It is now 1 in the morning and I have been awake for three hours. Just trying to process that I made out with my music teacher, that I also really like. But is also my teacher.
Here I am being my usual self, stressing. Which, what isn't there to stress about. I made out with my teacher. There's no justifying it. It doesn't matter how close we are. It doesn't matter how we met. She's still my teacher.
Currently I am holding her while she sleeps, which doesn't help me at all. It just grows my attraction to her. She just looks so cute when she sleeps. She looks so calm and peaceful. And so natural.
No. I can't think like that.
"Fuck my life," I say out loud.
Adelaide moves a little. Did I wake her up?
"Hey what are you doing awake?" She asks sleepily.
Shit I woke her up.
"I can't sleep," I say nervously. "But it's alright, go back to sleep."
She sits up and rubs her face. "No I am not going back to sleep. I know why you can't sleep."
I look down and play with my hands. I know we need to talk about this, but I have actually having to do it.
"Willow, please talk to me. Be honest with me. I want to know what you are thinking."
"I," I begin. Still not able to look at Adelaide. "I'm freaking out."
She does the same thing she always does. She presses three fingers to my chin and lifts my head gently so I look at her. But this time I can't pull away.
"I know you are," she says softly.
"But how are you not?" I ask. This is her job on the line.
She pulls her hand away. "Because I know how I feel for you. And you make me so happy. I am not going to regret my actions that come from that."
I run my hands through my hair. "Adelaide," I sigh. "I have strong feelings for you also. But I can't tske this risk. It scares me too much. And I don't want to go into something in fear. I think, we need to take some time apart. At least, not being alone for long periods of time. We can hang out with each other when we are with the girls. But no more me spending the night in your room or me staying after class unless it is school related. I really need to think."
I get up to walk out of her room. Trying to not let the tears flee my eyes that are fighting to come out.
"Willow, please." I can hear her crying. "Please"
I stop at her door, my hand on the doorknob. I don't turn around because I know that if I do, I will walk back to her and do something I will regret. "I'm sorry." And I walk out of her room.
As I walk up the stairs, the tears flood out. I just pushed away the person who means the most to me. As soon as I reach my room I lay in bed and cry myself to sleep.
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So this chapter is pretty short but I will try to upload another one soon!
Also this chapter did break my heart, but I also do write how I feel the story should go and what comes to mind when I am writing.