Sorry I didn't update the past few days but I have a good excuse! I went to my first One Direction concert on wednesday in St. Louis :) and it was amazing. I had awesome seats and above all that my mom took SPECTACULAR pictures! If you want to check them out I have them on tumblr
http://zayn-squadd.tumblr.com/tagged/my_concert
They are really great I promise! If you have a tumblr follow me and message me so I know you read my story and I'll follow you back!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zayn's POV
----------------------
The week is going by painfully slow and it feels like a year goes by before it's Friday again. I watch the clock tick at an unbearably slow pace during each of my classes. I used to look forward to art but now I dread it. Cora doesn't bother to look my way and buries herself deep into the canvas in front of her. The only thing I can seem to paint is a dark red line at the bottom of my canvas but it always stops there. The rest of the canvas remains white.
I try to make small talk with her; compliment her painting or talk about some current event but I only get a small nod or fake smile in return. I don't know what to do from here. It's like my mind stops at the bottom of the page and I can't figure out what goes next. The rest of my mind remains blank. I guess I could make a better effort to reach out and talk to her but what would I say? The bell dismisses us from our last class and books start to be crammed into backpacks as I clean up my partially used canvas.
"Cora..." I whisper from behind my canvas.
She acknowledges my voice with a slight head gesture but no words leave her mouth. She continues to clean up as if nothing had happened.
"Cora, please, I need to talk to you." I say a little louder.
She frantically moves about her station cleaning up paint brushes and paper towels. I tap her on the shoulder to get the attention I know she's holding back. She drops what she's doing and turns around.
"Where? In your car? Or an empty class room? Somewhere we can't be seen obviously. How about I sneak out in the middle of the night? Will that work for you?" She sarcastically asks.
It feels like a punch in the stomach, or a slap across the face more fittingly. I want her to see my side of things, to understand the position I'm in but I'm afraid she's too stubborn to even listen.
"Come on Cora, don't be like that. We need to talk about everything." I say back, trying to keep the conversation on a calm level.
"No, we don't." She snaps back and throws her backpack over her shoulder and heads towards the door.
"What, so we're just done now? You're never going to talk to me again? I mean don't you want to at least try to work things out?" I ask, making sure no prying eyes are watching.
The sarcasm and brutality drains from her face. Her stubborn exterior is almost transparent for a few brief moments before it's back up again, stronger than ever.
"I did try, Zayn. But how long was I supposed to be your little secret? How long did you expect me to keep this a secret from my brother?" She starts to ramble on.
She's addressing most of the topics I wanted to discuss with her in private. This isn't exactly when or where I want to do this but I maybe it's the only chance I'll have.
"I don't - I didn't expect you to be my secret forever. I just wanted to be careful about the whole situation. Maybe I took it too far and maybe I should have told Cole sooner but I didn't, and I'm sorry." I say.
People rush about the halls around us, a few bumping into me as I stare at Cora with regret. She refuses to look me in the eye but she also doesn't bother to walk away.
"I've got to go, Zayn." She says at a volume that can barely be heard with all the commotion.
She turns on her heels and walks down the hall without another word. I just blankly stare at her back as it grows further and further from my eye sight. I don't know how to fix things between us. But what was there even to fix? Our relationship was messy right from the beginning with the games and the jealousy. There was never a time where I felt like things weren't difficult between us, but maybe that's what made it interesting.
-
Cora's POV
--------------------
With Cole on suspension for two weeks my rides to and from school have been compromised and I've had to walk every day this week. The blisters on the back of my heels burn with each step. I feel bad for leaving Zayn in the cold without even giving him the chance to talk it out, but do I even want to hear what he has to say? I wish I could restart the year and Zayn and I could have done things differently. Maybe I could have talked to Cole instead of putting that weight on Zayn. I wish things didn't get so screwed up.
I hear a set of wheels for a car screech to a stop behind me and I brace myself for it's possible owner. I spin around to see the familiar sight of Zayn's car pulled to my side of the street. He rolls down the window and leans over the passenger seat to yell out to me.
"At least let me give you a ride home." Zayn calls out from his car.
I remind myself about how I don't want to hear anything he has to say but the blisters on my heels push their way to the front of my thoughts and beg me to get in the car. Without saying a word, I grasp the handle of Zayn's car door and swing it open. I shut it behind me and fold my arms across my chest as he pulls away.
Silence dims the car and I have to bite down on my tongue to keep me from blurting out the things I want to say. I want to yell at him for everything but I always want to apologize and ask him to kiss me. I taste a hint of blood and realize just how hard I'm biting down.
"Can I just say one thing?" Zayn speaks up.
I don't say a word, mostly because I can't decide on an answer but Zayn takes my bitter silence as consent to finish his thoughts.
"When we first started hanging out I thought of you as an innocent little freshman but you somehow made it seem alright. It wasn't until later I realized just how deep my affections for you were. It scared me honestly. Before things got more serious between us Cole came up to me at a gas station and told me to stay away from you. I've never been afraid of Cole until there was something vulnerable he could use against me, which is you. I've never really had to deal with Cole, I've never wanted to all throughout high school. But now that I've met you, I have to deal with him. I thought that I could move around him and keep it all a secret, but I was wrong. I'm scared that he'll do to me what he did to Dylan. I'm scared what people will say and think. I'm afraid that if I tell him he will think I'm taking advantage of you. But above all, I'm afraid that telling him will mean losing you. And I don't want that to happen." Zayn explains.
I stare blankly at the road in front of me. Every word Zayn says struggles to register in my brain. It's true what he's saying though. If we told Cole then he'd think Zayn is using me and his big brother instincts would kick in. Cole's never come between me and a guy before but he always had some type of input about Kevin when I was dating him. It's all too confusing and I don't want to think about it. I just want to lay in my bed for days with the cover over my head blocking out all light.
"But you lost me anyway Zayn." I say as he pulls up to the curb a block from my house.
It's the usual spot he parks when he drops me off - far enough to not be seen.
"What do you want me to do? I'll tell him about us if that's what you want. I'll do it right now!" Zayn says as I gather my things.
"Just give me a few days to think about it, okay?" I plead.
I can see the hurt I've created on his face as he slowly nods in agreement. I don't know if I'll resolve anything in a few days but I didn't know what else to say. I close the door behind me and listen to his wheels screech again as he pulls away.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry this chapter kind of sucked! I have better plans for the next few hah!
thanks for reading! Don't forget to vote! - C