I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I promise I'm working on the requested one-shots. Thank you all for being so patient with me. But this idea just came to me, and I wanna know how it'll play out.
Warning: This is partly based on the adult cartoon. Now, I don't believe in censoring, so there will be a lot of cursing and other inappropriate stuff should the story permit. Viewer discretion advised.
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Things were going great for the Legends until they had to go to the year three thousand. They'd gone there once before to retrieve a piece of the Spear of Destiny (or try to anyway), but it was only for a brief moment. They hadn't actually been able to walk around and explore the time period. This go around, however, they would be wandering the streets of New York (well the locals called it New New York), searching for an anachronism -- an object or person misplaced in the timeline -- by the name of Philip J. Fry.
Sara landed the Waverider in the center of the city, making sure the time ship was cloaked. According to Gideon, the ship's AI, the people of New New York were quite moronic, and they'd probably try to steal the ship while the Legends did their job.
The Legends were an elite team of losers, who time traveled in the Waverider, rescuing people and preserving the timeline. (Though nine out of ten times, they just made it worse in the long run. But considering they blew up the last group who was supposed to take care of this stuff, they were time's only option. Besides, it was fun!)
The captain was none other than Miss Sara Lance. She was a badass assassin, twice killed and brought back from the dead. Almost nothing could stop her.
Ray Palmer was the team's inventor. He was also their only scientist since Professor Stein had gone out in that fight against Nazis last year. (Long story.) Ray was a bright and cheery man, often times picking the team up off their feet when things were looking bleak.
Nate Heywood was the team's historian. He knew more about the way history was supposed to pan out than anyone. (He was also the only one willing to sit and stare at the damned books all day.) At first, Sara wasn't going to let him join the Legends due to the fact that he was a hemophiliac. But then he got superpowers that counteracted hemophilia, and it was no longer an issue.
Zari was their head engineer since their last guy -- Jax -- had left after Stein's death. She was feisty and was always getting into some sort of argument with Sara, but she was still a valuable member of the team.
And then there was Mick. Mick was...well, he was Mick. He drank all day long, rarely ever doing anything useful. Nearly every time Sara let him on to the field he burnt something to the ground. But he was one of the only ones left from the original eight Legends. (Most of them had left after that incident with Vandal Savage, like Carter, Kendra, and Jax. Or died, like Leonard, Rip, and the Professor. So, that just left Mick, Ray, and Sara. The last three from the original team.) Sara didn't have the heart to tell him to scram.
The Legends had been through a lot together, and the team had formed a (mostly) unbreakable bond. Sara wouldn't give any of them up for the world.
"So what's the mission, Captain?" Ray asked as the time ship touched land. His dark hair was neatly combed, and his big brown eyes were glowing with a child like enthusiasm. He wore a red shirt under a black jacket, along with a matching pair of dark pants.
"Level one anachronism," Sara responded. "I know it doesn't seem very big, but we need to take care of it before it escalates." Her blonde hair was pinned back with a hair tie, and her blue eyes looked over the team with an icy stare. (The message was clear: for once we won't fuck this shit up!) She wore her all white, leather White Canary suit, batons hanging on her belt.
"That sounds like a lot of work for nothing," Mick complained. He took a swig from his beer bottle. His buff arms and buzz cut made him look like a guy just out of prison. (Which was more accurate than Sara liked to admit.)
"Then, you can stay on the ship," Sara sighed. "We won't be long."
"Yeah, I mean, we couldn't possibly screw up a job this easy," Zari snorted. Her dark hair hung loosely over her shoulders, and her expression was that of someone who had succumbed to complete boredom. She was wearing a leather jacket and jeans.
"I know you haven't been with us long, but I feel like you should know that we pretty much always screw up," Nate said. His sandy hair was swooped over to one side, and his eyes were downcast. He hadn't been putting much effort into his appearance since Amaya, his ex-lover, had left the team.
"That was sarcasm," Zari whispered, mildly annoyed.
"Let's just get this over with," Sara grumbled.
The team left the Waverider, hoping to get the job done quickly so they could decide where they should go on vacation. Sara was a little surprised when she saw Mick had come with them. (But she wasn't remotely shocked when he proclaimed he wasn't going to do any of the work.)
They searched the city high and low, examining the streets and the buildings. In the sky, flying cars and ships could be seen zipping through the air. On the side, walk tubes were displayed, sucking people inside like a vacuum cleaner and dragging them across town.
People walked through the streets -- some human, some alien, even some robots. Ray glanced around, looking like a child in a candy store. "This place is awesome," he said. "It's like walking into a sci-fi movie. They even have flying cars!"
"And booths where you can kill yourself," Mick said.
Zari frowned at him. "That's a little dark, even for you, Mick."
"I'm not making it up." He pointed at a blue box sitting off to the side. At first glance, Zari had assumed it was merely a telephone booth. But upon further inspection, she realized the words Suicide Booth were written on the side of the box.
Nate cringed. "That's...uh...that's not a good thing..."
"Why would they have something like that?" Sara scowled.
Mick shrugged. He didn't really care much. This wasn't his time period, and no one he cared about lived here. In fact, a few hours from now the Legends would be gone, and they will have forgotten all about this stupid place. It seemed like a waste of energy, worrying about some stupid box where people went to do stupid shit. He bet the booths didn't even work anyway.
Instead, Mick glanced in Nate's direction and, with a disinterested sigh, said, "That robot stole your wallet."
Nate turned, spotting the robot Mick was referring to. He was a silver bot made completely out of titanium. His feet were round, and his limbs were skinny, with gray casing covering the wires. On top of his head, an internal sat. Yellow eyes glowed on his face, and lines moved on his mouth when he spoke.
"What? Who? Me? Why I would never!" the robot protested. "I'm just a simple bending unit! Stealing is not in my programming!"
Of course, no one really believed him. Partly because they had been living with a thief for over six months now, and they knew how crooks acted. (Or, in Mick's case, they were a thief, and so they knew how crooks acted.) And partly because they could see the wallet jammed inside the little door on the robot's stomach.
The robot looked down, realizing he had failed to push the wallet all the way inside his compartment. "That's not your wallet! That's, uh, my friend's wallet. Yeah. I was just holding it for him." The robot squinted at the crowd passing by. "Oh. And here he comes now!"
A young, red-haired man came walking down the street. He wore a red jacket over a white T-shirt, baggy jeans, and sneakers. (The laces were untied and he kept tripping down the street.)
Sara was sure the robot was just pretending to know the guy, but then he stopped and started talking to him.
"Hey, Bender! I need a favor. I want to buy a flock of pigeons to impress Leela, but I don't have any money."
"I'm not expert on human romance, but isn't the bird supposed to be a dove?" the robot, Bender, said.
"Nope," the red-haired guy said. "Already tried that. It didn't work, so now I'm gonna try pigeons. I got a good feeling about this one!"
"Whatever," Bender shrugged. "I'm broke, but you can have this wallet I lifted from this douchebag earlier." He opened his compartment door and pulled out Nate's wallet, passing it to the redhead.
The redhead caught it, fumbling it slightly. "Thanks, Bender! You're a good, friend." He paused. "Well, not a good friend. But you know what I mean!" He skipped off down the street, happily singing Walking on Sunshine.
Bender placed a hand on his chest, pretending to feel touched. "They grow up so fast!" Then, he turned swiftly, waving to the Legends. "Welp. Later, meat bags!"
He started off down the street, singing about how great he was. Nate frowned, completely dumbfounded. "That...was my wallet," he muttered bitterly.
"And that was our anachronism," Sara said, staring after the red-headed guy.
"How can you tell?" Zari asked.
"Walking on Sunshine," Ray told her. "Very popular in the 90s."
"Let's follow him," Sara said. "We'll knock him out with the flasher and bring him back to his own time."
"Not me," Mick said. "I'm gonna go find a bar."
The captain sighed. But she knew there would be no use in trying to convince him to do otherwise. So, she let him go. (Though, she did make Zari go with him, just in case he tried to start any trouble with the locals. Not that Sara didn't trust Mick, but...she didn't trust him.) The rest of them followed Fry back to a small building at the edge of town. It had a tall tower with the shape of the earth on it. On the building's railings, the words Planet Express were printed.
~
After buying a flock of pigeons from some homeless guy on a roof, Fry went back to the Planet Express building to finally win Leela over!
He stumbled into the lab, tripping over the multiple cages he was carrying. The birds didn't really appreciate what he was trying to do for the love of his life, and they kept squawking and pecking at his sides.
"Ow! Quit it!" Fry complained. "You're my one chance to win Leela over! If you don't make her fall madly in love with me nothing will! So, just shut up and do your job!"
Fry had been trying to impress Turanga Leela for quite some time now. He had loved her since the very first day he had come to the year three thousand. (It was a very long and complicated story involving a frozen containment cell.)
Leela was tall, lean. Her shoulders were broad, and her chest was bulging. The woman could clearly take care of herself if the muscles on her arms and legs were any indication. She wore a thin, white tank, dark cargo pants, and combat boots. On her wrist, she wore a clamp of some kind. A futuristic communications device or something. Who knew?
Her long, purple hair was pulled back into a thin, snake-like tail, leaving a few strands of her bangs to fall on top of her forehead. But the most stunning feature the woman possessed was her one eye, located at the center of her head. A big blue one, the same color as the sky on a bright, sunny day. It was absolutely the most beautiful thing Fry had ever seen. Leela was one of a kind, and he vowed to always treat her as such. She deserved nothing but the best in life. And he was determined to give it to her!
Now if only he could get her to notice him...
When Fry set the bird cages on the table at the center of the lab, the Planet Express employees stared at him, exasperated. This wasn't the first time the delivery boy had brought back something stupid.
"Fry, you nincompoop, what is this?" Hermes asked. He was a plump Jamaican bureaucrat. The man took his job very seriously and could be quite the hardass sometimes. He had even fired himself once for not keeping everyone else in line. In fact, the only thing Hermes loved more than his job was limboing. (And he was very good at that too.) One would think his wife and son would be more important, but no. It was limboing.
"Shush! I'm being romantic!" Fry hissed.
"Oh no," Leela sighed. "You shouldn't have."
He turned to her. "It was no problem, really."
"No. I mean you really shouldn't have. This was a very, very stupid thing to do, Fry."
"Leela," he said, ignoring the comment. "My love. In order to show you my affection I bring you...a bunch of smelly pigeons!"
Leela shifted uncomfortably. "That's really sweet, Fry. But --"
Too late. Fry opened the cages. The pigeons flew from their cages, squawking loud and flapping around wildly.
The Planet Express employees ran around, screaming. Amy hid under the table, hands over her head.
"Eep! My hair! Don't let them poo in my hair!" she yelled. She was a rich Martian girl, interning in science under the professor at Planet Express. Despite her rich heritage, though, she usually just wore a pair on pink jogging pants and a matching crop top. (Though, she made even that look utterly fabulous.)
Hermes, Fry, and Leela ducked under the desk, crunching together. Meanwhile, Dr. Zoidberg and Professor Farnsworth were huddled against the wall, hiding behind the nearby filing cabinet.
The two had worked side by side for the longest time. They were partners long before anyone else had come along.
Farnsworth was an old fart, wrinkles covering every inch of his body. He wore glasses over his eyes, so thick that one couldn't even see the eyeballs behind them. He was a complete genius, and he had invented some pretty awesome things during his one hundred something years on earth. (Like the smelloscope, capable of smelling the stinkiest garbage from light years away!) But sometimes he could be a little delirious. Like that time he shot Bender when he was pretending to be Santa, even though Leela had explained the scam to him a million times. (Santa was kind of a murderous, psychopathic robot in the future. Everyone always had their weapons at the ready during the X-Mas season {which is what people called Christmas in the year three thousand})
Zoidberg was a freaky lobster/squid hybrid with tentacles hanging over his mouth. Instead of hands, he had huge claws. On his feet, he wore flip-flops and around his shoulders a lab coat was draped. It was a well-known fact, however, that his degree was -- most likely -- fake or nonexistent. Zoidberg had claimed he lost it in a volcano, but no one was very keen to believe him on account of the fact that he was a terrible doctor.
Half the time he couldn't remember anything about human anatomy. One time he even started Fry's arm on to his stomach. It took several more tries before he actually stitched it into the right place, requiring a long, agonizing process of sawing his Fry's limbs off and sewing them back on. Though, Zoidberg had kept them all alive and saved them multiple times over the years. So, it was really hard to tell whether or not he was a fraud.
Zoidberg raised his claws in the air, shrieking and trying to scare the pigeons away. This only seemed to piss them off, causing them to either swoop down and peck him or poop on him. And that made Zoidberg screech even louder, before scurrying out of the room for safety.
"Fry, you idiot!" Farnsworth huffed. "Now there will be bird crap all over the place! I'm too old to step in bird crap!"
Fry ignored him and turned to Leela. "So, wanna go out now?"
Leela just rolled her eye, sighing in exasperation. She just knew she'd be the one to get stuck cleaning the mess up. Fry was too moronic to do it. Bender was too lazy. Zoidberg would just stink it up even worse on account of his living in a dumpster. Amy was too rich to do it. And Hermes and the professor were her bosses, so they couldn't really be expected to do any of the real work.
Of course, they had a janitor, whose name was Scruffy, but he was on vacation, a romantic cruise with the mop bucket. (She wasn't sure how that had started, and she wasn't really sure she wanted to know.)
"Wow. And I thought the Legends were crazy."
Leela glanced over at the door and spotted three people she'd never seen before. It was a blonde woman and two men. They were ducking to avoid getting smacked by Fry's pigeons.
"Ray, do you still have that shrink ray?" the woman asked, glaring up at the disgusting birds.
"It's not a shrink ray," the dark-haired man, who Leela guessed was Ray, said. "It's --"
"I don't care! Do you have it or not?" the woman hissed.
Ray pulled out a device from his pocket. The woman nodded, taking it. She aimed it at the birds, firing it. Immediately, they shrank to tiny, toy-sized figures. The Planet Express gang came out of hiding.
"Wow, thanks, strangers!" Fry grinned. "Say. You look familiar. Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" He frowned, placing his hand on his jaw to look thoughtful.
"Your robot friend stole my wallet, and you used my money to buy pigeons," the man with the lighter hair said. (Later Leela learned he was called Nate. And the woman was Sara.)
Fry shook his head. "No. That's not it." He frowned for a moment longer, before snapping his fingers. "I got it! You're those people that Bender stole from earlier today!"
Nate frowned, looking completely befuddled. "That's what I just said."
"Don't mind him," Leela said. "He's an idiot." She looked over the trio, finding their appearance a little strange. They definitely weren't from New New York. "Now, how can we help you? Do you need something delivered?"
Sara shrugged. "You could say that."
"Well you'll have to make an appointment," Farnsworth said. "We have pigeon crap to clean up. And by that I mean Leela has pigeon crap to clean up."
Leela sighed. Go figure.
"What do you need to be delivered anyways?" Amy asked, sitting on the edge of the table. She was very careful not to sit in the pigeon crap.
Sara, very seriously, pointed at Fry. "You. Back to the past."
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Haha. That was stupid...and fun. First time writing the peeps from Futurama so sorry if they aren't up to par. But..yeah. That was fun. Just a little test to see if this could be a thing I do in the future. Let me know what you think of the idea and if you would like to see it continued or not.
That's all for now,
Toodles!
~ Elsie