CHAPTER 30: LEZ BE HONEST
%Tyler%
*Morning*
I drag my feet slowly to the kitchen, scratching my horrible bed hair and yawning like a cat. As I get to the kitchen, I slump down onto a chair and watch Liam make breakfast with tired eyes. Damn. I am pooped.
"What crawled up your ass and died this morning?" Liam asks, glancing at me from the fried eggs. Those poor chickens...
"I had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to get up but I wanted to sleep. Now I'm awake and my alarm clock is broken. Not sure who won that fight." I say.
Liam rolled his eyes and returned to his cooking. That's right wench. Cook my meals! Liam turns to glare at me. Oops, I guess I didn't put up my mind block. Giggle.
I dash upstairs to my room to get ready for school. That reminds me, when was the last time I've been there? Oh well, it's not like I like going there anyway.
I blast music from my playlist before I go into the shower, singing along as I go. As I strip down to my birthday suit and hop into the shower, I'm still singing. Soon I'm lost in the music. Bad idea. Singing passionately in the shower is darn great idea. But dancing is not.
I managed to bump my head and fall flat on my ass in the end. But that doesn't stop me. I dance out of my bathroom, naked. Oh, Liam would have a seizure if he walked in right now. I put on some underwear and bra, before skipping to my closet and picking out something to wear.
I ended up wearing faded ripped skinny jeans with a plain white t-shirt. I brought out my black Vans and slipped them on. Then, I turned to Jimmy, who was conveniently laying on my bed.
"How do I look?" I ask him. Now, I know what you're thinking. Why would you ask a tiger if you look good? Well, Jimmy so happens to be excellent in fashion. He could be a fashion designer if he wanted to. That's how good he is. But it makes me wonder. What if he's gay? Oh no, then I won't be able to have little Jimmy babies! The world is so cold.
Jimmy grunts in approval and I skip down the stairs and out the door. Ugh. Onto school. What's the point of school anyway? All you do there is work. And do you know what that work is on? PAPER. And paper comes from trees. So basically school not only kills the beauty of nature to torture kids, but it also takes away our precious oxygen, making it harder to breathe.
Oh well, when the world ends, I'll just blame school. Curse you school!
CAWWWW!!!!
A loud bird noise startled me from my thoughts. What the hell was that? I looked up to see a figure flying straight at me. What is it? A cat? A squirrel? Oh no. What if it's that yellow bird from Angry Birds! He's come to take back the eggs Liam cooked! Damn you Liam, and those delicious eggs! I dropped to the floor, my arms covering my head. I don't want die! These incredibly good looks would just go to waste!
"I'M INNOCENT!" I screamed out.
"Squawk," My death called out.
Looking up, I see George standing their with his cocked to the side. I stood up quickly an coughed, trying to act like I didn't just drop down. Nobody saw right? Hey, wait a minute...
"You!" I exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at him.
"Where were you when I was kidnapped against my will and tied to a pole, huh?! Were you flirting with one of those bimbo girl parrots?! Were you eating my toothpaste again?! Were you too busy trying to steal my wallet again, huh, Huh, HUH?!?"
George looked at me with a blank expression before flapping his orange wings and flying away. Huh, George doesn't have orange wings....
That wasn't George.
Dammit.
*****
Okay, right now, you don't see me. I'm invisible. Why? Because if I was seen. I would be in trouble because I'm late to school. Again. So with the James Bond theme song in my head I use my super awesome ninja skills to slink away until the bell rings. Heh, heh, heh.
But wait. If you can't see me, then you can't see my incredible hotness. Oh no! Then that means you won't feel the wrath of Tyler! Agh! What has the world come to?! We're all gonna die!!
RINGG!!!!
Oh look the bell. Time for lunch!
"YOU!" Ally screamed once I stepped into the cafeteria.
"Me?" Why is she yelling? I didn't even do anything. Yet.
"Where were you all this time? I had to survive Alex AND Jake by myself," she Said angrily.
"Oops," I smiled sheepishly at her. Well sor-ry. I wish I could reschedule my kidnapping for another day but I couldn't. This was the only opening they had.
"Well, while you complain about me abandoning you at a time of need, I'm going to get some food" I walk away as fast as I can but still, it's not fast enough.
"Ohh no you don't!" Ally doesn't hesitate to tackle me to the floor and pin me down.
"Get...off...of....me.....RAPE!!" My mouth was covered by her hand.
Ally leaned down and gave me an evil smile. This smile was almost as scary as mine. Almost.
"Payback is gonna be a bitch" She whispered.
"Eww," A squeaky voice came from above. "Get a room, dykes."
I looked up from Ally to see none other than Jessica and her army of barbies. Jessica, always one to stand out, was wearing a pair of underwear-looking shorts with a tight ass purple shirt. Can her boobs even breathe?
"Alright. Lez be honest here." I say, "Are you dressing up for Halloween early or something? You look like a freaking Oompa Loompa."
Jessica huffed and stomped her foot. "It's called a tan you freak."
I smiled sympathetically at her. "Honey, there is a fine line between tanning and looking like you spent the whole day rolling in a bag of Doritos. I think you just crossed it."
"Okay, you do not want to make me angry" She "threatened".
"You're always angry," Ally put in. "You're like the definition of a squirrel. Only happy when you have nuts in your mouth."
I laughed at that. "Alright, that was a good one." I raises my hand and she met up with me in a high five.
"Are you done?!" Miss Bitch snapped.
"Obviously not since you're still here," Ally remarked.
"Would you like to hear a song?" I didn't wait for a reply. "Twinkle twinkle little whore-"
Ally finished it. "-Close your legs you're not a door,"
"And team Tylerson strikes again! Oh yeah!" We high five again.
Bam. That's why we are best friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HELLO
I had MAJOR writers block on this chapter. I was literally looking at a blank screen for hours.
But I posted now!!!! :D.
Also, I was looking at some comment you guys made and most of them made me laugh out loud. IT'S NICE TO KNOW MY FANS ARE AS CRAZY AS ME!!!
So in other words.......VOTE AND
COENT BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS!!!¡¡¡
Question!!::: What was your favorite line??
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