Chapter song: Already Gone by Sleeping At Last
July 23rd 1997
IT HAD been eight years. She missed him. There wasn't a day that went by when Ryan didn't think about him.
The broken boy, that was meant for the broken girl. All they wanted was each other, actually that's all they needed.
"Mama!" Ryan's thoughts flooded away, as she twisted to look at the young 7 year old in front of her.
"Hi sweetie!" Ryan said in a calming voice, tucking a piece of her curly dark hair behind her newly pierced ears.
"Lookie!" She exclaimed and did a little twirl.
She has on black overalls, a plain pink tee shirt and over the top was a cream colored Hawaiian printed shirt , leaving it unbuttoned. To top it off, torn up grey converse on her small feet.
"You look so cute pumpkin!" Ryan mumbled and brought her into a hug.
Tatum Ray Jones. Ryan's little girl. On her 19th birthday, Ryan adopted her. Sh knew she would never find anyone who loved her the way he did. So Ryan stopped looking.
She started a family all on her own. Tatum had been with Ryan since she was 4, and she loved her like her very own. Now Ryan was 22, and Tatum was 7. Time flys when you have someone to love.
"Today is special Tay, do you know why?" Ryan asked her while walking outside to their garden.
Ryan watched as she shook her head side to side, and her small feet followed close behind her.
"Well, do you remember me tellin you about Richie?" Ryan questioned the small brown eyed girl.
Biting her lip, Tatum looked down as she kicked up some dirt from their lawn. Ryan could tell she was thinking hard, and she looked up at Ryan.
"No...." her voice trailed off. Flashing her a smile, Ryan grabbed the scissors from her side and snipped away at some orchard stems.
"I'll tell ya when we get over there okay?" Ryan hummed, grabbing the seven detached purple flowers from the green grass.
Ryan was sure she had talked about Richie to Tatum. But she's till young, and didn't understand yet.
"To mommys happy place?" She asked eagerly.
"That's right, now go hop in the car and mama will put these in a pretty vase okay?" Ryan instructed and saw her start to run away. But before she reached the car, Tatum spun around.
"Put 'em in the red one, who ever this Richie guy is- I think he'll like it," She beamed out and ran the rest of the way to Ryan's dirty black jeep.
A small grin snuck its way upon Ryan's lips. Walking up their back porch, Ryan opened the back door. She felt the cool air of the air conditioner hit her face.
Wondering into the kitchen, Ryan placed the black handled cooking scissors back in the knife block. Twisting on her heels, she walked to a tall cabinet. Ryan had to balance all of her weight her my tip toes so she could reach up to grab the vase Tatum was talking about.
It was a beautiful candy apple red color, and some random tribal print painted on it with white.
Slowly slipping the vase under the sink, it started to raise with water. Ryan turned the tap off around the middle of the vase being filled. Then one by one, she stick the orchids in.
Making her way to the car, Ryan saw Tatum patiently sitting in the passenger seat, dancing to some music. Walking over to her window using my free hand, Ryan gently knocked on the warm glass.
"Yes?" She grinned and rolled down the window.
"Back seat," Ryan muttered, and saw Tatum pout slightly.
"But mama!" Tatum whined, crossing her small arms across her chest.
"Tatum," Ryan mumbled using the same tone.
"Please? You said it was a special day!" She begged with puppy dog eyes and her bottom lip sticking out.
"Fine, but you have to hold the flowers," Ryan sighed and carefully handed the flowers to Tatum through the fully opened window.
"Yes!" she grinned, internally cheering.
—
Placing her jeep in park, Ryan look up to see a grassy land filled with grey, thick head stones. Old and new bright flowers filled up vases through out the cemetery. Ryan smiled more as she saw a blue car pull in behind them.
"Mama I know this is your happy place, but like why? It's so sad looking," Tatum whispered as she looked out the window.
"Sugar, nothin' be should judged by the way it looks on the outside, alright? It's what's on the inside that matters," Ryan breathed out and faced her, her brown eyes look deeply into Ryan's green ones.
"Okay," Tatum smiled.
Ryan unbuckled and opened her car door to step out. Once she was fully out of the car, Ryan felt the hot sun beaming on her back. Walking over to the passenger side, she opened Tatum's door.
"Come on sweetie," Ryan cooed and grabbed the vase from her. She hopped out from the black leather seats of the jeep. As soon as she slipped out of the vehicle, she spotted someone she knew very well.
"Uncle Henry!!" The small girl beamed and bolts over to the much larger man. Tatum jumped into his arms and wrapped her limbs around his body.
"Hey there T," His southern words filled the empty land.
"Are you here for the special day too?" She questioned him. Ryan saw him grin cheek to cheek and nod.
"Okay lets go," Ryan said and started to walk to a way too familiar grave.
Sitting the rather large vase next to the stone, I Ryan sat down in the grass. Henry and Tatum come trotting over hand in hand.
"Mama is this him?" Her soft voice fill Ryan's ear drums.
"Mhmm," She hummed, tracing the engraved name with her pointer finger.
Richard 'Richie' Tozier
July 23rd 1975 - May 31st 1989
Gone too soon, will forever be missed
"Mama, today is July 23rd!" Tatum's slight lisp spoke loud.
"It is pumpkin," Ryan smiled and sniffed the smallest of bits.
"It's his birthday? Will there be cake?" She asked and looked between Henry and Ryan quickly.
"Well T, it should have been his birthday. Sadly Richie isn't with us anymore," Henry explained to the young girl.
Her eyebrows scrunched together, and she licked her lips slowly. She leaned in real close, so only Henry and I would hear. Which Ryan supposed didn't matter since they were the only ones in the graveyard.
"Is he up there?" Tatum questioned while pointing to the sky. Ryan laughed slightly and nodded at her. She muttered a small oh to herself while looking down.
"Mama?" She wondered aloud, playing her chipped blue nail polish.
"Yes?" Ryan breathed out.
"Tell me about him?" The request came out more like a question.
"Of course darling," Ryan sighed, and took a deep breath. She felt Henry's hand on her back to comfort her.
"Richie, he was a boy I met when I was 15. He had the most beautiful brown eyes and the bounciest brown curly hair. He had an odd at first personality but I loved it. And— well Richie didn't exactly get the love he deserved at home, so he found it in other people," Ryan started to speak and she smiled as one tiny water droplet fell from her eyes.
"Did he find love in you?" Tatum asked as she laid down, resting her head on my lap.
"Yes pumpkin he did. But I found love in him too. He was always there to take care of me, always makin' sure I was okay and happy. He went to the extreme to show his love for me. But one night, he thought he had lost me," Ryan muttered out, gently pulling and playing with Tatum's hair.
"Did he?" She asked, concerned. Ryan chuckled at her facial expressions.
"No, he could never. But the night that he thought he lost me, he did somethin' very stupid and not safe. So he had to live in the hospital for a while. One day I went to see him with uncle Henry. They told me he was getting better," Ryan continued to tell the story, feeling more tears slowly fall. Henry wiped them away.
"And??" Tatum whined as the story got cut off.
"And he wasn't. He never was, but that day I had to say goodbye. Goodbye to my best friend, goodbye to my boyfriend. And goodbye to the love of my life. He told me everythin' happens for a reason, but if he could, he would take it back. I'll never forget that day I layed there with him," Ryan sniffled and tucked some loose hair behind her ear.
"I wish I could have known him," Tatum commented softly, starring up at the blue sky.
"Me too sweetie," She smiled and picked Tatum up off of her lap. Placing a small kiss on her cheek, Tatum looked up at Ryan.
"Would he have liked me?" She mumbled and looked down at the dirt that had collected on her overalls.
"Princess he would have loved you," Ryan muttered and pulled her into her embrace. Ryan felt her smile against her shoulder.
As she is still resting on Ryan's collar bone, Tatum muttered out words that Ryan hadn't thought about for a while.
"Mama, do you still love Richie?" Ryan sighed, thinking about the boy she tried so hard to forget about.
"I-I guess I do. It's hard to let go of love that strong pumpkin," Ryan sighed and rubbed small circles on Tatum's back.
"Well then I guess I love him too," Tatum chirped. Ryan grinned as Tatum buried her face into her neck.
"I should get goin sis," Ryan heard Henry's gruff voice say as he got up, leaving a matted grass print from where he was sitting.
"We should go too," Ryan whispered, and pulled the young girl away from her chest.
"Run along with uncle Henry okay? I'll be right there. I promise," Ryan muttered to her and watch her nod. Tatum jumped to her feet and ran to catch up with Henry.
Facing the sun bleached gravestone, Ryan sighed. Placing her left hand on it, she leaned down and kiss the edge on the stone.
"Hey trash mouth, I still love you. And I always will. I haven't let go just yet, but I don't plan on it," Ryan started to speak, letting her gaze move to the grass. "Life's too short to let you go. See ya soon Richie," Ryan softly whispered and got up off of the grass. Brushing her jean shorts off, Ryan began to walk to the car.
But not before she glanced over her right shoulder to see the purple flowers flowing in the breeze. Which was odd for the windless day it had been.
That was how Ryan knew Richie was there with her. He was always going to be there with her.