of women have never experienced an orgasm. Do we need to treat this condition or leave it as is?
Orgasm is not just about pleasure. It is also an important aspect of women's health as it triggers the release of the hormones oxytocin and endorphin, which help the body relax, reduce stress, help fight depression, and offer opportunities for full physical and mental development.
The lack of orgasm is considered normal at the beginning of one's sex life, when female sexuality is awakening. In all other cases, it is an occasion to consult a doctor.
My personal sexual experiences did not start off the greatest. I never masturbated, I thought it was gross and weird, and plus I shared a room with my older sister so I didn't have a lot of privacy. When I was eighteen, I was brutally raped. It was not at all pleasurable, I was in a lot of physical pain, and not only had my virginity been stolen away from me, it had left me in serious pain. I had burn-like rips on and inside of my vagina and it was just not a pleasant time for me at all. It took me a little over a week to heal fully, I believe.
So of course after that, I was completely turned off by sex. So I decided I should start masturbating, especially since I wasn't ever planning on letting another guy down there!
When I was eighteen, I discovered my clit - what an amazing day that was!
On the occasion that I did masturbate, it would be vaginally, usually with my fingers and I'd end up cutting myself, and of course never hitting the Big-O!
So, finally after discovering that little bundle of nerves, I was hitting my climax, but I didn't exactly know what was happening so I got a little scared. My body was trembling, my entire body was sweating, it felt like lightening was flowing through my bloodstream. So I quit before I could finish.
Fastforward to me being nineteen, having sex for the first few times with my husband was so weird, I let him get off and I was done, didn't really care much for the sex.
Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, when we would have sex, I did the one thing I've only ever dreamed about doing, the one thing every girl wishes she would do, and the one thing every guy wishes he could make his girl do - I squirted. It happened every single time we had sex!
I don't know how it happened. I don't know why it happened. But it just did.
What's even crazier is I could never feel it coming, it wasn't that climax feeling. He'd pull out and we'd change positions and I'd start queefing and we'd laugh then all of a sudden I'm squirting everywhere. Which was fine, we both thought it was incredible.
Fast-forward to me now, I'm twenty, still with my husband of course. No longer able to squirt, or orgasm at all. It's very rare for me to orgasm and I have no idea why. I like to hold a vibrator on my clit when he's thrusting inside me and that usually makes me orgasm, but lately I've not been able to.
Why??
Well, we decided to google it. I also, unfortunately, suffer from several mental illnesses, one being anxiety. Anxiety can be a main reason you can't orgasm! Anxiety or feeling afraid of what sounds you might make or what you may look like or if you smell or taste funny- all those fears and anxieties can mess with your mind which messes with your body, resulting in you not being able to climax. However, I also suffer with the wonderful disease "Endometriosis". You may hear of it on commercials now, but that wasn't always the case. Only really recently did scientists even realize it's affecting women tremendously, they only recently found ways to help with the pain, which doesn't always work on every woman, and it is incurable and also genetic. Every female in my family suffers with it. It's pain 24/7, pain with sex, pain before, during, and after periods. It's pain and cramps and constipation alllllll the time! (If you experience any of those symptoms, please do yourself a favour and visit your OBGYN, please try to get help.) I'm honestly so miserable because of it and it does sometime affect your relationship/marriage and it's just so incredibly painful-nobody should ever have to deal with it.
Here's some other reasons you may not be able to visit the Big-O:
-You spend most of the day sitting.
Chaining yourself to that desk chair may make your boss happy, but it's bad news for your pelvic muscles. Sitting all day shortens them, and that can lead to pelvic pain that makes it more difficult to orgasm.
-You wear high heels.
Not only are sky-high heels just plain painful to walk in, but wearing them can also have deforming effects on your psoas muscles, which connects with muscles and nerves that lead to your pelvic floor, genitalia, and related organs. "When your psoas muscles are sticky and tense due to prolonged high heel wear, they can't transmit the arousal message necessary for orgasm".
-You don't tell your partner what you want.
Always communicate with one another!! If you're "too embarrassed" then maybe you should find the right partner because you should never feel ashamed in front of someone who you truly love and someone that truly loves you.
-You don't drink enough water.
When I was able to squirt, I was vegan so all I drank was water 24/7. I'm no longer vegan and I drink coke on a daily basis and it's probably why I can no longer squirt.
-You don't make noise.
Being vocal during sex has been proved to work wonders for women, as it can allow you to orgasm longer, harder, and more often. "Take in the feeling of skin-to-skin contact; enjoy the pressure of your partner's body pressing down on yours". Embracing these sensations will help you tune out the world and focus on maximizing your experience. This is so true!!
-Your medication is interfering.
This is actually such a HUGE problem for me. I do notice when I don't take anything, I can orgasm, but when I take something, I cannot for the life of me!
You know that little paper packet that lists all the side effects of your medication? Actually read it, as drugs that cause a spike in prolactin levels could be the culprit behind your inability to climax. (If you take any narcotic, anything like Xanax, hydros, anything that gives you that high effect- it's impossible to orgasm when taking them.
-Your oxytocin levels are too low.
Nicknamed the "feel good" or "love" hormone, goes hand-in-hand with orgasms. If your body isn't producing enough of it, climaxing can be more difficult. Stress can also play a major factor in not orgasming.
-You don't masturbate.
A woman's ability to fantasize and use her imagination during masturbation can help her unleash her creative inhibitions in bed, and it helps her learn exactly how and where she likes to be touched. I masturbate often, I love it. It certainly helps me figure out what I like and how I like it.
-You're afraid to lose control.
This goes along with what I said about having anxiety about being too loud or being nervous about what you look like. It fucks with the mind which fucks with the body. Don't be afraid. Let loose. Lose control. But only do it with someone you truly love and who loves you- that's the only way you'll truly orgasm right!