Last time, on Sunset's group watch Red vs Blue.
DON'T KINK SHAME ME!
Now back to the story.
We find the group still in Sunset's apartment, though it seems things where a little tense, after the whole porn thing a bit ago.
"I can't believe your mad about this...." muttered Sunset.
"Well I am!" snapped Twilight. The rest of the group just sitting by and watching the argument go on.
"But grounding me is bullshit!" Sunset snapped back. "What next? Spanking?.... Please tell me their will be some spanking from you guys. Sunset said with a slight purr. Getting a few blushes from the group.
".... let's just watch some more vids," muttered Twilight, while staring up the dvd player.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grif and Simmons standing in front of the red base.
Simmons: Hi. I'm Private Dick Simmons, of the popular web-series, Red Vs. Blue.
"Wait isn't this supposed to be a normal episode?" Pinkie Pie wondered.
"Sounds like one of them special announcements they use to do in those old cartoons," Applejack admitted since she heard plenty of them.
"Kind of odd hearing talk outside the show though," muttered Twilight.
'Heh, Private Dick,' Sunset laughed in her head. Knowing that right now she was on thin ice with Twilight, and didn't want to get another lecture after the last one.
Grif: And I'm Private Dexter Grif from the same show.
"We know, now get to the point," Rainbow commented loudly as she leaned back in her seat.
Simmons: But you know what? We're not here to talk to you today as famous actors.
"Famous actors? I highly doubt that," Rarity mocked with a shake of her head. Pinkie was about to say something since there's a bunch of dvds, but decided against it. It wasn't worth the agreement or the time.
Grif: That's right Dick, we're here to talk to you as friends.
"That's a goddamn lie and you know it," Applejack snorted while crossing her arms. She's ready to call out any and all things that are bullshit.
Simmons: In our show, Red Vs. Blue, we poke fun at things like the military lifestyle, and weapons of mass destruction.
"Somethings you shouldn't joke about," whispered Fluttershy.
Grif: But weapons of mass destruction are no laughing matter. Each year, several planets-
Bullet trail over their heads and into the background and Simmons ducks.
Simmons: Hey!
Grif: Hey!
"That didn't take long," Pinkie giggled.
"I'm guessing that's Church," Sunset guessed while pointing at the screen. After seeing the first season she knew there was only one soldier who couldn't hit anything if he tried.
Simmons: Son of a bitch!
Grif: You.. Cut it out dick! We're trying to do something!
Church: (off screen) Hey red, you suck! blue rules!
"Someone better pick up that phone," Sunset said, putting her arms behind her head.
"What?" Twilight asked, looking at her friend.
"Cause I called it," Sunset smirked in self satisfaction.
".... i'm tempting to add more time to your punishment just for that joke," muttered the glasses wearing teen.
Grif heads across in front of Simmons, off camera
Grif: I see you, oh yeah, I see you up there buddy!
Simmons: I'm sure a lot of you have encountered weapons of mass destruction in your daily lives. In fact, you may have some friends who think it's 'cool' to stockpile VX Nerve Gas. But it's not. They may say "everybody's doing it," but if they told you to jump off a-
Another bullet trail over his head and into the background and Simmons ducks
"Oh thank god," muttered Rainbow Dash. Simmons little speech was getting both long winded and preachy for her.
Simmons: Son of a bitch!
Church: Almost got you that time, chump!
"Doubtful and not even close," Fluttershy sighed, wanting to know the rest of the message.
Grif running on camera and in to the base.
Grif: Oh, oh that's it. I'm getting my rifle!
Simmons: And remember kids, violence is never the answer.
"Good advice and message," Fluttershy and Applejack agreed.
Screen fades to black More bullet trails over Simmons as he crouches down.
Simmons: You ol' COCK BITE!
Church: Hey, I'll bet that one hurt!
"Think he got lucky?" Twilight asked, going over the odds of Church getting a hit in her head.
"Not on his best day," Rarity replied while looking at her nails.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fade inside the Blue base. Tucker is seen with a picture of Church in the background, Ghost Church is standing in the back of the hall.
"Just from the first scene i can tell this is another P.S.A," commented Applejack.
"Let's just hope their not that many more of this type of episodes," muttered Rainbow Dash. wanting to get back to the main show, especially after that cliffhanger.
"Though Ghost church in the background is kinda creepy," Twilight admitted as she had a hard time taking her eye's of the
Tucker: Hey, this is Tucker here from the Blue Army. Uh, we're not releasing a video this week 'cause, who are we kidding, we can't compete with anything that's related to Halo 2. So take this opportunity to download the new footage, and I'll take this opportunity to clean all this black crap off my armor.
"Halo 2?" Fluttershy questioned.
"Maybe it's something this show is based off of?" Rarity suggested.
"Sounds interesting though," added Sunset.
Caboose stands up from behind Tucker.
Caboose: You? I'm the one doing all the polishing here.
"Making the rookie do all the work? Must be so hard for you," Rarity mocked in an over dramatic fashion. She might be a neat freak, but at least she'll do something on her own unless it was too difficult.
Tucker: Caboose, did I tell you to stop? Get back to work.
"Kinky," laughed out Sunset. She wondered if Tucker realised how his words could of been taken out of context.
Caboose kneels down and continues to clean Tucker's armor.
Tucker: See ya next week!
Fade to black
Caboose: What is this stuff...gum?
"That's gross," groaned out Rarity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Church and Grif are standing in front of the Warthog, which is in front of the red base.
Church: Hi, how ya doin'. My name is Private L.L. Church, and I'm one of the actors on the popular web series Red Vs. Blue.
Grif: And I'm Private Dexter Grif, from the same show.
"Wow. Those two are next to each other and not trying to shoot the other," Sunset commented with a hint of surprise in her voice.
"Wonder what the message is this time," Applejack muttered feeling a bit curious.
Church: But you know what? We are not here today to talk to you as world famous actors, who also happen to be, you know, very good looking.
Grif: That's right! We're here today, to tell you how to run your life.
"I wouldn't trust any advice from these two," Rainbow claimed, not really caring at this point.
Church: You know, a lot of you out there are probably considering getting a tattoo. Or, as the young people like to call it, a "tat."
"Maybe i spoke too soon," Rainbow admitted, watching the screen.
Grif: Or, adding a tattoo to your already impressive collection.
"Who would even want one?" Twilight asked with a annoyed tone. She never understand why people would tear up their bodies for something they might regret down the line.
While the glasses wearing teen was pondering this, Sunset was whistling innocently, hoping Twilight or the other girls didn't find out about her own tattoo. Thankfully she got it placed somewhere that no one would be able to see while wearing her clothes... well no one beside the Dazzlings, for obvious reasons.
Church: So today we present to you, a very special "Point/Counterpoint" edition of Red Vs. Blue.
Grif: Should you get, a tattoo?
"Are they really gonna do his?" Rarity inquired.
"Afraid so. Might as well watch and see what they have to say," Applejack replied.
Cut to just Church, and at the bottom of the screen reads "Pvt. L.L. Church - Counterpoint"
Church: I think it's quite clear, that you should not get a tattoo. And I can sum up my points in this very elegant, but simple, bulleted list.
On screen appears "Church's Bulleted List"
"*Groan*! It's like being in one of Twilight's speeches," muttered Rainbow Dash.
"The princess or the one right here?" asked Pinkie Pie.
"Both..." muttered the rainbow haired teen.
Church: Number one: tattoos, are permanent.
On screen appears "Tattoos are permanent"
Church: Number 2, you are a goddamned idiot. And I'd like to prove this mathematically if I may. Take your current age. Now subtract ten years from it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren't. You were a goddamned idiot.
"While crude, i have to admit that he's right," whispered Rarity. She would admit at doing some dumb things that she regrets ever doing now when she was a kid. God what was she thinking! Wearing purple lipstick while wearing a red dress!
On screen appears "Red sucks. Blue rules."
"Heh, nice," snorted out Sunset.
Church: Fact of the matter is, you're just as big an idiot today, it's just gonna take you ten more years to realize it. Now think if you'd drawn a picture on your body ten years ago. Would you be happy with it today? Chances are, you wouldn't be.
"Have to admit he's right," Applejack said. Heck she would admit to hating herself if she got one of her old ideas for a tattoo on her.
Cut to just Grif, and at the bottom of the screen is "Pvt. Dexter Grif - Counter-Counterpoint"
"So his first name is Dexter?" Fluttershy asked. Huh, she wasn't expecting so normal sounding.
Grif: Unless it was cool, which brings me to my main point. Tattoos, are cool.
"Agreed," Rainbow Dash said with a nod. Now if only she could get a tattoo without anyone of her friends finding out.
On screen appears "Designs To Avoid" .
Grif: As long as you avoid the following rookie mistakes, you'll be just fine. The barb wire ring.
On screen appears a picture of the barb wire ring.
"Meh! Not my style,"commented Sunset.
Grif: Nothing says 1998 quite like a barb wire ring around your bicep. You'll look like a defensive lineman, and if you get the tattoo, you're probably about as smart as one. The band logo.
"Are they seriously teaching people what kind of tattoo designs to get after just telling them NOT to get a tattoo?" Rainbow Dash groaned in irritation.
"That's equivalent of telling someone not to do drugs and then showing them how to make their own bong..." Fluttershy added in... I want to notice a few of her friends staring at her.
"..... Zephyr Breeze?" Twilight asked.
"Zephyr Breeze." Fluttershy sighed.
On screen appears the logos of Scorpions, Milli Vanilli, and Metallica
"Oh sweet Metallica," both Rainbow Dash and Sunset said, both giving each other a high five.
Grif: Any band logo. Think about it. The only pop star to remain cool for more than ten years was Madonna, and you're not fooling anybody by getting a tattoo of her.
Church: Right.
Grif: Lastly, and most importantly, are the tribal designs, and the Asian character.
On screen appears some tribal design, and an Asian character.
Grif: No one gets it! Let's be honest, you don't either. Someone had to explain it to you, and you have no idea if they were even telling you the truth. So, avoid these simple pitfalls, and a tattoo can be a wonderful, and rewarding experience. ...except for the pain.
"*shiver* needles..." whispered out Fluttershy.
Church: It's at this time that I would like to point out that our friend Private Grif here has a tattoo on his neck - his neck, in plain sight where anyone can see it, from the movie Blade starring Wesley Snipes, right? It's Blade, not Blade II?
"Hey, Blade is awesome," Sunset said with a glare.
Grif: Actually it's ...from the comic book.
"Again, still awesome," repeated Sunset with a nod.
Church: Yeah, that's great. I'm sure your boyfriend loves it.
Grif: In closing, be sure to choose wisely when getting a tattoo. Don't repeat my mistakes.
Church: Right, listen. If I can't stop you from getting a tattoo, at least let me offer a good suggestion for a design. How about this: why not get a tattoo of your favorite character, from your favorite online cartoon?
"Are you trying to hint to something Mr. Church?" Rarity Giggled out.
On screen appears a picture of Strong Bad from
"YAY!" cheered Pinkie Pie.
Church: I meant your other favorite online cartoon.
On screen the picture of Strong Bad is replaced by Tycho and Gabe from
"Hell ya!" cheered Sunset.
Church: Okay, you know what? Screw you. ...I mean seriously, what do I care. Get a tattoo of an M16 in the middle of your forehead. That would give Sarge a boner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Reds and Blues are shooting at each other
"Now this is more natural for this guys," commented Applejack. It was weird to see them not trying to kill each other.
Simmons: Hey, guys!
Grif: What?!
Simmons: Uh, this may be a bad time to bring this up...
"Then why are you bringing it up?" asked Pinkie Pie. why was Simmons doing something that he knows might be a bad thing to do?
Grif: Bring what up?
Donut: Yeah, what're you gonna do, confess your love for us?
"Oh how romantic!" Rarity swooned.
Rolling her eyes Applejack muttered. "Not the tie Rarity."
Grif: Huh ha ha ha, CRAP!
Shooting momentarily stops
Church: Yeah, almost got you that time, chump!
"Keyword "ALMOST"," Twilight snarked out.
Grif: Suck it, Blue!
Caboose: No... uh... you suck it blue?
"At least you tried buddy," Sunset said reassuringly.
Church: Hey dude, you really need to work on your comeback.
"He kinda does," Rainbow Dash said in agreement.
The two teams momentarily stop firing. They then continue.
Simmons: Uhm, I need to leave.
"This is a war, you can't just leave," Applejack said. What was this morron thinking?
Grif: Huyeah, I need to go too. War's hell, I need to go home.
Simmons: No no no, seriously, I need to go to a conference, back on Earth.
Donut/the girls: Say what?
"I must have cupcakes in my ears again, because i must've misheard him," Pinkie Pie said while cleaning out her ears, much to Rarity's disgust,
Grif: A conference.? I don't think so, Nancy. Maybe you didn't notice, but we're in the middle of a war here. What kinda conference is gonna get you outta that?
"Yeah!" shouted the group. What in god's name was Simmons thinking!
Simmons: It's the Microsoft PDC.
Grif: (stops shooting) Donut, cease fire. We gotta get Simmons outta here.
"You have to be kidding me," Rarity said while facepalming.
Simmons: I really have to go, they only hold these things once every few years.
"You should of thought of that before joining the army!" shouted out Applejack.
Donut: (stops firing) What're you talking about? You think the Blues are gonna stop fighting just 'cause Microsoft says so?
"Someone with a lick of sense!" Twilight praised.
The Blues stop firing. Cut to Caboose and Church standing from behind a tree.
Church: What was that?
Caboose: I think they said something about Microsoft.
"Oh my god..." groaned out Rainbow Dash.
Church: (yelling) Hey Reds, we're coming out.
Donut: What the hell is going on here?
"That's what we want to know...." muttered Sunset.
Church and Caboose run up to the Reds
Simmons: Sorry guys, sorry, sorry. I uh, I really thought we'd be done fighting before I had to catch the transport outta here.
Church: Ah nah, it's cool, we understand. We were almost outta ammo anyway.
"Why in the fuck would you say that! You goddamn morons!" screamed out Twilight.
Donut: Son of a bitch, I knew it! This sucks. How can a software company, stop a war?
Grif: It's called priorities, Donut.
"Your priorities are fucking dumb!" shouted the glasses wearing teen
"Twi you might want to calm down," whispered Fluttershy, but was ignored.
Donut: Can't anyone do anything about this?
Church and Grif look at each other and then back at Donut. They begin laughing at him. Cut to Sarge standing nearby.
"Oooh~!" Pinkie sang, as if she was a little kid who just saw one of their friends getting caught by the teacher.
Sarge: Hey you maggots! I don't hear any killing out here! We don't pay you powderpuffs to stand around jawin', we pay you to shoot at each other!
"They get paid?" asked Fluttershy. Huh who knew?
Grif: Uh, we had to call a time-out, sir.
Sarge: A time-out? What is this, freeze tag?
"Yep, but when your tagged out by the bullets, your out for good," Sunset said with a dark smirk. Creeping out some of her friends in the progress.
Simmons: Sir. It's my fault, sir. I have to leave for the Microsoft PDC. They recruited me for something called the Longhorn Squad. I'm going to be a Corporal of managed code in the Indigo Battalion.
Sarge: Longhorn...? Managed code...? INDIGO...? Well son of a... Why didn't you say so? You know, I used to fight for the Microsoft forces back in my youth.
"Of course Sarge isn't going to get things back to normal," muttered Rainbow Dash.
Simmons: No kidding.
Sarge: No kidding. I was a Lieutenant back during the Browser Wars.
Church: Okay, that is just ridiculous.
"And completely fake sounding," muttered Fluttershy.
Sarge: In fact, I was mister Steve Ballmer's personal speech writer. I wrote his keynote for the last developers' conference.
"Why do i feel like that was a train wreck?" Rarity asked with a raised brow.
Screen fades to Steve Ballmer yelling "Developers" at his conference. Fade back to Sarge
"And it seems like i was right," mocked the fashionista.
Sarge: Get up, get up! Developers! Yeah, I remember it like it was yesterday. We got in to creative differences over the speech. I wrote it so that he said 'developers' thirty-seven times, but he only wanted to say 'developers' thirty-five times. I told him it just didn't make any sense without those last two developers! That was the hook!
"Ya! Just stopping at thirty-five?" Pinkie Commented with a nod of agreement.
Church: I'm not buying any of this.
"Nether are we..." muttered the group.
Sarge: Believe it, fritter. I was on the fast-track until that day, and everything fell apart for me after that. Balmer had me demoted, and shipped out here to this damn canyon.
"That seems really excessive." muttered Twilight after calming down a bit.
Grif: Where do you think you'd be if you never wrote that speech, Sarge?
Sarge: Word has it that I was next in line to become one of them little office assistant thingies. But I try not to spend my time thinking about 'what if'...
"That's was pretty wise coming from sarge..." Applejack admitted.
Cut to a miscellaneous computer screen, editing a memo in Microsoft Word. The computer makes a noise, and Sarge's head pops up like that stupid annoying paperclip does.
Sarge: Where do you want to go today, dirtbag?
"HA! I'd actually want that kind of program," laughed out Sunset.
Back to the Gulch.
Sarge: Where's the conference this year?
Simmons: It's in L.A.
"Whooo! L.A!" cheered Sunset and Rainbow Dash.
Church: Sweet! Keep your helmet on though. You're gonna want the oxygen.
Sarge: Ah, Loes Angle-ees ain't that bad.
Church: Ah, California just hasn't been the same since they banned all forms of carbohydrates.
"What a waste," mourned out Pinkie Pie.
Simmons: At least it'll be in October, so you know, I'll get to enjoy the cool weather, the changing of the leaves...
"One of my favorite parts of october," Applejack said with a content sigh.
Sarge: Leaves...?
Church: Weather...?
Caboose: October?
Sarge: (exhales) Simmons, you're like an illegitimate son to me.
"Sigh... of course," muttered Rarity. She should of seen them not getting the more finer parts of the world.
Grif/the girls: Oh boy, here we go.
Sarge: I want you to go to the PDC, and I want you to do what I couldn't do.
Simmons: You want me to get a Microsoft executive to say 'developers' thirty-five times?
Sarge: No, I want you to get him to say it thirty-seven times! And then I want you to collect a bunch of free giveaway crap, like pens and mousepads, and those little squish-ball things. I love those little ball things. I had one once. Can't remember where I got it. It hardly seems important at this stage. ...I sure do like foofy things.
"I guess we add kleptomaniac to the list of things that fit sarge," commented Twilight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cut to Church, Grif and Donut standing in front of the Warthog, in front of one of the bases
Church: Hi. I'm Private Leonard Church, from the popular web series, Red Vs. Blue.
Donut: And I'm Private Franklin Delano Donut, from the same show.
"Wonder what they'll talk about this time?" Applejack muttered curiously.
Grif: Are we gonna introduce ourselves like this every time?
"Good point, it's not like we forgot who they were in the span of ten seconds," Twilight stressed
Church: But we're not here today to talk to you as famous actors. That's right. We're here today to talk to you as creative geniuses who are being ripped off by the little man.
Grif: Right, w- wait, what?
"That's an interesting topic," Rarity admitted.
Church: As all of you are no doubt aware, Red Vs. Blue is the single most popular thing to ever be on the internet.
Grif: What about all the news sites?
Donut: Yeah, and the filthy filthy porn.
"Not the porn," Pinkie yelled dramatically while holding her cheeks.
Church: That's irrelevant. The brain trust here at Red Vs. Blue have identified a disturbing trend. It turns out people have been pirating our very popular web series, and downloading it on a daily basis
Grif: Yeah, that's because we make it available for free online.
"Kinda a double edged sword there," Fluttershy said, understanding that people can see the show for free causing some money problems.
A graph charting DVD sales appears next to Church.
Church: As you can see from this graph that I have very carefully prepared, our DVD sales have been lackluster at best. And clearly, this is the result of the public's blatant disregard of our amazingly original intellectual property.
Grif: Or because we haven't made a DVD yet.
"Until now," commented Sunset while holding one of the dvd cases.
Donut: Dude, don't taunt him. He has a graph!
"Fear the graph and it's almighty power," Twilight mocked
Church: It's unfortunate, but to protect ourselves from the catastrophic consequences of this global publicity machine known as the internet, we are now forced to take action. Sarge?
Sarge: Hereto forthwith, starting next week, RedvsBlue.com, hereafter referred to as "us," will begin suing every person to have ever visited the Red Vs. Blue website, hereafter referred to as "you dirty scumbags!" We expect an average judgment of forty-five million dollars per case. Vow this day in to the grounds of ergo post propter hoctor, vis-a-vis telemundo.
"That's crazy. No sane person would pay that much for a dvd," Rarity exclaimed.
"I wouldn't do that even if i had the money," Pinkie yelled.
Church: Keep in mind, this is not an attempt to make money. But rather, a way for the creators of Red Vs. Blue to protect themselves, and the literally dozens of fans that we have, all over the world.
"Bullshit!" yelled the group.
Grif: Forty-five million dollars per person? You guys are idiots!
"Agreed," the girls said.
Sarge: Ipso, fatso. May it please the court, I have prepared a second graph to address Grif's argument.
A graph appears next to Sarge labeled "My Foot, Grif's Ass."
"Seriously? What's his deal with killing Grif?" Rainbow asked
"And why isn't he doing something if he hates him?" Applejack wondered.
Grif: Why is Sarge our legal council?
"Yeah! Do you even want to win a case?" asked Pinkie Pie.
Church: Because he has his finger on the pulse of the American Legal System. He went to Stenographer's School.
Sarge: Objection! It was Nursing Assistant's School.
"If they join politics, then we're fucked," Twilight said.
Church: Ah, close enough. Listen, we don't have to prove anything. They're the ones that are stealing stuff.
Grif: But it's online, for free.
Church: Right! Which is why we're suing them!
"You are so goddamn stupid," Sunset muttered loudly.
Grif: But we put it on there! We put the videos online, for free, to promote the DVD.
Church: Exactly, which is why we're suing you as well.
Donut/the group: Say what?
Church: Yeah, you too Donut! (turns to Sarge) Hey, you want some too pal?
"Sue! sue! Sue!" Pinkie chanted excitedly.
Sarge: I'd like to see you in chambers...
Church: Look, I know most of our audience members probably don't have forty-five million dollars. So we're willing to settle out of court. You can either send us everyone in your family's personal information, like social security numbers, driver's license numbers, birthdates, stuff like that. Or, you can just find your mom's purse, and send it directly to us. If you're not sure what it looks like, here's a picture of Donut's purse.
A picture of a purse appears next to Church. Everyone looks at Donut
Donut: What? I need a place to keep my lotions.
"O...k?" said Rarity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well that was .....interesting?" Rarity said uncertainty as she struggled to find the right word.
"At least it was somewhat informative," Fluttershy replied since she agreed to a few things. The at least helped her understand tattoos since she was a bit curious about them.
"Agreed. It was nice having you all over, I really mean that, but now I have to ask you all to leave. I have something i need to take care of," Sunset said apologetically as she glanced at her dvd.
"Did you forget that you're grounded?" Twilight asked sweetly.
"Did you forget you owe me a few favors? And a few 'special' favors on top of that?" Sunset cheerfully asked, knowing that Twilight would back down. Unsurprisingly she did.
"Oh?....OH!!!" Pinkie gasped, understanding the hidden message.
"I guess we'll leave you to your thing," Applejack coughed while picking up Fluttershy and dragging her out the door. The others soon followed as Pinkie grins at Sunset before shutting the door.