Vera's POV
"He's still in the hospital girl," Leah says, after I ask her about Cam. I've been avoiding it, but I'm curious to know. After being discharged and sent home I feel a little ounce of my normal life has been given back to me. I buckle up in the passenger's seat and try to make myself comfortable amidst my numerous bumps and aches.
"Where?" I ask.
Leah sighs, avoiding eye contact. "One floor under where you were."
I close my eyes tightly. That whole time I was in the hospital he was right under me? The night Cam and I had gotten into a fight has been on my mind ever since I woke up. Anytime someone comes close to me, I flinch, I don't want to be touched, not even by Leah. I've been having trouble sleeping; nightmares of him trapping me into the corner of his car have been chasing away any rest I need.
"I don't ever want to see him again," I say, trying to hold back a painful sob. I fold my arms across my stomach, willing the defiant posture to make me feel strong. Leah nods understandingly, putting her hand over mine. She's been trying to convince me to take Cam to court, but I can't bear the thought. Being stuck in the same place with him again? Having to relive everything again? NO. NO WAY.
Leah goes on and talks about how school has been going for her, she talks about Sean, who she's been seeing since the gala. I know she's trying to take my mind off all of the horrible things that have happened, but nothing, no matter how superficial or juicyl, can erase that night from me. I look out of the window, trying to think about other things. The only thing that I can't distract myself from is the fact that I'm pregnant. Out of all people, me.
What am I supposed to do? I have no one. I can't tell Leah, or Becca....Colin is out of the question. Another life to take care of, to think about. Why, why, why, is this happening to me? I look down to my left hand, where there used to be a beautiful wedding ring. My ring finger has felt unusually light since the night I left that ring behind in Colin's apartment. Colin's voice and his soft kiss on my forehead last night replays in the back of my head. Colin, Colin.
As we drive through downtown I try to ignore the billboards with Colin's face plastered on them. No matter how much I deny him, I can't deny how beautiful he is. We drive further and another bright blue billboard catches my attention. On the side of a large skyscraper in bright letters, it reads Planned Parenthood-We believe in a woman's right to choose. Oh the irony.
As soon as we get to the apartment I'm anxious to get back in. I feel like I'm in an unfamiliar place. It's been so long since I've been here. I go straight into my room and plop down my hospital bags onto the bed. Leah had ignored my urging her to throw away all of the gifts Colin brought to me at the hospital. They now fill our living room.
"V, don't even worry about dinner! I've got it tonight!" Leah calls from the kitchen.
"Ok! Sounds good."
I sit at the foot of my bed and grab my phone to browse the Internet, looking up more information on Planned Parenthood. There are pictures of families, happy families, smiling and hugging on the home page. They make me feel empty. Could Colin and I be this happy family? With our little baby? I replace the faces on the page with the faces of me, Colin, and our baby. My thoughts are immediately interrupted by memories of his sex tape, loose women, of his fame. Could I throw a baby on top of everything? Colin is already stressing out about football, about me. Tears erupt into tears. All this time I've been fucking pregnant, and I had no idea.
I scroll through the services offered on the site. Thirteen weeks. That's when the doctor said the cut off was. I close my eyes tightly, trying not to think of the baby growing inside of me. I try not to think about its growing little hands, feet, eyes....
I dial the number to Planned Parenthood and wait to reach an operator.
"Hello, San Francisco Health Center Planned Parenthood, how may I help you?"
I clear my throat, trying to find strength for my voice.
"Hi, I was browsing through your home page and saw that you guys offer abortion services?"
"Yes we do."
"How much does it cost?"