Phil just sat there in silence.
"Well talk to me!" PJ sobbed down the phone.
"You promised you would stay out of our lives." Phil mumbled.
"Well Dans fucking dead so I dont think that still applies."
"Just leave me alone," Phils voice cracked. He was trying so hard not to cry but he couldn't help it.
"Why did you just let him die?" PJ asked angrily.
"I was scared PJ. Terrified. The man who shot him had been threatening me for 2 months! He attacked me. He attacked me 2 months ago and wouldnt leave me alone after. If I had just lied and said it wasnt him, Dan would still be here. All I had to do was say it wasnt true. Its my fault PJ and I fucking hate myself. Dan was my best friend for 5 years, I loved him. I didnt even tell him. I just want him back PJ but I cant bring him back. Nothing will bring him back. The only thing I can do to see him again is go and be with him." Phil could hardly talk, he was crying so hard. His chest was tight.
"Phil. Im sorry. Im sorry for everything. I loved Dan like you did. I want him back too. He died hating me Phil. At least he loved you and you loved him and you both knew it. He hated me and I can never make peace between us. At least I have a chance with you. Please, please dont do anything. I dont know what Id do if something happened to you. You and Dan were my best friends and I fucked it up. I fucked up big time. Im sorry Phil. I really am. I just... I miss him." PJ sighed.
"I want him back. I just want to hug him. I just need a hug. I have no one left PJ. Now he's gone, I have no one left. Whats the point?" Phil bawled.
"Phil, I know you probably hate me more than anyone but I care. Please dont hurt yourself again Phil. I can come over and we can talk? You can shout and scream and hit me. I dont care. I just want you to be okay." PJ took a deep breath.
"Okay." Phil sighed. "Im not at home. I'm in a hotel." Phil explained. He gave PJ directions and hung up.
He felt angry. He just wanted to hurt. He wanted to take the anger away and the only person who deserved it was himself.
He jumped down on the bed and screamed into the pillow. He screamed until his throat hurt. He sat up and punched the wall. He just wanted to break something. He punched the wall again. And again. And again before throwing himseld back at the bed and crying.