Vera's POV
There's a loud knocking on my door that pulls me from a deep sleep. Did I order pizza? I sit up slowly, cursing the awkward position I decided to nap in, my back cramps. Attempting to stretch my back, I reach for my phone and check the time. Damn. I slept for three hours! Jumping up I head to the door, roughly pulling it open. I expect for Leah to be standing there because she always leaves her apartment key behind. But it's not Leah. It's not Leah at all.
"Hi, Vera." Colin's voice is a familiar pain that sends a lurch in my stomach. The goosebumps erupt across my arms and I feel my cheeks flush a bright red. I stand there, immediately embarrassed at my disheveled appearance. The bandages still on my face, and although the swelling went down, I still look hideous. Standing in the doorway, I try to figure out if this is really happening. Fuck. Didn't I tell Leah to tell him to stay away? Maybe I'm seeing things. Damn those painkillers! They must be giving me visions. I put my hand up to my head.
"Vera?" He asks again.
"Yeah?" I ask, dumbfounded. The apparition appears to be talking to me.
"Would you mind if I come inside?"
I hesitate. He moves forward and I realize, this is indeed, real. Fuck. I move aside and Colin comes in. He's wearing a dark blue hoodie with loose shorts. They look like the shorts he wore that morning I spent in his apartment, and he made me breakfast. The nostalgia stings as much as the healing stitches under my eye.
"Do you mind if I sit?" I shake my head no and watch him as he takes a seat on the couch I'd just been sleeping on.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, once I finally grasp reality. The words come out harsher than I expect. I shuffle into the living room and sit across from him in the armchair. I had been thinking about this moment since I left the hospital, but I didn't expect for it to come so quickly. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for this. I'm not even ready to tell him about our baby.
"I had to see how you were." Colin looks at me with a deep longing, and I avert my gaze. No matter how much pain he has put me through, I can't deny my body's reaction to him. My mind's reaction to him. I want to be in his arms. My heart screams in relief that he's still alive, still thinking of me. Hopefully as much as I've been thinking about him. Wait, why do I care so much?
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine." Oh, and pregnant with your child.
"Healing ok?"
"You should have called."
"You wouldn't have answered."
"It doesn't matter."
"I had to see you."
"I didn't want to see you."
"Dammit Vera!" Colin exclaims. I sit back in the chair, surprised by his tone. I look toward the teddybear with the blue wig sitting beside his feet, the one he gave to me when I was hospitalized, it's head leaning towards his knee.
"I.....I had to see you. There was no way I could wait anymore, and you're wrong for trying to keep me away from you. I can't stay away from you." Colin shakes his head in frustration and stares at the floor in front of me.
"Colin.."
"No, Vera. Listen to me. Do you know how fuckin hard it was, to see you on that hospital bed?" Colin's voice breaks and I turn away. He shifts uneasily on the couch. Leah had told me about how he reacted, how he angry he was, how he was ready to flip the waiting room inside out if he didn't get an update on how I was doing.
"Vera, I lost it. When I got the call, I didn't know what happened...I...Cam..the ambulance..." he veers off into silence.
"I don't know what I would do if anything were to happen to you."
Tears prickle in my eyes but I restrain them. I don't want to show weakness. Through the bruises and all, I want him to know I'm not weak. That even though I went through a shitty experience, he can't come groveling at my feet expecting me to forget everything else that happened.
"Vera, I love you. I need you to know that. I've been walking around...I feel like I'm fuckin sleep walkin...half awake. Nothing seems real without you."
I'm silent.
"Vera. You are my everything. You're the reason I can't sleep, you're the reason I...you're everything." I look up at Colin, his elbows are on his knees, and he stares through me with piercing brown eyes. "I just, want you to forgive me, for everything. For all my bullshit. I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry."
I look down to the ground again, speechless.
"You're beautiful Vera."
I scoff.
"This is hard for me. Everything going on, all the drama, and I don't...I don't want you to see me like this," I say it before I can catch myself.
"Like what?"
"What do you mean like what?" My voice is fierce now. I hold my hands up to my face, and hot tears trail their way down the bruises on my cheeks. Beautiful? With my swollen face? I look like a hideous mess. I bury my face into my arms, and sob. It feels like all Ive been doing lately is crying, but crying is the only thing that feels right nowadays. I eventually feel the warmth of Colin come around me. I try to shove him away, but he doesn't budge. I surrender in his arms. I don't know how long I cry into his blue hoodie, but I cry as long as I need to, my breath heaving violently against him. As soon as I'm done I pull back, and Colin releases me.
"Vera," he says quietly, kneeling down in front of me. He looks down, as if he's trying to choke back tears himself.
"You don't deserve this..." his voice is heavy, filled with emotion. He takes his bottom lip into his mouth and looks back up at me.
He reaches out to me and I involuntarily flinch. Colin shakes his head and slowly brings his hands up to my face, gently cupping it with his hands.
"I would never ever put my hands on you, in a way that would hurt you. Never. Never have I ever put my hands on a woman in that way. There is no goddamn good reason for a man to lay hands on a woman. I'll spend the rest of my life making sure that this never happens again," he moves a strand of hair behind my ear, and traces my bottom lip with his hands. "I'll only ever touch you in a way that makes you feel good..." Colin's voice trails off. I feel a tingle spread through my body at his intimate touch, and I realize how close we are. It's been so long since I've felt his intimate touch.
I was just sobbing in his arms, and now I feel like ripping his shirt off. Leave it to Colin to bring me out of my sadness and make me feel horny. I bring my thighs together and move back in my chair, trying to ignore those feelings.
"Colin," I say uneasily. He backs up and sits on the ground.
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine..it's just.."
"You need space. Time?"
I hesitate.
"I just want to take things slow. I've been through a lot lately," I manage to say. Colin nods his head in understanding. He positions himself so his elbows are on his knees.
"I'll go as slow as you need me to," he says. "Vera, I won't fuck up again. I swear to you. If I do, you have the right to cut me off and I'll leave you alone," Colin looks up at me with a hand over his heart. A ringing comes from his pocket and Colin grabs his phone.
"Shit! My ride is already at the house."
"Ride?"
"Yeah, I have a photoshoot in Miami. Flight leaves soon." Colin jumps up, as if he's about to go, but slows down.
"Unless you want me to stay. If you want me to stay I'll call right now and cancel the whole thing," he says sincerely.
I shake my head no and laugh.
"I don't want the San Francisco Forty Niners quarterback putting things on hold for me," The air feels a lot more clear between us, the tension that was there when he first entered the apartment is thinner. Present, but less so.
I stand up to say good bye, and he comes close to me, pulling me to him by the hand. My knees go weak being pressed against him.
"Are you sure? It's just ESPN," he laughs into my hair.
"Go," I say finally. He pulls away, and looks down at my lips. There's a new tension between us, sexual tension. I push him towards the door and he shakes his head, smiling.
"You're playin with my emotions baby girl," Colin laughs. He heads toward the door and before he leaves turns toward me.
"I love you baby girl, don't you ever forget that," he says.
"Bye Colin, have a safe flight." Colin holds my gaze and heads out the door.
Baby girl. My hands travel to my stomach. I wonder if we're having a baby girl.