A/N: low quality gif of a high quality boy
my fetus writing is cringyyy gah but just gotta live with it for this chapter :')
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It was the end of a long first day and even though they had got nowhere near as much footage as they should have, Jiwon felt somewhat accomplished. It just...he just felt so odd now, knowing that he was fantasising about someone that he so clearly shouldn't be fantasising about and why on earth was he in the first place? It was so confusing and it was leaving Jiwon feeling dizzy yet he couldn't deny that his best shots were definitely when he was thinking of the girl as Hanbin.
"This isn't good," Jiwon whispered, closing his eyes as he knocked his head back against the taxi seat. It was taking him home since he decided that he wanted a little more space to think so he turned down riding with any of the staff.
Jiwon couldn't deny that he had always felt a spark with Hanbin.
Remembering all the laughter, talks late into the night, time together, hardships, outings, it all made Jiwon's already clogged up mind even more of a mess. He didn't know when this all transitioned to Jiwon seeming like he was absolutely head over heels for their leader but that wasn't true, it couldn't be. This just had to be some sort of...illusion.
An illusion because I'm missing him so much?
His phone suddenly started ringing and his eyes shot open, looking around frantically before he finally fished out his phone, wondering who on earth would be calling at this time. It was probably someone important or maybe the director wanted to tell him somethi- oh no.
'moron = genius' is calling!
Jiwon felt a lurch in his stomach, not for the first time that day, but he didn't even think as his fingers instantly swiped right and he was suddenly calling out, "Hanbin!" before wincing immediately after. He sounded like some kind of preppy cheerleader. Not to mention that he really needed to change that caller id, he hadn't talked to Hanbin in so long that he had forgotten what it was.
"Bobby-hyung," was the other's sweet answer, the voice quiet and a little raspy and Jiwon wondered just how tired Hanbin was. "Hi."
"Hey, aren't you tired? It's two am or something, Bin."
"Ah, who cares, I'm just checking in to see how the first day of shooting weeent," Hanbin sang, teasing through his tiredness and Jiwon groaned as the memories started coming back all over again, making him say, "Oh, don't you dare bring that up..."
"Oh no, did something go wrong? Are you hurt, hyung? Or did you get drunk because then lol-"
"Oh shush, hell no, and I thought I told you that it's not cool to say lol out loud-"
"English people do!"
"Oh, and do you speak English?"
Jiwon could almost hear Hanbin's frown as he muttered, "I'm better at it than people think...no shut up about that, I wanna know how your mv's coming along."
"Ah...um..." Jiwon looked down, biting his lip for a moment as he wondered whether it would be a good idea to lie just to make Hanbin feel content but honestly, could he do that? Especially when his brain was already frazzled from questioning his stupid feelings for ages? "I-It went...terrible. Seriously, Hanbin, I really don't know how I'm gonna do this 'cause it's just not working out and everything's so stupid and agh-"
"Hey, hey, calm yourself a bit," Hanbin soothed and Jiwon felt a little weak at the fact that the former was trying to make him feel better even though he seemed so tired. "I'm sure it's better than you think, hyung, you're...yeah."
"You know what..." Jiwon let out a soft sigh as he brought one of his knees up to his chest, resting his head on it. "Don't try. I'll just...just sleep on it and tomorrow'll be all yay except probably not 'cause I'm dumb. But I'll try again then and I'll also try not to think about failing."
"Oi, we're having no upset kimbap on my watch!" Hanbin yelped, sounding so determined and oddly patriotic with his cringy-ass words that Jiwon was grinning in no time, leaning back against the car seat because he could already feel himself relaxing a little.
"Distract me, then."
"Ugh, I'd be able to do that much better if I was actually there," Hanbin sighed but when Jiwon heard that, all he could think about was Hanbin kissing him senseless which almost made him throw himself out of a window because he was such an idiot for thinking that. Seriously, what was going on? "But...let me ask a question then."
"Shoot," Jiwon mumbled as he hoped that he hadn't turned bright red, not that Hanbin could see him anyway.
"What's 'in love' actually about? Like, what was the process of writing it, because you've been a bit secretive about it for some reason. Or maybe no-one's been asking the right questions."
Jiwon furrowed his eyebrows a little as he thought, racking his brain to think back to the time he was writing and words were suddenly drawn out of his mouth that he had no control over. "I remember...I remember being sad when I was writing it."
"Ahh, so it's like a sad song disguised to be happy."
"Kind of. I guess it truly is a sweet happy kind of song but just for me, it's got slight sad undertones."
"But how? Why is it-"
"'Cause it's all fantasy," Jiwon replied morosely, his voice holding a touch of wistfulness and longing and it successfully left Hanbin speechless. "Every bit of it, because I know it can never happen, or it's not happening now, anyway, not with the person I want. I remember...I could have put in a small insert at the end that said, 'But this is all fake, 'cause you're just a beautiful dream.'"
"Hyung...that's so deep."
"Shut up-"
"So who was the song about? If you want to tell me, of course, you don't have to."
You.
That was what Jiwon very almost said. It was right on the tip of his tongue and it was the only word that was racing through his head at Hanbin's question and he wanted to say it so bad although—was that even true? Was it really about his best friend, even though he even referenced to a female in the song and talked about things that he would never in a million years do with Hanbin?
You said yourself, it's not gonna happen 'with the person I want'. Who else could you possibly want except for him?
"I'm not actually sure," Jiwon answered because honestly, that was the truth. His mind wasn't smart enough to wrap his head around all of this. "I have some kind of idea but...no, I don't know."
"Then that's probably the only reason you haven't scored them yet. If you were sure then you'd be an absolute power couple by now, I bet," Hanbin cheered, sounding the tiniest bit adorable in his sleepy state and Jiwon felt his heart squeeze, a smile forming on his face for probably the billionth time during that phone call.
"God, Hanbin, I miss you."
Jiwon almost burst out laughing when he heard Hanbin choke a little in surprise, having to take a few moments of quiet coughing before he could finally speak again, sounding even more raspy than earlier. "The heck did that come from?!"
"Dude, you're my best friend but now I just never see you. You're always at the studio or with other people or else, I'm out and it's like we have this kind of business relationship now because it's really like I only see you during those group interviews we do. I'm stupid for saying this 'cause it's not like I make any effort to hang out with you...though I should. I want to. I love you. Oh no, wait-"
"You always seemed fine with it, you big idiot," Hanbin groaned, sounding so exasperated. "Aren't you always the one pushing me away? I'm kidding...why didn't you say something earlier?"
Jiwon simply shrugged and Hanbin must have sensed it since he started talking again. "I'll come to your set tomorrow, just wait for me, yeah? I love you too."
The last bit seemed so out of place because it really wasn't something that Hanbin ever said and Jiwon instantly melted, clutching his chest as he called out dramatically, "Agh, my heart, I've been attacked-"
"Oh hush, I can be sweet. Especially when it's very late in the night and my mind's messed up and I've got a cute kid on the line who's messing me up even more," Hanbin answered as if it was the most justified response he could give, and Jiwon's heart did something again. "So stop being cute, it's annoying."
"But I loooooooove you," Jiwon sang in the most cutesy voice he could make before falling to the side in laughter at Hanbin's grossed out 'ew'. "A-Aren't I the cutest eva-"
"Oh God, stop-"
"One day, you'll be able to get rid of me but that's not gonna be for ages so...I suggest you buckle up," Jiwon teased with a huge beam and it was so nice to be like this, an annoying shit because usually that was Hanbin's job, and he could almost imagine Hanbin's unimpressed look, or maybe he was just smiling like he did at some of Jiwon's actions sometimes since he was pretty much an idiot.
(Though it's not like Hanbin isn't one most times too.)
"Hey, if...hm."
"Just spit it out," Hanbin murmured, sounding mere minutes away from passing out into slumber and Jiwon felt bad for keeping him up. "'m sure it won't kill me."
"If you and someone you liked were gonna say 'I love you' to each other for the first time...what would be your ideal place to do that?"
"Oh wow...what a specific question."
"You told me to get it out!"
"Ah, I know, I know...well, I like natural things, and innocent things so...hm, this is hard-"
"What about a park? Like the one with swings and stuff."
Jiwon heard a sharp sound which was probably Hanbin snapping his fingers. "PERFECT! Oh God, ouch, that even hurt my ears..."
"Congrats, idiot. So, park?"
"Definitely park. You know me so well. Why?"
Jiwon simply shrugged, a huge grin on his face all the while. "Just curious."
And while Hanbin felt even more suspicious, Jiwon was only half-listening to anything the guy was saying because he was thinking about the things that he had to do that night.
i. Change Hanbin's name in his phone to: 'moron + genius = <3'.
It was late and he was tired. He was allowed to be sappy for one night. He'd definitely change it the next day.
ii. Have a very long talk with Winnie about cute boys and cute leaders (definitely not meaning one person in particular, pffft no way) because no-one else was good enough to talk to.
iii. Ask the director if he could scrap the set completely and shoot the music video in the nearest park.
(Not particularly in that order, but Jiwon would just be happy either way.)