Trying to find a way to avoid seeing Alec for the rest of the day, if it was possible I'd do it for the rest of my life believe me, I decide to go find my brother. I hadn't talk to him much since the time at the infirmary. He seems a bit uneasy every time he is around me. I also noticed that he keeps looking to my arms and torso like he is trying to find the scars under my clothes.
I knock once on his door and without waiting for an answer I enter the room. He is weirdly sleeping, snorting a bit which makes me let out a laugh. Seems like he came back here after we left with Lydia. Well, I don't blame him.
I take in the state his bedroom is at, the clothes scattered around on the floor and his shoes thrown under the desk. On it there are thousands different drawings, some of them show runes, other soldiers and there is also one of me.
Not just a drawing of my face. In the piece of paper my arms and torso can be seen too. I wear a tank top raised just under my chest. And with every single detail scars can be seen everywhere. Some of them are exactly like the ones I have, it seems like he remembers them. Others are a bit out of place and he must have added them where he didn't remember how they looked like.
The sight of it makes my stomach churn and I suddenly have the urge to vomit. I reach out and tuck the drawing under a pile of books, not able to look at it any longer.
I make my way to his bed and sit beside him. He doesn't seem to realize my presence in the room, he is still sleeping heavily. So since I am such a good sister and a caring person, I lick my finger and then stick it to his ear. I watch amuse as he suddenly jumps from his position on the bed panting and looking around frantically, searching for the source of the touch.
When his eyes land on me he momentarily relaxes before his face forms into an annoyed expression.
"Just why? What did I do to deserve this?" His voice is desperate but there is a sign of a a smile on his lips.
"I can't believe you are sleeping." I move and lay down next to him shaking my head.
He straightens his back and rubs his eyes as he answers me. "It's a nice activity, you should try it sometime." He says causing me to roll my eyes.
"Sooo, what happened with miss " the clave sent me" and mister "grumpy pants?" He questions about what happened at the jade wolf.
"We brought the foreshaken here in order to run some tests. Luke thinks it was kind of personal but we decided to put extra wards at the institute." I inform him bored when suddenly my eyes lit up. "And oh my god, turns out the bitch and the creepy guy, aka the lightwood parents were circle members!" I exclaim and watch as Adam's eyes widen and he covers his mouth.
"No fucking way. I am telling you nothing you say anymore can shock me." He announces and I decide this is the right way to tell him what happened between me and Alec.
So before he can say anything else I blurt it out like something casual.
"I kissed Alec."
I say it so fast and at first , it's like he heard something normal, something that belongs to a normal conversation, something usual.
Then I watch as his eyes light up with realization and he drops his mouth.
After a few moments of silence he says, "I guess I was asking for it."
I let out a small laugh but he continues. " how the hell did that happen? I mean we all knew it would happen eventually, we even bet on when it would...but holly shit, wow." He says fast and I turn to look at him.
"You did what!? Bet on it?"
He shakes his head at me , waving his hand as an indication that it's not important.
"Who cares you fucking kissed him!"
" I didn't think you'd be so excited..."
He laughs ironically raising his eyebrows before answering.
" Are you kidding me, you had become the new soap opera around here, I mean it took you long enough."
"What the fuck Adam!" I exclaim and he laughs again, he is too happy for this, I bet he will be disappointed if I tell him the rest.
"So, are you know officially a couple or what?" He asks and I feel like that shouldn't be a question that your twin brother asks you, but one that your best friend does at high school at a girls night.
No that I would know anything about best friends or girls night, I never had neither of them.
"Um, I kinda told him I can't do this and I may have run away." I hesitate speaking slowly and he turns at me shocked.
"You did not! Sky! Why would you do that? I thought you were in love with him." He complains and I widen my eyes.
" How could you possibly have this figured out before me? I only came to this conclusion like an hour ago." He rolls his eyes and sits straighter on the bed making it creek under his weight.
"Focus on the matter at hand, why?"
"Because," I sigh looking around the dirty room, "I can't be in love with him, I feel lost Adam, I don't want to get hurt again, Alec has complete control over me, what I feel what I think. I can't let this continue, I will get hurt it's inevitable."
I don't tell him about the part of me feeling guilty about it, like I do something wrong, like I disrespect May. He wouldn't understand, nobody does.
"You can't be afraid to feel Sky. You have your whole life ahead of you, you will fall in love and you will get hurt, and it will happen all over again. That's what living is like."
He is right, I know he is but at the state my life is at the moment I can't do this, I can't think of the rest of my life.
" I know Adam. But right now I can't think of that. " I try explaining to him. " I can't think of falling in love and being okay with it, getting hurt and being okay with it. I am in so much pain and I just need time. Because I am too sad to be able to concentrate on love." He gives me a sad look and sighs.
"Maybe. But I think that you are just afraid of it. Love I mean. And I understand, you know. I lost her too, I had to grow up with yelling and fear too. I know I didn't have it as bad as you did, I do now, and I am so terribly sorry that you had to go through all that alone. But Sky, healing involves that, living your life I mean. You can't move on from pain if you hold on to it. If you don't let yourself live everything good your life offers."
By now he is in tears and I am desperately trying to keep my own from falling.
You don't cry Sky.
As I am about to answer his phone rings. The ringtone can be heard from under the bed and he stumbles on a pair of shoes and a forgotten plate before he can get to it.
" I swear you are a pig." I comment while he presses accept, seeing the known number of the redhead.
"Hello?" Adam sounds a bit out of place and chocked up and Clary hesitates before speaking.
"Adam, are you okay?" She asks concerned, herself not sounding very cheerful.
"Yeah, tell me what's wrong." He encourages the girl, immediately assuming that something is off, and I have the same sick feeling.
"It's Simon. He is a vampire. " she announces in a low voice as she was afraid to admit it aloud and me and Adam lock our eyes and I know before he says it that we will have to go there.
So when he assures Clary that we will be there in a few minutes, I am already at his door waiting for him.
^^^^^^
When we arrive at where Simon was buried in order to become a vampire we only find Clary in Jace's arms, sobbing quietly. When they notice me and Adam they quickly run to our side.
"Oh my god, I am so glad you are here." Clary exclaims falling into both of our arms at the same time, which kind of makes me a bit uncomfortable since I don't really have such a tight relationship with her.
When she draws back we question her about Simon. The redhead shakes her head at us letting out another cry, while Jace rubs circles on her back reassuringly.
"We lost Simon. " she announces and I snort.
"Of course you did. Because it would kill us if something happened smoothly."
Jace gives me a look and I shrug at him.
"Raphael went after him, telling us something about his personal hell, god I put Simon there." She mumbles really quickly, stumbling upon her words.
"Hey, this is none of your fault." Adam tries to reason with her touching her elbow as a sign of comfort.
"He is right Clary. It's not. Don't think like that." I back him up but she just shakes her head, tears still running from her cheeks.
"No, it is. He is suffering because of me. But I couldn't just live without him, I couldn't lose someone else, you don't understand." She says desperately and I share a look with Adam before turning again to her.
"We do. We know how it feels." And then because I feel bad for her and I kinda have grown to like the girl I say something I never thought I could say to her, or Jace. "If I had a chance to save my sister," I say and turn to look sadly at Adam who nods, "our sister, " I correct, "I would have taken it in a heartbeat."
Clary and Jace look at me a bit astonished at first, not knowing what I am talking about and I watch as a minute later their eyes click like they suddenly realize something they knew all along. And I know they are thinking back to the night at Magnus' lair and the incident with the demon and how earlier at the club he had called me May.
They don't comment on the fact that I just admitted that our sister is dead. They don't say sorry and I am beyond grateful for that.
"Thank you." Is the only thing Clary says and I can see the sincerity in her eyes making me nod and reach out for her hand.
Jace announces that he is gonna call for reinforcements and I know he is talking about Alec.
"Alec I want you." He informs the older boy.
Adam lets out a laugh before whispering to me " I think he is trying to steal your man." And I widen my eyes at him only to hear Clary laughing at his comment and I glare at both of them.
"What?" We suddenly hear Jace exclaim and I already know the news are far from good. "An attack?" He questions and we all freeze looking around at each other.
He puts the call on speaker and we hear Isabelle's voice instead of Alec's, " valentine created a foresaken that went through the guards." She announces and I grow more concerned by the second. Fear takes over me and all I can think is him. My hand starts shaking and since it's still in Clary's she gives me a squeeze like she understands.
"That's not possible. " Jace objects sounding worried himself. "Nothing can get through the wards. There are laced by warlock spells." He says in a matter of fact tone but Isabelle can be heard sighing.
"It had seelie blood and angel properties. It went after Hodge and Alec." She says and I can almost feel my heart starting to beat slower in my chest, I can feel blood oozing in my ears and hold back a gasp.
"Is he okay? Is Alec okay? " I ask my voice shaking, not caring if anyone thinks something of my concern. No one seems though, they seem to find it normal. Jace wears an anxious expression waiting also for an answer.
"They're bandaged up but they will live." She announces and I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding until now. "Hodge killed it. It was after...." Isabelle doesn't get to finish cause Adam beats her to it. "The cup." He says knowingly and Isabelle agrees.
"I'll be there as soon as I can." Jace informs before ending the call, ready to start running. He hasn't made it two feet away when the redhead calls after him.
"Wait." She says breathless,
"Something attacked my home, Alec's hurt we got to go." He says in a hurry, not stopping walking and I agree with him maybe for the first time.
"We can't, Simon is in danger." Clary argues and I can't blame her but I really can't think of Simon right now.
"What about Alec?" Jace voices my exact thoughts and Clary sighs.
"Look Clary let him go, I'll help you, maybe Luke can too, werewolves are good at tracking right?" Adam suggests and Jace nods along with him.
"Yeah he is right he could."
"Okay ,okay good idea." Clary agrees too and I sigh.
"Just promise me you'll be careful okay?" Jace looks now directly at Clary with concern and she nods at him but there is also something else in her face, a question maybe.
"Jace, we still need to talk about..." she starts but the blond interrupts her.
"Us?" He asks and I raise my eyebrows surprised and turn to look at Adam, who is wearing an amused smile.
"Yes." The redhead breathes and before she is able to say anything else Jace captures her face in his hand and kisses her.
"Oh, wow, what's up with kissing today?" Adam complains and my face flares up.
"What other kissing?" Jace asks confused as he has pulled away from clary.
"Nothing!" I blurt out way to quickly for it to sound normal and I instantly know they understood.
"No way!" Jace exclaims and Clary's chin drops.
"Yes way!" She exclaims happily. "You finally kissed Alec?" She says and Jace turns to face Adam excited.
"That means I won the bet right?" He says cockily and I hide my face behind my hair embarrassed.
"Guys, I don't really appreciate that you turned my love life which is supposed to be private, " I start stretching on the word private, "to a reality show." I complain but nobody seems to hear me as they all share comments between how happy they are for us and Jace announces that he is proud of winning the bet, which gained him five dollars from Adam, five from Clary and five from Isabelle.
My brother though proceeds to inform them about my running away like a castaway and they seem disappointed and angry.
" yeah enough, can we please go to the institute?" I ask Jace bringing him back to reality and we finally race off to it.