The next few weeks gave Maria a small taste of heaven. Her plan with Draco was - thanks to him - well under control, Quidditch practices were going well and so was the DA. Also, the flow of rumors had decreased more or less considerably; students now simply shut up and scratched their heads whenever they saw Maria and Draco together, which was a huge improvement. In fact, they were seen so often that some of the students had, surprisingly, grown accustomed to it. Of course, the Slytherins still wanted to execute Draco, but at least some of the Ravenclaws were more comprehensive towards Maria. Next thing she knew, girls started congratulating her teasingly; Draco was, after all, quite good-looking. They seemed to also have relatively noticed that Malfoy had changed ever so slightly; but only the rare, more attentive people had observed this and not everybody wanted to admit it. Surprisingly, Luna was a great supporter of Maria, and sometimes she thought that Luna understood her better than herself. She could be very logical and psychosomatic when she wanted. Anyhow, it was reassuring to have at least one friend behind her.
Draco and Maria were indeed often seen together nowadays; finally starting to resemble a near normal relationship. He always knew just how to make her laugh as she had grown pretty fond of his touchy sarcasm and witty responses, whereas Draco had eyes only for her – much to Pansy’s grief. It was quite moving to see them finally get along on rather better terms than anyone would have ever dared to expect; it stirred a lot of hope in the school. People now had a concrete example of how things might turn out once these dark and disturbing times were over. No pressure Harry; no pressure.
Truth was, they were in love with each other, no matter the many differences, complications or consequences. It wasn’t always that obvious, but they both brought out the best in the other. With Draco, Maria wasn’t the shy outcast; she could be her true spontaneous, funny and bubbly self. She had always cherished a soft rebel inside, and with him, she could simply let loose. On his side, when he was with her, Draco could forget his last name, his dark past; he was no longer Malfoy - just Draco. All in all, the days from inside the Hogwarts castle seemed very close to perfection.
One random day, Draco did something very unusual. It was a Thursday evening and most of the students were still lingering in the Great Hall. He always waited until the older Slytherins left before going up for his meals – he didn’t really fancy getting a beating... or poisoned, or hexed. That day was no exception; however, instead of heading to the Slytherins’ table, he came towards the Ravenclaws’, where Maria was sitting, chatting with friends. A young girl in first year stared oddly at him with a mix of fear and apprehension while he walked by. Draco smirked and gave the little girl a wink; but that only made her grab her things and run away. Draco felt a bit awkward, but didn’t bother too much; he had more important things on his mind. Taking a deep breath, he slowly came up behind Maria as her friends abruptly stopped talking, looking over her shoulder. Wondering what was wrong, Maria turned around and smiled brightly at the sight of Draco, her heart skipping a beat as she completely forgot about her gaping friends.
"I’ve been wanting to give it to you for some time now, I guess I just never found the time, so I thought I’d might as well do it now."
Somehow, Maria hadn’t realized that he was holding a brand new firebolt. She pounced out of her seat and into Draco’s arms. He held her back tightly.
"Thank you," she whispered sincerely in his ear.
Draco smiled, proud of himself, and glanced towards the table where everyone bore a flabbergasted expression.
"I would really love to stay and impress your fellow friends with my stunning looks and implacable charisma, but I’ve got stuff to do so, see you tomorrow," he whispered back, making her roll her eyes in good humor.
They finally let go of each other after what seemed like ages to the gaping audience. Maria was beaming, Draco was slightly strutting, and they both were faintly dizzy. Everybody immediately started examining her new firebolt, while Maria was still lost among the clouds; she could still feel the warm, tingling feeling Draco’s touch had left on her skin. Nevertheless, Padma Patil’s exclamation brought her back to reality. Everyone was huddled around the end of the broom, murmuring excitedly.
"Here," Padma simply said, pointing at the piece of parchment that hung from a ribbon tied at the end of the broomstick.
Maria untied the blood-red ribbon and took the piece of paper. She read the neat handwriting in silence, while everybody looked at her intently. She simply rested her head in her hand and smiled amusingly. However, inside, her heart was swelling and she had to remind herself to breathe. Draco really could be a hopeless romantic when he wanted to. The parchment read:
‘To the only girl who has ever managed to knock me off my broom.’
***
It was Friday night, and Maria was walking along the corridors. She was looking forward to the following day, since she would be able to try out her new broomstick for the first time. Just like her old one – the one Davies had given her - it was a firebolt; but the person made all the difference. Her thoughts didn’t wander any further; they were interrupted by a familiar figure standing at the end of the hallway. Maria smiled and quickened her pace.
"Thank you for the broom, but you really didn’t have to-" Maria started.
"See you fly on those dusty old Comets? I don’t think so either," Draco replied smartly, grinning.
He reached out for her hand, grasping it securely in his as her heart raced. He added:
"Come on, I thought we could do with some change."
He dragged Maria along as he walked through the endless corridors. It was a while before Maria could penetrate the fog of happiness that flooded her brain and actually understand what he had meant.
"Where are we going?" she finally inquired.
"You’ll see," he said with a proud smirk. His eyes held that mischievous glint of his.
She rolled her own and resorted to silence. Soon enough, she found herself climbing the stairs leading to the top of the Astronomy tower. Slightly out of breath, they emerged out of the circular stone staircase and stepped into the dark night. There were no clouds in the sky and the stars were shining brightly, thousands – millions of miles away. They looked like diamonds scattered over a dark blanket, shimmering playfully. The word ‘magical’ would have been a loyal description there.
"It’s beautiful," Maria uttered.
Both their heads were tilted up, looking towards the infinite sky. Draco’s grip tightened as the shadow of a frown drifted upon his face. They slowly sat down against the parapet. Maria was amazed by the amount of stars in sight; she had never seen so many. Draco turned to gaze at her, the familiar feeling of warmth crawling underneath his skin – although it may have been familiar, it wasn’t something he would get used to.
"It’s been a wonderful week" she said, still staring at the stars yet blushing slightly, for she knew he was eyeing her.
"Yeah," he replied dreamily.
There was a short paused, and Maria continued:
"But I’ve been wondering, with all these rumours passing along, which one’s right."
She finally tore her stare from the sky and turned it towards Draco, who was looking back at her curiously. Her skin prickled excitedly at the sight of his intense gaze.
"I mean, some claim you’ve changed, some claim you haven’t."
"Well what do you think?" Draco asked, interested.
"Well, you once told me that you had been deceived. But I don’t think that qualifies as change, or explains it," Maria recounted softly.
"What do you think explains it then?"
"I think you’ve been using your big bad Slytherin image" – the corner of his mouth twitched upwards - "as a shield to distance yourself emotionally from everything. But why you’ve let it down, that’s what I’d like to know."
Although Draco didn’t want to admit it, he was impressed. Only, he wished he didn’t know what she was talking about, but her words rang simply too true in his head.
"So you want to know my story?" he settled, his stare darting back towards the night sky.
Maria nodded with a smile, but having noticed Draco’s uneasiness, she briefly added:
"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to."
"No, I think you should know, that’s the least you deserve," he answered hastily, frowning, "You better make yourself comfortable, this’ll be long."
Maria slouched back onto the wall and wrapped her arms around her knees. She felt like a little girl to whom a fairytale was about to be read; but this was no fable. Draco slowly started talking, with a serious yet soft expression, not once looking straight at her.
"Well, it all happened this summer. However, the first time I seriously started doubting whether or not I was on the right, hum, I guess you could call it 'path' was in fourth year, after Cedric Diggory died. It was the first time I truly saw what the Dark Lord could do. He had killed a kid just because he was standing in his way - standing in the way of him killing another person, and that..." He frowned, trying to find the right word. "... troubled me. He had no reason to kill Diggory, yet he did without a second thought. I guess that was my first taste of horror."
Maria was surprised to hear this. So, Draco had been doubting all this time? This clearly wasn’t the end of her astonishment.
"Last year, I became especially divided. I knew that this wasn’t what I wanted, but it’s not like I had much of a choice, so I choked my doubts and fears and did everything that was expected of me, as a proper and honourable Malfoy." His face twisted into a sour grimace. "But, when father got sent to Azkaban, He wanted a replacement. Well, not exactly a replacement; just to punish my father through me, although I didn’t know it at the time. I thought I was only asked to join because I had turned sixteen. I didn’t want to - at least, I think I didn't - but refusing would’ve meant running away and hiding for the rest of my life. A few people also didn’t want me to join." His face softened as he remembered. "Actually, there were three."
Maria, who simply couldn’t restrain herself, asked out loud:
"Who were they?"
"Well first of all, there was my mother. Now that my father was out of the way, she made it very clear that she didn’t want me to be a Death Eater. She would cry herself to sleep every night. No wonder my parents had an arranged marriage. All that matters to them anyway is the endurance of the Malfoy name."
Maria was shocked to hear this. How much more could Draco be hiding? How much more could he be suffering?
"But that’s not all. Another one who made it clear was Andromeda."
"Andromeda Tonks? Nymphadora’s mother?" Maria said bewildered.
"Yeah, she’s my mother’s sister," Draco said matter-of-factly, shrugging.
Maria’s jaw dropped.
"But she was kicked out of the family for marrying a muggle."
"…what was her maiden name?" Maria asked almost fearing the answer.
Draco laughed, amused by her ignorance.
"Really, you should consider taking a look at the most famous pureblood family tree."
"She was a Black!" Maria exclaimed, aghast.
Draco laughed again. It was a hard laugh.
"You’d be surprised… Anyway, she sent me a letter practically begging me not to join the Dark Lord. She even offered me to hide at her place, but that would’ve simply been stupid."
"And who’s the third?" Maria asked, sure that she had already heard the worst.
"Severus Snape."
Maria was dumbfounded beyond words. Her expression made Draco smile in amusement.
"You look so innocent when you’re surprised; it’s hard to resist," he said, a coveting look in his eyes.
She flushed and looked away, turning a bright shade of scarlet.
"Snape would always visit over the summer, it was quite annoying in the end actually. He kept on repeating the same things over and over; in fact, he still is."
"And what’s that?" she managed to mumble.
"That it’s terribly foolish, that I’m running towards my own end and that I have nothing to repay or live up to, whatsoever." He shrugged nonchalantly.
Somehow, what Draco just said contrasted with the image Maria had of Professor Snape. He was capable of feelings after all, which was quite reassuring. But at the same time, this was all confusing; was he or was he not a devoted follower?
"Apart from those three people, the rest of the world wanted me to be a Death Eater, even though they didn’t all state it clearly. I guess it was the ‘natural course of things’ or ‘meant to be’ or whatever they said it was. It was three against the world, so I did it. No matter how painful or disgusting, no matter what I thought. I can’t really regret it, since running away would’ve only led to my death or my family’s. But still, I wish I’d had a choice." He threw her a fleeting glance. "I still have nightmares," he admitted sheepishly, his eyes slightly darker.
Draco had wanted to end his story there, but Maria wanted to know everything. She urged him to continue, anxious.
"What do you mean?"
Draco turned away, like he always did when he was uneasy. It was less hard to talk to her when he wasn’t looking her in the eye. But still, this wasn’t a very pretty thing to tell; and he wasn’t too sure whether or not he should.
"Are you sure you want to know?"
She nodded even though he couldn’t see her. Draco sighed. It would be the first time he actually described it to someone, and he knew it would hurt - surely not as much, but it would be painful. He recounted the events with his eyes closed, pausing after each sentence, taking deep gulps of fresh air.
"It happened near midsummer. They were all gathered around and I was pushed to the center. A stranger was thrown in front of me, and I was ordered to torture him. I had to; it was him or me. He was just another wizard; I’d never met him, he’d never done anything to me. I can still see his face; twisted, howling for me to stop, almost inhuman. Every time I wake up drenched in sweat and shaking. But that’s only the first part. Then, He came forward; I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. Everything was dark, cold, everything except for those two piercing red eyes. I remember him telling me that the fury, the anger I held inside was my greatest weapon and that he would help me achieve greatness. Then he stuck out his wand and branded this stupid mark on my arm. You have no idea how much it hurt, and the more I resisted the more it hurt."
Maria was now looking very wearily at Draco; he was wincing and his whole body had gone stiff. Her face showed every sign of compassion and worry. All this made her feel hideously sick; and it wasn’t even over.
"Whenever I have to meet with one of them, it’s always the same thing over and over again. The numbness, the sweat, the fear, the suffocation, the pain... It’s like I’m not in control of my body anymore, like I’m a spectator watching and can’t stop the things from happening. No one should see the things I saw; no one deserves that." He clenched his fists so tightly that his knucles turned white, the muscles in his jaw also twitching. "No one."
Although she would never admit it, Maria was frightened. She had never seen him so tense, so frustrated. She held her breath, waiting for the rest. Startled by her stillness and silence, Draco finally opened his eyes and turned his head to face her. Every single one of his features read regret and pain; he looked ill. Maria felt like she understood a whole new side of him, one that she had always guessed but never actually seen.
"I hope I didn’t ruin your perfect week," he added shamefully, trying – without success – to smile.
Draco was afraid his story might have the effect of pushing her away, but on the contrary, she felt even closer to him. He was somehow relieved to have her know; she had the right to know what exactly she was dating. She appreciated his company even more, knowing how much it meant and how much his past weighed on him. Her heart wrenched in her chest; she couldn’t stand seeing him like this. She slowly crawled up to him, locking his gaze in her own:
"Whatever anyone or even you might think, I know you’re a good person, Draco, and all this only proves it. You’re a good person who’s simply been cursed with bad luck."
For the first time in what had been a very long while, Draco’s face illuminated as she snuck on top of him to hug him comfortingly. He wrapped his arms around her and held her back tightly, his face berried in her smooth hair. Both of them refused to move for a very long time.