My body felt numb but this time not from the opiates in my bloodstream. My throat was tight and I felt panic wash over me, a feeling I don't get often. I wanted to blink and see this wasn't real but my eyes wouldn't take away from the man standing in front of me, the man I once killed.
"Z-Zayn?" I could barely speak.
"Who the fuck do I look like?" He barked back, sounding just like.. Zayn.
My chest was rising and falling rapidly yet I felt like I couldn't breath. My palms were sweating as I was white knuckling the counter, I was so thrown off and confused.
"What's wrong Styles?" He takes a step closer as my stomach tightened. "Are you freaked?" He tuned quieter while standing closer, he even smelled like his cologne.
I noticed that his right temple was dark red of dry blood, all down the side of his cheek to his jaw.
It was where I shot him, how I killed him.
"Y-You're— You're-"
"Dead?" He finished my sentence.
"I killed you." I swallowed the lump in my throat as his lips turned to a smirk.
"I know, but I'm here now aren't I?" He says darkly, staring into my confused eyes. I blinked a few times to see if he was going to vanish, but he wasn't, he was standing there staring deceitfully into my eyes like a nightmare.
"You put a bullet right here." He places his finger against the wound of his left temple.
"You're not real." I whisper and shake my head, my heart thrashing against my chest.
"Oh but am I?" He taunts.
It's the drugs, it's the drugs.
I turned away towards the exit, opening the bathroom door to leave but instantly met eyes with another pair. I stopped in my tracks as another face was aligned with mine, hands gripping the doorway. His throat had a deep cut across it with dried blood down his neck and staining his white shirt.
"Adrian—" I nearly choked when I saw him standing there in a Malignant leather jacket.
His eyebrows were furrowed and his jaw was clenched like stone. I couldn't even process anything before he spoke.
"Hey, pal." He muttered, his voice sounding so foreign yet familiar to me. I haven't heard that voice in years.
In reflex I just shut the door, because I couldn't understand what was happening. I turned around with my back to the surface, only to see Adrian suddenly there next to Zayn. Both of them standing side by side with dark looks in their faces, wounds on each of them from me.
"I'm going crazy." I tossed my head back against the door while my palms sweat, gripping the door handle. I couldn't breathe.
"Why are you here!" I shouted, my heart thrashing against my chest cavity.
"Why do you think!" Adrian barked back at me.
I turned back around and opened the door again, walking quickly out of the bathroom and into the cold air of the rest of the house. I went right to my bedroom, and when I went through the doorway I saw a girl laying on my bed with a smirk on her face.
Cinnamon.
"Hey baby." She smirked while laying on her side in lingerie, her head propped up by her hand.
"Fuck!" I turn back around to the door but then she was suddenly standing there blocking the exit. There was only a meter between us as she held the doorframe.
"What's wrong Harry?" She pouted with the gunshot mark in her temple that was prominent. "You don't miss me?" She says while stepping closer as I was stepping back.
"This can't be happening." I pinch my eyes shut and shake my head, trying to get these images out of my brain.
"What would you like to happen? What can I make happen for you?" I opened my eyes again to see the sexual smirk on her face as she kept stepping closer so I could smell that really strong cheap perfume.
I turned around again but then came face to face with someone else, our chests nearly touching as our height was the exact same. His dark green eyes burned into mine and his once wrinkled face was littered with cuts and scabs.
"Well if it isn't the little shit." Axel's deep voice spoke from my darkest of nightmares.
The air escaped my lungs, prohibiting me to breathe. A cold shiver ran down my spine as I was staring my scarred up father right in the dead eyes. He was cut up so bad in the face, almost looking unrecognizable but I'd know those angry green eyes anywhere.
He was like that because I killed him violently with a rock.
"What's wrong Harry?" I heard Zayn say from behind me, making my back turn around to see him and everyone else standing here with me in my bedroom. "—are you frightened?"
I'm off the brink of insanity.
"T-this isn't real. None of you are real!" I shouted at Zayn, Adrian and Cinnamon standing in a line.
When I heard the sound of a whip cracking against the hardwood floor, I flinched and turned around the room until I saw where it came from.
"Don't you raise your voice Harold!" Gene stood in the corner of the bedroom with the brown leather belt in her hand, deep hole in her throat with blood from where I stabbed her with a switch blade.
"Y-you're not real!" I repeated while throwing my eyes in my palms, rubbing them obsessively to get rid of these hallucinations. I was breathing so fast yet I felt like no oxygen was getting to my lungs. I viciously rubbed my eyes and prayed I'd look back to see them all gone.
"Look at us Harry." I heard Adrian say as I kept my eyes covered.
"No!" I barked.
"C'mon Harry, look at us." Cinnamon's seductive voice taunted.
"He won't because he's afraid." I could hear Zayn.
"Of course he's afraid, he's a coward." Adrian added.
"A no good waste of fucking space." My father muttered behind me as my eyes stayed pinched shut so hard to the point where they hurt.
"What do you want from me!" I snapped as I could hear my heart race.
"We want to give you a taste of hell, and what you have waiting for you." I fearfully opened my eyes to see Zayn smirking at me, my blood going cold.
This was my personal taste of hell.
"J-just leave me alone!" I started going towards the bedroom door but Zayn stood right in the way, I didn't know what to do. I was thinking everything was an illusion from my sleepless drugged up mind but it felt too real.
"Do you miss being strong Harry?" Zayn muttered to me. "Do you miss having it all?"
I lost the voice to speak as my mind did circles and my subconscious was playing tricks on me. I couldn't decipher what was real, my anxiety bursting through the seams of my sanity.
"He is weak." Adrian stepped next to Zayn and spit.
"He's selfish." Cinnamon said as I stepped back.
"A no good rotten brat!" Gene said from behind me, making me flip around to see her standing there only a few steps from my body.
"A disappointment to mankind!" My father shouted from the other side, making me flip around and see him as everyone was suddenly in a tight circle around me.
"An abuser!" Adrian shouts.
"A murderer!" Zayn barked at me.
"A monster!" Cinnamon screamed thirdly.
I started rotating in panicked circles as they all shouted my traits, their sentences overlapping with one another.
"A user!"
"—A psychopath!"
"—A criminal!"
"Stop." I shook my head while they all kept screaming at me, everyone's voices merging and cutting each other off.
"A tormentor!"
"—A drug addict!"
I turned in circles as they all were staring right at me and screaming at once. My throat was closing up and my ears couldn't take all the torture. I kept meeting hatful eyes with every single person in the tight circle. My heart was thumping so loud I could hear it in my ears and my clammy hands were shaking by my sides.
"P-please." I shook my head as they wouldn't stop.
"—A maniac!"
"—An awful father!"
"An unlovable disappointment!"
"Stop!" I screamed and fell to my knees, wiring my eyes shut and plugging my ears but it wasn't helping. I dropped my head to my chest and rocked slightly on my knees.
"You're nothing but a let down kid!"
"—A traitor!"
"—A hopeless soul!"
"Leave me alone!" I screamed with my palms cupping my ears, my body shaking as I felt helpless in this nightmare.
"You'll never be loved!"
"—You'll never be happy again!"
"—You're going to die with no one by your side!"
"You don't deserve love!"
"—You deserve a lifetime of misery!"
My hands pressed so hard into my skull to try and block out the terrorizing words screamed at me from people of my past. The words were hitting me like bullets to my chest because they were true.
It wasn't until I felt a hand rest on my cheek that all the screaming sentences of hatred stopped, like a switch turned off and everything went silent. The sound of my heart racing was all I could hear in my eardrums now as I felt the presence against my hot rosy cheek.
I hesitantly opened my eyes and lifted my head from its dropped position, looking right into the eyes of who was touching me— and it was an angel.
Amelia was sat on her knees in front of me, her hand extended out and still holding me cheek like she was actually here. Her face was quiet, her wide hazel brown eyes staring right into mine in slight grief. Her diamond pink lips parted so softly while her eyebrows were lowered slightly in concern.
My body broke out into sweat as I stared at the woman who literally quieted the demons in my head. I breathed through my mouth as my widened shocked eyes couldn't understand what was happening.
Our knees were almost touching as we were mirrored in our sat position. I couldn't think, I couldn't speak. I was at a loss of action.
My hand went up and softly placed on the back of hers that was against my face, feeling it actually there. I could touch her, I could feel her skin but it didn't feel warm nor cold. It was enough to feel like she was real, and when my hand embraced the back of hers I shut my eyes and leaned more into it.
My eyes clamped shut as I focused on her hand against my burning cheek, wishing it would never leave. Everything felt like it stood still as I didn't have time to process what was happening.
All I knew was I was being touched by an angel.
"Never leave me again." I whispered in grief, clinging to this moment.
I opened my eyes as she still looked at me with the same concerned expression. She softly pulled her hand back to her side before leaning forward and lightly kissing my forehead, holding the side of my head. When she pulled her lips back she rested her forehead against mine and looked into my eyes, her hazel irises seemingly just how I remembered them.
"I love you." I whispered within the gaze.
I shut my eyes and felt my sinuses thicken around my nose and eyes. Her presence had so much of an effect of me that I felt the need to cry. Feeling her here was the realest thing I've experienced in a long time, and I didn't want to let it go.
But when I opened my eyes, she was gone.
I blinked a few times and flicked my eyes around the room from where I was sat on the floor. Everyone was gone, and I was sitting on my bedroom floor alone.
"A-Amelia." I blurted while turning my head to my left and right, hoping I'd catch a glimpse of her but I couldn't.
I breathed heavily through my mouth as I felt my eyes water. I placed the back of my hand against my mouth while I felt the dark void fill my soul. My eyes kept looking around the bedroom in desperation of seeing her, but deep down I knew it was over. She was nothing but a hallucination from the drugs.
And when the drugs wore off, so did she.
//
trouble on my left, trouble on my right, I've been facing trouble almost all my life. my sweet love won't you pull me through, everywhere I look I catch a glimpse of youuu.