-Cat-
It had been a few weeks since the incident.
I was sitting on the toilet seat, a stick in my hand with the bold plus sign on it. I was shaking, tears running down my cheeks.
No. .
I'm pregnant
I'm pregnant
I'm pregnant
There's just no way. .
I dropped the stick, covering my face with my hands. I exhaled loudly, wiping my cheeks and shaking me head. "Why?" I whispered, staring at the stick on the floor. "Why?"
My hands went to my stomach.
I'm carrying that monster's baby. .
I shook my head, sniffing and wiping my cheeks as more tears came.
I hadn't been taking what happened well. I didn't tell anyone and I hadn't been to uni in ages. I was failing and I spent most of my time cooped up in my room alone.
I was so depressed. I couldn't eat, think or do anything properly. I felt sick and I started throwing up every morning. I knew what the signs of pregnancy were. I took a test. I was pregnant.
"Cat?" I heard my mother call for me from the other room. I sniffed, wiping my cheeks before leaning over the sink and splashing water onto my face. I wiped it quickly and ran my fingers through my hair. I tossed the test in the bin before opening the door and closing it.
I walked a little and saw my mother with a smile on her face that faded once she saw me. "Cat? Have you been crying?"
I shook my head, "no, I'm fine." She gave me a weary look. She came closer and placed her hand on my cheek while examining my face as my breath hitched. "Are you sure?" She moved her hand away before continuing, "Cat, recently, I've noticed that you've been a bit sad. Are you okay, honey? You hardly come out of your room or talk to us. You can talk to me, I'm here."
"I know," I told her, licking my lips. "And I'm fine, don't worry."
"Cat-" she started, her face sympathetic.
"Mom, seriously!" I said with a smile. "I'm fine, really." She studied my face once more before sighing and giving me a smile. She leaned over and hugged me, kissing my cheek. "Good."
I smiled, hugging her back and blinking back the tears in my eyes. I couldn't tell her. I just couldn't.
Elena and Max came into my room, holding a plate of food in their hands. I smiled, sitting up and closing my book. "Hey guys."
"You didn't come down for dinner so we brought it to you."
I smiled warmly at my siblings. "Thanks guys, I really appreciate it." I took the plate, sniffing. "Mmm. .smells good."
Max looked at me intently, "can I have some?" Elena slapped his arm, "Max! It's for Cat!" I chuckled, shaking my head. "It's fine. Come on, we'll share."
They came on my bed and sat down and we started eating the lovely food that my mother cooked.
We chatted for a while and I found myself forgetting about what was going on and enjoying myself with my siblings.
But it ended when they decided to go play and I felt sad. I had no one.
I was curled up in my bed under the duvet, crying when my mother came in without knocking.
I gasped, sitting up and wiping my eyes as she closed the door, giving me a sympathetic look. "Cat?"
"I'm fine," I told her tearfully but there was no point. She shook her head, coming over and taking something out of her pocket. The pregnancy test.
My eyes widened a little and she sat on the edge of my bed. "You're pregnant?"
There was no point lying. I sniffed before nodding. "Is that why you've been so sad?" I nodded and she shook her head, looking at me. "Cat, why? A baby is a blessing. Is it because you're still uni? Who cares, it's-"
I interrupted her by beginning to sob. Her face softened and she leaned over, hugging me as I cried in her arms. "Cat?" I continued to cry, my body shaking and my mind thinking of what happened.
"Caterina, darling, please. What's going on?" She asked, pulling away and wiping my cheeks as I sniffed, hiccuping. "Mama. ." I whispered and her face softened even more, her eyes getting teary. "Cat, honey, you're scaring me." More tears ran down my cheeks and I shook my head, covering my face. "I-I'm p-pregnant. ."
"I know, dear, but what's wrong? Do you not want the baby? Is it the father - who's the father?"
I uncovered my face, breathing heavily and crying. I started shaking my head but couldn't stop. I was hyperventilating, shaking and crying. I was having a panic attack.
She was talking to me, telling me to calm down, to breathe in and out but I couldn't. My mind was telling me that I couldn't.
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Isn't that what I'm doing?
"Can't. ." I breathed out, still panicking. "Mama. .I can't b-breathe. .I'm going to. .to die. ."
"Cat. ." I heard her say, taking my hands and looking into my teary eyes. "Calm down, baby. In and out slowly, in and out."
I listened to her soothing voice, my breathing pattern slowing down and returning to it's normal pace after time.
She pulled me into a hug, kissing my cheek. "Cat, please tell me what's wrong?"
I pulled away, looking into her eyes with tears in mine. "I was. ." I shook my head, wiping my eyes as more tears came and my breathing pattern started to speed up again only to be slowed down by my mother, calming me down.
I exhaled slowly, wiping my eyes and sniffing. "I was. ." I looked at my mother's kind and concerned eyes. I couldn't say the word. I felt like like I was going to throw up.
"Mama, I was . . he . ." I sighed, covering my face and exhaling slowly. Why can't I say it.
I moved my hands away quickly and forced the words out. "I was raped."
There was a moment of silence where I stared at my hands, unable to meet her eyes.
Then I heard her crying. I looked up to see her hands covering her face while she sobbed, her body shaking.
I swallowed, ". .mu-mum?"
She then unexpectedly pulled me into a hug, crying. I hugged her back, closing my eyes. No tears came out for me. I must have used them up. I just sat there hugging her and allowing her to cry for me.
It was a while until she pulled away and gazed at me, wiping her eyes. "Oh, Cat." I looked away, blinking back the tears in my eyes. I hesitated before saying, "it hurt. .a lot. ." I started, sniffing. I swallowed before continuing, "I came out of the shower a-and a man - a man from d-dad's work was in there-"
"From your dad's work?" She asked, her voice filled with surprise and I nodded, sniffing.
"He called me beautiful, just like you," I bitterly said, thinking about him. "Then he put his dirty hands on me and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away b-but then he grabbed me and t-took off my towel," I explained, my voice cracking as tears ran down my cheeks. "H-He threw me on the bed and took away my virginity forcefully." I was crying by then, unable to see properly because of my tears. "He thought I liked it. That I liked it. No, I didn't. I screamed and screamed and screamed but no one could hear me. I was alone."
I sighed, wiping my eyes. "And now I'm pregnant. With that m-monster's baby." I sighed, rubbing my forehead.
She hugged me, telling me about how she was so sorry that I had to go through that. Telling me soothing words but I wasn't taking any of it in. I felt numb.
"Cat, we have to press charges - we have to tell your father."
I scoffed, "dad? He wouldn't care." She shook her head, wiping her eyes and standing up before taking my hand. I shook my head. "He does care, Cat. He just doesn't show it all the time. Please honey. If we do this, it'll all be over."
"But it won't, ma," I told her tearfully. "I will always remember what happened. Always."
She stared at me sympathetically. "I know. But him getting what that bastard deserves will help you move on."
"Come on," my mother said, taking me hand and leading me out of my room slowly.
We went downstairs and stopped in front of his office door. "Stay here," she told me before going into the office and closing the door.
I sighed, biting my lip. I was scared. Really scared. I wiped my eyes, trying not to cry.
I was standing for a while when I realised where my hand had been all that time. On my flat stomach, rubbing it. I moved it away, feeling uncomfortable. I had no idea how to feel towards the child growing in me. I didn't want to think about it yet. I couldn't concentrate or think right.
The door opened and my father came out with my mother behind him.
He looked at me emotionlessly. "You're pregnant?"
I nodded, unable to speak as nervousness ran through me.
"Max! Elena!" They came downstairs after he called for them.
"Go pack some of her stuff."
My eyes widened and the kids looked at him in confusion before going upstairs to do as they were told.
"Where am I-"
I never got to finish my sentence. He slapped me hard, I let out a yelp, falling onto the ground while holding my stinging cheek.
My mother gasped, moving to go to me but he held her back as she tried to get past him. "What is wrong with you, Diego!" She yelled, trying to move but he wouldn't let her.
"Cat!" My mum called for me. I held onto my cheek, on the floor, crying silently.
"No child of mine will be pregnant while in university."
I looked up at him in shock and horror. My mother gasped, "Diego! She was rap-"
"A ridiculous accusation to one of my best men. How dare you, Caterina? I always knew you were desperate but not this desperate!"
Tears ran down my cheeks as I sobbed, frightened. "Diego! Let me go!" My mother yelled, trying to go to me.
"You're an embarrassment and you're not staying in my home."
What?
"Diego!" My mother yelled and he pushed her back, not letting her through.
"I never liked you anyway," he bitterly told me before staring at me in disgust.
"I was raped by one of your men and this is how you treat me?" I bravely asked and his face hardened. He stormed over and took my arm, squeezing it. I cried out in pain as my mother cried for me.
He dragged me across the floor and I screamed, trying to fight him off but I couldn't. He opened the front door. "No, please!" I yelled but he threw me out the house and I fell on the concrete steps, pain in me.
He stood by the door, an angry look on his face as I sobbed, pain in me.
"You're a slut and you're not part of my family. Don't you dare come here again and take that 'precious' baby of yours and don't come for money." He threw a wad of cash at me and it hit my head.
He chuckled sadistically, "keep those false and ridiculous rape lies with you, whore."
He turned and went into the house, slamming the door close.
I began to sob loudly, shaking violently. How could he do that to me? I was homeless and kicked out while pregnant. What the hell was going to happen to me?
I heard my mother scream at him from the inside, yelling at him but then there was the sound of a loud slap. He hit her.
I then heard crying. Elena.
I shook my head, wiping my cheeks. The door opened and he threw a black bin bag with my clothes in at me before slamming the door closed.
It must have been five minutes or so until I stood, taking the money and the clothes in the bag and walked away.
Walked away from my home.
My life.
My stuff.
My education.
My sister.
My brother.
My mother.
My everything.
It was late and getting darker and darker. He gave me quite a lot of cash that would seem nothing to him. I didn't cry anymore.
I felt numb.
I managed to find a cheap hotel and ordered a room there.
I didn't sleep. I just sat there staring at a wall. Alone.
____
I found myself getting teary eyes when I wrote this.
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