Jahseh
" Answer the fucking phone! " I yelled frustrated as I paced the back porch with a cigarette in between my fingers. I pounded my hand against the sliding door and pressed decline hearing his voicemail again. I started to throw my phone when it vibrated and answered it already know who it was.
" Wass- "
" I thought I told you to keep an eye on Satin. " I said to Coolie calming down after he answered causing my voice to break up. I drug my hand down my face anticipating his answer.
" What you mean brother? I did. She was straight the whole time. " he said sounding oblivious. It was questionable though, almost as if he had practiced that line before for preparation for this conversation.
" Straight. " I laughed bitterly into the phone I didn't know being ripped of your innocence was considered 'Straight'.
" So when you called yourself keeping an eye on her what did that consist of? " I asked carefully not to say too much. If Coolie knew anything I wanted him to say it himself. I wasn't going to bring up her being raped or her not going to school. I wanted him to sweat if he knew anything.
He stammered for a while trying to scrap an answer together. " I mean, you know man. Driving passed and making sure nothing looked strange. "
" Ok... I'll hold you accountable then. " I said calmly and hung up without giving him a chance to respond. It didn't matter what he had to say. As my brother, he shouldn't have half assed did something I asked him to do.He risked someone's safety and mental health because he's lazy and I couldn't accept that.
Going back inside I thought about going to check on Satin but decided against it. I wanted to let her get herself together before I started pressing her. I already knew she wouldn't be at school for a while so she would be here with me and Ski. I was more than happy about that though.
There was a knock at the door and I stood to answer confused. Nobody ever knocked on our door in a civilized manner so I knew it was someone foreign here. I opened the door and revealed the pair who were visiting Satin the day of the party.
I stood there blankly staring at them as they stood nervous. " What? "
They both looked at each other strangely when the girl spoke.
" We were coming to see Satin. She's home right? " she said in a nice tone. Her voice didn't match her appearance at all. Her voice was sweet and soft while her features and expressions were very apparent.
" Who are y'all exactly? " I asked with my head turned and my eyebrow raised. I didn't really want strangers in my house at the moment. I wasn't really in the greatest mood and I was on edge about everything.
" Her cousins. " the guy said clearing her throat which made me even more curious as to who they were. Satin and Stokeley share both parents so why don't they acknowledge him?
" Her cousins? " I asked still holding the door only wide enough for me to stand in.
" Jah what are you doing? Let them in. " Satin said from behind me opening the door for them. They all walked past me glaring at me strangely. I grabbed Satin's arm gently before she could get away from me good as they continued to her room.
" Are they not Skis cousins too? " I asked feeling kind of nosey. It was weird to me though.
" I'll tell you about it later. " She spoke lowly before she went to her room as well. I wanna hear about it now.
I went down to the studio because some of the guys were down there with Ski. They weren't really working, just giving under the dimmed studio lights. A blunt was in rotation while they joked and talked about shit.
" Ayo, X. " Drugz said standing up to shake up with me.
" Wassup man. " I spoke, clearly uninterested.
" Me and Ski laid the verses and shit for VRBz, waiting on you brother. " he said taking his seat again as I nodded.
" I can knock that out after I talk to Ski real quick. Ski. " I said nodding my head to the more empty side of the studio.
" Yea? "
" Them two jits that were here with Satin a while back, are they your cousins too? " i asked seeming intrusive. I couldn't help it though, something about them both seemed off. I didn't want them around me.
Suddenly his whole demeanor changed and it wasn't too pleasant. " I wouldn't call them that but technically they are yes. Why? " he asked eyeing me from the side.
" Why wouldn't you consider them your cousins? " I asked not giving a shit about me pestering him about it. He does me the same way when he wants to know about something badly.
" They both did something really fucked up but Stainz doesn't know. She was away when it happened so we never spoke about it to her because they're so close and shit. I'm regretting it though. " he said lowly. I could practically see steam flowing from his ears so I decided to leave it alone although I wanted to know what they did. I nodded my head taking in what he said he left without a word.
" Wassup with the track Jahseh? " Drugz asked as I started to leave the studio.
" I'll have it done later today. " I muttered and made my way upstairs. Coming up, Satin's company was just leaving. That was fast.
" Laurenn don't forget to send me the pictures. " Satin yelled out the door. Laurenn's response was inaudible as Satin started to close the door. When she turned around she jumped and clutched at her chest seeing me so close behind her.
" Jesus Jahseh, what are you doing? " she asked relaxing a little. I stepped back away from her and shoved my hands in the front of my sweats.
" Do you remember anything else about the people who violated you? I need more details. " I said lowly not really wanting to bring the topic up. I wanted to get to the bottom of it though and deal with who I need to deal with. Satin sighed lowly and grabbed my arm pulling me to her room. She closed the door behind us and sat on her bed. She looked so tired it was almost cute.
" It wasn't much to remember. One was fat, the other was skinny. The skinny one seemed more like a bitch if you ask me and I could've handled the fucker if he was alone. He was way taller than me though. I noticed that. " she spoke with her arms folded as she glared at the floor. I could tell she wanted revenge just as bad as I did. Which I couldn't blame her for, i was completely for whatever she wanted to do about this.
" He had braces. " she laughed bitterly. " He bit me and the brackets imprinted on my arm. " she shook her head, showing me the perfect row of bracket mark on her shoulder. Hmm.
" How do you feel? " I asked looking over at her. Her skin was drained and it was weird seeing her like this. Although she was always a little grey it was clear she was fighting something.
" I feel like I wanna kill someone again. " she mumbled lowly as if she didn't want me to hear. I heard her loud and clear though. Again.
" Again? " I asked amused. I just knew Satin hadn't harmed anyone like that. It made me question did I know her as well as I thought I did. I was well aware of the fact that she was violent. I knew she liked the idea of death and that she was fascinated with it. I knew she hated everyone and wants everybody dead but I didn't think she would go as far as killing anyone ever. The thought of it kind of made me want her a little more.
" Nothing. " she said softly after realizing what she said.
" You can tell m- " I started.
" I said nothing Jahseh drop it! " she yelled looking at me with fiery eyes. I blinked at her tone and tilted my head to the side.
" Don't raise your voice at me. " I spoke calmly trying not to get aggressive with her being her condition.
" Stop pressing me about shit then. I said nothing so leave it at that. " she snapped as her eyes grew wide. It was taking everything in me not to break and choke her. She was really cutting it close with the way she was talking to me.
" Satin I understand what you going through to a certain extent but don't take that anger out on me. I've done nothing but be here for you and you're treating me like shit. Stop it. " I spoke easily, making sure not to be harsh. If she couldn't talk to me without popping off yet I'd leave her be.
She blew her breath and slouched, shaking her head slightly. I could tell she was tearing up as she sniffled and wiped at her nose. " Im sorry I just feel so weak. "
" You're acting the part. Stop crying. " I said straight forward. I didn't really know how to comfort but I did know how to motivate. She looked over at me as a smile pulled at her lips. Before I knew it she was straddling my lap with both her arms wrapped around my neck tightly. I stiffened feeling myself harden under her. She snorted loudly in my ear as she laid her head on my shoulder.
" Can you do me a favor Jah? " she asked with her lips grazing my ear. I was almost eager to answer. I didn't know what to expect from Satin anymore. I could read her and predict her moves so easily before but that's changed.
" As long as it's in my reach. " I looked over at her focused eyes and studied them. A certain sheen fell over them and I felt her hand graze mine. He face was inches away from mine and it was strange that I couldn't hear her heart beating as close as we were.
" I'm sure it is. I've heard of you doing it before. " she whispered looking down at the scarce space between us causing me to do the same.
I only waited for her to continue hoping she wasn't hinting at sex. I wouldn't. Not with how her mental is now. She would only be seeking something else. Something deep rooted that I can't give her with a touch, a kiss, or anything.
" Hurt me. " she said pleadingly and I took offense to it. I wanted to be a different me, not the X that has no remorse and disregards others feelings so easily. I wanted to be Jahseh. Especially to her.
I slowly moved my hand from hers as she shuttered at the look I gave her. I'm sure it was a look of snow.
" That's not what you want. I won't do it either. " I shook my head to myself and stood going to isolate myself and think. I had to think or I'd do something stupid and lose my happiness. My ounce of happiness, Satin.
She rushed to grab my hand and stood with me. " Do it. "
I glared down at her disgusted. Why would she want to bring that out of me? I could hurt her in unimaginable ways and she for sure would hate me. Was she trying to hate me?
" What are you trying to do Satin! " I yelled growing frustrated with her ignorance. She was egging me on and I was close to. Something about doing others wrong melted my heart and I hated that even though the feeling was amazing. It wasn't how things should be and I wouldn't let them be.
" I need to feel! Something! " she pushed, bringing her hands up to my face but dropping them immediately. I stared down at her nodding slowly. I'd show her, this wasn't what she wanted.
" I need you to. " she said softly, sounding crazed. I couldn't imagine what was going through her head and I didn't want to. I turned and left her room, grabbing my keys from the table and heading out. I'd give her whatever it was she thought she needed.
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It's been a while guys. School has been getting tougher and I just haven't had the time. This chapter was trash but we're just gonna call it a filler and keep it moving.🕺🏽 Anywho did you guys hear Don't Cry on C5? It was amazing and I'm just glad he was about to be apart of a legendary album like Carter 5 before he passed. I'm so proud of him. 😸🖤
LongLiveKingJahseh.