con·sid·er·a·tion
Céline.
six months later.
My hand held onto an oversized envelope as I rushed into the same colourful room I've been coming in for weeks. I managed to convince them to paint one of the walls a proper hue, to add a little more happiness within the room, but my true happiness comes from the smile that was always planted on my niece's face. Nothing could ever top that. With everything that she was going through, the pain from the treatment, and having to overcome something that we wish upon no one, she still manages to have joy inside of her.
My little Hazelnut — she's my hero.
The two ladies looked at me with wide eyes, waiting for me to say something — anything. I paused for a few moments, until I knew they'd get antsy, and so that I was able to catch my breath. It was then that a wide smile grew on my lips.
"I got in!" I exclaimed, raising my hands in the air.
"You got in?" My sister asked, still stunned by my simple words.
"I got in!" I repeated, jumping up and down on the spot. If we weren't in a place where children were filled in, people might think I was a little bit crazy.
This is one of many — few — times I've shared happy news with them; and every single time, it's still as if it's the first. I never had anyone to share good news with before. They are the only two people I trust with my life, and that, is something extremely big. It warms my heart every time and I couldn't be any more thankful that they are in my life. I don't know what I'd do without them. Having friends is one thing, but knowing that you have a loving family right beside you, supporting your choices and being there for you, that's something entirely different; and also, very beautiful.
"Congratulations! We knew you could do it! I mean, what place wouldn't want to have you?" Josie smiled wide, clapping her hands together in joy.
"So does that mean you're sticking around even longer?" Hazel asked, with big eyes. A grin tugged on her lips; but I knew that she was still doubting that I'd go back to Michigan. I would never go back. My life was here now. My apartment was here now. My home, was here now.
With all of that said, I nodded quickly, then decided to tease her with the name she hated — loved — the most. "I ain't going anywhere, my little Nutcracker."
"Hey, you said you are going to stop calling me that." My niece pouted, adorably I might add.
"I lied." I showed her a small smirk.
"Auntie C, it's not nice to lie." She pointed her finger at me and I laughed.
"True, but you secretly love that name. I know you do." I crouched, waddling over to the bed, tickling her side watching her squirm under my touch.
"Alright, I love it, I love it!" She giggled and I planted a several kisses all over her face.
"I'm so proud of you Auntie Céline." Hazel smiled. "When I grow up, I want to be just like you."
My heart melted at her words. No one has ever said they wanted to be like me. I was being me for myself. Never did I once imagine anyone would want to follow in my footsteps for anything. Then again, I had no one to even want to be like me. I was always alone, but that changed well over a year ago.
"Those are some big shoes to fill." I challenged lightly.
"If you can do it, so can I." She nodded once, assuring me her determination.
That's my niece.
I looked at her mum, then back at Hazel. Josie had the sweetest smile on her face, and an expression of absolute pride. Happiness, and all sorts of emotions in general, showed quickly on her. She didn't know how to hide them. If something was wrong, anyone could immediately tell; but this, was something special. It was for both Hazel and me. The me, who I knew I could be; but now it was the me that they knew I could be.
"You can do anything you want to do, my little Hazelnut. Anything." I held back tears, that I had no idea had formed.
I rarely cried. When I did, it was when I realised my life was practically hitting rock bottom — and when I felt like I was completely alone; or it was after my panic attacks. Since Josie and Hazel happened, the tears, were minimal to none. It wasn't until they came along in my life, that I realised you can cry when you're happy.
"Woah, what's all the commotion about?" A man spoke, walking in the room. I pulled away from my hug and turned around to see a pair of green eyes that seemed quite familiar.
"We meet again." The stranger, who I assumed wouldn't be so in just minutes, smiled, widely. His teeth were perfect and white as could be. One would almost tell that they were fake — maybe they were. His hair from the last time I saw him, was a bit longer, but now it was short. It still looked good. He seemed like the type of person that absolutely anything and everything would work for them.
"Well, in retrospect, partially so." I agreed, trying to mimic his exact expression, but failing. I knew how to talk to people, but apparently not to completely attractive men.
"That is true; and you must be?" He chuckled.
"That's my Auntie Céline, she got accepted to be a doctor in art-ecture." I chuckled at the little, yet very enthusiastic, voice of my niece.
"Doctor in art?" The doctor questioned. I mean, assuming him to be a doctor, based on the professional white coat he was wearing.
"I got into KU to get my Ph.D. in architecture." I explained.
"A doctoral degree, impressive." He spoke, seeming completely genuine; but somehow, I wasn't buying that. It was unfortunate that I was the type of person that assumed the worst in people. Josie noticed that and has started to change that, but when it came to men, I still felt that nothing was genuine. I knew that there were real men out there, but I had no idea where they existed. Maybe this mystery man was one of them; or maybe not.
Nonetheless, yes he was a doctor, but a doctoral degree in any type of field, is always impressive. That's not even limiting to a simple college diploma. Education is education. Knowledge is knowledge. Learning anything, is food for the brain. No human is born stupid, it is our actions and decisions that decide on which route they want to go down; and the route that proves our success, or failure.
"She's also single." Josie suddenly spoke up, and my eyes widened, as I turned around immediately glaring at her. I think this was a time where I understood true sibling meddling — it was incredibly annoying.
"Um, sorry, I didn't catch your name." I ignored her irrelevant fact, attempting to move on from the subject.
"You're right. I'm James Copeland, Hazel's oncologist. You can call me Jamie though." He said, lifting his arm, so I could shake it — in which I did. I never declined a handshake. To me, it was one of the most important simple gestures that could define their personality. I don't want to say that it's the only way to figure out what their character was, but it's a quick physical test. His — was strong.
"It's funny how you two haven't met already. I mean, she's here almost all week." Josie spoke. Oh yeah, very funny, big Sis.
"That won't be necessary, Dr. Copeland." I showed a pushed smile. Payback sister.
"I guess our paths just haven't crossed yet. I don't normally come around at this time around." He explained, in which she nodded. I simply assumed that his shifts were in the mornings, since I always stopped by in the afternoons or evenings.
"I suppose so."
He formally nodded and showed an awkward grin. I just put him in a pretty embarrassing situation, but I enjoyed it. I wasn't in the mood for being forced into anything. Just because he was nice, and very flirty, in front of my sister and niece, did not mean that I wanted to be all buddy-buddy — or date him.
It might have been a bit too much with being rude to him, but I couldn't help myself. It's just who I was. A closed off human being, who doesn't take chit-chat lightly.
..
Over the next few hours was filled with Hazel telling funny stories to us, playing some games, and just simple girl talk. Like everything else, this was fun for me.
Fun wasn't apart of my life either. I liked it — a lot. Her doctor came to 'check-up' on her a few times. Of course, that was far from the truth. Every time he entered the room, I saw Josie's eyebrows wiggle at me, noting that Jamie had made himself present; however, I couldn't care less. Yes, he was attractive; yes, he was a doctor; yes, he seemed to have a pretty charismatic charm; but I wasn't interested.
The hours slowly went on and Hazel fell asleep for a nap, and naturally, Josie pulled me out of the room to 'chat'. I knew exactly what she was going to say, and frankly, I didn't want to have this conversation. It's hard to tell her 'no', though. It was a simple concept that she seemed to have a hard time understanding it.
"Céline, I can't believe you." She smacked my arm lightly, causing me to whine lowly at her action.
"What?" I said, rubbing my arm.
"You know exactly, what. Jamie was just being nice and you shot him down, without a care in the world."
"Well, oops." I shrugged, sarcastically.
"Oops? Really Cece, really?" She crossed her arms and raised a brow at me. "You need to find yourself a man."
"No, I don't."
"You don't go out, you're just cooped up in that small little place of yours. You go from the firm, to Lena's every so often, here, and back home. Yes you go out sometimes with her, but it's not enough. You need a proper social life."
"Again, no I don't. I'm perfectly content with the life I have going for me."
"Sweets, you know I care for you. I also care that you have someone that should care for you."
"I don't need anyone to care for me. I have you and Hazel, you two are all I need. Two years ago, I had no one. This, is a change for me. I like this. I love this. I don't want to change it."
"Change is healthy." She commented and I eyed her. "Okay, I get it. You haven't had the best friendship with change, but it is good every once in a while. I mean, you came from Detroit to KC, that's change, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"You got a job at one of the biggest architecture firms in the city, which you absolutely love, and got accepted into your dream program. That's change, yeah?"
"Y-yeah." Damnit, I knew where she was going with this.
"Meeting some other people should come with that. It's natural. I'm not saying go marry the guy, but you need to live a little. Not all guys are the same, you know?" She said and I held back a strong laugh.
All guys are the same. Hazel's father, went from zero to sixty out the door; and then there was that ass from college, who sort-of, broke my heart. Apparently our biological uncle who knows we exists, yet has never cared to check up on us — so much for blood-relatives. Along with millions of others that have gone through the same thing.
"I'm not even going to answer that." I shook my head.
"Look, I'm just saying, it won't hurt to just get to know someone." She spoke and I scoffed. I noticed that she tilted her head, watching my subtle movements. "You know what you need? Just one good night of fun. You're so uptight."
"Josephine!"
"Oh don't pull that full, first-name crap on me. It's true." She rolled her eyes.
"Okay, you need to stop right now. I don't really want to get into talking about my non-existent love life right now, so this conversation is over." I put both of my hands up, hoping that she would finally get the hint.
"Alright fine, it is between us." Yes; but then I watched her as she bit at her nails, then nodded upwards. "But it isn't with him."
Before I could ask what she meant, I saw Jamie walk up to me, and Josie was nowhere to be seen. A smile was planted widely on his face.
Damn it. She set me up.
"Hi."
"Hi." I repeated his single greeting. The two of us stared at one another for a couple of seconds or so, no words being exchanged. It was then that I thought about what my annoying sister said, and I currently hate her for that. I made a mental note to verbally fight her about this again later. I have a feeling this will end up into me actually going on an actual date; but no matter what, I'm not asking him out. I'm not the desperate one. God, I hate small talk. Well, here goes nothing.
"Sorry about my sister earlier. Sometimes she doesn't know how to shove a sock in her mouth."
"Don't worry about it." He chuckled. I can't deny that he had a nice laugh. Okay, maybe he's not that bad. Give him a chance Céline."I know this might come out a little awkward, but would you like to have dinner with me? Possibly a movie. I mean, you can say no."
"Um..." I trailed off. Damn you, Josie. "... Sure, why not? But, let's just say that things, hypothetically, don't go too well, wouldn't it be a bit awkward in the future? I mean, you are my niece's doctor."
"True, but I don't think we'd have a problem. It's also only one date."
"Touché." I simply responded.
We spent a few minutes deciding on the date and time, then we went our own ways. I went straight towards my sister, who had the widest grin on her pretty face.
"So, how'd it go?" She wiggled her brows, knowing exactly what the answer is. Of course though, she wanted to hear it herself.
"He asked me out on a date. Like you didn't know. I saw you eavesdropping. Next time you want to do that, make it a little more discrete."
"H-how did you see me?" Her eyes widened.
"You do realise that there are mirrors on the corners of the walls, hitting the ceiling. I saw you in the reflection." I laughed.
"Oh. Oops." She chuckled and then went on asking me about what I was going to wear. Of course, she had to make sure I wasn't going to wear plain old jeans and a sweater.
That was simply how I was comfortable. I did know how to dress nicely, and I mean, it's not like I go out dressed in old rags. I just focused on spending my money on more important things and savings. You never know when you'd hit a point where you'd have to rely on someone else. That wasn't who I was. I never wanted to rely on anyone. Though, with the amount of money I make, it is more than enough for a nice wardrobe, and a decent apartment.
My place here in KC is far from different than it was in Detroit. It was a bit bigger — and my room fits a queen bed; but I swear, it feels like a king to me. It does have a decent living room and a good sized kitchen — which I enjoy, since I love to cook. I never used to know how to fry an egg, since I wasn't allowed in any kitchen when I lived with my foster families. They were all different people, but still, all the damn same.
As soon as I got a place on my own, I started to buy groceries and make my own meals. It's a million times cheaper than eating out. I'd thank Pinterest and YouTube for the help. I do treat myself every once in a while and I definitely enjoy every single bite.
After a couple of hours, Josie forced me out of the hospital, and practically walked me to my car so I could go and get ready for my date. It was Friday and according to him, he was off in the evening. I technically preferred it to be another day, but I figured, might as well get it over with. I wasn't even excited about it to be honest. Why would I be? Then again, should I be?
..
When I entered my apartment, I had my own natural routine; but that was going to be broken tonight. It generally consisted of making something to eat, changing into some comfier clothing, preparing a cup of tea, and going through my work. Even on weekends, I still had work on my mind. It's the only thing that I could really think about. I wasn't going out with anyone else and I tried to always think positively on Hazel's condition. So my days consisted of work or searching through movies on Netflix, and sometimes — rarely — going out.
I didn't do romantic comedies — comedies, yes; romance, no. I generally preferred the horror genre anyway. To me, they are always predictable. Who's the psycho? Who killed 'said' person? What's the missing piece of the puzzle? Who's the ghost? Etcetera, etcetera. It's all the same. It gives you that jolt of thrill for a couple hours, tops, then it ends. That's more than enough for me.
Like Josie said, I hated change. Horror movies were the same. Comedies just made a person laugh. Romance and love, now that is just one big rollercoaster; it can end well, which is rare as painite; or fail miserably — which is, usually, clear as day.
It's not that I don't believe in it, I do. Love exists and I know that. It's the how do you know it's the 'real and true love', part? That is impossible to know the outcome. One will get hurt trying to figure it out. It's inevitable, like death. Again, the rarity of a painite gem, is the lucky person who knows right away.
I wanted that love though. I was twenty-four, going on twenty-five very soon. I know that there's not 'set time' for a person to experience it, but I just wanted to find it — without getting hurt. I wished to be that painite gem.
Letting out a deep sigh, I went to get ready instead of thinking; however, I picked up an apple on the way to my room. I mean, I couldn't not eat until dinnertime. What could I say? I'm a person who genuinely loves food.
I took my time to shower, hoping that it would actually turn out to be a good date, then dried myself off. I kept a towel wrapped around my body and stared at my closet. I secretly — not so secretly — wished I didn't have to go. I ended up choosing a pair of leather pants, a nice black short-sleeved shirt, and pumps. All black, which was exactly how my soul currently felt. Wonderful. Black was a classic shade, and worked with everything, and I just did feel like wearing colours. Tonight, just wasn't the night.
I curled my hair into soft waves, feeling the need to keep it down, and applied a light coat of makeup. A bit of foundation, blush, a soft smoky eye, and lip. A put on nice pair of earrings and a bracelet. Yeah, that works. I put my phone, my wallet, and keys in a small, classy, clutch with gold detailing.
Once I finished, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, mentally approving of the way I looked. I wasn't shy or insecure about my body. Yes, I had curves with stretch marks, yes I was white as snow, yes I had dimples in my back, but none of that stopped me from saying that I was beautiful. I knew I wasn't a supermodel — far from one, but knowing on the inside that it didn't matter, that was the most important thing.
I sat on the couch, and waited. He said seven. It was seven-o-four. A doctor and he's late. Strike one. Okay, well, give him a bit, maybe there's traffic. Don't be so nit-picky, Céline. Soon after the doorbell rang. I opened the door to see the man of the hour — well, not entirely.
Jamie was wearing a fancy black suit — that probably costs more than my entire apartment building — a white button down, his hair styled nicely, and those piercing green eyes, still brightly attacking anyone he looks at.
"Hi, you look nice." He complimented and I mentally cringed. You're trying to impress the girl, not just say 'nice'. Calm down, Céline.
"Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself." I smiled. I wasn't lying, as always. I rarely lied. To be completely honest, there was no point to be. This world is filled with so much hatred, jealousy, and evil; and the sole reason, lies. At least in my opinion, it is.
"Ready?"
"Yeah, let me just grab my coat." I nodded and went to get what I'd said. It was a tad chilly, but warm enough for a light jacket.
Spring made me happy, but not as much as winter. I just hoped that this spring evening, would be good enough to change my thoughts about the season. I doubted it, but went along with it anyway — though, it's not like I really had a choice.
I let out one more deep sigh — adding onto many — in preparation for whatever this night would bring.
..
A/N:
So yes, the story continues, six months later.
Again, what do you think? It turned out that Jamie was the one she bumped into, not the main man you were hoping for. Sorry to burst that little bubble. What do you think will happen on their date? Also, what do you think of Jamie?
Also, please press on that little star on the chapter. Those are always nice.
Much love!
S x