Trust Once Broken | SGA John...

By ssjmsjm

177K 8K 3.3K

Kai Zian's life was ruined by the Wraith. With nothing left she had given up hope of ever finding a life beyo... More

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By ssjmsjm

><><

It was late, nearly midnight, but Weir was waiting for them in the jumper bay when they arrived back on Atlantis. John hadn't expected any less. It was a serious operation with a lot of man power. Weir wasn't the type of leader to go to bed when her people might be in danger.

"What happened?" she demanded her arms crossed over her chest.

John sighed. "I'll fill you in," he promised. "Let's meet in your office," he said. Which was code between him and Elizabeth that meant they needed to discuss what happened alone. He glanced back at his team. Every one of them looked exhausted. Kai still hadn't moved from the bench. Weir's eyes cut to her, noting Kai hadn't been in the co-pilots chair. John was sure she was curious about that, but he was hoping to buy himself some time before he had to discuss Kai. The Genii threat would be enough for Elizabeth tonight.

"In the mean time," he turned to Kai.

Kai stiffened, as though she expected him to out her right there in front of everyone. She would certainly deserve it. He had spent the better part of a month feeling like he was insane for doubting her. Turns out there had been a good damn reason his instincts were warning him about her.

Instead, he reached into his flak vest and brought out the data device. "Get to work," he ordered slapping it into her hand with a meaningful look. Kai nodded and slowly stood. She scooped up her laptop and slipped past the others to disappear out the back hatch.

Weir nodded. "I'll meet you up there," she agreed briskly and she left the Major alone with his team.

John sighed and turned back to his team. Teyla knew what had happened, Rodney had seen Kai fight the guards, though he wasn't sure how much McKay would have recognized her abilities for what they were. Ford knew something was happening was Kai, but not the specifics. John was going to have to tell them something, he just wasn't sure what yet.

He had mixed feelings about what he had learned. He needed time to think, and he needed to speak with Kai without an audience. He had some difficult questions that he needed answers to. He looked at the others and scrubbed a hand over his face.

"Get some rest guys," he advised. "We'll debrief in the morning."

"Major," Teyla said stepping towards him.

John held up his hand. "In the morning. It's late. Get some shut eye."

Teyla sucked in a breath, "But what about-"

"In the morning," John said with more authority.

It wasn't often John had to assert his authority over his team, but when he did they all knew it was time to sit up and listen. Teyla pressed her lips together but she nodded in understanding. John's gaze moved over to McKay who also agreed. Then there was Ford. He wouldn't outright ask any of them to keep anything from Weir, but he hoped they would give him enough time to speak with her first.

"Understood Major," Ford agreed and he led the way towards the locker room. They filed after him. Once John was alone he exhaled and scrubbed at his face. He was exhausted. He didn't want to have to do this, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until it was resolved. He needed answers.

><><

The conversation with Elizabeth took the better part of an hour. Most of it would end up in his mission report any way, but it was good to talk it out with her. He ended up apologizing. He had been the one to push for this alliance and it had backfired. In the mean time Bates' team had gone off world and secured a modest but reliable trading partner. He was glad they had even a small amount of food coming in, but it chafed that it hadn't been his team to do it.

He shoved himself to his feet, turning towards the door. "Get some sleep John," she advised.

"Yeah-" he said knowing that wasn't what going to happen.

Weir narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What's going on?" She asked.

John hesitated. Weir, as always, saw straight to the heart of the matter. One of her greatest strengths as a leader was her intuition, there was no point fighting it. "There's something with Zian..." he said running a hand over the back of his neck.

Weir arched her brows. "Something I need to worry about?"

Johns scratched at the back of his neck boyishly. "Not tonight."

Weir narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously but finally nodded. She knew Sheppard well enough to know when he had something on his mind, but it was late and he would come to her when he was ready. Whatever was going on with Kai couldn't be urgent enough for them to stay up any later.

Weir nodded. "Tomorrow then," she agreed.

John stopped by the locker room on his way down to the science labs. He hung up his vest and put his gear away. He ran a hand through his hair. It was already sticking up in strange places and he needed a shower, but first he had to deal with Zian.

He wasn't sure where she would go to work in the middle of the night, but without a better idea he headed down to Zelenka's lab. The doors hissed open. He was a little surprised to find Kai still working. He glanced down at his watch. It was nearly two in the morning.

Kai was sitting at one of the consoles. Her laptop open in front of her. The rhythmic clicking of the keyboard was almost soothing. None of the overhead lights were on, only the glow of the various work stations offered enough light to illuminate her face, the rest was cast in shadows.

Kai had removed the flak vest and jacket, they and the weapons belt he had given her were sitting just inside the door, well out of her reach. The black knife was sheathed in it's spine sheath was also part of the pile. She was down to just the black pants and tight black long sleeved t-shirt. Both of which made it impossible to hide anything. Even her scarf was only draped over the back of her neck and hung loose. She had gone to a lot of effort to make it clear she was unarmed and harmless.

"What do we have?" John asked, stepping past the pile and into the room. He was surprised to find he wasn't mad any more. He was just tired. He wanted to get this sorted out one way or another.

Kai turned her head towards him but hadn't taken her eyes off the screen yet. John had been around McKay working on a project enough to know that he might as well just wait her out. He moved over to the work station and dropped down onto the stool Zelenka normally occupied.

The last weeks he and Kai had grown comfortable around one another. He wouldn't have said they were friends, he didn't think she had any of those and now he knew why, but he had thought they understood one another. Now he realized all of that had been a lie. It bothered him more than it should. The two of them sat in uncomfortable, awkward silence as Kai finished typing.

Finally she lifted her grey eyes to meet his gaze. She looked wary and he thought she had good instincts. "A lot of the information is still encrypted," she said scrolling through what she had. "Zelenka was down here earlier and started a program to decrypt the rest, but it will take most of the night. What we have found is that there are 21 Wraith Hive ships in this quadrant of the galaxy alone."

"Twenty-one?" he asked in surprise. The hives were huge, each containing thousands of Wraith. They would be hard pressed to find the fire power to destroy one Hive ship let alone twenty-plus.

Kai nodded she tapped on the key board, a small frown forming between her eyes. She spun the computer around so he could see the screen. He couldn't read Wraith so most of it meant nothing to him. "I can't say for certain, but there's indications there's more elsewhere."

John stiffened. "How many more?" he asked warily.

"I can't tell you for sure," Kai hedged, taking her computer back. "It's not my program. I can only pull the data and read what's there."

John grunted. He was used to dealing with Rodney who was always more than happy to give an answer with absolute confidence. Kai was more cautious. "Ballpark it for me."

Kai frowned and looked back down at the screen, her eyes scanning over the Wraith. "Maybe sixty...or more," she shrugged.

"You can read Wraith?" He asked after a moment.

Kai shrugged. "Some."

John covered his mouth with his hand and sighed as his mind began racing over the possibilities. "That's a lot of ships," he finally said sardonically.

Kai looked up from the screen to scowl at him in surprise.

John blamed his reaction on exhaustion. He shrugged and offered her a boyish smile. "I guess I just prefer to know what I'm up against," he said but his smile slowly faded as the weight of his words settled into the quiet of the room.

Kai met and held his gaze longer than most people could. John preferred things to be black and white, it was why he did so well in the military. He hated that he felt betrayed. That he had let her become one of them in his mind enough for her lies to bother him. He didn't understand it really, the only thing that should bother him about this situation was whether or not she had betrayed their information.

"I guess I can understand that," Kai finally agreed.

A heavy silence hung between them in the dark of the lab. Sheppard sighed. "Where's Zelenka?" he asked. "Is he coming back tonight?" he didn't want them to be interrupted.

"He went to bed," Kai said quietly. She knew what was coming. Well, that wasn't exactly true. The Major never quite behaved in the way she expected. He could imprison her, or throw her out. Either way she knew this was the end of her time here.

John sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. He didn't want to do this, the fact that it was necessary made his tone snappier than normal. "Look, you lied to get yourself medic help, I don't blame you for that. Hell I probably would have done the same to survive. But you kept lying. I trusted you. Not just at my back but with our peoples safety."

Kai looked down at her hands, nodding. She had done those things and she wouldn't deny them. There was a painful twist in her chest as his words went over her. He was right of course and despite the misgivings he had when she first arrived he had welcomed her.

"So why the lies?" John asked seriously. "Why not tell us what you were capable of? I saw you on that ship and it was pretty impressive."

Kai glanced over at him. She was surprised they were doing this here. She had expected a conference room, or some sort of interrogation room. She licked her lips. Her brain tripped over all of the ways she could lie, twist things around to her advantage. Anything to salvage what she had here. When she looked at the Major, his eyes were grave but not accusing. He was waiting for her, giving her a chance. She owed him the truth.

She took a deep breath, looked up into his hazel eyes and told the truth. "Every instinct I have is telling me to lie, to deceive, to manipulate to do whatever I have to do to get out of this situation."

John sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest as he cocked his head to the side. "Yeah, and then what?"

Kai shrugged. "And then I run." She fought to keep her voice casual, as though the prospect couldn't touch her, but she couldn't help feeling as though the major saw straight through her.

John arched his eyebrows. "And then?"

Kai sighed, hanging her head in defeat. "I keep running, and I never stop."

John's face remained hard and closed. He made sure of that, but he could see the exhaustion in Kai's eyes. It didn't make it any better. It couldn't. She had still lied to them, compromised the safety of the base and every single one of their missions since she had begun working on Atlantis.

"Well in my experience honesty is the best policy," John responded glibly. He paused as he seriously contemplated his next words. He didn't know why, but he wanted to help her. "You tell me the truth right now, we talk to Weir and maybe you don't have to spend the rest of your life running."

Kai snorted in disbelief and scrubbed her hands over her face. "It's all I've ever known until Atlantis..." she said honestly.

When she lowered her hands Sheppard was watching her intently. There was no judgement in his eyes, just an intensity that made her heart beat faster for reasons she couldn't fathom. She recognized she was exhausted and that made her vulnerable. She barely dared to hope someone would actually listen to her.

She drew in a deep breath and nodded. She honestly had nothing to lose. "Why the lies? You heard them, the Mortii are killers and mercenaries. My caste specialized in assassinations. Orders came in and one of us was sent out. We eliminated the target and that was the end of it."

John worked to keep all judgement off his face as he listened to Kai. This was why he wanted to talk to her first. He wasn't sure if Weir could remain impassive in the face of what he was sure was an ugly, bloody history. Nothing short of something horrific could have given Kai the fighting skills he had seen. She reminded him of some of the Spec Ops soldiers he had encountered on the black ops missions he had run in Afghanistan and North Korea. There were some hard questions he was going to have to ask her and he didn't want to ask in front of anyone else. He knew somehow if he showed any reaction to her words she would shut down. She would run and keep running. It felt like an incredible responsibility, and he couldn't help feeling like it should have come down to someone not as inept when it came to emotions.

Kai drew in a breath. "You are the good guys, and last time I checked good guys don't offer people like me a shot at a new life," she looked down at her hands and then back up. "I'm honestly sorry for the lies but I couldn't resist."

John leaned back in his seat. "Couldn't resist what? Infiltrating our defenses? Learning all you could about how to sell us out to the highest bidder?" Sheppard pushed harder than necessary. He didn't want to discourage her from talking, but he needed to see her breaking point. Needed to see what lay under the calm exterior.

Instead of losing her temper a desolate, pained expression crossed her face. "Peace." she said with a ragged breath. "I couldn't resist the chance for peace."

John frowned, her words actually felt like a physical blow. "Peace? I don't-"

"Before I met you, all I had even been exposed to was what my caste taught me. The Mortii are well known in this galaxy commander. And I was one of their best Major Sheppard. Someone like you knows what that means in terms of numbers. My hands are soaked in the blood of the people of this galaxy. I don't expect you to forgive or trust me Major. As you said before-"

John leaned back in his chair as he regarded her. He heard what she was saying, but he knew killers. She wasn't someone who enjoyed the thing she had done and if he didn't stop her now, the guilt was going to eat her alive. "Look, I say a lot of things when I'm upset. The truth of the matter is, Teyla is right. You haven't done anything to hurt us...in fact you've done more than your share to help us. This for example," he said motioning to the drive that lay between them. "You didn't have to agree to come with on this little adventure. You risked not only your life but also exposing your secret. And still you came. Why?" He challenged, lifting his chin slightly.

Kai was wallowing in guilt. But that wouldn't help him figure out if she was safe to stay. He needed to see her actual reactions.

Kai sighed. "Because you asked," she said honestly.

John nodded and shifted his weight in his seat. "Do you even want to stay?" John asked, he motioned to the computer between them. "Knowing this is coming...be honest here. Just you and me."

"I'm not afraid of the Wraith," Kai said, lifting her chin. "And I am done running from them."

John nodded. He had to respect that.

Kai scrubbed at her face. "However, I don't know that I want to stay and have everyone staring at me like I might attack them at any moment," she said shaking her head. "Everything would change."

"Not necessarily for the bad. You could help us," John suggested. "With your skills.." his voice dropped off as a haunted look entered her eyes.

"I can't ever go back to that Major," she said quietly. "My entire life has been violence and blood. I know it's a lot to ask, but I just want to be a mechanic. I would love nothing more than to continue to assist Doctor Zelenka with his projects and help the expedition that way."

The strange urge to protect her stirred in John's chest once again. Only this time there was no target for his feelings. John pressed his lips together in a grim line. "I promise you won't have to ever go back to that. If Weir agrees, you could just stay on Atlantis like you are, as a mechanic. I won't ask you to fight." He paused. "In fact, until things settle down a little I will insist you stay away from the military side of things."

A small smile crossed Kai's face. Being outed in this way made her a major security risk. It would be foolish of the Major to allow her any where near any of their operations, but it was still nice of his to try and make her feel better. "Thank you Major...what are you going to tell Doctor Weir?" she asked gently.

John sat back in his chair and stretched his arms over his head. "The truth, but we will do what we can to keep it on a need to know basis as much as possible. Now, why don't you hit the rack."

Kai froze, scowling at him.

A boyish smile tugged at his face. "Bed, Kai. Go to bed," he over enunciated. "It's late, and if this is only part of the data you'll have a big day tomorrow." John pushed himself to his feet, groaning as he stretched.

The scowl didn't leave Kai's face. "Don't you have more questions?" she asked, her tone making it clear she thought there should be more.

John smirked at her. "I got what I need, and I can assure you, Weir and Bates will cover all the rest."

><><

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