Two Years Later...
Sometimes, time passes a lot quicker than we actually notice. There are those days, where you could stare at a clock, wishing for it move at a faster pace. But then, there are the day were you don't glance and so much has gone by.
In these last couple of years, I didn't wait for time to move, I chose to do that myself.
It was about two years ago, when I stepped off the plane with Danny, that I just felt lost and...a little cracked inside. Like a slight chip on a mug. It's not broken and still okay, but it's not as it once was.
When I got home, I didn't even know what to do with myself. I just sat there on my bed, a little numb. It was only when my Dad walked into the room to check up on me, did I finally just cry.
It wasn't a sad, broken-hearted cry. But just, bottled-up feelings that needed to be let out.
That day I was expecting my Dad to ask questions, to figure out what's wrong, since it's not everyday that he'd see me like this. But he didn't. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around me and held me.
I had that moment to be honest with myself and just not be 'okay' for once. I hadn't even realised how tired I was of just keeping it together all the time. It only forced me to break harder.
However, it was a moment I definitely needed, because it helped me make some decisions.
I needed to focus on myself and figure out what I wanted to do.
It took a long while to finally decide that, but I thought what I needed most was a break from the usual.
My Aunt Katrina, had a store in New York. It was a small wedding boutique, but she started it up herself and had kept it going for many years. She was an entrepreneur and I thought it would be great if I could learn something from her. I had to put use to my business degree somehow.
I didn't really know if I wanted to do, but at least it would give me an insight on what running your own business looked like.
Of course, my parents were apprehensive about letting me move away, but luckily I wouldn't be alone.
I only mentioned my plan to move to New York to Sara, as sort of an idea I had at the time. She then decided it was a great plan and wanted to come along as well. It was one of the cities she really wanted to live in.
However, I also knew it was because Danny would be going to medical school not too far from New York and it wouldn't be that bad of a distance. She way too smitten with him to be too far apart.
After a lot of preparations and getting things sorted, we made our big move. It's been two years now, but it still feels like yesterday.
I didn't really want to stay with my Aunt, the main reason being was that she still very much had an active...social life. I didn't want to intrude, nor did I ever want to accidentally overhear or witness something I shouldn't.
Sara and I got our own apartment together. It was a cute space for us, place we added in all the decor over time to make it look better than when we first leased it. Danny also comes to stay with occasional, when he comes to visit.
Last year, Chris also moved out to the city. He worked as a software engineer and lived with his boyfriend, Miguel, a photographer. They were so sweet together and so much fun to hang out with.
I had a deal with my parents, that every so often I would visit home - unless I wanted my mother to appear at my doorstep. It was basically a way of letting them know that I was doing good.
There was also the fact that I couldn't resist going back to see Rocky, our dog. Since I'm an only child and I left the nest, I thought it was nice that my parents still had Rocky with them. He was like their other child.
Plus, he gets so excited when I go back to visit. Jumping up and down and tail wagging. It's always a warm welcome back.
Within these last couple of years, I've actually learnt a lot from my Aunt. There was a lot associated with having your own business, it wasn't just about selling things.
At first I did most of the legwork for my Aunt, running around for errands or making calls. But then slowly, she started getting me more involved in all aspects.
I was quite comfortable at handling things, so when my Aunt met someone around six months ago, she basically left things for me to deal with.
Aunt Kat didn't really stick around the store as much as she used to, after meeting her new man. According to her, she's still in the honeymoon phase and since she'd already shown me the ropes, it shouldn't be hard for me to manage on my own.
I thought she just had way too much faith in my skills.
But all this time later, the store was still running and we hadn't gone bankrupt. So, I guess that was positive.
***
This morning I kept up with my usual morning routine, grabbing two cups of coffee and something to eat, before heading to the boutique.
A short while after, as I passed the store-front, I smiled. It was probably a little weird, but seeing the boutique always gave me a good feeling.
When I first started working here, the store window always looked a little mundane to me. It was pretty, but it didn't really feel like it was the place to find 'that dress'. One of the most important ones you'll wear.
However, later on, my Aunt gave me a little more creative freedom to change some things about and the first one my list, was the window.
With some flowers and fairy lights, a simplistic but detailed approach, I felt like it looked a lot better. At least, I felt as if someone were searching for a dress, they'd come across our store and just have a feeling they were going to find it here.
As I walked in, the little chime on the door signalling my entrance, I immediately spotted my co-worker.
"Hey, Arya," I greeted her.
We had needed some more help with the shop, since my old worker was moving away and I was only one person, who couldn't handle everything.
The first time I met her, Arya didn't exactly scream, 'welcome to our cute little boutique'. She had jet-black hair, with a few red streaks in and a couple of piercings. She also always wore black. However, I wasn't one to judge her by her appearance.
Before my Aunt interviewed her, I had a little chat with Arya and I knew she'd be a great fit. She was funny, sarcastic and very sweet.
When Aunt Kat wasn't sure about hiring Arya because of her 'look', I did my best to convince her. I truly thought she was the best person for the role and Arya had yet to prove me wrong.
"Hey, Serena," she smiled at me.
I handed her the extra coffee and one of the croissants, causing her to sigh in relief.
"I needed a coffee so bad. Thank you," she told me.
I laughed at her words and also her expression, as she took a large bite of the croissant.
"No worries. Just eat a little slowly, please. I rather you not choke on it," I said.
She grinned at me, her cheeks puffed up from another large bite she took.
I shook my head at her and began to head into the back office space. However, before I could taken two steps, Arya stopped me.
"Oh, wait. There's a package that came for you," she said, heading towards the register, placing her coffee down and then reaching towards the shelf below.
Arya then walked towards me, with a white packing envelope in hand.
"Thank you," I said, as she handed it over to me. "I'll be in the back," I told her, before heading into the office.
Once I put my bag down and finally took a seat the desk, placed my coffee and croissant on the surface, I immediately took the envelope and opened it up, curious to see what was inside.
As I opened it, I saw smaller envelopes inside it.
Taking it out, I saw that one white envelope had my name written on it, in fancy handwriting, a ribbon wrapped out. The other side had a wax seal, to keep it all in place.
The other envelope had 'open me first' written on it. Taking that one, I opened it, only to find a letter.
A letter that brought back a lot of memories...
Dearest Rena,
It's taken a lot of courage for me to write this letter.
Over the last two years, I've had been trying to write you a letter, but I understood that day at the airport, you didn't just mean goodbye for now, you meant that you were going.
I'm so sorry if this letter brings up things that you're maybe trying to forget or don't want to remember, but I had to write to you.
I sometimes find myself thinking about that conversation we had at the airport. I feel a lot of guilt towards you and I know that you've said there's no reason to feel it, but I do. I'm sorry for the pain that I've caused you, even if it was unintentional.
For many years, I've always thought of you as my closest friend. You've helped me become the person I am, someone with more confidence and to ability to just be, without worrying what others may think.
I still think of you as my friend and with that being said, I wanted to share some news...I'm getting married
I promise I don't mean to tell you with any sort of malicious intent, I just wanted to share with my friend. If this was two years ago, I would've called you and told you everything I wanted and needed your help with the day, but I know that can't be anymore. I wouldn't ever do that to you.
The invitations have now been printed and I wanted you to have the first one.
There's distance between you and us now, probably something you needed and I know there's a very good chance you won't be there, but I wanted you to still have the invite because there is also a very good chance that without you, none of this may have happened.
I miss you, Rena. I really do.
I'm truly sorry for everything and I hope someday you can forgive me.
I honestly believe that I have all of this because of you, but if you were to ask me for it, I'd happily return it back to you.
Forever grateful and indebted to you,
Julie.
P.S. He misses you, too.
After reading the letter, I picked up the other envelope, the wedding invitation.
I opened the deal, being as careful as I could, trying to handle it with the utmost delicacy, since it just felt like I had to.
Looking at the card, my fingers traced over the names. The beautiful cursive lettering and the engraving. It really was a pretty card.
I hadn't completely cut ties with Liam over the last two years, but there was distance. It was like we'd drifted apart, but this time, I was the one who had caused it. I needed to keep myself from falling back to a place I was in high school and I figured the best way to do that, was to not be so involved.
It was like there was an unspoken agreement between him and I. Although I wasn't sure if he knew why, but it was obvious that it me who wanted it this way. At the start, he did push for answers but slowly, I think he just understood or at least accepted it.
My feelings were all jumbled together, like a tangled ball of threat, but it wasn't one that I was looking to tug at or unravel. I cared for him, that was enough.
Before I could lose myself down a rabbit hole of thoughts, I heard my name being called.
"Serena, I need you," I heard Arya shout.
Smiling to myself, I took one last glance at the invitation and the letter, before carefully packing up again and placing it in my bag.
"Breathe, Serena." I told myself, closing my eyes as I did.
When I opened my eyes, I smiled and and got back to work.
I couldn't let myself think about the time gone by or memories that would only stir up emotions. I had tried to forget about them and move on, as I should, and believed that I did.
But some things aren't meant to be forgotten...