Ryan shuffled into the front lounge of the bus, groggy and feeling like he would rather have a gallon of coffee than all of the world's pot at that moment, when he stopped in his tracks. Brendon, his very straight bandmate, had a banana down his throat.
A banana.
Peeled, about two thirds of it unseen because it was down his throat.
"What the fuck are you doing, Brendon?"
Brendon tried to say, "I'm trying to see how much banana I can get in my mouth," but it came out sounding more like, "Um ryungh oo ee how muck buhmama igh an git ih mah raough."
Ryan gaped at his lead singer in disbelief before realizing he was staring, shaking his head and looking away, trying to blink the image out of his retinas. "Okay, you know what? I'm just going to walk away, go back to sleep, and forget this ever happened."
At that, he turned on his heel and retreated to his bunk.
***
Unfortunately for Ryan, he couldn't forget about the way Brendon's full lips wrapped around that banana like they were meant to do that. He couldn't stop thinking about how that banana had to have been at least an inch past where Brendon's gag reflex should have been. He couldn't get the fact that that banana had only been slightly smaller than his own cock out of his head.
Honestly, it was getting pretty distracting.
"Have you ever seen Brendon eat a banana?" Ryan asked Spencer later as they mindlessly watched TV in the back lounge.
Spencer barked out a laugh. "Who hasn't? He does it all the time. I must say, it's damn good practice."
Ryan frowned at his friend. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Practice. For sucking cock." Spencer smiled a bit, raising an eyebrow as he reminisced. "The kid gives amazing head for practically a virgin. And he practices on fucking bananas for christ's sake."
Ryan's eyes went wide. "You... you mean, you've had Brendon suck you off?"
"Well, yeah, everyone has. Haven't you?" Spencer replied, finally looking over at the elder.
"I-I... What? No!"
Spencer raised his eyebrows at Ryan disbelievingly. "Huh, no wonder you're so bitchy all the time." He turned his attention back to the TV then. "You should try it sometime. He's even better at it than William."
Ryan backed off the couch until he fell on the floor, eyes wide in horror. Getting up quickly, he went to go hide in his bunk for the rest of his life. He didn't need to know these things about Brendon; he was the cute, innocent little Mormon kid from North Vegas, not some cheap, back-alley whore. Brendon was straight, a virgin, and did not suck cock better than William Beckett.
Lies. All lies and impossibilities.
There was a soft groan from the bunk above him and Ryan froze, feeling like he was going insane. He was hearing shit, that's what it was.
"Fuck, Brendon," came Jon's voice barely a second later and Ryan buried his head under his pillow.
***
So begging William to suck his cock was definitely not the straightest thing he'd ever done, but Ryan had done it before countless times anyway. Well, not the begging part. If anything, it took his mind off of Brendon's mouth for a while.
"I'm guessing the rumors finally caught up with you, huh?" the elder man finally spoke, standing up and helping Ryan fix up his pants.
Ryan blinked up at William through his post-orgasmic haze, the wheels turning in his head but not catching just yet. "What?"
"That Brendon's better than me. Please don't tell me he is, Ry."
Ryan somehow managed to almost stumble and fall standing perfectly still with his back against a wall. "I... fuck, what the hell is going on around here?"
"You haven't had him suck your cock," William muttered, a smirk playing on his lips.
"No!" Ryan groaned in frustration, attempting to walk off but William grabbed his arm.
"Well, hey, if you get curious; promise you'll still let me suck you off, even if Brendon is better than me?"
Ryan shrugged William off and stormed out, wondering if he'd ever find peace from all this madness. He just couldn't think of Brendon that way; his brain didn't work like that.
***
Ryan woke with a start the next morning and rolled out of his bunk. He was wide awake and he felt like he was going completely insane. He stumbled into the kitchenette to find Brendon, first awake as always, sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal.
"Please tell me it's not true," Ryan blurted, sitting down across from his lead singer.
Brendon sighed. "Which rumor did you hear? The one about me fucking that roadie in Tulsa or the one about the guy in New York? Because I swear, neither one is true."
Ryan gaped at him for a moment. "The one about how you've been blowing everyone on tour, that's the one I heard."
"Oh, that. Yeah, it's true. But it doesn't mean anything, honest."
"So, what, are you some kind of whore now? Do you want to suck me off too? Cause that's fucked up, Brendon."
Brendon shook his head. "I don't want to suck you off."
"You... what?"
"Like I said, it doesn't mean anything." Brendon reached over to grasp Ryan's hand. "And anything I do with you, I want it to mean something."
Ryan froze, his stomach falling out through the floor and his heart caught in his throat. "You... you do?"
Brendon smiled. "Why else do you think I'm still a virgin? I've been waiting for you."
Okay, so maybe Ryan's brain could work that way.