Sense of Touch
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Summary:
Brendon and Ryan turn into otters, but that's just the beginning of the problem.
They play a small show in Santa Cruz before their new album drops and they have a couple of days just to hang around before they start touring for real. It's Brendon who is all enthusiastic about seeing otters.
"They're so cute!" Brendon exclaims to Jon. "Like swimming cats!"
"They're so graceful and poetic," he describes to Ryan.
"Please please please?" he begs of Spencer.
Brendon, to no one's surprise, gets his way.
The otters really are very cute, and even though their guide tells them very sternly not to, both Brendon and Ryan sneak their hands out to pet them.
Brendon and Ryan end up being turned into otters and put in a zoo.
How it happens is, the morning after visiting the otters, Spencer goes to get Ryan and Brendon from their hotel room and two sleek otters slip out instead. Before Spencer has much of a chance to do anything at all, a hotel maid is screaming "Dios mio!" and security is swarming.
By the time Spencer has managed to hiss to Jon, "I think those two otters are Ryan and Brendon!" the zoo has been called and Brendon and Ryan are being carted away in cages.
Spencer can't help thinking about how sad they looked, eyes downcast, noses pointed towards the ground. It's just not natural, otters looking unhappy.
******
Being an otter's actually kind of cool. Brendon likes swimming, and he's already been fed twice since the pretty lady zookeeper took them out of the cages. Plus there are people with their faces pressed against the glass looking at him all the time. It's kind of like being a rockstar, only better. He tries to point this out to Ryan, who still looks thoroughly miserable, but all that comes out are whistles and whines.
Well, okay, maybe that part of being an otter kind of sucks.
Eventually, Ryan gets sick of climbing uncomfortably over fake rocks in the habitat and slips into the water. Or at least, Brendon thinks that's what happens, since, you know, he can't actually talk to him.
Brendon works his tail a little bit and manages to float over next to Ryan. Ryan's not even trying to have a good time, just floating emo-ly. So Brendon does what any good friend does to an over-emotional angst-ridden songwriter: he leans over and takes Ryan's hand. And, okay, they're otters, so Brendon kind of overbalances a little and gets a mouthful of water, but then he manages to bump his paw up next to Ryan's. It's not a great grip, but Ryan kind of curves his paw over Brendon's, so it works.
"Are they holding hands?" Brendon hears a pre-teen girl squeal. It sounds for all the world like the "Did they just kiss?" squeals they got on their last tour.
Ryan lets out a kind of breathy whistle and Brendon chooses to believe he's laughing.
******
Spencer doesn't know how to explain to anyone that Brendon and Ryan are otters. He's kind of shocked that Jon believes him, but Jon just shrugs and says, "I've heard weirder things."
Spencer remembers that Jon's known Pete Wentz and Bill Beckett for a long time, and, yeah, he probably has heard weirder.
They make their way to the zoo after breakfast and Spencer plays the bitchy rockstar card, demanding a private tour. They spend 37 years meeting the zoo's world-famous gorilla and finally Jon says to their guide, "I gotta be honest, man, my friend here really wants to see your otters, he's just too embarrassed to say."
The tour goes a lot faster after that.
Taking a cue from Jon's earlier announcement, Spencer turns to Jon and says, "I think otters would be perfect for our next video." Then he turns to the tour guide. "We'll take two."
The guide stutters and stammers and introduces them to the otter keeper, an attractive woman in her twenties who Spencer is pretty sure Brendon would be all over.
"Hi," Jon says, sticking out his hand. "I'm Jon, this is Spencer. We'd like to use those two otters they found in a hotel today in our next music video."
"Um," the keeper bites her lip. "That can probably be arranged. When would you like them?"
"Well, now," Spencer says and the bitchiness isn't so much an act anymore. Two of his best friends are in a cage.
"I'm sorry. That's just not possible," the keeper says. "You can't possibly just happen to have the facilities to care for two wild animals with you."
Jon bites his lip and looks at Spencer. "The bus has a couple of sinks," he offers.
"Otters do not belong on tour buses."
Spencer and Jon are escorted out of the zoo pretty quickly after their talk with the otter keeper, but they do get a glimpse of two otters sitting out of the water apart from the rest. One looks mournful and the other is trying to curl around it despite its body being very evidently not built for cuddling.
None of the four of them sleep especially well that night.
******
Brendon is woken by a strange vibration rippling the water. That he even notices the difference between normal rippling and strange rippling is disconcerting and Brendon is grumpy until he realizes why the water is rippling.
There are probably 30 school children, Brendon guesses their age to be about seven, standing in front of the glass wearing matching bright yellow t-shirts. Several of the boys are pounding on the tank.
Brendon's annoyed until he hears a little boy's voice saying "Wake up fishies, wake up."
He's Brendon and there are 35 people just waiting to see him and none of the other otters are moving, so, Brendon, being Brendon, does a back flip under the water.
Children cheer.
He swims along the glass for them, touching his nose to the glass in front of a few especially cute kids. He flips and dives and is his utterly charming self until the other otters wake up and start stealing the children's attention.
Except for one otter drifting at the back of the tank giving off a distinct impression of loneliness. Ryan!
Brendon zooms towards him underwater and pops up next to his friend. He whistles and nudges at Ryan with no response and finally pops up on his back and reaches out his paw. Ryan clutches at it.
"Mommy," some child says, "I want one."
******
They tried to do something normal today to get their minds off things, but neither Jon nor Spencer could stop thinking about how miserable Brendon and Ryan looked when they left the zoo the night before, so they go back to try to cheer them up.
Jon's a little nervous that the zoo won't let them back in, so he and Spencer wear hats and sunglasses and go in General Admission.
The otter area is a lot more crowded than it was yesterday, but there's a field trip going on, so maybe that accounts for it.
"They just love the otters," a teacher in a bright yellow shirt is telling a middle-aged woman. "We saw them first thing this morning and one of them just charmed us all. The kids don't want to go see anything else!"
Spencer turns to Jon. 'Brendon,' they both mouth. Apparently, you can take the human out of the boy, but can't take the attention whore out of him.
"Where are they?" Spencer asks, scanning the tank for his friends.
"There," Jon points, "gotta be."
"Where?"
"Those two, in the back. The ones holding hands."
Spencer sighs and rolls his eyes and chuckles slightly. Brendon and Ryan seem to be doing okay for now, so he and Jon head back to the hotel to try and come up with some kind of solution.
******
Spencer and Jon don't come up with any brilliant solution, but they feel kind of bad about just leaving Ryan and Brendon, and maybe familiar faces would help at least a little, so, for the third day in a row, they return to the zoo.
It seems like, at this point, it's a better value to just buy the annual zoo pass, so they do, and also get a free lunch at the zoo restaurant and 25% off in the zoo gift shop. There are, for some reason, forms to fill out in order to give the zoo $200 and be awarded a paper membership card, so by the time Jon and Spencer get to the otter habitat there's already a crowd.
Only, today people aren't interested in the otters playing, they're interested in the two in the back holding hands.
"Move, you stupid otters!" one girl says, holding up her camera. "I want the ones who are in love!"
Jon and Spencer look at each other with raised eyebrows and immediately push forward through the crowd.
******
Being an otter is... probably a lot more fun if you actually are an otter, Brendon guesses. Or at least if your only friend isn't depressed and in desperate need of cuddling. Brendon spends a lot of time floating and holding Ryan's hand.
The afternoon of the third - is it the third? Brendon's pretty sure it's the third - day of being an otter, he spots some familiar heads in the crowd.
"Ryan!" He exclaims, "Look! It's Jon and Spencer!"
It comes out, "Squeak whistle whistle squeak growly-sound," so it doesn't do much good, though it gets Ryan's attention.
Brendon dives into the water and zooms towards Spencer and Jon, who have pushed their way up to the glass.
Jon puts a hand up to the glass and Brendon noses at it, trying to make his eyes as big and pitiful as possible.
He's pretty sure he sees Jon mouth, 'Oh, Brendon,' the emphasis implied.
'Ryan?' Spencer asks. Brendon looks back at where Ryan is floating apathetically and tries to shrug. Spencer looks like he wants to cry and Jon wraps an arm around him.
Brendon goes back to Ryan and nudges and pokes and thoroughly annoys him until he follows Brendon back to the glass. Spencer is overjoyed and Ryan seems pretty happy himself, nuzzling close to Brendon as he pokes at Spencer's hand on the other side.
Eventually Brendon and Ryan need to breathe and Spencer and Jon leave the zoo, desperate to find a way to save their friends.
******
Spencer comes up with breaking into the zoo as his brilliant plan. Jon doesn't have any better ones, and they both know the zoo layout pretty well, including where the door into the otter habitat is.
They jump over the turnstiles at midnight. A high security zoo it is not, and Spencer is momentarily indignant that just anyone could come in here and steal his friends. Then he realizes that's exactly what he's trying to do.
It's surprisingly not difficult to get into the otter habitat: no locked doors, no alarms. The problem arises once they get in. It turns out that 1) otters sleep in the water and 2) that otters kind of look a lot alike when they are sleeping.
Spencer starts whispering, "Ryan? Ryan? Wake up, it's me, Spencer. We're here to save you. Brendon? Brendon!" but he wakes up all the otters with his not-really whispering.
Fortunately, sort of, one otter starts doing back flips and another otter swims over to the rocks and walks directly into the cloth bag Spencer is holding open.
Spencer tells Jon, "Brendon's all yours," and hoists his bag. Then he says "Oof! Otters are kind of heavy" and a growling sound comes from inside the bag.
Jon, meanwhile, has knelt at the edge of the water and is splashing it. As expected, Brendon's head pops up and Jon holds up his bag. "Are you going to make it easy for me or am I going have to come in there after you?"
Brendon tilts his head, considering. Spencer's bag full of Ryan growls again and Brendon comes out of the water and into Jon's bag without any more fuss.
******
It's kind of an adventure getting two otters in bags out of the zoo, over the turnstiles and into the hotel. To say nothing of what to do with two otters in a hotel room.
"If you chew up anything," Spencer warns them, looking at Brendon, "I will personally have your pelt for a coat."
Brendon sits up on his hind legs and whistles at him loudly, annoyed.
Jon ignores Brendon's indignant screeching - nothing unusual about that - and asks, "We should probably feed them, right? What do they eat that we can get from room service?"
Spencer looks unhappy. "Sushi. Lots and lots of sushi."
Even a hundred dollars worth of sushi doesn't go very far when you have two full grown otters in your room, and, if possible, they both look more miserable laying on a queen-sized bed than they did in the zoo.
After awhile Spencer sighs and says, "Let's just get some sleep."
Brendon looks pitifully at Jon, who shrugs and suggests, "Maybe holding Ryan's hand will help?"
Just before Spencer shuts off the lights, Jon sees Brendon stretch his arm out to Ryan and Ryan accept it.
******
When Spencer wakes up in the morning, there are two boys spooning together in the other bed. He almost claps with delight. Instead he settles for kicking at Brendon and waking Ryan up with a hug.
"I missed you."
"Missed you too, Spence," Ryan mumbles sleepily and then stiffens. "Spence?"
"Mm hmm. Welcome back to being a real boy."
Ryan sits up so fast he and Spencer almost collide.
"Hands, feet," Ryan pats at his face, "face, hair, no tail, no fur... No fur!"
Spencer laughs.
Brendon stirs, opens his eyes, looks at Ryan. Blinks. Looks at Ryan again and then at his own hands. He beams.
"Yay!"
"Ughhmff?" Jon grunts from the other bed.
Brendon tackles him. "I missed you!" he says.
"I missed you!" Brendon comes back to his bed and wraps his arms around Ryan.
"I even missed you, Spencer Smith," he says, looking up at his friend.
"Missed you too," Jon says, laughing.
"What do you mean, you missed Ryan?" Spencer asks.
Brendon releases Ryan and Ryan looks carefully at the bedspread, saying haltingly, "We kind of... couldn't talk to each other. When we were otters."
Spencer looks confused. "He told you to come talk to us."
"He annoyed me into looking over there and seeing you guys."
"So really, you guys couldn't talk at all?"
"We could squeak and whistle," Brendon clarified.
"It was pretty lonely," Ryan said, not meeting anyone's eyes.
******
"So," Jon says out of nowhere as they're packing up the hotel room to move onto their tour bus, "why did you change back?"
Brendon just shrugs and tries to fit everything back into his bag. He swears it shrinks every time he unpacks it.
Ryan, who has, of course, folded every one of his garments and fitted them neatly into his bag, has been done packing for half an hour. He sits cross-legged on the bed and says, "I've been doing a lot of thinking about that, actually."
"You have?" Brendon can't help asking.
"I haven't had a lot else to do," Ryan turns to him to point out and then turns back to Jon. "I'm assuming that touching the otters is what caused us to be turned into otters."
"That makes sense," Jon agrees.
"Yeah," Spencer confirms.
"Or it could have been that creepy little girl dressed in black who was muttering and waving her hands," Brendon offers.
His bandmates all turn and stare at him.
Brendon raises both hands. "Just kidding."
"This is serious, Brendon!" Ryan snaps.
"Yeah, obviously our being turned into otters is dead serious." A little bit of sarcasm slips out with the words. Ryan ignores him.
"Anyway, so we got turned into otters, and then we were put into a tank - a tank! With a bunch of other otters! And I'm sure we touched them, couldn't help it. But then you guys saved us and there were no more otters to touch, so," Ryan shrugged.
"You think being an otter is contagious?" Spencer asked. Brendon would never understand how he could deal so seriously with Ryan. Otter contagion, come on.
"It's the only thing that makes sense." Ryan shrugs.
"I guess." Jon, at least, sounds as skeptical as Brendon feels.
"What about the people who work with otters? They stay human. Are they immune? Or do we just share a common soul with otters?" Brendon inquires.
"Or they wear gloves," Ryan says, not even bothering to enunciate the words that make Brendon feel stupid.
He goes back to intently packing his Dior case.
Brendon tries not to be hurt by Ryan, tries to remember how lonely and upset he was, but all he can really remember is the feel of Ryan wrapping his hand around his own.
******
Things should be better now that they aren't otters, but they're not. At first Brendon thinks it's just first-day-without-tails awkwardness, but he pretty much rejects that theory after about a week.
Ryan spends a lot of time alone curled up in corners and even though he's usually in the same room, Brendon misses him so much it aches. Their fight (such it was) that first morning never really got resolved. They never hugged or apologized and now it's just between them, dark and unpleasant. For a while there, Ryan was Brendon's only link to, well, anything, really, his only reason to not lose his humanity entirely, and now Brendon doesn't have him at all.
They're on tour again, playing new songs and being crammed in together, so at least Ryan can't drift off too far, and he has Spencer to talk to in low mournful voices. And Brendon has Jon, who is awesome, though not really enough.
Brendon really kind of misses being an otter. They're such happy creatures. Drama-free and not aching for bandmates who are kind of sort of not really talking to them. He goes on interviews and talks about how awesome otters are just for something to say. Jon pipes in and sometimes Spencer does, too. Ryan just looks uncomfortable.
People - fans - start sending them otter stuffed animals and figurines and t-shirts and all sorts of otter memorabilia. The problem is that none of them really want the memories.
Eventually Jon comes up with the suggestion that they start supporting an otter rescue charity and the rest of them agree. They sign all of the otter souvenirs and put them on eBay, donating the proceeds to the charity. Ryan even tries to write a song about otters, but the chorus is, 'Life's lonely/ when you're a fishy/ like me,' and they all agree that maybe the song doesn't really go with their image.
The thing Brendon misses most is that Ryan won't let him hold his hand anymore. At the time, Brendon was doing it to comfort Ryan. He hadn't realized how much he needed it, too. He tries a few times, stealthily walking alongside Ryan and just slipping his hand into Ryan's, but Ryan freezes, glares, removes his hand and stomps off. Or just leaning over when they're sitting on the couch and covering Ryan's hand with his own; Ryan snatches his hand back, huffs, "God, Brendon!" and sulks away. Jon offers to hold hands with Brendon, and Brendon tries it. It's nice, but it just isn't the same.
Months of awkward discomfort between Ryan and Brendon has enveloped the whole band. Three days - even three days of being otters - shouldn't cause this much of an effect.
Brendon can't stop thinking of otters, of that day when he performed in front of the school kids. That's his excuse, what's in his head when in the middle of Ryan's solo he attempts a backflip.
He fails, back spasming midair and causing him to crash to the stage. He lands flat on his back facing Spencer, and cracks his head hard on the stage as he does. He's certain that this video will be on Youtube in a matter of minutes.
"Ow," he mutters weakly, eyes fluttering shut.
******
"What the fuck, Brendon?" is the first thing he hears when he wakes up. He tries to force his eyes open. "Brendon?"
"Mmph."
A warm hand slips into his, and he'd know that hand anywhere, otter-sized and furry or not.
"Ryan," he sighs before drifting back to sleep.
******
Brendon's eyes open when he wakes up the second time. It's dark, and it takes him a minute to recognize that he's on a couch on the bus, a cold compress on his head and a hot one tucked into the small of his back.
Someone's still holding his hand, and Brendon makes out the shape of Ryan curled up on the floor, leaning against the side of the couch.
"Ryan?" Brendon whispers. It's hard to talk, to do anything. Everything hurts.
Ryan stirs and Brendon squeezes his hand. The motion is no less painful than talking.
"Brendon?"
"Mm. Ow. Hi."
"Hey." Ryan's smile is gentle in the dark. He stretches and perches next to Brendon's feet at the end of the couch, all without letting go of Brendon's hand. "How you feeling?"
"Sore."
"Um, yeah. We took you to a doctor. You got CAT scans and everything. They said you'd be fine, and we have to be in Charlotte in the morning, so the doctors sedated you and cleared you to go."
"Okay." Brendon's kind of woozy, still, and listening to Ryan's voice is so nice, even though he's pretty sure that's not the whole story. Doctors don't usually let unconscious people leave, at least not on Grey's Anatomy or E.R..
"Brendon?" Ryan asks quietly. "You still with me?"
"Mm. Hurts, Ryan Ross."
"No kidding. Just bumps and bruises though. No permanent damage. Christ, Brendon," Ryan breathes out harshly. "What were you thinking?"
"About otters."
"What?"
"I was thinking about otters," Brendon elaborates. "How much fun that was."
"Brendon, it wasn't fun. It was cold and miserable and lonely and weird."
"I guess. It kind of was, though. Fun. For me."
"Oh." Ryan says.
"I was thinking about, do you remember that day when there was a field trip at the zoo? All those kids wearing yellow shirts?"
"Um, maybe?" Ryan pauses. "No, not really."
"Well, there was. I think it was our second day, maybe? And I was the first otter awake and there were all these little eager faces, Ryan, and I thought, 'What the hell? I'm a rockstar, I can put on a show.' And I did, I flipped and I twirled and I made them really happy, and I was happy too. It was fun."
"I didn't know."
"It's okay. I was just thinking about it, all day, and then on stage, I was thinking about how being an otter was fun and life hasn't really been fun since. I know I can't go back to being an otter, and I don't even want to, really, but I thought maybe a backflip would be enough. I used to be able to do backflips, I still can, I think, just, my back spasmed in midair and I fell, and, well, here we are."
"Oh, Brendon." Ryan scoots along the couch and then stands up halfway to place a kiss on the center of Brendon's forehead.
Brendon sighs, content, and then winces because sighing also hurts. "I missed you."
"Me to-. Wait, what? I haven't been anywhere."
"Yes, you have," Brendon yawns and flinches. "You've been with Spencer, and with Jon, sometimes, and on the other side of the room, but you haven't been with me."
Another yawn escapes, and a whimper.
Ryan squeezes Brendon's hand and smiles softly in the dark. "Go to sleep, Bren. I'll be here when you wake up."
"Promise?" Brendon can't help but ask. He knows he sounds childish and needy, but he is. He needs Ryan.
"I promise."
Brendon's sort of surprised he can manage to fall asleep with every roll of the bus' wheels sending a sharp jolt of pain through his body, but he does.
******
Brendon shifts slightly.
"Shh!" Ryan's voice hisses. "You'll wake him."
"Mm," Brendon mutters, slowly climbing back into consciousness.
"Spencer!" Ryan chides.
"Ryan?" Brendon murmurs.
"I'm right here, Bren," Ryan replies tenderly, a cool hand brushing the hair off his forehead.
Brendon shifts and whimpers.
Ryan's hand stills. "Am I hurting you?"
Reluctantly, Brendon opens his eyes.
"Everything hurts," he says petulantly.
Ryan smiles softly and resumes petting him. "Poor Brendon."
"I am. I am poor, Ryan Ross."
"I know," Ryan matches his tone, but he's laughing. Brendon likes Ryan best when he's laughing.
He sits up with a deep, gutteral moan.
"Brendon! What are you doing?" Ryan asks.
Brendon leans forward, reaching for Ryan, flinching all the while.
"Wanna cuddle, Ryan Ross."
Ryan sighs and leans forward. "Come here, then."
Brendon tries to wrap himself around Ryan, but he can't. It hurts too much and his body doesn't seem to want to bend in ways it normally can.
"Hey, hey," Ryan stops him. "Let's try this."
Ryan gets up and sits on the other side of the couch, in the corner where Brendon's head had rested.
"Okay, now scoot back."
Brendon obeys, wincing. Ryan gently tugs him down so that Brendon's lying against him.
"Is this okay?"
"Mm," Brendon affirms, settling happily against Ryan. "Hi, Spencer," he says, noticing his other friend sitting at the kitchen table.
"Hey. You hungry?"
Brendon considers for a moment. Mostly all his body is telling him is, "OW!!!" He attempts a shrug in answer to Spencer's question. Performing tonight is going to suck.
"We can have pancakes," Spencer offers.
"Waffles?" Brendon asks hopefully.
Spencer sighs, "I think I can handle that."
"Awesome. I should break my back more often."
Ryan sighs against him, his chest rising and falling underneath Brendon.
"Please don't," he requests, running his fingers through Brendon's hair.
"Morning, guys," Jon comes into the front lounge. "How you feeling, Brendon?"
"I hurt. Ryan makes a good pillow, though."
"That's good. We were worried about you, kid."
Brendon feels bad about that. He hadn't meant to make anyone worry. And, sure Ryan finally paying attention to him is nice, but all Brendon wanted was to do a backflip, no ulterior motive. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Ryan says firmly, voice soft in Brendon's ear.
Brendon nuzzles back against him. He can't seem to stay awake for longer than a few minutes. Whether it is sedatives that are still in his system or the comfort of Ryan at his back, he doesn't know.
******
"Bren, Brendon," Ryan whispers. "Hey, wake up, man. My legs are asleep."
"Mm." Brendon kind of shuffles awake, sitting up reflexively. The groan that rips through him is automatic.
"Okay, okay," Ryan says quickly, having shifted himself into a more comfortable position. "Come lie back down."
Brendon whimpers as he eases himself back down onto Ryan's lap.
"So I'm guessing asking if you feel any better would be a stupid question?" Jon asks.
Brendon sighs shallowly, trying to avoid causing himself any more pain. "Doing the show tonight is going to be hell."
"Should we cancel?" Spencer asks warily.
"No. I'll manage, it just won't be fun. For me. At all."
"You sure? We can cancel if you need to, Brendon. It's not a big deal," Ryan tells him. He's never been all that enthusiastic about canceling before. It most definitely is a big deal for him.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine." But already Brendon is nervous. He doesn't even know if he can stand, much less walk. Sighing hurts. What the hell is singing going to feel like? He starts to sit up.
"Bren..." Ryan's voice trails off warningly.
"If I can't stand up, how am I going to perform?"
Ryan sighs.
Brendon bites and worries at his lip as he struggles to get to his feet. Ryan's hand comes to rest lightly at the small of his back.
Jon jumps up from the kitchen table where he was sitting with Spencer, hand outstretched.
Brendon grasps it and pulls himself up. He's standing, if not fully upright.
"Easy," Jon instructs practically. "Just rest like this for a minute."
Brendon nods, taking deep breaths. He really fucking hurts.
Ryan stands and Brendon envies him the easy motion. He doesn't move any further, though, just waits next to Brendon, hand still patiently on his back. He starts rubbing small circles into Brendon's back with his thumb. Surprisingly, it helps.
"It'll probably feel better if you move, man," Jon says, and Brendon can't figure out for a minute why moving would make Ryan's mini back rub feel better. "You're stiff. Once you loosen up a little, it'll be easier."
"Yeah, okay." Brendon takes a deep breath and forces his body upright. He shudders at the pain and could swear he heard a crack.
"Brendon?" Spencer pipes up from his seat. "Did your back just..."
"Crack?" Jon asks. "I think it did."
"How do you feel?" Ryan asks, face pale and anxious.
"Okay. Maybe a little better? I don't know." Brendon lets go of Jon's hands and takes a step forward. He's not happy about it, but he can do it. "Walking, check."
Spencer applauds. It sounds a little sarcastic, so Brendon carefully turns his head and checks. Spencer's grinning broadly, so Brendon smiles back.
******
They get to the venue a few hours later and Brendon practices walking and standing until he's pretty confident that he can get through a show, and then it's time.
Brendon obviously can't dash on to stage and just start talking, so they change things up.
Spencer slips stealthily up to his drums. It takes the crowd a few moments to notice, but once they start screaming, Jon runs out. Ryan's up next, but he seems reluctant to leave Brendon's side.
Ryan leans forward and kisses Brendon firmly on the lips before bounding on stage.
Brendon just stands there gaping and blinking his eyes. What the... what the hell?
Eventually he totters on to the stage and the crowd gets even louder. He raises a hand in greeting.
"Hey, kids," he growls into the microphone, trying to keep his back perfectly straight.
The show... actually goes surprisingly well, considering. Ryan and Jon are both really on and all about interacting, with each other, with the crowd, and with him, so that pretty much all Brendon has to do is stand there and sing.
Once the show's over, Jon loops an arm around Brendon and helps support him until they can get off the stage. Backstage, Brendon's panting and moaning.
"Holy shit," he whimpers, "Let's never do that again."
"You okay?" Ryan asks, hovering at his side once again.
"Hurts," he pants. He looks over at Ryan and carefully keeping his voice low and casual, says, "Hey, so, what was that about?"
"What?" Ryan furrows his brow.
"You know what, Ryan. That kiss."
"It... was a kiss."
"Yeah, okay, why? Was it just an adrenaline thing? Or a pity thing? Or have you finally noticed that I'm a little in love with you?"
"Brendon," Ryan says helplessly, hands tangling in his hair. "I wanted to, okay? I just. What you said last night about missing me, I haven't stopped thinking about it. I was, honestly, in retrospect, being an otter wasn't that bad. I mean, I had you, and I think I always sort of knew we'd turn back. But when we did, I kind of freaked out about, I'd had a different body, Brendon, and it took me awhile to get resettled and then we were fighting and I just, didn't know."
"Oh."
"When you fell. I don't think I've ever been that scared. It wasn't like, 'Oh shit, my lead singer's hurt' or 'Oh my God, one of my friends is hurt.' My heart stopped, Brendon. I was terrified. And now you're hurt and I don't want you to be, I want you to be okay and feel good and all of those things and-"
"Ryan. Shut up."
"Brendon?"
"I'm really mad at you right now."
"What? I thought you said -"
"Ryan." Brendon smiles. "I think we both know that was a shitty first kiss."
Ryan nods slowly, sadly, accepting.
"And what I really want to do is push you up against a wall and kiss the hell out of you, and I can't because it will hurt like a bitch and that really, really sucks."
Ryan beams and steps back until he is flush against the wall. "Come here."