I close my eyes, allowing my body to relax ever so slightly. It's been a long night, fighting crime and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. But I don't need too much sleep, so I should be alright.
Even if we have a maths test first thing in the morning at school. Which I haven't revised for. Again.
At this point I'm just too done with life to care anymore.
I pull my mask off carefully, shifting on the bunk bed and then wincing when my best friend mumbles in his sleep. I've got to get this damn costume off before he wakes up, or he'll find out what and who I really am, and I don't know how he'd react to that. My personal and public identities are completely different from each other. They cannot be allowed to mix.
For a few seconds, I think I'm safe, then he grunts and rustles a bit, clearly sitting up.
Oh shit.
"Kook? W-What are you doing?" he mumbles, deep voice gravelly with sleep.
"Just shifting over to the other side," I lie, kicking my toes out of the spandex as quickly as I can. "I can't get comfy for some reason, shoulder must have gone to sleep."
"It doesn't take that much movement to roll to another side, Kook," he points out, "I'm not that stupid."
He moves again, and the whole bunk bed shakes slightly when he grabs the ladder to the upper bunk (where I am) and starts to heft himself up, presumably to check on me. I'm still trying to hide this goddamn costume when he gets up to the top bunk, and I know he's seen it when he lets out a shocked gasp.
"Holy shit, Kook, did you kill Spiderman and steal his costume?" Taehyung asks, climbing onto the mattress and sitting next to me. "Where did you even get it from? Is it a cosplay?"
He picks up the material, feeling it between his fingers, clearly fascinated. "This is a quality copy, too. Feels real," he comments quietly, poking his finger into the eye hole and watching with surprise when his hand meets a hard surface. "Are those goggles, built into the costume? For night vision or something?"
"Less night vision, more AI trying to explain where criminals are and calculate the best course of action," I admit before I can stop myself, "though I hate using it because it's more fun to just use your own instincts to get around. Feels a bit like cheating if some robot is telling you where to go, if I'm being honest."
Taehyung turns to stare at me, his eyes wide with amazement, and then my brain catches up with me. "Shit," I hiss, backing up against the wall. "Don't tell anyone, hyung, I'm begging you. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone about this. You were supposed to stay asleep. Why are you such a light sleeper?"
"And miss this? No thanks," my best friend returns, rolling his eyes. "This is so cool!" He tilts his head for a moment. "If you're even telling the truth. Are you really Spiderman?"
"Keep your voice down!" I reprimand him in a fierce whisper. "I need to protect my private identity, and you shouting it out for everyone to hear won't help."
"Right, sorry. I'll be quiet," Taehyung mumbles, lowering his head apologetically. "I wasn't thinking."
"That's alright, your reaction is perfectly understandable," I tell him, slightly amused now that the panic is gone. "And I should have understood that. I would've been the same, let me tell you that now."
Taehyung shifts slightly, his eyes still focused on that costume, the amazement clear in his expression. "So, what's it like?" I turn to look at him properly, tilting my head in confusion, not really knowing what he's on about.
"What?"
"Being Spiderman. Being a superhero. Saving people. I dunno, the whole package, the whole shebang!"
"Never say 'the whole shebang' ever again," I groan, rolling my eyes, and Tae just giggles, looking at me expectantly. "But it's pretty cool. It does feel pretty good to be a force of good in a shitty world, I guess, but it's also hard work. Stressful, too. I have to find places to get into this costume without anyone seeing me, and I also have to make sure nobody finds out secret identities of other heroes as well."
Taehyung's eyes widen even more. "You've met other heroes?!" I shrug, nodding. "That's so cool! What are they like?"
"Well, they're all adults, so they do see me as a child a lot of the time, but they do care more than I was expecting about the whole world and the people they save. It's not just a situation where they figured out they had powers and were forced into their position of being a hero. They chose to put those powers to use in such a way. I think that's admirable."
"You did the same thing," Taehyung points out, raising an eyebrow at me, and I shrug, shaking my head.
"I don't really view it in the same way. I mean, I got bitten by a radioactive spider and then suddenly I was able to do all this crazy shit and then moments later my instincts took over and I saved a life. I was sort of shoved into a position where I helped people, realised it was fun and made me happy, and chose to carry on," I explain. "It's not quite the same situation, my attitude was a lot more selfish."
"What happened when you saved a life? And who did you save?"
I lower my gaze slightly avoiding his curious gaze. "It was you," I say simply. "In the evening, I was walking back from posting something for Mum, when I overhead a gang planning to steal from someone. You walked by, headphones in and zoned out - the perfect target. And when they stepped toward you, suddenly there was a web shooting out of my hand, I was behind a tree, and they were struggling to breathe through spider silk."
Taehyung's eyes widen in shock. "It was me?"
"Well I couldn't leave you to get hurt, could I? And they had weapons, which they were planning to use. I couldn't let that happen to you." I shift uncomfortably before meeting his eyes. "You're my best friend, Tae. I don't want you to die."
He smiles a little at that. "Good to know," he mumbles quietly, shyly.
"Did you think I did, or something?" I question, picking something up in his tone that makes no sense to me. He shakes his head quickly, shifting further away from me on the bunk.
"No, but sometimes - sometimes it's nice to hear that you're valued by someone to the point that they'll try and save you from something. Sometimes it quiets the voice in my head that says that nobody does."
For a moment, I can't speak, then I find the words somehow, hidden deep within me. "I will always care about you, Tae. That's what 'best friends' means to me," I say honestly, scooting over and wrapping my arms around him. "Why didn't you tell me that you were feeling like this?" He shrugs.
"What would be the point?"
I sigh, my grip tightening a little unconsciously. "Hyung, you're one of the most important people in my life. If you vanished, if you decided that you weren't worth anything - my life would be over at the same time. Sure, my life is based on fighting crime, but I only figured out that I could do so thanks to you. If what I do can help you stay safe from being hurt by another gang, then that's all I care about."
I chuckle a little, bitterly. "Siding with justice for the sake of a single person. If that doesn't mean that I care about you, at least a little, then I don't know what caring really is. And I don't to. Because you're literally the reason I became a hero in the first place, not just because of the discovery of powers, but also the reason why I want the world to be fair."
"Kook-"
"I didn't want you to know because I didn't want you to feel the responsibility of being the cause for that decision. But now I guess it's better that you know, because you need to know that you matter to someone. I'd give my life for you, hyung. In a heartbeat."
Taehyung looks up at me, and I frown at the sight of a single tear tracking down his cheek. "What's wrong?" I ask, genuinely concerned, shuffling back when he lets out a loud sniff, another tear following the path of the first. "What did I say?"
"You sap," he mumbles, leaning forward and burying his face in my chest, "how do you always know what to say?"
"I'm making it up as I go along, trying to tell you the truth without hiding anything," I admit simply, shrugging and lifting his face away from me, so that I can look at him properly. "When I care about someone, they mean everything."
Something appears in his eyes, resembles a hope, resembles an idea that I can only half understand, an assumption that mirrors my real understanding of how I feel about my best friend. "Everything?"
"Everything and more," I tell him honestly, pulling him into another hug. "More than you could ever realise."
He returns the embrace, and when we break apart again, he looks me in the eyes. "Kook, am I right? I know your sexuality, and I know that I'm important to you or whatever, but am I looking too far into this?"
"Not far enough," I admit, "and I know it's bad, I know I shouldn't, but I can't change how I feel, even if I should, and-"
"Shut up," Taehyung says quietly, smiling a little, his hand finding a place on my face. "You talk too much."
"Wha-"
He cuts me off, pressing our lips together out of nowhere, and I melt into the motion, my heart rate doubling and my brain exploding with the shock and the relief that everything that I felt is returned - I hope. When we separate, there's a shy smile on his face, completely contrasting the tears still tracing their way down his face.
"Did your spidey sense predict that?" he asks teasingly, and I chuckle, shaking my head.
"Don't think it quite works like that, but sure, whatever you say, Tae."
"So do you lay eggs or something, like a spider does?" he asks eagerly, leaning his head on my shoulder. I glance at him, disgusted by the very notion, even as my arm wraps naturally around his waist.
"Tae, that's fucking gross. No, I don't lay eggs."
"Can you scale walls?"
"I mean....yeah, but it's not like I have many legs with which to scale said walls, so it takes me a while."
"Does the web come out of your butt?"
I move away from him . "Tae, what the actual fuck?" He raises his hands in surrender.
"That's how spiders-"
"Because I pulled my pants down and shat spider web at the assholes who were going to hurt you?" I point out. He nods slowly in understanding. "It comes out of my hands, Tae." He pouts, disappointed.
"Boring."
I roll my eyes, shooting a web out of my hand into the other, trying not to hurt him.
"Okay. It's not boring. It's awesome."