Monica- So Gone
Vera's POV
My mind is spiraling out of control, and I feel the physical effects of stress take over my body. Sweaty palms, racing heartbeat, the feeling of nausea threatening at the back of my throat. A sex tape. Sex tape. Those girls. The way he touched them, made love to them. Seeing his body against theirs....and that guy! Did he kill him? Could he? Where the fuck did the tape come from? I pick my mind, trying to put the pieces together. Colin wouldn't have put it into my purse. He wouldn't dare want to tell me about it either, which is why he didn't. There had to have been more. Wait. That day at the café, with Trish. It was Trish. I rewind to the day we met for lunch to talk things over, and how she knocked over my purse. That was the perfect opportunity to slip it in.
That was her leverage. She had that tape all along as black mail. Colin knew about it. That's why she came back. She wanted more money, and she had the black mail to get it. Drugs. And the way he beat that man, surely a possible felony? That's why they had met that one morning. My head spins in a whirlwind, images of Colin dressed as a construction worker and popping drugs keeps reappearing in my mind.
Slamming my apartment door open, I expect to find Leah in the living room perched on her favorite arm chair. Pacing around the apartment I realize it's empty. At the dining room table she left a note under a stack of bridal magazines.
V- I'm going to be gone this weekend! Going for some research trip with friends, going to hit southern cal. Just text me! Look through these mags too will ya, love u <3 xoxoxo
I grab the magazine at the top of the stack, my hands trembling, and rip it into shreds. It's thick and heavy, so the destruction takes every ounce of strength I have. I do the same to the rest of them. By the time I'm done I'm engulfed in a flurry of shredded brides.
I fall to my knees there in the dining area, overwhelmed by a tidal wave of tears. That's the thing about love. It's all consuming. It's like a tsunami. You can see it coming, but if you're close enough there's no avoiding it. It doesn't matter how fast you run, because it will always move faster than you. As soon as it hits you, it takes all of you in its current. I'm caught in the aftermath of love's wave. Sitting back into a soft dining room chair I lift my knees to my chest, crying into my arms.
***
The next morning is shitty. The nausea rises again, and I don't feel like getting out of bed. But, I know I have to. The pain and sadness from last night has hardened into anger and bitterness. I grab my phone, my heart racing at the numerous missed phone calls and text messages from Colin. Going directly to my contacts, I delete him from my phone. Fuck. I try to hold back tears, cutting him off is going to be harder than I thought. I scroll down in my texts, finding some messages from Becca. Shit! All of this drama and I forgot I have a damn internship. A paid one. That was going to have to go. I get up, walk over to my closet, and search for an empty shoebox.
Not even bothering to get ready, I grab a Loubitin shoebox, and head out of my room. The first thing I want to do is stop working at that damn stadium.
****
As soon as I pull up to Levi, I try my best not to think of Colin. It gets even harder when I walk up to the double doors. As I enter into the usual entrance, toward the office Becca and I share, it's overwhelmingly difficult not to think of him. I see his smile, I feel the touch of his lips, and I see the shadows of his tattoos, all in the red and gold of these walls. There is no way I can stay working in this damn place.
I don't even realize the tears streaming down my face, until I get to the entrance of the office. I wipe them away, opening the door.
"Vera! Hey baby!" Becca is her usual giddy self, hopping out of her chair to greet me. As soon as she takes in my appearance her expression changes.
"What's wrong Vera?"
Before I break down and cry again, I head to my desk, placing my things into the small shoebox I brought. Good thing I didn't make this office too much of a home, I don't have a lot to pack up.
"Colin isn't who I thought he was," I say quickly.
"Vera.."
"He has a damn sex tape! He never told me about it...I saw the fucking thing!" I pause, trying to catch my breath and keep myself from crying. "I just....do you know how many girls he's been with? I probably couldn't even fathom. And I....the did drugs! The way he beat a guy in it! He didn't tell me any of that shit!" My words come out in a jumbled mess as Becca blurs in the tears.
She's silent as I fill the box. Too silent.
"You watched it?" she asks.
"I didn't mean to," I say, feeling my lower lip tremble. "Trish slipped it into my damn purse. I didn't even watch the whole thing, I don't want to know what else is fucking on there."
"I told him to tell you about it," Becca mutters. I pause at her words.
"You knew?"
"Vera...I had to know. He told me so I could handle it before it became a mess with the media, I swear I told him to tell you!"
Everything circles around in my head. She fucking knew this whole time, and she didn't tell me. I grab the box, storming out of the office.
"Vera!" I hear Becca call out to me, but I don't care. I can't be in this damn place anymore.
Pushing out of the double doors, I can't stop the tears from coming. I feel a little relief after reaching fresh air, but I can't help but feel like there is a painful, hollow, hole in my chest. I stop where I am, falling to my knees. Fuck.
"Vera?"
I turn to find Cam. Damn I'm not in the fucking mood to see anyone.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm really not in the mood, Cam."
"What's wrong?" He bends down on one knee, so he is at eye level with me.
"Nothing! Just, leave me the hell alone!" I'm really in tears now as I stand up, trying to remember where I parked my car. The parking lot begins to fill with cars. Great America is nearby, and I do not want to be the object of scrutiny at the moment.
"Vera, what's wrong? I can't let you drive home like this! Something could happen to you!"
I let out a long heavy sigh.
"Vera, just talk to me. I can sit in your car, and we can talk. Just talk to me."
I look up into Cam's concerned brown eyes. His brown skin a warm shade under the gentle sunlight.
"Fine," I say hesitantly, heading toward my car.