harry;
I wake up to a familiar pounding in my head, my eyes slowly flickering open to reveal my dark room. I groan to myself, my ears ringing and pulsing from the thumping music of yesterday. I tiredly stretch out my arms followed by my legs. My bed feels like the most pleasant place on the world right now. Bed's are underrated.
I lazily reach over and grab my phone, pulling it off the charger. I've slept through majority of the day because I went out to a house party as soon as I got off the train. I have no idea how I even got home. But at least I am home and not passed out in the middle of some random persons house. I throw my heavy blanket off my heated body, sitting up slowly from my reclined position. I get a small head spin anyways as I stand off my bed, sheepishly stumbling into my bathroom.-
I turn the shower on, flicking the fan button before I step into the warmth. The hot water immediately relaxes my tense muscles and I let out a groan in pure bliss. I let the water fall onto the messy state of my curly hair, rising out the sweat and smoke from last night. As I start to wash my hair, the familiar scent of vanilla lingers in my nose and for some unknown reason; it reminds me of Carey. Last nights events begin to pour into my head, reminding myself that I'm a bloody idiot.
I hadn't checked to see if she had responded to one of my many drunk texts last night, telling her how sorry I was. But I know Carey better than that. She wouldn't respond, I'd have to see her in person to get a response.
So, I decide that's what I'll do.
With no logical reason, just acting out of improvisation; I finish up my shower, drying myself off before chucking on my usual attire of black jeans, black t-shirt and boots. I throw on a jumper before grabbing my almost empty deck of cigarettes and keys, heading downstairs. I thought I was going to completely avoid my mum, however, that was not the case.
"Harry." She calls sternly from the kitchen when I open the front door. I think about making a dash out the door to avoid any kind of communication, but that would only make things worse when I came home. I stop, not taking another step.
"You didn't come home last night when you said you were and now you're leaving again?" She scolds and I turn around to face her walking over to me with her small arms crossed over her chest. She looked like she hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, probably because she was up waiting for me. I don't even remember what time I came home.. The last time I checked my phone was at 5 in the morning and I was still at that party.
"Um.. sorry?" I say with no meaning and she rolls her eyes.
"Not good enough Harry! You know that I don't appreciate you lying to me about where you are! Especially when you are drunk! It is not on Harry." She tells me off and I stand there awkwardly. I would say I'm not going to do it again, but that would be the biggest lie I've ever told.
"Where are you even going?" She asks after a moment of uncomfortable silence.
"Ethan's." I respond coolly. Carey's, actually, my mind correct me. But she doesn't have to know that.
"I need you to be home by 5 the latest. We have guests." My mum tells me not giving me a second to respond before she's walking down back to the kitchen. I huff in annoyance, hoping to God that it is not Alexis and her picture perfect family as our 'guests'.
That name made me sick. I roll my eyes and storm out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I get into my car and start driving over to Carey's. What the hell was I even going to say? Was she even home? I remember Ethan going home with Liam, so I know it won't be awkward as hell when I arrive at his.
After a not-so-silent ride of my thoughts almost strangling me with something to say, I park outside of the house. I've never gone this far too apologise to someone.. let alone for kissing a girl. I fiddle with the dead skin around my nails before I decide on getting out and walking up to the front door. However, I know Carey better than this so I sneak over to the side of her house. I manage to climb up the shaky fence, standing on top of the tin garage roof. I end up right outside of her bedroom window.
The blinds were drawn shut but I rattle on the frail window anyways. I wait a few moments, not getting a response so I do rattle on it again. I hear a groan come from the inside and I crouch down a little. The drawn blinds open to face a tired Nessa staring back at me. She gasps and covers her hand over her mouth. Her eyes go wide and she stares at me in utter confusion.
I gesture to her to open the window and she raises her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest that was covered in a next to nothing bra. I pull out my deck of cigarettes, waving them a little. She stares at me for a few seconds before opening the window to let me in.
"What the hell Harry?!" Nessa exclaims as I crawl inside of the window. I straighten myself up and Nessa slides a shirt over herself, waiting for some type of response. I hand her my deck of cigarettes and she greedily takes one before handing the deck back.
"Is Carey home?" I ask as she finds a lighter. Her eyes flicker over to the bedroom door as she lights the cigarette between her lips. I turn my body around to find Carey standing with her mouth open. She was dressed in only a lace bra and matching underwear. A few inappropriate thoughts run across my head, wondering what the hell they were both doing before I got here.
"What the fuck? How did you get in?" She gasps, her eyes full of surprise.
"Window." I point over to Nessa who was climbing out of it to enjoy her smoke. I quickly look away, not trying to grab a glimpse of her best friend's ass.
"Seriously? Get the fuck out Harry! I don't have time for your shit. Seeing your face is giving me a headache." Carey complains rubbing her small hands over her forehead.
I don't budge one bit, staying in one spot. Carey angrily puts down a cup of tea on her bed side table, staring at me in frustration. Suddenly all words that I had practised fly out of my dazed mind as I look at her. She was evidently hungover but she looked hot at the same time. Why the hell was I thinking like this? I came her to apologise not to fuck.
"I'm sorry." I blurt out and her tight facial expression softens a little.
"Okay.." She mutters awkwardly.
"It was her fault." I say pathetically and she gives me a look of 'really?'
"Harry I don't really care who's fault it was cause you still kissed her." She says, crossing her arms over her cold chest. I go over to the window and shut it, I hear both Nessa and Carey complain and I hold back the laughter I had building up from their reactions.
"You're cold and I don't want her listening." I explain and sit down on her bed.
Carey sighs and rubs her sore eyes showing that she is clearly annoyed by my presence. She also looks upset, her eyes drooping.
"Look, Harry I appreciate you coming to try and make shit better but you literally made out with the one person I despise in front of my face. Like I feel a little shit right now and seeing you is making me more angrier. All I see when I look at you is you two making out and it's pissing me off. You're pissing me off." She says looking straight past me. Ouch.
I stand up awkwardly, only to tell her to "Text me.. at least."
She raises her eyebrow and points at the window. It was her way or the highway, and to be honest I had admitted to myself I need Carey in my life. So I decide not to piss her off anymore and let her play out her hissy fit. I open up the window and let myself out to find an annoyed Nessa.
"What if I froze out here?" She says standing up from her seating position and I shrug my shoulders.
"That would've sucked." I reply before letting myself down off the garage.
"How did it go?" She questions her voice a little softer as she checks the window to see if Carey was listening.
"Not good but not horrible. Just try and butter her up for me." I ask and Nessa sticks her hand out. I roll my eyes and stand on my toes to give her another cigarette before placing one in my mouth. She smiles and lights her one as I do mine. I give her a small wave before heading over to my car.
.
After coming back from Liam's, a little too stoned for a stupid dinner party my mother had planned, I only just find out who she's invited from my sister. Her new boyfriend.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I blurt out as I angrily take a seat on the guest bed that Gemma had made her own. She sighs as she applies some kind of makeup to her face.
"Harry.. just keep it to yourself. Suck it up and be nice for an hour at the table. No one is forcing you to talk to him." My sister says coolly as if she doesn't understand the wankers that she's brought home. Oh wait.. She doesn't.
"You don't get it. It'll be another dickhead that just wants sex then dips." I explain but get no kind of reaction out of her.
"Maybe put on like a suit shirt or something." Is all she says and I run my hands through my hair, obviously annoyed that she wasn't paying attention to what I was saying.
"Fuck no. I'm wearing a t-shirt. If either of them have a problem with it then I'll strip and sit butt arse naked." I reply back more aggressively and she doesn't seem to care.
"Don't you have like a black one or something? That could look cute."
"I don't want to fucking look cute, Gemma." I spit and she rolls her eyes. I've had enough of this conversation.
I storm out of her room, slamming the door once I get into mine. I'm not changing into a dress shirt. Fuck that. I'm not high enough to do that like last time she decided to have guests over. My hand, without noticing, picks up my phone and immediately goes to Carey's contact. I stop myself.
If she wasn't so pissed at me I'd call her and take her out on another spontaneous adventure. I know I'm a dick for making out with Alexis but I'm too impatient to wait for her to 'get over it.' I end up sitting at my desk, distracting myself by drawing tattoo ideas for a few customers I have. One of them wanted a large pattern with a face intertwined within it. I don't know why you'd get anyone's face tattooed on you, but each to their own.
After managing to crush out a few designs that my stoned mind created, my mum walks into my room unannounced, startling me a little.
"What?" I say, looking over my shoulder.
"Can you come downstairs now? They'll be here soon." She orders rather than asks. I roll my eyes and focus back on the paper in front of me, anxiously tapping the pencil in my hand on the desk.
"And put a nicer shirt on please." She says and without announcing, begins walking into my closet.
"Who's coming?" I ask as I hear her rummaging through the mess and chaos in my closet. I quickly shuffle the sketches into a folder and throwing it into my desk drawer before getting up and walking over to her. I already know who's coming, I just want to hear her tell me. But she probably won't.
"Here." She pulls out a black buttoned down shirt and hands it to me. I take it even though I'm not going to put it on.
"Are you going to answer me or not?" I ask, folding my arms over my chest. "Or are you just not going to tell me because you know it'll piss me off?"
"Listen Harry.." She starts but trails off into silence because she knows I'm right.
"I'm listening." I respond and she sighs in disappointment.
"I invited my.. boyfriend over for dinner tonight for you and Gemma to meet him and I'd appreciate if you were nicer to him than you have been for the other ones." She tells me and I laugh rudely. As if I was going to play nice. No fucking way. I shake my head and she presses her lips into a fine line.
"I knew it." I say, messing the mop of curls on my head. She looks at me with a pleading look as if to beg for me to be kind. But why would I treat a guy nicely, especially when I know that they're just using her?
.
His name was John.. or Joseph... Jason was it? I had consumed too much of the gin that I found stashed in the bottom drawer of my desk and I was a little too fucked to remember some useless dickheads name. It's safe to say that I wasn't being too polite. At all. Not that I had any problem with it but the glares my mother was shooting at me were telling me that I was going to cop it.
My sister wasn't impressed with me either, not that she had a reason to be. She was sucking up to my mum a lot which pissed me off, telling this Jacob man that she's studying Law at university and has her own flat. He congratulates her as I take a large sip of the gin and tonic that I've disguised as 'lemonade'.
"What about you Harry?" He asks and I drunkenly put the glass down.
"Huh?" I say back not really interested in whatever he was asking me.
"What are your plans after sixth form?" He asks me and I let out a sigh.
"Um, I don't know." I shrug, not really too sure what else to say. I can't be bothered to elaborate on that so I hope he just takes it as a sign to shut up. I grab my gin and tonic, taking a longing sip of it.
"Well if you're interested in business, we have a few paid internships openings at Phoenix Co." He announces and I almost choke on the liquid that I was pouring down my mouth. You have to be kidding me. My mother immediately looks down at her plate as my grip tightens around the glass.
"Phoenix huh?" I say back as my mum shoots me a glare.
"Yes, have you heard of it?" He asks intrigued.
"Isn't that dad's business?" I ask my mum rudely. She awkwardly shifts in her seat, nodding her head.
"Oh your father is Damon Styles?" He asks and I give him a cold stare as I nod. I swallow down my fuming anger that was bubbling up, getting ready to seep through my body. Of fucking course my mother comes home with a worker for my fathers company. What more could I expect?
I look over at her but she seems to be more interested in talking with Gemma, distracting herself from my rage that was waiting to come out. I try to kick out the thoughts that I was having of her missing my father and going through people to try and get back with him. Maybe the guys she was bringing home weren't using her. Maybe she was the one using them, all in an attempt to get back with that vile beast I call my father.
A sick feeling starts coating through my veins as now everything seems to add up. I grip tightly onto the table, not even bothering to look anywhere but my mum, waiting for her to say something.
"Should I start preparing desert and tea?" Is all she says, quickly standing up, collecting a few plates. My sister and the James guy nod their heads, before Gemma jumps up to help collect the plates. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of my mum trying to get back with my dad.
I sit in silence, tension caving around me as if to tell me to do something. I take a glance at the mindless idiot sitting in front of me. He probably has no idea what he's getting into with my mum, being used as a stepping stone.
My sister walks back into the room to collect more plates and I take that as my cue to leave. I push my chair back aggressively as I basically storm into the kitchen, fists clenched at my sides. I probably shouldn't have gotten up that fast. My head spun faster than a CD player and I almost stumble over my own feet as I make it into the kitchen.
My mum has her back faced to me as she starts packing the dirty plates into the dishwasher. She hasn't noticed me yet and I take a few seconds before I say anything, letting my brain catch up to my body.
"You're ignoring me." I blurt out. I notice her ears prick up a little, stopping her actions before continuing to load plates into the dishwasher.
"I'm not ignoring you. You're drunk and being rude to Jonathan." My mum says now refreshing the name that I was so confused about in my head.
"Rude? I've barely even said a word to him." I respond and she turns around to face me with a disappointed look on her face.
"Exactly. You're being rude and disrespectful." She states and I start to feel the anger seeping through my blood.
"Me? Disrespectful! You're the one using him to get back with dad. I reckon that is more disrespectful than me not saying a word!" My voice projects louder than intended but it's not like I can control it when I'm almost pissed drunk. My mum looks at me offended, as if she was pretending that that wasn't her intentions.
"Jesus Christ Harry! What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you thinking these things? You know that I would never do that to you!" She yells, the redness on her face beginning to deepen in anger.
"You are doing this to me! You've gone through all these guys just to get back with dad!" I yell back and her face entirely covers in irritation.
"Excuse me?" She exasperates.
"Why are you even trying to get back with him?! Don't you remember what he did to us?! He ruined my fucking life!" My chest grows tight with anger. I struggle to get my words out but the tone is impacting her as if I wasn't struggling at all.
"I seriously cannot believe you are accusing me of this! I pulled us as far away from him as I could! Why the hell would I go back to him?!" She defends herself but I can see straight through her. I know she's lying.
Her eyes keep flickering to the side of me and I'm not that drunk to notice that there is no one behind me. She fiddles with her thumbs a little, going to pick up another plate but I grab it before she can, smashing it against the tiled floor.
"Stop lying to me! I'm sick of you lying and ignoring me all the fucking time!" I yell, the plate manages to grasp her attention. She gasps, running her hands nervously through her hair.
"I know what you are doing!" I add when she doesn't say anything.
"What is going on?" Gemma whisper yells as she steps into the room, eyes finding the broken plate on the floor. "The fuck Harry?"
"She's using all these guys to get back with dad!" I explain and Gemma kneels down on the floor, helping my mum pick up the shattered china.
"And? If she wants to be happy again let her?" Gemma says and I almost throw up at her words. There is no fucking way my sister actually just said that to me. Has she forgotten what he did to all three of us?
"Are you fucking kidding me? Have you forgotten everything?!" I yell at her and she stands up, facing me boldly.
"He is a changed man and if she wants to get back with him, let her." She says and that's all it takes for me to grab the nearest glass cup, aggressively throwing it at the wall. It loudly shatters everywhere, both of them gasping in shock.
"You both are so mentally fucked! He's a fucking abuser, always has and always will be one! You are twisted, the lot of you!" I scream before storming out of the kitchen, knocking whatever was on the bench onto the floor. I manage to get up to my room sliding a hoodie over me, grabbing that bottle of gin, a few joints and cigarettes before managing to sneak out of the front door.
I drunkenly stumble out of the front yard as my body sips on the gin like fresh water to an underprivileged child. It's cold outside, freezing more like. The winter months were slowly approaching but I could care less about the weather right now. I don't even know why I'm talking about the weather... I don't even know where I am. I end up stumbling and tripping over myself as I walk around the quiet town. I've seen a few cars and I check the time only to see that it's almost 11pm. Who the hell has dinner this late?
I make it to a small, dark and empty park, resembling exactly how I felt right now. The small wooden benches seem like the perfect place for me to slump down on. I take a seat and quickly fumble the items out of my pocket, rolling a joint between my drunk fingers. I smoke the entire stick to myself before rolling another one. My chest hurt as I was huffing down the joints like a fat kid eating chocolate. I was doing everything I could to make me forget about what the hell just happened at home.
It's fucked. Completely fucked - to find out that my mum is trying to get back with the bloody devil. My whole body is too drunk to even comprehend the 'conversation' that just happened. I need a distraction and this gin and bud isn't doing much. I need something better. Someone better... like Carey.
So, for the second time today, I make the irrational decision to rock up to her house. Only this time I stand outside the front door for a few minutes, stress-fully smoking a cigarette before I knock on the old door.
A few seconds later I hear the soft tap of feet moving against the floorboard, my chest filling with anxiety. I hope she doesn't kick me out, I don't have anywhere else to go. Well, I do, but I'd rather be at Carey's than somewhere with Liam. The door opens, knocking my rambling thoughts out of my head.
Carey looks at me with confused faded red eyes, hiding half her body behind the door as if she was expecting it to be some kind of a monster. Ironically, I felt like that monster.
"What the hell are you doing here?" She asks, her small face scanning my slanted body. My eyes can barely stay open, the bud mixing with the gin was not the brightest idea tonight. Yet, neither was that stupid little dinner party.
"I.. need you." I say and she crosses her eyebrows, opening the door a little more to reveal herself wearing a band tee, long sleeves underneath it and fuzzy socks on her feet.
"You are a mess. Let me drive you home." She begins, turning her body away as I yell out a 'no.'
She stares at me cocking her dark eyebrow. My movements stop as I walk myself a few steps into her cold house that felt comforting to me.
"Please don.. don't drive me home. Just wanna be here." I explain drunkenly and she quickly shuts and locks the front door, the awkward tension now completely locked inside with us.