Author here, yo I'm realizing I don't edit my shit at all so like if y'all start getting a lot of updates in the near future don't mind it. I'm just spell checking and shit cause I'm a little slow. Anyways, enjoy these few trash ass chapters because things are about to spice up after while!😘
Satin
I rolled my eyes as I watched Jah play in his newly found hair. He had a giddy grin on his face as he shook and ruffled his small, forming dreads. It was cute, I wouldn't lie, but I was still salty about the way he acted at that salon last month. He literally showed his ass but I guess I was glad he liked this better. He actually suggested this because I suggested just going back black since he was so picky. He said it symbolized balance. Black and white, or in his case, blonde. It was really different, nothing like I've ever witnessed and I was high key jealous. He pulled it off so nice and the way it accentuated his already gorgeous features made him look more exotic.
" Papa looking good huh baby? " he asked geeked that he had something that wasn't the norm. It was like he knew he would start a wave with this one. He did a little dance with his arms as he swirled his hips. Papa could do that dance on me. Now shouldn't he be thanking me for making him do something crazy? Yes, he should.
" Yo help me put this dangly shit on the end. " he huffed struggling to attach the silver heart to the ends of one of his locs. I sucked my teeth snatching the accessory from him and twisting the flexible metal around a piece in the front. I flicked it to make sure it wouldn't just slip off and continued to randomly place the silver cuffs around a few of his black ones. I was decorating his hair like he was a Christmas tree or something and was having a blast.
" There. You've been blessed with the hands of Satin. " I cheesed as he turned back to the mirror admiring my work. I was now claiming myself as his hairstylist. Nobody else was allowed to touch his hair unless they wanted to fight me. Simple as that.
" Take a picture with me. " he said pulling his phone out his pocket and pulling me closer to him by my waist. I pushed away removing myself from his loose grip and he looked at me oddly as he set his phone up to take the picture.
" You know I don't take pictures Jah. " I said almost embarrassed. I wasn't even confident enough to take silly pictures that nobody but us would see with my boyfriend. At this point I don't even think it was about my lack of confidence. I was just so uncomfortable in front of cameras that I don't even bother taking pictures. It's always awkward and I end up feeling self conscious about how I look in photos. I'd just rather save my self the mind race.
Jah looked at me for a while then back at his phone, snapping a picture of himself while I just stood there watching him. This was easy for him. He was a beautiful man. He didn't physically have an ugly feature. Even his dick was handsome. His hair was thick and shiny before the bleach. His skin clear of blemishes. Even with the knicks and cuts in his skin it was beautiful. The imperfections were what made him eye candy to me. The things he hated most about him self made me a sucker for him. His shade of caramel along with his deep brown eyes and two toned lips. He was a work of art really and way out of my league in physical terms.
" You should really stop that shit. " he mumbled looking at the picture before posting it on his Instagram.
" Why you staring at me jit? " he asked and I closed my mouth not realizing that it was hung open. I had spaced out admiring my baby. I hope we last.
" You have a booger hanging out your nose. I was disgusted. " I fake gagged turning away from him and leaving our bathroom, sitting on the bed. He followed me before rummaging through one of his drawers like a mad man.
" You're a terrible liar. " he mumbled as he continued to claw through his belongings and I couldn't help but stick my neck out to be nosey.
" What are you doing? " I asked standing up and stepping behind him just in time for him to brandish a raggedy piece of paper in the air. I jumped at how fast he shoved the paper in the air then brought it close to his face examining it. I tried to peek over his shoulder to see what he was reading but he had it so close to him I couldn't see much.
" What is that? " I asked placing a hand on his shoulder trying to pull him down so I could read too. I was almost salivating to see what was on it. That's just how nosey I was.
" It's my track list for Bad Vibes Forever. Bruno said I should finish it up so I can have more songs for another tour. " I looked around oddly as to why just the track list was so important that he had to tear through his drawer like that. I stepped back slowly confused.
" You know how many times you changed the date for that damn EP.. " I laughed softly looking at the songs on the list as he passed it to me. I couldn't even focus on the titles with all the neat drawings and scribbles he inscribed all over the paper. This could be the cover of the tape itself. His mind was just a world to be a part of.
He shook his head as he climbed over me with a notepad and pen, laying down beside me. " I know. I just- " he paused shaking his head again while laughing softly. I looked back at him seeing something was bothering him. He flipped the notepad open to a blank page and huffed lowly.
" I just want it to be something worth listening to. It won't be finished until it's perfect. I know exactly what I want to come from it and it's just not there yet. " he vented as he started to inscribe words on the page with knitted brows.
" I'll probably die before I'm satisfied with it. " he mumbled making me shudder. He was such a perfectionist when it came to his music which was understandable. Today's music was so tasteless and lacked so much talent. I wouldn't want to make meaningless music that copied everyone else's either. I already knew Jah had a different sound than other artists anyways. To be honest I didn't know of anybody who could rap, sing, scream, or even hum over a beat and sound like gold. Jahseh was just a different breed when it came to music. He was trouble.
" What's wrong with it? " I asked trying to understand what he was stressing himself out about so I could motivate him to do what he feels he wants to do.
" It just doesn't sound how I want it to yet. I can't decide if I have too many or too little songs. I don't know if the songs are too short or not long enough. I just don't know. " In that moment I saw the artist in him and I knew this was it for him. Anyone as passionate about their art as Jah was sure to go far. Nobody puts in so much work, effort, and energy and gets nothing out of it.
" Just relax. You'll make it come together. You've never had a bad song in your life. You're just thinking too far into it. " I said pushing him to see that this was lightweight for him. Literally every piece of work he's ever touched has been gold.
" Wish I could agree but thanks. " he said lowly shaking his head while he jotted down lyrics. I sucked my teeth and looked back at him with squinted eyes. Has this man not heard his music? Every song brings out a side of me that makes me either want to shake my ass, cry, fight or just simply move. You can't consider music "good music" if it doesn't pull on your emotions like his does. You just can't.
" I shouldn't have more confidence in your music than you do. " I shook my head picking at my finger nails. I should really go get them done like I used to do. Maybe Céance could be my host or else I would just stay home.
" I shouldn't have more confidence in you than you do. " he retorted and I huffed feeling attacked. My mouth hung open before I closed it not knowing what to say. He shouldn't have more confidence in me than I do. I would never live up to his expectations because that's not my purpose. So he's right.
" You think you're confident because you can stand in front of a camera and flaunt yourself with no thought of it? " I grilled him as I felt my lip turning up slightly. Not only was I offended but I felt like he was coming for me. He was always coming for me out of nowhere like he wanted to argue. I could argue all day but who wants to do that shit 24/7?
" I know I'm confident because I know I'm ugly and can get in front of a crowd of however many and not feel any shame while being myself. " he corrected me leaving me with nothing to say. That's not confidence to me.
" I don't have to feel embarrassed or any of that shit because I know I'm nobody but myself and you fuckers will accept it or you won't. " he went on to say and I was now practically drowning in embarrassment. Is this what he meant by not feeling any shame? I was well aware that I was insecure but was it that bad?
" I'm not ashamed of myself. I just don't like pictures. You expect me to fucking showcase myself with a big ass Cheshire Cat grin on my face when I'm clearly uncomfortable? No, the fuck? " I resorted to snapping off on him being that I didn't know how to react to his words. He laughed briefly as he shook his head.
" I didn't say anything about you showcasing yourself in front of anything. You're tripping. " he replied calmly surprising me. It was always the norm for Jah to feed off my negativity. We both would catch ourself doing it at times. My mouth was in a small 'o' shape as I listened to his steady breathing.
I stood and proceeded to leave the room. Walking into the living room, I rushed to the front door struggling to get the door open. I felt like I was suffocating. My throat was running dry and my head started to pound as I fumbled with the lock. I choked as I tried to swallow only for my mouth to stick shut. Bursting through the door I nearly fell off the front steps and I could breathe again. I rested with my hands on my knees as the door swung open after me.
" I'm sorry. "
Jahseh
I held Satin in my arms trying to comfort her in whatever she was going through. The day had ran its course and the stars were out. We laid under the sky on the hill and she rubbed her cheek against my bare chest simultaneously. She was trying to cope with something and I didn't exactly know what but I had a slight idea. I knew the smallest things were triggering her and I hated it. I just wanted her to be okay. From the moment I realized I wanted to be with this individual I only wanted her to be okay. I'd give my soul for Satin to just be happy and satisfied and not care about things that bothered her or life in general. She was the brightest star up on the hill tonight and she'll always be that.
" I don't know what I'd do without you Jah. " she mumbled looking off into the trees that surrounded us. Twigs cracked here and there in the distance. Satin released a breath and I rubbed her back soothingly.
" It's like you keep me sane and you always bring me back to myself but in the same notion you make my mind just.. " she paused and shook her head as I listened to her. She could vent all she needed to and I would listen as much as she needed me to.
" I don't know... When I'm not with you sometimes I just know something's missing and I feel like I'm losing my mind but when you're around I can't function because I don't wanna mess us up and I get overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. " she said softly and I felt a cold drop of wetness hit my chest. Another right behind it and it didn't take much to realize she was crying.
" Satin are you with me or against? " I asked taking a break from stroking her back and averted my attention to her hair. She looked up at me quickly with bright eyes and pouted lips.
" I'm with you undoubtedly. There's no other place for me to be. " she whined still looking at me and I pecked her lips.
" Then everything will be okay. When I'm not around you don't have anything to worry about because my mind and heart and soul is with you. I'm yours. I'm for you and I apologize if I ever made you question that. When I'm making moves now I'm making them with us in mind, I am always with you. " I said matching her gaze and her lip started to quiver. Girl stop crying and being all emotional.
" What if one day I wake up and feel differently about you? " she asked almost scared as if that would ever happen. I took a moment to answer. What if? Satin was something different. I knew something in her brain was funny and her feelings changing for me is something I can only pray doesn't happen.
" I'd probably kill myself. " I said being completely honest. She was my lifeline. If I didn't have her on my side who the fuck was going to be there for me? I don't love myself enough to give a fuck but I love her enough to stay intact and not fall apart. I try everyday to keep my shit together. Even when it's the toughest shit I've ever dealt with I try for her.
She looked at me for a while and laid her head back down on my chest and I went back to looking at the sky. She snuggled closer to me and I felt a warm sensation in my chest. It was like that first sip of hot chocolate in the winter time that you'd only feel again after you haven't drank it in a while and I mellowed in it. In a swift motion I pulled Satin on top of me and wrapped my arms around her waist tightly. I took in her scent slowly and smiled.
" I love you. " I whispered making her look at me. Our eyes lingered on each other for a while before she brought her lips to mine and we made out under the sky. No words were said but they were understood. I didn't want this to end but everything comes to an end. Of course. Everything comes to an end.