I Guess you could say it is a special chapter because it is longer than most. please correct me if I'm wrong but I do believe this is the longest chapter of the whole book.
It is my second day of rehab for me.... Not the normal rehab I am different I have the privilege to have my mother be my doctor . Sometimes I have cold sweats in my sleep. I have been really sleepy and very depressed but that is what this journal if for or at least that's what my doctor said. If I write in here it will make me feel better and to be frank. I FEEL NO BETTER. JUST LET ME DIE...................................... When me and Kaylee try and start something sexual I just cant get into it. I lose all things sexual and I just pus her away and I do feel like I'm hurting her. We have gotten into some arguments they have been getting to the point where we scream and my mother or Adam even Addison has to come and take Kaylee out of the room so we could both calm down. I have even seen after one of our big arguments Kaylee crys to them and it hurts me but I also don't feel it. She does not deserve me I don't deserve her . I should die. I should be dead. everyone would love it wouldn't they?
Chloe POV
When I finished writing in book. I threw it across the room and it hit my door. I could feel my body to start to hurt and I start to feel a little sleepy. instead of going to pick up the book I lay down and close my eye on the beanbag chair and fall asleep.
Kaylee POV
I heard a thud come from upstairs from Choles room. It sounded like it hit the door so I go check to make sure everything is ok. I slightly knock on the door to see if it was ok to come in there was no answer so I walk in quietly and as I pushed the door open I felt a slight force against the door. I looked on the floor seeing Chloe's journal. I pick it up just staring at it. Wondering whether or not to read it. I know the doctor told her to write in a journal to help with some of the things that she has to go through. I walk over to her dresser and just place the journal on top of it and just walk out of the room. I don't deserve to read her things. I have done enough damage towards her. we are both damaged people I don't understand why we are even together. I care for her so much.
We both go to therapy, She goes for her thoughts and feeling. I go for my brokenness and trust issues that have resurfaced and my really bad sleeping habits that I have known about for a while. I just chose not to acknowledge it. The therapist diagnosed me with insomnia. which I already knew but she wanted to make sure that was true. So now I am being watched like a hawk not only by Chloe and her family but even the paparazzi. After my ex came over my life was ruined. She posted where I stayed. She even posted the school I went to. Just like chole I can't start school until next month. I do try and get out the house. I only go to the back year though because I can't get five inches away from the house without being bombarded by paparazzi.
I am trying to stay strong for Chloe but I feel like I'm losing myself and going back to that person that would take Xanax's all the time and care about nothing. I am trying to stay strong for Chloe. I think about leaving her when she gets better, she does not need this in her life. She deserves someone loving and willing to have time and give time towards her and I don't think I can do that. We can't last a day together without an argument and I am scared these arguments are going to turn physical. I don't think Chloe would hit my on purpose but I do believe since she is in withdrawal stage she would. People in a stage like this will do anything not really noticing until it is too late.
Addison is never home. She isn't how she use to be. Her and Tiffany are still a happy couple but when they are here they stay in Addison's room and the only person that comes out is Tiff. Tiff tells me and Adam and Addison's mom everything that's up with her. She hasn't even spoke to Chloe. This family is so disconnected I hope sometime this week things will get better. Getting out of my thoughts I decide to walk back in Choles room and lay next to her on the bed just looking at her blonde silk hair. She is still the only person I can have a good night sleep with I am honestly surprised I haven't passed out from my exhaustion. As I lay next her I try and decide if I should cuddle her or not. It only take me a second to just reject the thought and just turn the opposite way and close my eyes. It wasn't the same through the sleep I tossed and turned.
Janet POV
When I come home from work the first thing I do is check on Chloe and Kaylee. I placed my work bag on the counter and walk towards the stairs to go upstairs. Once I had made it to the room I open the door. walking in a little I notice Chloe and Kaylee sleeping totally opposite ways from each other. Things around here aren't the same. I don't speak to my daughter and the daughter that I want to be apart of the family wont speak to anyone either. When she talks it is to Kaylee not anything good always an argument. I hope everything good come to play at some point. I don't bring Violet over here because of this. I need this family to get things together first before any meetings. I leave the room to go cook dinner for everyone.
Chloe POV
" Help me!!! ME"
"Noo Noo I..i"
"I didn't kill her"
"I didn't mean to.. I....I"
"Chloe wake up you are having a nightmare" I heard a familiar voice say. I felt my body shaking.
"Chloe I have you I'm right here it is Kaylee" the familiar voices speaks again.
I slowly opened my eyes to make sure I wasn't going to see what I saw in that dream. It was Kaylee in front of me looking in my eyes. I moved back from her so fast in worry.
"stay away" I try and say without my voice cracking
"why Chloe what happened" Kaylee asked looking hurt
"You did nothing" I answered
" Then let me comfort you" she said
" NO! Get the fuck away from me" I said as she got closer
I got up off the bed and stood up. My anger was now at its worst.
Me and Kaylee were both standing and looking at each other.
"Chloe I am not going to hurt you, Please" she said raising her hands to let me know she wasn't going to hurt me but I was not scared about her hurting me. I was scared of hurting her but instead of being scared her ignoring me was only making me more angrier.
"Kaylee you fucking listen to me for fucking once you piece of shit girlfriend! stay the fuck away from me" I blurted out.
I started to feel dizzy and nausea. I started to lose balance.
" If you fucking cared or didn't want to hurt me you would not be having me go through the shit I'm going through." I yelled from the top of my lung. There was now a whole audience in the room. Adam, Tiffany and Addison and her mom all ran in the room looking nervous on what going to happen next.
I turn towards them because I also had some words for them.
" Fuck all of you why are you making me go through this. I thought I was your daughter Janet! HUH!" I yelled
"Fuck you too Addison you are the worst sister/friend I ever had you are all worthless" I yelled my tears rolling down my eyes.
"Watch your mouth Chloe this your family and girlfriend you are talking to" Tiffany said.
"I DONT GIV-" I yelled before falling down to the ground shivering and crying.
"Chloe!" I hear Kaylee yell. the brunette runs toward me.
"Help me please" I cry.
"I will" She says whipping the tears from my eyes and kissing my forehead.
"Ok lets get her to the bathtub. Adam run cold water so we can sit her in it she is hot" Janet says. I see Adam run to my bathroom before I pass out.
Janet POV
"Mom what are we going to do with her she is losing it. Did you hear what she said to Kaylee it was so mean" Adam says."
" Adam honey she said mean things to everyone" I say.
"She is saying these things because of the withdrawals. she doesn't mean any of this." I say reinsuring him
" The doctor said she would do something like this anyways I was prepared for it. I was still hurt from it coming from her mouth but it was to be expected. it only gets worse from here." I say
Everyone was down stairs waiting for the food to be done besides Chole she was still out cold upstairs. Once the food was done we all sat at the table and started to eat. It was silent no one wanted to speak but finally someone spoke.
"So can we please talk about Chloe" Kaylee asked
I responded with " why don't we talk about ourselves"
"Kaylee how are you feeling" I asked knowing it was a risky question.
"I am doing ok. I keep things together for Chloe. I mean we don't talk much but yeah" she says holding in her tears
"I don't have anyone to talk to anymore so it is hard for me at the moment" she says as she pushes her food around on the plate.
"You know I'm gonna go to the bathroom, excuse me please" Kaylee say her voice cracking. The brunette runs to the bathroom.
"Addison?" I say her name with question
"I have nothing to say about myself or any of this" I hear my daughter say. lying straight to my face.
"No you talk now she is your mother and I cant stand this family being like this!" Tiffany yells at Addison. I have never seen her so mad before.
"This family has never been this disconnected before and I don't like it" Tiffany says
"Mom I cant help but feel like this whole thing was my fault. I took Chloe to that party I left her alone" she said her eyes welling with tears.
"None of this is your fault honey. it is just good that both of you are still in my life and that is all that matters" I say reinsuring her
I saw Addison eyes get a little bigger from something behind me. I turn around to see what it was. Chloe was standing by the stairs wrapped in a blanket shivering.
"I'm sorry I'm interrupting where is Kaylee" she asked. her tone sounding broken
"No it is ok honey she is in the bathroom" I say pointing towards the bathroom
Chloe starts to knock on the door and the door slowly open and Chloe walks in.
"We all know that both of the girls are starting over. Chloe has to remake herself. Kaylee has to find herself. After this month is over we may all be in the spotlight more than ever and I need to know you all can stay strong for yourself but for both Kaylee and Chloe." I plead
"yes" they all say in unison.
"Lets continue to eat" I say and everyone carries one eating.
Guys I don't know how good this chapter is but I like this one. Don't ask me why because I truly do not know at all. Please like and comment and let me know what you all thinks. I am very sorry I don't update much but it has been so hard to write anything and I'm sorry for that.