Ryden Oneshots

By t1axdd

306K 7.7K 13.6K

There's quite a bit of smut so if you are uncomfortable, don't read this :) *!THERE IS A SECOND ONESHOT BOOK... More

Fake Plastic Trees
By Small and Simple Things (1)
By Small and Simple Things (2)
Moving Portraits of Two Boys
Oranges
Hand On Your Arm
Will Eventually Mend
Twenty First
Off The Record
Popsicles, Huh?
Open Wide
(Good In Bed But) Better With Chopsticks
Days Gone By - 1
Days Gone By - 2
Chutes and Ladders
Remember The C Shot
Tweet, Tweet
The Winner Takes It All
The Rules
The One Where They Work In A Dairy Queen
Sushi For Beginners
Eurora
Sense Of Touch
TAGRILYWTBH,YJHTOIT
Mouth To Mouth
In Which Brendon Has Anger Management Problems And Ryan Doesn't Help
Purple Is Not A Christmas Color
This Is Halloween
All Along
Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Basket
Flying Just Like
Make My Wish Come True
Bad Habit
Baboons and the Quest for the Last Pop Tart
Brendon Urie: President of the Pete Wentz Un-Fan Club
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Life
Conflicted
Came Back With Flags On Coffins And Said "We Won"
Nobody Nose
I'll Have My Cake (And Eat It, Too)
A Mitten Love Story
By Super, I Mean You
The Magical Quest of Finding the Most Glorious Christmas Tree
Mommies Wear Yellow
Orange You Glad I Saved You From The Piranha-nas?
Xenodochy
Out With His Wisdom Teeth!
Like A Magic 8 Ball, But You Can Only Ask One Question
Serial Killers Don't Vibrate
Carnival
Carving Out Our Names
Automatic Joy
Twisted
Cheesy Pick-up Lines And Elderly Matchmakers
Switch!
What A Pity That It Is (To Write You In A Song)
My Christmas
Attack of the Blue Flu or How Ryan Helped Brendon Save Christmas
As Dreamers Do
Innocence (In A Sense)
My Body Doesn't Turn That Way (Right Hand:Yellow)
Brendon Urie And The Pants Monster
These Substandard Motels
86,400 Chances
I'll Be At The Cabin For Our Christmas
It's All Okay When I Say, "You And I"
Bright Copper Non-Sunsets
Beach Boy
The Theory Of Infaturation
If The Moon's A Balloon
It's Not Repression, It's Denial
I, Robot
Love In A Letterbox
But In Time
Mile High Club
Pink Hoodies, Rain, and Voldemort
Crumbs
Stairway To Heaven
Untitled
Pink Glitter
Purple Nail Polish
Years Before Important
You Came Into My Life And Now I Want You To Stay
My Emerald City
A Kiss For Luck, Submerge Myself
Breaking
@replies
Dream A Little Dream (1)
Dream A Little Dream (2)
How Did I Fall In Love With You?
Today's The Day
Rubber Ducky You Are The One
You & Your Hand
Easter Eggs And Birthday Wishes
False Advertisements
Office Of Love
The Importance of Changing the Fish Water
The Friction In Your Amazingly Well-Designed Pants
He Watches The Ships That Come Sailing
The One Where Brendon Does Not Turn Into A Bunny
Pretty Ain't A Job
20 Little Random Moments
The Scavenger Hunt
TAGRTVWFUHYJHRIY
But Where Do The Nuns Come In?
Dear Catastrophe Waiter
The Wal-Mart Story
No One Is Ever Gonna Love You More Than I Do
Irrevocably Combined
But Sweeter
Reacharound
Crawling Vines
Handcuffs
You Don't Need A Valentine To Get Chocolate On Valentine's Day
Simon Says
Bananas
Can't Buy Me Love
This Is Fate
Before Midnight
Cupid's Chokehold Is Stronger Than His Bow And Arrow
Twisted Peppermint
Conversations With Dead People
Kiss And Tell
Ryan Ross The Sad Robot
Third Street
The Menu EntrΓ©e
So Apparently I'm Going To Hell
Tabula Rasa
Seven Minutes
Dynamic Melody
Scribbles And Butterflies
Pick Up The Pieces
Just A Teenage Douchebag, Baby
The White Noise Beneath Your Skin
Don't You Know I Love You (When You're Down And Dirty)
When Worse Comes To Worse, Go To The Whore Of The School
Whiskey Lullaby
A Little More Touch Me
A is for Adultery, B is for Brendon
That Time When Positive Hardcore Thursday Went Horribly Wrong
Ryan Plus Mormons Equals Big Love
Combustion
Kindle
Silly Rabbit
Just Go With The Magic Baby
Can I Have Your Number?
Life's Like This
Brendon Urie: Dreamer Extraordinaire
Here Be Dragons
It's Always Cloudy
With Extra Foam
Little Did He Know
Four
Love Letters In The Age Of Txt Speak
What He Had
Hints
Virgin Girl Friday
Porphyria's Lover
Finders Keepers (It's The Law)
And Genie!
Just The Same
How Naptime Can Go Horribly Right
Common Circuitry Problems
Pete Wentz: The Drum Major From Hell
Wooden Skin
Paper Jam
The Birthday One Shot
Sodapop
Sleepover Princes Vs. Goodnight Girls
Just A Dash Of Fairy-maldehyde [1]
Just A Dash Of Fairy-maldehyde [2]
Peengate '07
Tickled Pink
Once Upon A Disney Fic
The One Where Brendon Kills His Fish And Ryan Makes It Better
Rose Is A Four-Letter Word
Candyboy
Shake It Up
I Think I Feel In Flowers
Maybe
Louder Than Echoes
Big Gestures Usually End With You Flat On Your Ass
In A Telescope Lens (When All You Want Is Friends)
Spencer Smith is Not a Vampire! ...Right?
Silly Scented Markers
Aliens In America
Baisers A La Creme
Honey And Lemon
From A Pretty Mouth
Hot Hot Heat
The Sinful Burn
To A Man's Heart
33 Vertebrae And A Spinal Cord
Ryan Walks Into A Wardrobe
Exchanging Body Heat
All I Want Is You Tonight
Guide Me Home
Lay Us Down... We're In Love
You Are Alive /info N Stuff <3

Compatibility Is For Lovers

1.4K 37 94
By t1axdd

Ryan groans the second he steps into the building. He puts in his headphones and turns on his IPod, blasting it too loud.

The first thing anyone can see upon entering the school building is a huge banner announcing a dumb fundraiser the Student Council are putting on.

The sign says the results are in on a mandatory compatibility test everyone took about a month ago. Something about having a date for Valentines day. Ryan rolls his eyes as he walks to his locker.

“So,” Spencer says leaning against the wall of lockers next to Ryan. “You gunna buy your results?” He asks. That’s how the school is getting money from their students, the only way to get your results is to buy them.

“I don’t care about a bunch of girls I’m compatible to.” Ryan replies as he pulls books out of his backpack and tosses them into his locker.

Spencer and Ryan begin to walk towards the library when Spencer says, “You know you can get results for your most compatible guys too, right?”

“Yeah but I really don’t want to be that guy. Nope I’m not gunna do it.” Ryan tells the younger teen as they turn a corner.

“But Valentine's is this weekend. You’ll be all alone.” Spencer continues, they enter the library and find their way to the table Jon and Brendon are sitting at.  

“Dude, I don’t care. I’m alone right now too, and I’m not wallowing in self pity and despair.” Ryan says as he takes a seat.

“Wow, really upbeat morning conversations going on.” Jon comments with a roll of his eyes.

Ryan ignores him. “And besides, Brendon’s alone too and he’s not going to look at the results. Right Brendon?” Ryan turns to the boy in question.

“Nah. Seems kinda lame. Ryan has a point, Spencer.” Brendon nods. Spencer rolls his eyes and Jon snorts.

“Oh big surprise, Brendon’s agreeing with Ryan.” Spencer mumbles, making Jon laugh.

“You know,” Brendon says crossing his arms. “Making fun of your friends isn’t a good way to keep them.”

“Yeah, well-” Spencer’s reply is cut off by the bell ringing. Everyone in the library rises, grabbing their stuff and shuffling out the door.

The four say goodbye as Spencer and Jon go in one direction, and Brendon and Ryan go in the other.

“Are you doing anything this weekend?” Brendon asks.

“Probably nothing. I work, like, all day tomorrow.” Ryan says hushed, the teacher has started reading the daily announcements from the front of the classroom.

“What about Sunday?” Brendon pulls out a notebook.

“You want to hang out on Valentine's day?” Ryan laughs a little, looking at Brendon.

“Oh c’mon, Ry. It’s not gay if we say ‘no homo’ afterwards.” The girl sitting in front of them turns around to give them a weird look. Brendon smiles at her, Ryan just stares down at his desk.

For the rest of the period Ryan ignores Brendon, pretending to listening to the teacher talk on about Macbeth. Out of the corner of his eye Ryan watches Brendon doodle on the side of his notebook. He draws a picture of a boy that looks suspiciously close Ryan.

Ryan looks back up to the teacher, fighting off a smile.


The lunch table Ryan sits at is so full that most the people who sit there have to drag chairs from other tables just to have a spot to sit. Most days they get in trouble for it and a teacher forces over half of them to move to other tables.

“Sooo,” Pete drags out the word. “What’s everybody doing for Valentine's?”

“Me and Cass are gunna go watch a movie.” Vicky speaks up first, looking up from the phone she hides under the table.

“Hey, I was gunna watch something with Frank. We should double.” Gerard says to her. She smiles and nods as they make their plans.

The whole table shares what they’re doing; Spencer’s going out with Linda, Jon’s working then hanging out with Cassie. Pete is going to force Patrick to hang out with him, Gabe and Erin and going to dinner. The entire table has plans and Ryan just kinda wants to turn invisible.

“Ryan, what are you doing?” Gabe asks him.

“Nothing.” Ryan shrugs, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. “Probably just gunna hang out with Brendon.” Who isn’t at the lunch table at the moment, Brendon spilled Gatorade all over his shirt earlier and decided to go home to change during lunch.

Everyone nods and ‘oh’s, then turn back to their own conversations. Spencer and Jon continue to look at Ryan, though.

“As friends, Jesus.” Ryan insists. So what if Ryan used to have a crush on Brendon in their Freshmen year. Emphasis on ‘used to.’

“Alright, just promise me you’ll use protection. I’m too young to be a grandmother.” Spencer says while opening a bag of Chex Mix.

“You just called yourself my mom for the sake of a joke.” Ryan stares at Spencer confused, Jon barks out a laugh beside them.

“It was worth it.” Spencer smiles, Ryan glares back at him.

“Oh, fuck me. When did you get so good at this?” Brendon complains after losing another round of Halo.

“I’ve always been good. You’re just getting worse.”

“Yeah right. I bet you’ve been practicing just to beat me.” He accuses Ryan. Rolling his eyes, Ryan goes to un-pause the game before Brendon says, “Wait.” Ryan turns to Brendon, they’re both laying flat on their stomachs, heads at the foot of the bed. Brendon gets up and goes to where his coat lies by the bedroom door. He comes back with two envelopes.

“What are those?” Ryan asks, sitting up. Brendon sits back down and hands Ryan an envelope with his name on it.

“So I know we said that the compatibility tests are lame. But I thought at the least, we could laugh at our results.” Brendon explains. Ryan looks back down at the envelope, his name written in cursive on the front.

“I don’t care about a bu-” Ryan starts with the same thing he told Spencer on Friday, until Brendon cuts him off.

“A bunch of girls you’re blah blah blah. Yeah I know. That’s why I got the list of guys you’re compatible to.” Brendon smiles sweetly. Ryan just stares. “C’mon Ry, it’ll be hilarious.” Brendon sticks out his bottom lip slightly and Ryan caves.

“How did you get my results?” Ryan asks one last question, to get the results you need a student ID to prove you are who you say you are.

“Haylee broke the rules for me.” Brendon shrugs one shoulder.

“Alright. Fine, we’ll open them at the same time.” Ryan looks to Brendon, he just nods and the two boys go to rip open the envelopes.

Ryan doesn’t know who he would have to guess as his most compatible guy. It could be anybody in any grade. He unfolds the paper he took out of the envelope. The top of the paper reads Ryan’s full name and grade. Under that is a list of the ten most compatible guys in school for him.

Before Ryan looks at his most compatible, he looks up to Brendon who is scanning his own sheet, eyes flying down the page. “Who’s your first?” Ryan asks. Brendon looks up, eyes wide.

“You first.” Brendon says. Ryan looks down and actually reads off the first name. Then he reads it about five more times. Making sure his eyes are seeing correctly.

Ryan clears his throat. “I asked you first. Who is it?” Because Ryan definitely doesn’t want to share his most compatible guy.

“Jon is my third most compatible. That’s funny, right?” Brendon says, forcing out a laugh. Ryan cocks his head, eyes narrow in confusion, then he quickly reaches out and snatches away Brendon’s list.

“Hm.” Is all Ryan says while reading Brendon’s list. Then, without a word Ryan hands over both papers to Brendon. He reads Ryan’s paper and utters a small ‘oh.’

They sit in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, then Brendon says, “Welp, happy Valentines day.” Ryan snorts, then after a few moments he starts to laugh harder. Lying his back onto the bed, still laughing, Ryan’s head leans into the pillow. All Ryan can think about is how fucking ironic it is.

He quits laughing and Brendon lays down on the bed beside him. Ryan turns his head to meet the warm brown eyes laying next to him. They stay like that for Ryan doesn’t know how long, only a few inches apart. Brendon closes his eyes and Ryan doesn’t know why he does it, maybe its because that’s what would happen next in any RomCom ever, maybe it’s because it’s something Ryan’s wanted to do for almost three years.

Ryan squeezes his eyes shut before pushing forward slightly, pressing his lips to the unsuspecting boy next to him. For a few agonizing seconds Brendon is unresponsive until he melts into it. He lifts a hand to the side of Ryan’s neck, turning his body towards Ryan.

He tries to categorize what kissing Brendon is like. It’s one of the best kisses he’s ever had, though Ryan hasn’t made out with many people. The kiss is soft and warm, like a cool breeze on a summer day. But at the same time it gives off the amount of adrenaline tight rope walkers would get when there’s no net beneath them.

Exciting. Enticing. It feels right.

Ryan pulls back a little away from the kiss and looks into Brendon’s eyes. Brendon licks his lips, furrowing his eyebrows together in confusion. And Ryan thinks of a million things to say and or do. He should apologize. He should ask if that was okay. He should back very far away from Brendon. He should apologize. He should kiss Brendon again.

Which is what he does.

Ryan pushes Brendon's shoulder, moving Brendon flat on his back so Ryan can straddle his hips. Brendon’s hands fly up to Ryan’s waist, moving them up under his shirt. Ryan reconnects their lips, feeling stupid for stopping in the first place.

He feels his dick get hard Ryan wonders what the boundaries are, where is going to far. Brendon must read his thoughts because he grabs Ryan’s hips and brings them down to meet his own, causing enough friction for Brendon to moan into Ryan’s mouth.

Ryan doesn’t know how long he’ll last. With Brendon’s crotch rubbing against his own now fully hard dick. And the noises coming from Brendon that are so hot that Ryan could probably cum from just listening to him.

Brendon’s hips start moving even more hurriedly, Brendon whispers out, “Jesus C-Christ, Ry. I’m-” The rest of his sentence breaks into a long drawn out moan, Brendon’s head falling back onto the pillow. Eyes squeezed shut.

His hips keep rocking up against Ryan’s, and it all becomes too much for Ryan. The sight of Brendon orgasming under him pushes Ryan over the edge. He leans his head down and bites on Brendon’s exposed neck, his toes curl and Ryan sees sparks behind his eyelids, he breathes in and out harshly against the soft skin.

Their movements slow until Ryan is lying still on top of Brendon, evening out their breathing. Ryan lifts up slightly, hovering over Brendon. He opens his mouth to say something, anything until he feels a vibrating under his leg.

“That’s my phone.” Brendon says quietly. Ryan nods before rolling off of the younger teen, he watches as Brendon reads the text message. Brendon’s eyes widen and he sits up quickly. “Shit, shit. It’s ten o’clock. My mom’s gunna kill me, I have to go.”  Ryan sits up too and stares as Brendon leaves the bed, grabbing his jacket off the floor and putting it on.

“You’re kidding.” Ryan feels stupid for making a move and now they can’t even talk about it. He wonders if that’s a good thing or not.

“I’m so sorry.” Brendon walks back up to the bed to where Ryan sits on his knees. For a moment, Brendon is a little hesitant before leaning down to place a chaste kiss on Ryan’s lips. Nothing more than a peck. “I swear we’ll talk about this tomorrow. I’ll see you at school, okay?” Brendon sounds a little nervous himself. Ryan just nods his head, breathing a little easier.

“Yeah, okay.” After a moment of them just staring at each other Ryan adds, “I’ll walk you to the door.”

The short walk is silent and awkward. Once they get to the door, Ryan opens it for Brendon. He looks out to see Brendon’s car next to his own. His father’s out Ryan doesn’t know where.

“So, um, goodnight.” Ryan says. Brendon smiles and nods, then walks out the door to his car.


After Ryan took a very long hot shower, he lays bed for about an hour and a half, not sleeping, when he gets a call from Spencer.

“How was your night?” Ryan asks without saying hello.

“Nice. We drove out of the city around ten to see the stars. I just got home. What about you and Brendon?” He asks.

“What about me and Brendon?” Ryan asks back defensively. The second after he says it Ryan realizes what Spencer meant. “I mean. Fine. Fine. We ordered some pizza and I kicked his ass in Halo.”

“Okay?” He says a little skeptically. They both say nothing for a few seconds, until Spencer asks, “Dude, you just spent Valentines with Brendon and you have nothing to say? What’s up?”

“Nothing. And I already told you. We just played video games.” Ryan feels weird lying to Spencer. So he caves. “...And then we kindofsortofmadeout” He rushes out his sentence.

“You ‘kind of sort of’ what?” Spencer sounds shocked, but Ryan knows Spencer knows what he said.

“Made out.” He repeats himself, deciding that Spencer wouldn’t appreciate full details.

“Wha- How?” Spencer stutters out.

“I think you’re old enough to know how to make out.” Ryan says sarcastically.

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know, Spence. It just. Happened.” Ryan stops to think. “He brought over both of our compatibility results. And he was my top result. I was his top result. And then I kissed him.” He summarizes.

“Wow.” Spencer says over the line.

“Yeah.” Ryan replies.

They talk for a little while longer before Ryan says he  needs to go to sleep.


The next day at school Ryan and Brendon sit in their first period class. The teacher is lecturing on and on but Ryan hasn’t been paying attention to a single word of it. He notices Brendon rip out a sheet of paper and write something down, then he slides it across his desk and in front of Ryan.

‘Hi’ is written on the sheet.

‘Hey’ then Ryan slides the paper back.

‘about last night…’ Brendon doesn’t look at Ryan when he moves the paper.

‘If you wanna forget it happened thats okay.’ Ryan puts down on the paper, not knowing what else to say.

‘I don’t want that.’ Brendon replies. Ryan smiles down at the paper in front of him.

‘Me neither.’ And Ryan slides the paper back again, but this time Brendon fold the paper in half and slides it into his note book. He then grabs another piece of paper and writes something down.

‘Will you be my boyfriend? Circle Yes or No’  followed by a heart.

Ryan has to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. He almost feels like circling no just because it’s so cheesy. He circles yes, though, and looks at Brendon as he passes the note. Brendon looks down at the paper and Ryan watches a wide smile spread across Brendon’s features.


At lunch Ryan and Brendon sit next to each other, Spencer doesn't know about what happened in first period but he looks between the two and makes an educated guess.

Ryan ignores Spencer and asks Brendon quietly, so only he can hear. “Did you want to tell everyone?”

Jon, who happens to overhear the question, loudly inputs, “Tell everyone what?” Which gets the attention of the entire table. Brendon and Ryan simultaneously glare at Jon, then they look around at the table.

“Um…” Ryan says, Brendon then grabs Ryan’s hand, twining their fingers together, and holds their hands up to show the table.

Ryan isn’t sure what he was expecting. But he knows for sure it wasn’t the reaction that they got.

“Fucking finally,” Pete says,

“I was beginning to think it would never happen.” Nate rolls his eyes.

“No one saw that coming.” Alex shakes his head.

The entire lunch table all chorus in a few ‘like, seriously’s and someone says “I thought you guys were already together?”  

All in all, it’s kind of anticlimactic. Brendon looks at Ryan with wide eyes, Ryan just shrugs and laughs a little. Their hands rest on the table, fingers loosely intertwined.


“Grif is totally  the best character.” Brendon argues.

“Oh fuck you, Church is the best. Without him Red Vs. Blue would be, like, pointless.” Ryan fights back. The two were studying, neither is really sure how they got into this argument.

“Yeah, exactly. Because Church went back in time he like totally screwed all of them over.” The two sit on Ryan’s bed, textbooks and papers shoved to the edge of the bed.

“He’s still better than Grif, who literally does nothing.” Ryan knows that this could go on for a while. He cuts off whatever Brendon was going to fight back with by kissing Brendon.

Brendon gives a small surprised noise before wrapping a hand around Ryan’s neck. Ryan smiles slightly, glad that he can finally kiss Brendon whenever he feels like it. Can hold Brendon’s hand and cuddle with him and do all of the other disgustingly cute couple-y stuff that Ryan would never admit to actually wanting to do.

In the corner of the bedroom, on Ryan’s desk, lay two compatibility test results. Ryan thinks that maybe those tests aren’t so lame.

Continue Reading

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