WE'VE REACHED 100 CHAPTERS!!! WHOO-HOO!!! All of you have submitted your ideas AND I'M GOING TO USE ALL OF THEM! :D
Gandalf and I have decided to throw a feast for everyone. Thanks LOTRlover77 for the idea! Welcome to--
Tarwa's 100th Chapter Spectacular!
We called it that?
Yeah!
AWESOME!
Thanks to PurpleBandana for that idea!
➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳
➳ The hobbits are preparing for the party in the Shire. Everything is going well so far.
➳ Tarwa and Merry are ticking off some things on the party list.
Tarwa: Great, we've got everything.
Gollum: EXCEPT A SONGSES!!!
Tarwa: Woah, where did you come from?
Gollum: Mountain of Doomses.
Tarwa and Merry: *look at each other awkwardly*
Gollum: We writes songses for our sister!
Merry: Your SISTER?!
Tarwa: I told you, I'm related to him. *-_-*
Merry: Okaaayyyy...
Tarwa: Did you say a *gulp* song?
Gollum: YES!!!
Tarwa: Umm ... okay then...
Gollum: WE SINGS IT AT THE CELEBRATION!!!
Tarwa: Uhhh ... I don't think--
Gollum: *runs away*
Tarwa: *O_O*
Merry: HAHA! Some feast you're going to have!
Tarwa: *slaps him*
Merry: Geez, so-rry.
Frodo: *runs up to them* TARWA! MERRY! PIPPIN'S GONE WILD!
Tarwa: That's not new.
Frodo: *-_-* Just come see.
➳ One minute later, the three arrive at the Party Tree.
Pippin: *waving magic wand and turning people into mushrooms* MUAHAHAHAHA! YOU WILL ALL BE MY MUSHROOM SLAVES!!!
Tarwa: *-.-*
Pippin: *turns Bilbo into a mushroom* HEHEHEHE!
Gandalf: PIPPIN! TURN THEM BACK!
Pippin: *turns Gandalf into a potato*
Gandalf Potato: *squeaky voice* HEY!
Sam: *walks up* Ah! That's where I left my potato! I'm making chips for the feast tonight! *picks up Gandalf and walks away*
Gandalf Potato: *squeaky voice* No! I'm not a potato, you fool! FLY! FLY!
Pippin: HEHEHEHE!
Tarwa: *sigh*
Bilbo Mushroom: Where did he get that wand?!
Pippin: Everyone who reads our book will know! *turns to readers* C'mon guys! What is it?
Merry: You may or may not--
Readers: UGH! JUST SHUT UP!
Merry: --have become a wizard behind our backs.
Readers: *draw swords*
Merry: I GET BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING!
➳ Two hours later, the party is ready.
Tarwa: HELLO EVERYONE!
Everyone: Hiiii!
Tarwa: Today is our 100th ridiculous adventure!
Everyone: Yaaaaayyyyy!
Tarwa: Tonight, we--
Gollum: *runs onto stage* WE'RE GOING TO SING A SONGSES!
Tarwa: *sigh* Sure, knock yourself out...
Gollum: *sings in a high-pitched voice to the tune of I've Got a Dream from Disney's 'Tangled'*
We really likes raw fishies
'cause they're a delicacy,
but there is something we desire more.
We must have it so, so bad, and now we're very mad!
We must get it back, that's what we swore.
I've got a precious,
yes it is mine!
Just look at its lovely golden writing shine!
But we have to kill the master,
we must take them even faster
to her smelly lair,
and then it's mine!
Tarwa: Wow ... um...
Gollum: Welcome! *hops off stage*
Kíli: YOU CALL THAT A PARODY???
Fíli: Hit it! *music plays*
Dwalin: *jumps on stage*
I'm a thug, scarred and scary.
O! the fright I could give Merry!
Merry: *huff*
Dwalin: But now that I'm here the room needs some air freshener.
Despite my war tattoos, every scar and every bruise,
I've always yearned to be a confectioner!
Tarwa: *utterly confused* I'm sorry?
Balin: Can you see him with a fruitcake or a pastry,
covered in a yummy berry cream?
Though he's not a warfare rookie,
you'll disarm him with a cookie,
'cause way down deep inside he's got a dream!
Tarwa: He's got a dream?
Dwalin: I've got a dream!
See, I ain't so cruel and vicious as I seem.
Though I do like breaking femurs...
Merry: *O.o*
Dwalin: ...you can count me with the dreamers.
Like everybody else, I've got a dream!
Kíli: Yeah! *jumps in front if Dwalin*
I don't have a beard like the others,
or a moustache like my brother's.
Fíli: And let's not even mention his complexion!
Kíli: But despite our grudge with Elves,
Fíli: And our uncle's bitter tales...
Kíli: I really want to make a love connection!
Fangirls: *swoon*
Tarwa: What?
Kíli: Can you see me with a special Elven lady,
rowing by the starlight down the stream?
Dwalin: You're the black sheep of our race--
Kíli: So she won't like my face?
'Cause way down deep inside I've got this dream!
Dwarves: *all jump on stage*
He's got a dream!
He's got a dream!
Kíli: And I know one day romance will reign supreme!
Though I leave all fangirls screaming,
there's a child behind it dreaming.
Like everybody else I've got a dream!
Dwarves: Ori'd like to quit and be a florist.
Dori does interior design.
Bofur is a mime.
Dwalin's cupcakes are sublime!
Fíli knits,
Kíli sews,
Gloin does little fashion shows...
Tarwa: WHAT?!
Dwarves: And Bombur likes to eat at Balin's restaurant!
Frodo: No kidding.
Thorin: *trying to walk by unnoticed*
Bilbo Mushroom: What about you, Thorin?
Thorin: *cringe*
Bilbo Mushroom: What's your dream?
Thorin: Sorry burglar, I don't sing.
Tarwa: Awww but Thorin! It's Disney! *pouts*
Thorin: *sigh* I've got...
...dreams like you, no, really!
Just much less touchy-feely.
They usually involve killing a dragon.
I'll mount his head upon spear,
if that ugly worm draws near,
and then we'll drink the ale by the flagon!
Elrond: He'll need a pretty big spear...
Dwarves: *start being dwarves messing up the tables*
Bilbo Mushroom: I've got a dream!
I've got a dream!
I just want to see my plates are whole and clean. *nearly gets stepped on a million times*
As this evening is unfolding, I do hope you're gone by morning!
Like all you ugly folks, I've got a dream!
Dwarves: He's got a dream!
We've got a dream!
So our differences aren't really that extreme!
WE'RE ONE BIG TEEEEEAAAAAMMM!!!!!!
Bilbo Mushroom: Pfft.
Dwalin: Call us brutal--
Kíli: HOT!
Thorin: --majestic.
Ori: And grotesquely optimistic!
Dwarves: 'Cause way down deep inside we've got a dream!
Oin: I've got a dream...
Nori: I've got a dream...
Dori: I've got a dream...
Dwarves: 'CAUSE WAY DOWN DEEP INSIDE--
Legolas: LEGOLAS IS AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!! YAY!!!!
Dwarves: *-_-* You ruined it.
Legolas: But I AM awesome...
Tarwa: *claps*
Fangirls: *fangirl*
Tarwa: MARVELLOUS! You made that just for our party?
Kíli: It was inspired by PeckishOwl's parody on Deviantart, but we pretty much made it our own.
Tarwa: *gets up on stage again* Well, we have another thing to celebrate today as well...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILBO AND FRODO!!!!!!! It's September 22nd and worldwide Hobbit Day! This week is also Tolkien week!!!!!!!! YAY!
Everyone: Yay!
MadiB79: *holds up microphone* TARWA! OVER HERE!
Tarwa: What are you doing with a microphone?
MadiB79: I just so happen to be a reporter!
kittygirlmoo: Me too!
MadiB79: We have a few questions for you!
Tarwa: I'm scared. *O.o*
MadiB79: Tell us about how you found Lord of the Rings and fell in love with it and some of your best memories of it.
Tarwa: Oh! Well, that's a nice question. But, umm ... you won't like the answer...
Everyone: *look at each other, confused*
Tarwa: The truth is ... I haven't actually been a Tolkien fan for that long. I only became a fan when An Unexpected Journey came out. *cries*
Everyone: ................
Pippin: *laughs* Seriously?! AWKWARD!
Tarwa: Thanks Pip. *-_-*
Pippin: Tell us more embarrassing facts so that I may humiliate you in front of the whole world. *evil grin*
Tarwa: *sigh* It all started a long, long, LOOOOOOOOONG, long, loooong, LOOOOOOO--
Merry: Time ago? *-_-*
Tarwa: Yup! I remember when ads for The Lord of the Rings Extended Edition were on TV. I was about five years old... *flashback to when Tarwa was a five-year-old*
Gandalf (in Sam's pot): Oh great. I love flashbacks.
Tarwa: Me too!
Gandalf: There's something called sarcasm. *-_-*
Sam: Hush, po-ta-to! *smacks him with wooden spoon*
Tarwa: Anyway... *flashback* I was about five years old and an ad for The Lord of the Rings Extended Edition came on TV. All I can remember was seeing Gollum and immediately not liking it because it looked scary.
Legolas: Little did she know that Gollum was her brother. *XD*
Tarwa: I'm still angry at you for that.
Legolas: *looks pleased*
Tarwa: Anyway, my dad was watching the ad with me and he said that he'd love for me to watch it someday. He said it was very good, but I told him, "No. I don't want to ever watch it. It looks scary." And Dad's like, "You don't have to watch it if you don't want to, but you might enjoy it when you're a little older," and I said, "No, I'm never going to watch it."
Pippin: *laughs head off*
Tarwa: Yup, it's true!
kittygirlmoo: Who convinced you to watch it?
Tarwa: *shouts so loud that Caradhras falls apart* hobbitfan12!!! THANK YOU hobbitfan12 FOR INTRODUCING ME TO LORD OF THE RINGS FORWARD SLASH THE HOBBIT FORWARD SLASH WATTPAD!!!
hobbitfan12: *slaps her*
Bilbo Mushroom: Geez! Can you talk any louder?
Tarwa: *in an even LOUDER voice* YEAH, I CA--
Everyone: *slaps her*
Tarwa: Stop slapping me! Anyway, without her I wouldn't have watched The Lord of the Rings OR The Hobbit. EVER. She also introduced me to Wattpad! Without her, there would be no Tarwa Redwood!
Everyone: *cheer for hobbitfan12*
kittygirlmoo: I've got a question! Tell us how Merry and Pippin--
Merry: NO MORE QUESTIONS FOR US, THANK YOU! *grabs Pippin and runs away*
Everyone: *confused*
kittygirlmoo: Umm ... I was gone say tell us how Merry and Pippin came to live with you and write stories with you.
Tarwa: Well, they don't live with me (thank goodness for that!), but they one day just appeared right there in front of me and told me they were unicorns. And then I fainted because two unicorns had just spoken to me! *O_O* HOW CREEEEEEPY!
Everyone: *-_-*
Tarwa: Well, the unicorns must've left sometime when I was unconscious because when I woke up I saw Merry and Pippin. And I fainted.
Everyone: *stand there awkwardly*
Tarwa: CAN YOU IMAGINE MEETING SOMEONE FROM MIDDLE-EARTH?!
Gimli: Ummm ... Tarwa? We are ALL from Middle-earth.
Tarwa: *faints*
Gimli: *sighs*
Aragorn: *splashes water on her*
Tarwa: *doesn't budge*
Aragorn: .......
Gandalf Potato: *splashes water on her*
Tarwa: *nothing*
Bilbo Mushroom: *stomps on her* WAKE UP!
Tarwa: *pushes him off* *sits up* You dummies! *dramatically* ONLY TRUE LOVE'S KISS CAN BREAK THE SPELL! *looks at Pippin* *passes out again*
Gandalf Potato: FINE! If I have to...
Tarwa: NOT YOU!!! You know what, just forget it. *stands up*
Smaug: *towers over the Shire* *sky turns dark* MY WINGS ARE A HURRICANE!!!
Tarwa: *dusting herself off* Nice to know. Now, when's dinner?
Smaug: I AM FIRE!!! I AM DEEEAAAAATTTTHHHH!!!
Théoden: DEEEEAAAAATTTTTHHHH!!!
Éowyn: DEEEEAAAAATTTTTHHHH!!!
Merry: DEEEEAAAAATTTTTHHHH!!!
Tarwa: LIIIIIIIIIFFFFEEEEE!!!
Everyone: *-_-*
Tarwa: What?
Smaug: No! You can't all be death! I AM DEATH!
Bard: *casually shoots Smaug*
Tarwa: *O_O*
Bard: Dude, I just saved your life!
Tarwa: YOU JUST KILLED SMAUG!!!
Bard: ...yeah?
Tarwa: I COULD'VE USED HIM TO TAKE OVER MIDDLE-EARTH!
Sam: You want to take over Middle-earth?!
Tarwa: Duhh.
Sam: What the...?!
Tarwa: BEHOLD THE ONE SHOELACE TO RULE THEM ALL! *holds up dirty shoelace*
Sam: .....
Tarwa: YOU ARE ALL BELOW ME, PEASANTS! DIE NOOOOOWWWWW!!!
Everyone: *yawn*
Tarwa: *-_-* I'm trying my best here.
Merry: *suddenly bursts out laughing*
Everyone: *O_O*
Merry: *holds up Tarwa's phone so that everyone can see* I was just reading some of the comments on this! Haha! Genius!
Everyone: LEMME SEEEEE!!!!
Tarwa: How the heck did you get my phone?
Merry: There are really funny comments here...
Tarwa: Oh yeah, like that time when MadiB79 and dreamescape07 put Bolg's hands in the toaster ... ugh, that couldn't have ended well...
MadiB79 and dreamescape07: *laugh evilly*
Tarwa: Thank you everyone who has made my day with wonderful and funny comments throughout this book!
Everyone: *bow*
Tarwa: Speaking of amazing comments, I'd like to mention some absolutely AMAZING people.
Gandalf (now a potato chip): Oh boy, here we go...
Tarwa: Firstly, I'd like to thank EVERYONE who has followed me or is reading this book. It means the world to me and--
Legolas: Ugh, all I hear is, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, LEGOLAS IS FABULOUS."
Tarwa: I did NOT call you fabulous.
Legolas: But you were thinking it.
Tarwa: Haha, NO.
Fangirls: WE WERE THINKING IT!
Tarwa: Secondly, I'd like to thank the following people for being amazing friends. Some I've known since the beginning! Don't worry if you're not on here, I'm sure I'll make LOTS of new amazing friends after I publish this chapter. I'm really sorry if your name isn't here, I wish I could mention all of you because you're all wonderful! By the way, these are in no particular order.
I'd like to thank...
AND YOOOOOUUUU!!!
And I'm SURE I've forgotten someone...
But oh well!
Sam: *chomps on potato chip* That's a lot of people...
Everyone: *gasps in horror*
Sam: What?
Merry: HE ATE GANDALF!!!!!
Sam: Oops.
Gandalf: No he didn't.
Everyone: What?
Gandalf: Pippin changed me again. I'm no longer a potato chip.
Everyone: Yes Pippin!
Gandalf: I am now a ring.
Everyone: *ducks under tables*
Gollum: PRECIOOOOOUUUUSSSS!!! *eats Gandalf Ring*
Everyone: *O_O*
Gollum: NOW NO ONE CAN GET MY PRECIOUS!!!
OUR PRECIOUS!!!
NO ONE CARES!!!
AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!
*falls off cliff*
Everyone: .......
......
......
......
......
......
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!
*massive applause*
Bilbo Mushroom: Pippin! Change me back so that I have hands to clap with!
Pippin: Ooh! A mushroom! Yum! *chomp*
Bilbo Mushroom: *being digested* WORST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.
➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳
So I hope you enjoyed, my lovelies! HAPPY HOBBIT DAY AND TOLKIEN WEEK!!!
Thank you all for being SO amazing and supportive. You guys are THE BEST!!! I honestly can't thank you enough. 18K READS!!! WHAT?! YAAAASSSS!!! THANK YOU!!!
Oh, by the way, that parody the dwarves sang? The original version can be found on Deviantart. The dwarves changed it quite a bit for the party. Thank you Middle_Earth_ for suggesting they do a parody! By the way, if you want to see the original version, I'll give you link.
LOVE YOU ALL!
Love, Tarwa