{I originally saw this as a SPN Headcanon but thought it was a good idea to turn into an irondad oneshot :) }
Tony's day started just as any other would. Rolling out of bed at noon, chugging some black coffee, answering some emails, having some toast for 'breakfast', heading down to the lab to slave over something minuscule for way too long and blasting some classic rock to keep his mind from wandering.
It's not a Lab Night, Pepper and Rhodey are out of the country for business stuff, and Tony's basically caught up in his work- for SI and for superhero.
So he decides to do some cleaning instead. Sure, there are robots to do it for him, and it's not even that messy anyways, but there's laundry to do and dishes to clean from him piling them up in the sink while Pepper's not here to keep an eye on him. There's dust on some of the less used pieces of furniture in the penthouse and little knickknacks lying around.
Normally when Peter would come by, he would've insisted on doing more than just Lab stuff and clean up around the kitchen and living room, but he had to skip their last Lab Night because of homework. So it's a little messier than usual.
Tony's never minded the mess, but Pepper and Peter do. A lot. They hate it being messy. Pepper's logic is a messy house is a messy mind. And Pepper wants them to have clearer minds. Peter's logic is more flawed than Pepper's. He thinks that people will judge them if the house is messy. He thinks that things have a place for a purpose, they should be in their place. He also says he likes to do the chores, so Tony lets him. Sometimes, he'll even forget to do the dishes just because it makes Peter happy to be doing something in return. It seems to make his mind at ease for always being around the tower.
Tony figures it might follow Pepper's logic because, let's face it, Tony's mind is normally pretty messy. Maybe it's because his house is always messy.
So he cleans up, starting in the living room and working his way to the kitchen. Including dusting, sweeping, tidying, and cleaning. He even slaves on his knees over some stains on the hardwood. He's pretty sure they're bloodstains from the last time Peter came flying through his window with what should have been a lethal injury, but barely even fazes Peter.
Around six or seven pm, Tony decides he'll start a load of laundry and then have dinner. He decides he's doing all of this to make his family proud. Pepper, Peter, and Rhodey are constantly badgering him to be caring of himself. Showering, eating, drinking water, sleeping, wearing clean clothes, not picking them up off the floor, leaving the house. He's getting better at it, for the sole reason that he doesn't want to let them down.
He gathers all the jeans and t-shirts that had been discarded across his floor over the past week and a half, having found his socks lying pretty much everywhere throughout the penthouse already. He tosses the bundle of clothing into the washing machine, deciding it isn't full enough, heads down the hall to Peter's room. From how often he stays at the tower, he's probably got a collection of dirty clothes lying around.
And he does. When Tony pushes the door open, there's a basket full of dirty clothing. Tony winces when he picks it up and realizes most of them are bloodstained from patrol injuries. That might be difficult to wash out.
He's about to leave the room when he sees a notebook on Peter's desk. Peter hates leaving things out in his room, everything has spots and drawers. But he stayed the night last week and left in a rush to get to school on time.
Maybe it's the oddity of having a blue notebook on his desk. Maybe it's purely curiosity. Maybe it's the black swirling doodles across the front cover and Peter's name scratched big in the black ink. Maybe it's what looks like water stains on the corners that catches Tony's attention.
Whatever it is, the notebook is tucked under Tony's arm for future reading. He knows it's not fair. He knows he shouldn't be. He knows it's a total breach of privacy. But Tony's worried. He knows Peter has a lot of internalized pain and grief, and if Peter's thinking some particularly bad thoughts, that's something Tony needs to know.
He puts all Peter's clothing in the wash and then heads to the dining room to see what's in the notebook.
Tony hopes that it's just Science notes or something, but he knows this isn't the type of notebook Peter uses for school notes.
The first page is enough to send stabbing pains through Tony's chest.
Peter Parker's Guilt Complex is scratched into the page, as though the words were written over and over and over again with a little too much force and a shaky hand. There's little tears in some parts of the words where he pressed too hard with the same black pen.
Tony flips to the next page.
Titled in the same scratchy bold:
Everyone I've Let Down
And it's a list that seems to continue for ages. Some names are bolder than others. There are tears and rips in the corners of the pages. Little black swirling doodles up the margins.
Richard Parker
Mary Parker
Ben Parker
May Parker
Ned Leeds
Michelle Jones
Flash Thompson
And it continues down the whole page and then the next page. Tony freezes when he sees the name he was so desperate not the see.
Tony Stark
Tony Stark
Tony Stark
Tony Stark
Tony Stark
Tony Stark
Tony Stark
It continues down the rest of the second page and fills up half the next one too before it's blank. The last one looks recent. Scribbled in a shaky hand
He flips the page because he can't stand staring at his own name over and over again like it was. But this is worse.
Reasons Why I'm a Failure
Peter's full name is jotted in the left corner and the date is in the right. 03/16/13
Uncle Ben died because of me. There's so many things that could've come before this one in this journal, but this is where it starts. Uncle Ben. He died because I didn't save him. It was my fault. I haven't told Aunt May yet. She's devastated. Her pain is my fault. She's another person I've let down after my parents and Ben. I shouldn't have run away. I shouldn't have let the robber shoot. I shouldn't have froze. I should've saved him and now I have to live with the consequences. May hasn't left her room since the funeral 3 days ago. I can barely look at her without feeling nauseous with guilt. This is my fault. This is all my fault.
Tony feels nauseous too. He hates that Peter's Guilt Complex as he calls it, started 5 years ago. That Peter's probably been feeling guilty all the time for 5 whole years.
Tony doesn't want to read the one thing he knows will be there as he flips through the pages to find the right date, but he has to.
05/15/17
Tony took my suit. I almost killed a whole ferry full of people. It was my fault. I shouldn't keep pretending I'm some hero. I'm just stupid fucking Peter Parker who doesn't know when to stop. I'm not Iron Man, I'm not even Spider-Man anymore. I'm just a kid with a fluke and a guilt complex. I shouldn't have gotten onto that ferry. Or maybe I just should've been more careful. Then maybe I wouldn't have fucked up as badly as I did. I don't know why Tony still bothers. I don't know why he even tried to take me in. He probably just feels bad for me and doesn't want me to kill more people than I already have. I already killed Uncle Ben. I can't believe I was this stupid to think I could be more than stupid, pathetic, penis parker like Flash says.
Tony flips to the last page with writing on it to see just what Peter could've been feeling guilty about that night he was at the tower.
02/21/18
I'm at the tower. This isn't the same as the others. This isn't something that happened to me. It's just me being a failure like always. I had another panic attack. It was stupid. I don't know why this is still happening to me. Ned says PTSD, but that night wasn't even that bad. Tony's been through hell, it makes sense that he has PTSD, but I just had one night that went worse. I didn't even go to the hospital. I had a panic attack and hid in a bathroom for like 2 hours and cried and threw up. I thought about telling Tony, but I don't want him to think I'm being stupid or weak. I had a weird flashback type thing the other day at school because I got pushed into my locker. I had a flashback and then a panic attack and then I passed out. When Ned finally got me out, I said i was fine. I've been lying to my best friend. It seems to be getting worse even though it's been like a year since then. I think I've been avoiding it and now it's hitting me full force. I don't know. I'm just a fucking failure.
Tony slams the notebook shut, heart thundering in his chest as he fumbles for his cellphone. Why didn't he realize sooner? Why hadn't he seen the signs?
He calls Peter Parker, ignoring the fact that Peter's probably trying to do his homework or eat dinner with May. He just crosses his fingers, and his wishes are answered when Peter picks up on the third ring.
"Mister Stark? May looks kinda angry I answered my- Are you okay? I can hear your heart through the phone. You sound like you're going to have a panic attack," Peter says. A door shuts on the other end.
"I need to talk to you. In person. ASAP," Tony says, keeping it short. Simple.
"Um, right, okay. I know I missed Lab Night this week, but I didn't think you were this dependent," Peter says, a touch of laughter on his voice.
"What time works for you?" Tony says, ignoring Peter's teasing.
"Um, Aunt May will kill me, but I don't have a lot of homework left. I could swing by and-"
"I'll come get you. Be there in 5. You can stay the night," Tony says quickly, hanging up without another word.
*
When Tony pulls up, Peter slides into passenger, already looking concerned.
"Your heart's still beating fast, Mister Stark," Peter starts, eyes wide as he buckles himself in.
"No, were not worrying about that right now," Tony says, brushing it off hurriedly as he starts off towards the tower again.
"What are we worrying about?" Peter asks, frowning deeply.
Tony doesn't bother responding, just focusing his full attention on driving. He feels bad about making Peter anxious, it's obvious in his bouncing knee and darting eyes, but he doesn't want to say anything until they're in a safe place. He wants Peter to be able to storm off angrily if he needs it. He wants Peter to be able to nap after their conversation is done. He wants Peter to be able to move freely throughout the conversation depending on his emotions. A car would be a terrible place for a conversation like this.
When they get up to the penthouse. Peter freezes right in the doorway to the dining room. Tony stops a few feet ahead, following Peter's eyes.
The notebook is left stranded on the dining room.
"Why were you looking through my stuff?" Peter asks. His voice is high and shaking, his expression is one of heartbreak.
"I went to do your laundry..." Tony mumbles, heart beating even louder.
"So you just went 'hm this isn't clothing but might as well go looking through this too.' You weren't supposed to see any of that!" Peter says, throwing anger to try to make his anxiety feel better.
"I'm sorry. I'm glad I saw it though. That's why I wanted to talk to you," Tony explains, flicking a hand towards the notebook and than back to Peter.
Peter looks to be on the verge of tears, body trembling. "You weren't- you weren't supposed to find out."
"Find out what?"
"Everything I've done." The words come out choked and Peter buries his head in his arm as he cracks, breaking down as he cries into his forearms.
"You haven't done anything! That's why I wanted to talk to you. None of it was on you. I didn't read a lot of it, but you haven't let anybody down. You aren't a failure. None of that was on you," Tony says, walking the few steps back to Peter.
"I killed Uncle Ben!" Peter sobs, almost collapsing when his legs threaten to fall out from under him.
"No. No, you didn't. You didn't do anything. It wasn't your fault. I know the specifics of it, but you are not at fault for that, and you certainly shouldn't be feeling guilty so many years later. This isn't on you," Tony says, prepared to argue to the end of time to make Peter believe it.
Peter lets out a whine of agony before collapsing to his knees, cries engulfing him.
"I'm sorry," he cries.
"No, don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for," Tony says, kneeling down in front of his kid.
He takes Peter's wrists gently and pulls them away from Peter's face. Luckily, Peter's breathing is still coming out like it should and his eyes are focused despite the tears. Not a panic attack.
"I-I just- i just started writing everything. Made it feel less heavy on the inside. I'd read it whenever i felt too good. Makes me feel less good. Makes me feel bad. I- I sometimes feel- feel like I don't deserve to be happy after- after everything I've done," Peter says, face crinkling up as his body is wracked with another loud sob followed by sniffling and a hiccup.
"You deserve all the happiness in the world, Pete. You deserve it all. None of it was your fault, okay? I promise. I swear. I'm sorry you've going through all of this alone. I'm going to be there for you from now on," Tony swears. "Can I hug you?"
Once he gets a shaky nod, he wraps his arms tightly around Peter, drawing the kid into his chest.
It's not easy, to say the least. The kid's young and so impressionable. Stuff like this is hard to get rid of.
But after months of therapy, months of extra Lab Nights specifically for emotions, months of doing the dishes together because a messy house is a messy mind, months of talking it through, months of crying and finding ways to be happy despite the heaviness, months of expelling the guilt from his mind, months and months of months of work put towards making Peter as happy as can be, Peter burns his journal.
____
I don't even know if these count as Whump entirely. The ending kinda sucks man but like I don't like writing that the happy ending comes immediately. It takes time and oneshots dont really have time for time.
Lyss