"You're cute when you're angry." // "Yeah, well I'm about to be really fucking adorable."
pt4 to the cheating series
//.//
The hospital was a place Ae always hated to be. It reminded him of pain he couldn't fix, a pain that was permanent. That and it always smelled weird. And it was too quiet. Having lived with Pond for as long as he made Ae wary of the quiet. He was also wary of it when Pete was by his side. Pete had many different sides to him; the shy side, the insecure side, the childish side, the brave side, the confident side. He was such a complex person and Ae loved that about him; he loved seeing every unique thing about Pete. He loved all of his sides. Well. He loved most of them. He didn't like it when Pete was mad at him. Like he was right now.
Ae was really lucky Pete had found him. He knew he was fucked once his vision started swimming and having someone be there to make sure he got the care he needed was heartwarming, but having said person glare at him from the seats beside his hospital bed was disconcerting.
"Uh...Pete?"
"Are you a fucking idiot Ae?" Pete snapped, voice laced with anger. It reminded Ae of when the night at the dorm where Ae made the one decision that ruined his life. "What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I wasn't really..." Ae bit his lip, feeling unusually bashful and ashamed. It was rare for him to question his actions but he questioned this. He's been questioning himself a lot lately.
"Yeah, no shit. You have a fucking concussion and you're malnourished and dehydrated. Fuck Ae," Pete ran a hand down his face and Ae thought momentarily that he didn't even recognize this Pete. He had never seen a rundown, frustrated, sleep-deprived Pete before. He didn't like this side either. But even a rundown Pete was a cute Pete to Ae.
"You're cute when you're angry," slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it and Ae watched with apprehension while Pete took a deep breath.
"Yeah, well I'm about to be really fucking adorable then," Pete spoke, voice void of emotion. "I cried for you. Pond and Bow cried over you, your mother cried over you, Nong Yim cried over you. I know you fucked up Ae but that doesn't mean you have to ruin your life over it. A mistake is a mistake." The more Pete talked, the more Ae felt guilt crawl into his stomach and weigh heavily inside of him.
"Your life is worth so much more than a relationship. You mean so much to your parents and your friends, you mean so much to me. Don't let one mistake dictate how much you value yourself."
"I ruined us, Pete. You were my world and I ruined us," Ae whispered. He looked away, shame creating a lump in his throat. Pete sighed and grabbed his hand. Ae jumped at the touch, the familiar softness making his heart lurch. He missed feeling how smooth and soft Pete was. He missed Pete. Pete just sighed again.
"You just need to forgive yourself."
"How do I forgive myself if you can't even forgive me?"
"I already have, Ae. It's your turn now."