Nathan
Charlotte was crying. I'd seen her cry before, but always out of anger. It was nothing like this, full-on waterworks, mascara running down her cheeks, little hiccups in between quick breaths... She hadn't even told me why. I'd been waiting for her in her dorm, preparing my case for tomorrow. I'd just sent a message to June, asking her if she wanted to go to the market with me on Friday. She hadn't responded yet, even though she'd already seen it ten minutes ago. It wasn't like her at all.
Seemed like all girls weren't acting like themselves tonight. When I'd reached out to take Charlotte in my arms, she'd pushed me away, only bawling even louder. What had happened? Heart beating rapidly in my chest, I examined her, head to toe. Apart from her ruined make-up, I couldn't detect anything abnormal.
"Charlotte... Hey, look at me. Are you hurt?"
She shook her head, letting out a long wail. Thank god. One less thing to worry about.
"You wanna tell me what happened?"
A deep breath and she finally turned her attention to me, eyes glistening with tears. She was sitting on her bed, back against the wall. She'd kicked off her shoes when she came in, throwing them in the corner, which also wasn't like her — she was usually careful with all of her possessions, no matter how easy it'd be for her to replace them. "No-nothing," she forced out, shaking her head again. "I was — I was talking to June."
I froze. What had happened now? I could handle my little shit of a brother being on bad terms with my girlfriend, that'd blow over soon enough — June, on the other hand... "To June?" I said, my blood turning to ice. She wouldn't have, would she...? Yeah, she wasn't the biggest fan of Charlotte, but they'd been getting along for a long time now. What on earth could she have done to make Charlotte this upset?
"Yes, and it made me — made me think." She crawled to the edge of her bed, taking a tissue out of the box on her nightstand. Carefully, she dabbed at her tears, most likely not realizing the blackness was everywhere already. More deep breaths. At once, she was still again, head held high, shoulders back. "Do you love me?" she asked, steadily, like she hadn't been howling a second ago.
Oh.
That wasn't what I'd expected. At all.
Did I love her?
Yeah, I probably did. We'd been together for almost a year now — it'd be strange if I wouldn't love her. She was great: determined, smart, adorable, clueless sometimes... Sure, she had her weaknesses, the damn privileges and those outbursts when something didn't go her way. But nobody was perfect. I wasn't either, far from; I hadn't even realized once this might've been bothering her. Was I supposed to have said it by now? Is that what upset her?
"Of course I do," I said, moving closer to her again. She didn't push me away this time, only kept staring. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."
She didn't respond, avoiding my gaze. Sometimes, when she'd be making a case in class, all headstrong and serious, I'd forget how young she was. How young we both were. She'd never been through anything life-changing; she'd grown up loved and spoiled, never having known hardship. What had made her think about this all of a sudden? And what did it have to do with June?
It wasn't the ring again, was it? I thought I'd made clear Sam had just been baiting her. Yeah, June was special to me, and that's why I'd given it to her, but did she really believe I would ask a sixteen-year-old girl to marry me? I didn't think she did, not really. That'd be bizarre.
Maybe this had been the reason she'd reacted so strongly all along. Because I hadn't told her I loved her yet.
I wasn't good at this, the whole relationship thing. She didn't know that, of course. I was still learning what it meant every day, what was expected of me, and when and why. Lena had been right. Relationships were hard work. Even so, she had said it was never worth it. I disagreed. It gave you a purpose, something to hold onto, a constant in a life where everything seemed to change continuously. A plan.
Though the current plan Charlotte had been trying to lay out before me wasn't as easy to accept as the ones she'd made before.
"But that's it," she said, playing with her rings. "It's fine when we're here. Only, I'm not going to be here for very long anymore. I'm going to be there." Her eyes were on mine again, and even before she'd said it, a feeling of doom began to grow inside of me. "And I want you to be there with me."
Fuck. Seemed like the conversation I'd been dreading had arrived, and there was no steering clear of it.