Satin
It's been about three days since I've been out the hospital. The medicine they had given me helped a lot with the pain but the realization that someone cared enough for me to do the unspeakable just to grant my wishes did tremendous wonders. Disregarding the multiple stab wounds in my abdomen, I was prancing around the house like I had won the lottery. Stokeley was in the kitchen making me a bowl of cereal. I knew because I'm the only one who eats Cinnamon Toast Crunch around here. Spinning over to him I grabbed his face and kissed his cheek then spun over to grab a spoon. He looked at me oddly then handed me my bowl.
" Are you high? " He asked glaring over at me as I dunked my spoon in the bowl causing milk to spill on the island. I grinned big with a mouth full of cereal nodding my head.
Chewing and swallowing, I smiled warmly at him. " Off life big bro. Off life. "
He continued to watch me oddly as I ate my cereal all chipper. I could tell it was a weird sight being I was literally clinging on to my life less than a week ago. Ski didn't know that I had almost got my only wish granted, although it didn't happen. I was still grateful for the experience. It was a great free trial. Thinking about what I was met with in that graveyard feeling my life being sucked away from me made me shudder.
" Satin Clershon Goulbourne. What in the world are you doing here? " My grandma asked with her head tilted down as she eyed me. I was burning up although there was nothing surrounding us. I was growing hot profusely and my grandmother could tell. It felt like I was standing in a pot of boiling hot water. My skin felt like it was melting away. Why was it so fucking hot?
" Oh my god, am I in hell? " I asked almost not believing it. What the hell have I done so bad that landed me here.
" Nothing yet but if you keep going on the path you're going you'll have that spot right on in here. " she said as if she read my mind. My eyebrow hitched as she waved her hand around and it was suddenly a comfortable cool. It soothed my skin after feeling like I was a boiling potato.
" So.. am I dead? " I asked looking around only to see whiteness. I had to be if I was talking to her.
" Almost little girl. I talked it over with a few of my subjected friends and we've decided that you need a second chance to do right. I know I wasn't the best person to you and your brother but I do know that you have a heart. A good one at that. " She spoke resting her withered fingers on my shoulder. I didn't speak, I only listened.
" Now lemme tell you some, hear? That boy you down there parlaying with has a heart as gold as yours. Don't you mess that up now. That just might be you're ticket. " She said eyeing me hinting at that being my ticket to hell. I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't like this woman but she sure was shady in an amusing way.
" Mhm, fix on him. He's trying to do good for you. For you and your brother. Now come on. I gotta get you back before they change their minds about your second chance. "
She held out her hand and I took it, letting her lead me into a bright white light that would've been blinding if this was real but I was able to stare right into it.
" This is real. Now go. I love you Satin. " I looked back at my grandma and a small smile graced my mouth.
" I love you too. "
I had woken up the bright fluorescent lights blinding me as my chest perched up from the electricity that ran through my veins. When I woke up in that ambulance I had mixed emotions about everything. I was happy I wasn't dead and was given a second chance but I was upset because I honestly wanted to die.
" Weird. I got this girl coming over in a little so when she get here just send her to my room. " He said sounding excited to be having some company. Ski rarely invited girls over and the only time he did it would just be to have sex or something of that nature. Nothing that concerns me.
I nodded my head as he left the kitchen and finished my breakfast, washing my dishes and heading back towards my room. Jah bumped into me coming out of the hallways and he tensed up. His posture read guilty but I had already forgiven him. There was nothing to hold against him, he was doing something for me.
" Hey. " he said a little over a whisper as he just stood staring at the floor behind me that was visible to him. His antics were truly uncaused for but I wouldn't deny how cute guilt looked on him. His mouth was slightly pouted and his eyes big and sorry. My hand flinched to touch his face but I resisted seeing how he was acting.
" Hey. " I smiled ducking my head to meet eyes with him. He looked away from me quickly and I frowned. It wouldn't be long before my happiness washed away and I would become an asshole again so he should probably accept this.
" Jah, stop acting like that. " I snapped becoming irritated. He stood the same but finally met eyes with me. The smile reappeared on my face and he gave me a forced one.
" What's wrong with you. " I asked reaching for his hand but he moved it away, holding it up in the air and lowering it after a small pause.
" I have to go. " He said and brushed passed me, leaving me standing in the hallway with my mouth parted. I looked back over my shoulder and my mouth pressed into a thin line. I was starting to regret all of this.
Since I've started dealing with him in the way that I have not much good as come from it. In the months that we've been doing whatever it was we were doing I've been targeted, raped, and stabbed half to death. Although not all was his fault, no good comes from someone with bad intent. I couldn't do it to myself and let myself be in love with someone who can't be open with me. I wouldn't.
I headed off to my room and grabbed my phone seeing I had a few notifications.
Instagram: thelonelystar would like to send you a message
I unlocked my phone and went to the profile before reading the DM. It was Jah's ex. I wish she would leave me alone. There was nothing that needed to be discussed between us. She's an ex for a reason and that was that. I blew my breath and started to read the message.
" You know he's with me right?🙂 " She said. I don't know why but I didn't care. I didn't feel the need to care. I was just about fed up with Jah and his bullshit and we weren't even together officially and we would probably never be. I declined the message and locked my phone.
I wouldn't stress about it. It was none of my concern what he was out doing and who he was doing it with. Although it was questionable that he was with her, I wouldn't let it linger on my mind for more than what it had.
As I laid down I could hear knocking on the door and I groaned having to get back up. I already knew it was Ski's company so I opened the door and gasped a little at the pretty face in front of me. It was rare of me to give credit to even the prettiest of girls but she was gorgeous. Like she almost looked better than me. She had a chinky, brown almond shaped eyes that glistened when I opened the door and golden brown skin that looked as smooth as peanut butter. Her small nose paired well with her full, brownish-pink lips. She played with her hair as she smiled at me, showcasing her perfect small teeth. They weren't too perfect but they weren't tragic.
" Hi, is Stokeley here? " She asked with a cute babyish voice. You could tell she wasn't forcing it by the way it flowed and how easy it sounded coming from her. My mouth fell agape and I started to question my sexuality.
I giggled like a school girl before I caught myself, my eyes widening and my smile falling. I cleared my throat and ran my hand over my curls embarrassed.
" Uhm, yea. I'll show you to him and shit. " I said opening the door wider for her and letting her step in. She nodded cooly and stepped inside, making sure not to pass me so she could be lead to his room. As I closed the door, the wind from it rushed towards us carrying her scent to me. Cherries. It was a warm scent that made me want to cuddle up with her.
I showed her to Ski's room, pushing open his door and stepping aside for her. She smiled and thanked me before stepping in as I heard Ski's loud talking welcome her. Going back to my room my mind was blank for a brief moment until it shifted to the negatives. I stretched out on my bed with my arms wrapped tightly around my pillow as I thought about that night. Remembering the feeling of them touching me and other things became overwhelming and I started to swell up in tears. I could feel my pillow start to soke with tears as I shook violently, releasing my pain of the memory in the form of hot, steamy tears.
I twitched feelings hands that weren't actually there on me. Jumping up, I sobbed looking around my room crazed. I started to hear menacing laughter and I flinched feeling the hands again. My room suddenly warped into a darker version of my room. My room from that night and my blood ran cold. The violent laughing spiraled around me as my door flew open and heavy foot steps could be heard. They grew louder and heavier as I sat frozen with my back against the wall. My eyes grew to the size of saucers and it felt like I was reliving my biggest nightmare. I sat shaking and holding my breath as the footsteps came closer and suddenly they emerged through my doorway, lunging at me. Screaming, I was still shaking but I realized it wasn't me anymore. My eyes flew open and Ski came into view. He held me by my shoulders as I sat against my wall with my fist balled up shielding me. He was breathing heavy and so was I. Looking past him I could see his company standing there with a mortified expression on her face. I could feel embarrassment washing over me and I pushed Ski away from me, bolting into my bathroom. Slamming the door with much force, the hinges buckled and the mirror over my sink rattled. I stood with my hands pressed over the rim of my sink with my eyes closed. My breath was shaky as I tried to calm down and relax but to no avail. I opened my eyes looking at myself and my face turned sour. My eyes were bloodshot red as tears covered my under eyes. I didn't look like myself and I hated what I saw. Drawing back, I crashed my fist into my mirror and as I thought it would, it shattered. I groaned loudly in pain and pleasure afraid to open my hand. The shards of glass in my hand clogged the holes keeping the blood in.
" Satin, open the door. " Ski said and I could hear him press up against the door. I stood looking at my fist feeling a burning sensation coming along. Opening my hand slowly, a low growl left my throat as a few of the pieces of glass feel out and blood leaked from my hand. The air hitting the wounds caused them to sting severely and tears pricked at my eyes.
" Satin! " Ski yelled wiggling the door. I shook my head as if he could see me as I continued to stare at the blood dripping my my hand.
" I'll be out in a second. " I choked almost inaudible. He stood by the door for a little while longer then left, closing my room door behind him. I mentally thanked him for that.
I sat on the edge of my bath, plucking out the glass with my fingers. I sat focused and tried to savor the pain. After a few minutes all the glass was gone and many drops of blood blessed my floor. It looked really cool and I almost didn't want to wipe it up but that wouldn't be too sanitary. First, I searched for the gauze and cotton pads in my draws and bandaged myself up. I cleaned up the blood from my sink and floor, throwing the towel I used in the small black garbage bin. Using my small broom and dustpan, I swept up the glass on the floor and wiped the glass out of the sink. Everything was clean after about 20 minutes and I was sitting on my bed watching Akira on Hulu.
This movie was so long I ended up dosing off near the end. The throb in my hand soothed me to sleep.
Jahseh
" You're leaving already? " Geneva asked with pouted lips as she lay wrapped up in her bed spread. I ignored her pulling my clothes back on. I shouldn't have even come here. She would think she won. She didn't.
" X. " She called out as I stepped into my shoes. Her voice made my skin crawl and I didn't want anything more than to just go home. I could hear her getting out of her bed and coming towards me. Wrapping her arms around my back, she laid her head on my back and rubbed my chest. I tensed up and I'm sure she sensed it.
" Why are you leaving? I know you're not going back to that fake lesbian whore after what we just did. " Geneva snapped looking up at me with knitted brows. What? I shook from her hold and looked at her.
" You should feel used. I'm going home. " I grabbed my keys and started towards the door. Of course she followed me spewing hateful things about Satin to me. My breathing deepened but I kept my composure and ignored the ignorance that was behind me.
" This won't go unheard of! " She pressed as I got in my car and drove home where I should've stayed. I wouldn't be surprised if my dick started itching after she put her mouth on it. Making it home it was quiet. It was close to being dark out so I'm sure Satin was sleep if she wasn't up doing something dangerous. As I neared closer to the back, the house didn't sound too empty anymore. Ski's heavy headboard couldn't be heard behind pushed up against the wall right along with grunts and moans. Of course he was having sex. Everyone in the house was getting play except Satin and I started to feel like shit. Although me and her weren't together I still felt like I owed her loyalty. I shouldn't have touched Geneva. I shouldn't have left her side, everything that's happened to her was my fault anyways. I tipped to her room to find her door slightly cracked. Her room was dark besides the light of her TV. Stepping inside, I saw that she slept cradling her arm as if it was injured or something. I stripped out of my clothes down to my boxers and carefully slid into bed with her. She stirred and I tensed up not wanting to wake her. I threw my arm around her after she lay still again and my eyes started to close. My skin came into contact with hers and she shuddered. I looked up at her and she raised to look at me.
" Go back to sleep. " I said and pressed my face back into her back. She was silent for a while but she never laid back down. Looking back up at her I raised a brow. She shrugged my arm from around her and turned to get a better look at me. Reaching over me, she turned her lamp on and stared down at me. I leaned up on my elbows and matched her stare.
" Get the fuck out of my bed Jah. " I mentally laughed. No.
" Why? I normally sleep with yo- " She wrapped her hand around my neck causing me to grunt and climbed over me, never letting me go. Squeezing, she pulled me from her bed as the rough gauze wrapped around her hand irritated my neck. I grabbed her wrist trying to get her to let me go but her hold was deadly.
" Get the fuck out! " She yelled pushing me away from her. Our heavy breathing filled the room as we both gave each other looks that could kill. I didn't understand but I wanted to so what she was serving me now couldn't run me away. I needed her. She eased my mind and made me feel a way about myself that I've never felt. She was my redemption to all the wrong I've done and I didn't want to ruin what I had with her like I did with everyone else. I wouldn't get the fuck out if she had a gun pointed to my head.
" I haven't done anything to you Satin, what the fuck are you carrying on like this for? " I asked noticed the gauze on her hand was turning that deep red that her blood carried. I frowned and grabbed her wrist inspecting it. The blood spread quickly and was soon dripping from one spot.
" Baby, what happened to your hand? " I asked alarmed at how much blood was coming from her hand. I brought it closer to my face and she snatched it away filing off to her bathroom. I followed.
" Leave me alone Jah. I'm not of your interests anyways. " She mumbled the last part as she unraveled the gauze. Blood seeped from multiple cuts causing me to my eyes to bulge. They all had purple and red tints around them and looked swollen.
" What the fuck happened to your hand!? " I asked becoming super concerned if I wasn't already before. I rushed to the main bathroom grabbing alcohol, cotton pads and more gauze. Going back she sat on the lid of her toilet with one hand cupped under the bleeding one, catching the drops of blood. Squatting in front of her, I soaked the cotton pads with alcohol and dabbed it on the cuts, wiping blood from her hand. It was amazing how she didn't flinch at the burning of the alcohol. She was tough. Cleaning them all up, I held a few cotton pads on the cuts and wrapped the gauze around them. She didn't say anything as she sat there poking at the blood in her hand.
" Did you break your mirror? " I asked as I had stood straight up now but continued to look down at her. She nodded her head still focused on playing with her blood like a nut. I nodded as well as if she could see me and leaned up against her bathroom wall staring at her. She was so beautiful to me. Even when she was down and not herself she was the shit.
She stood and rinsed the blood from her hands and watched it go down the drain as if she was sending a child off to college. I noticed Satin really did love her blood. I don't know what it is about her blood but she was so fascinated with it and it was cute. If she bleeds it's like she's happier for the moment while looking at it. It was strange but a strange I could get used to.
" Can you please leave Jahseh. I'm trying my hardest not to put my hands on you because I'm so frustrated but you won't get out my damn face. " She shook holding on to the edge of the sink as I stood behind her. She didn't phase me. If she put her hands on me I'd probably nut.
" Why are you frustrated? " I titled my head and crossed my arms. She turned her head slightly looking at me but didn't speak. I bucked my eyes and stuck out my neck waiting for a response.
" I'm frustrated because the guy I'm in love with is failing in almost every aspect. " She spat insensitively. Huh? Did I hear that right?
" What? " I asked feeling something wrong about to come from my mouth. I opened the door and stepped out the bathroom before that could happen.
" What? Jahseh you're fucking FAILING! Why the fuck were you with your ex today? " She followed me out the bathroom and shoved me a little. I turned around and gave her a look that said keep your fucking hands off me because now I'm mad. I didn't know I was taking a fucking test.
" Because you're FAILING at shit as well. I'm a man with needs you do realize that right?" I said harshly giving her the same look she was giving me. I mentally kicked myself but I kept going. This wasn't how I felt but this was what I spoke. I tended to do that sometimes. My ego was bruised now so I had to do the same to her. I'd regret it though like I always did.
Satin shook her head with her eyes closed and a smile forming on her face. She kept them closed as she spoke and I watched her profusely.
" Jahseh I would never blame you for what happened to me but I can't help but feel how I feel. I begged and begged and begged you to let me come with you guys and you wouldn't let me. " She opened her eyes and tears now filled them and the puffiness in my chest disappeared. My face softened as I felt my shoulders sank.
" As someone who wants to fill the role that you want to play you're failing so fucking bad. You let them rape me. You let them take that from me and you say I'm failing at making your dick wet? " She asked in disbelief. Although tears streamed down her face she was cracking up laughing. She walked circles around me as she talked. My stomach churned at the mentioning of what happened and although I felt she was wrong for saying I let them do anything to her in a way I did. I knew she wanted to come and I should've let her. I felt something was wrong but I didn't come home.
" Then.. " she paused resting her hand on my shoulder for balance as she bent over laughing like a maniac.
" Then you come home and fucking stab me? Almost take my fucking life and I FORGAVE YOU FOR ALL OF THAT! " She yelled coming face to face with me. She stood ten toes to mine not letting up. I couldn't speak. I had to hear her out. That's the only way I could understand.
" All of that just fuck the ex that's trying to ruin you, come home and throw it in my face. You're sick. " She said looking me up and down. Me being inaudible infuriated her and she dove her freshly wrapped fist into my face, connecting like a champ. I grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her back, forcing her against her bed.
" You're gonna hurt your hand again. " I said calmly. Any other time I'd be up for a good fight with Satin but I already felt bad enough for all the pain I had caused her so I didn't want to anymore.
" I don't give a fuck about my hand. Get off me! " She thrashed around under me but couldn't get free. I had my weight pressed up against her and I felt myself pulsating the more she moved against my jeans.
" Stop! " I urged holding her down by her neck. I didn't want to push her to have sex with me so she had to quit with the squirming. She didn't stop fighting until she got tired and gave up. She let out a shaky sigh and laid her head down.
" Please let me go. " She mumbled with her face in the pillow. Her breathing was rapid causing her back to rise and fall deeply but I noticed it was slowing down. I let her go and pulled her up by her arm looking at her crazed.
" Tell me you love me. " I said pulling her into my chest as she looked up at me. She just stared at me as she wrapped her arms around my back.
" Tell me! " I pushed and she smiled a closed mouth smile with a small glint in her eyes. She leaned in and kissed my lips with care and looked back at me. Her lips were as soft as silk just like her skin, hair and everything else that I could list about her. I see where she got her name from.
" I love you so much. " She mumbled and kissed my lips again.
" So much. " she whispered still holding onto me. I only wished I could make her happy instead of tearing her down how I do. I couldn't help it though. I was a mess.